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 AUTHOR
 YamIhere
Joined: 3/17/2005
Msg: 2
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History
child abusePage 1 of 2    (1, 2)
Ladies, keep in mind, most cases of child abuse are perpetrated by women, not men:

The U.S. Dept. of Health and Human Services http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/cb/publications/cm01/chapterfour.htm#character ... Here's an excerpt:

"For 2001, 59.3 percent of the perpetrators were women and 40.7 percent were men.2 Female perpetrators were typically younger than male perpetrators. Of female perpetrators, 42.3 percent were less than 30 years of age compared to 31.9 percent of male perpetrators (figure 4-1). The median age of perpetrators was 31 years for women and 34 years for men."



That's not excusing it for either gender. But the concerns are universal for men and women. There was an instance here where a young mother was arrested for letting one of her kids die from diaper rash!!!!! Another ended up in the hospital with severe dehydration. So, all single parents need to take note of these kinds of problems, not just single moms.
 eccentric
Joined: 1/1/2005
Msg: 3
child abuse
Posted: 4/15/2005 6:22:15 AM
I dated a girl one time who had a particular way that she masturbated, well one day I noticed her daughter doing the exact same thing. I understand that they are going to explore, but what she was doing was beyond exploring and exactly the same as her mother did it. I confronted her about it which of course she denied, she even went as far as appearing to call child protection to have her ex investigated. I hope to this day that little girl is okay, her mother took her and disappeared.

Detecting abuse is about treating kids as people, if you talk to the straight then they will give you straight answers, but you have to start talking to them at an early age. I don't mean talking at them like many adults do children, without validating any of their thoughts or feelings. I mean talking to them, like two adults having a conversation, of course you probably won't use the same language but it is the attitude that is important.
 Frrosty
Joined: 3/21/2004
Msg: 4
child abuse
Posted: 4/15/2005 9:23:24 AM

this is for other single moms...i am so petrfied to date right now. there was a story in the paper about a gril whose boyfriend sexually molested all 3 of her kids for like two years before she found out what was going on. she says she never suspected and her kids never told her. I have a ten month old daughter and im really scared now. do any of you have this problem? or am i being parinoid?



screen screen screen screen screen your bfs.

But, you will, eventually have to truts someone. Generaly, if you let the guy know for real that anyone hurting your kids is in the worst pain for time eternal; it may help? I taught some this about my nephew and the environment they put him in ASAP.. Nio joke; you hurt the kid; yer done. What would YOU goto jail for?

THats yer bluff..call it.

ya know?
 singledad13b
Joined: 9/25/2003
Msg: 5
child abuse
Posted: 4/15/2005 11:50:05 AM
i am a man and a single parent

and the penalty for sexual child abuse should be castration
thats it plain and simple

no nuts no sex
ever again
 Leigh AKA PL
Joined: 4/20/2006
Msg: 7
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History
child abuse
Posted: 7/14/2006 2:02:48 AM
DOME it is not alway's possible to know if your child has been abused,I was abused by my grandfather from the age of 5 to 13 and my mother only found out 4 years ago when I had a terrible breakdown and started selfharming,my poor mother was as you can imagine devasted and now blames herself for not taking care of me,which now makes me feel even worse for making her feel this way,it was NOT her fault.The reason I had this breakdown only four years ago was because I gave birth to a beautiful daughter and now live with the fears that one day someone will touch her the way I was,this is why my marriage broke down as I could not let my husband be alone with my daughter.Luckily with the right help I am learning to be less controlling over her life and set her free a wee bit,for example I will let my ex husband see her every other weekend on a sunday.But yes there will alway's be that smothering over her because of my past,but as I have been told so many times now,if I let my past affect my daughter,she is going to be a nervous wreck and man hater when she is older and I certainly don't want that for her.My advise is,YES worry about them and YES protect them as much as possible,BUT try not to wrap them up in cotton wool forever,just be very careful and don't let a new man be alone with your children until you have known him for a while and can trust him,This is all we can do,Good luck to you.
 Whitetigeress
Joined: 8/3/2006
Msg: 10
child abuse
Posted: 11/3/2006 4:49:09 PM
After any moment with my ex's gf ... i would CONSTANTLY ask my son.. what did she do.. what did she say. Constantly until i felt assured that she was a suitable person for my son to be around. I had at first to trust their father to even allow her alone with them. Big worry. But thank god she turned to be a good and loving person to my boys.
When the day comes that i allow a man to meet my boys. He would not be allowed alone with them until after judging/watching/observing... and seeing that he is suitable. Even then, I would ask my boys questions.

Doesn't hurt to be cautious. My boys' safety is paramount! Any man or woman who touches my boys... grrrrrrrrrrr
 Whitetigeress
Joined: 8/3/2006
Msg: 11
child abuse
Posted: 11/4/2006 11:32:35 AM
Princess leigh...............I'm curious.. did you grandfather ever told you not to tell or threaten you to keep quiet? And did you mom ever speak to you about watching out for abusers when you were young? What a thing for you to go thru!! I'm so sorry.

I'm asking because I'm curious how so many still manage to get abuse with all the widespread exposure about how wrong it is. It just fuddles my mind yet still a bit understandable since kids are so innocent and easily persuaded.

My kids father and I currently tell our boys to NOT be afraid to tell. To always be cautious even of family members, family friends. I once found out during a camping trip he let my son go quadding in the mountains with his friends.... and I FLIPPED!!!!!! I had to remind both son and father all the dangers. I just can never be too careful.
 Tarika
Joined: 8/30/2006
Msg: 12
child abuse
Posted: 2/5/2007 5:03:33 PM
I taught my boys the names of their body parts and good and bad touches when they were quite young. I also taught them that although most people were good that there are some bad people and the type of things these people might do. I did this in a very calm, non threatening manner so not to scare them.

I agree with the posters indicating that there are signs most often when a child is being abused. I don't like to make long posts, so I suggest for your awareness/education, that you do a google search on the signs of child abuse/sexual abuse and become familar with them.
 Onaturel
Joined: 1/10/2007
Msg: 13
child abuse
Posted: 2/16/2007 9:42:43 AM
Your kids are very young, and unlikely they could tell you.
There are signs to look for, major behaviour changes etc... research it.

I think in this world a little paranoia is good. These single moms who introduce their dates to their kids on the first date are just asking for trouble! (JMHO) never mind the added risk to the child but the trama of seeing the revolving door (sorry off topic)

I agree it's not always men doing the abusing but for a man who wanted to abuse children, who's better to prey on then a single mom!! Easy access!! DON"T make it easy for them!!
Don't leave your kids alone with them.


Okay I'm a bit of a paranoid cynic but **** man these are my kids and they deserve to be protect above ANYONE elses feelings. Too bad if he doesn't like that he doesn't know where I live or hasn't met my kids. TOO ****in bad!! He's an adult and if he doesn't understand that the kids come first.... he's not the one!

Okay getting off my high horse now....



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