Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Males disapproving of women having male friends      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 northernmiss
Joined: 7/9/2006
Msg: 4
Males disapproving of women having male friendsPage 1 of 15    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15)
But I believe if you Male friends are as good as you say they are they will be there for you whatever circumstance and understand some concerns of your partner, for that to be said also I don't understand why anyone would put friendship infront of your partner,


I agree, true friends will always be your friends no matter what happens. ...flip side is, a partner who loves you totally will always love you no matter who your friends are.

BUT....it is not an issue of putting friends in FRONT of the partner, it is to put friends WITH your partner.....a true blue friend and/or a partner who loves me totally will never make me chose one over the other.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 7
view profile
History
Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 1/29/2007 3:34:05 PM
I agree totally with Gothy. I've always had "real" male friends, even in my teens (long ago as that was..*snicker*). I find it odd that some only tend to think with their sex organ when their thinking organ is much bigger. I certainly don't think of every male that I have things in common with or enjoy hanging around as a potential sexual partner or sexual conquest. I know many healthy hetero males who think the same way.
Too bad, really when the genders only think of the other in terms of getting sex, they're missing out on so much.
My man has female friends, I have male friends, it's a total non-issue with us. He's a mature, intelligent male and very capable of choosing who he makes friends with.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 13
view profile
History
Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 1/29/2007 3:49:46 PM
"Test it.

Invite a guy over and take off your clothes.

Let's see how long that "friendship" lasts." I don't "test" my friends. If you want to think with your groin, that's you're choice, I don't choose to. If this is your test, I can tell you, you'll have LOTS of male friends, sadly not likely any who'll be around long.
 Thudpucker
Joined: 8/14/2005
Msg: 14
Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 1/29/2007 3:49:49 PM
I am in the enviable position of being able to pick my friends. I value the opinion of my male friends, and I feel free to ask their opinions and render advice if asked, and I really respect and enjoy their candor.

The very special opinions that I glean come from my female friends; theirs are the ones that I value the most, because those opinions are most inaccessible to a gnarley old fart like me. They take my questions, like taking a pocketful of seeds out of the pocket, all balled up in lint, old Kleenex, wooly-boogers, and the like; they magically blow all the debris away; they render an opinion borne of care and sensibility, and they hand it back to me (where I traditionally stuff it back into my pocket). One of these days I will derive great benefit from them. All they usually ask in return is a heartfelt hug and a peck on the cheek. They are wonderful, and I love them.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 15
Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 1/29/2007 3:51:24 PM

the base reasons are to keep their male friends is that they were there for them in some kind of crises in their life and that women don't wish to give up that security just in case their relationship fails


I can only answer for myself, but my male friends haven't seen me through crisis any more or less than my female friends. We have shared good times as well as bad. As for your theory that women would be in a more intimate type relationship if those guys were so great ~ what a crock. My male friends are just that. Friends. Nothing more. Maybe we aren't romantically attracted to one another, maybe we just really like who each other is, and see no reason to date or take it any further and maybe, we like each other enough to not screw it up by dating or getting romantically involved. It doesn't really matter, but what does matter is that it is absolutely out of the question for any man in my life to be jealous of anyone in my life.

In short: the man that I am romantically involved with needs to be secure within himself. Know me, know my friends (and that includes the men friends.)
 Tarika
Joined: 8/30/2006
Msg: 19
Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 1/29/2007 4:02:36 PM
I grew up with three brothers and have two teenage boys. I have always had male friends....more so when I was younger. Some of my best friends were males when I was in high school and university and in fact I had a male room mate for a couple of years. He was just that... a room mate...and only one man has questioned my male friends, and I am not married to him anymore!!

Male friends give you their honest opinion, they aren't petty, jealous or after your boyfriends......
 Runs With Squirrels
Joined: 10/21/2005
Msg: 26
view profile
History
Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 1/29/2007 5:11:06 PM
My .02:


So what I have read is the majority of the women believe that it is perfectly fine to keep their male friends(not specified if they were single) the base reasons are to keep their male friends is that they were there for them in some kind of crises in their life and that women don't wish to give up that security just in case their relationship fails

Yes, I keep my friends because they have seen me through many crises ("crises" plural, as opposed to "crisis," singular), and will be around when I go through more. And I have seen them through many crises, and will see them through more. But the bit about "just in case their relationship fails" doesn't have anything to do with it. If my relationship fails, am I going to get together with a guy friend just because he's THERE? Because he's CONVENIENT? Not likely. And frankly, the implication is a little insulting. I'm just saying.


But I believe if you Male friends are as good as you say they are they will be there for you whatever circumstance and understand some concerns of your partner

Well, just because my male friends UNDERSTAND that someone is jealous doesn't mean they should automatically head for the hills. They can be understanding about it to a point, but if I'm dating someone who can't handle that I have male friends, that person won't be around very long. Which brings me to the second part of that statement:

for that to be said also I don't understand why anyone would put friendship infront of your partner, the person you are suppose to care about

This is tricky. I won't say that I put my friendships above my relationship, but neither do I put my relationship above my friendships. They are equally important to me. The bottom line is that statistically speaking, my friends are more likely to be around for a long time than any relationship is. Now of course, we all hope to have a relationship that lasts forever, or at least for many years, but from a STATISTICAL standpoint, any given "relationship" is less likely to work out than any given friendship. So, yes, my friends are important to me. And frankly, if a partner said to me, "Choose between me or them," then as far as I'm concerned, he's just demonstrated that he cares about me LESS than my friends do, and I'll show him the door. Why? Because if he loves me, he wants me happy, just like I want him happy. My friends make me happy.


I personally don't understand why it would be necessary to have male friends in the first place, my reasoning of have friends is having people to socialize with because you don't have a partner to spend time with isn't that fact or I could be wrong.

I can't speak for anyone else, but that's NOT why I have friends. Using that logic, as soon as I was in a relationship, I'd cut off all contact with all my friends, both male and female, so I could spend every single solitary waking minute with my partner. Yeesh. I like having a life. If I have a life, and he has a life, then we always have new stuff to talk about! Yay for that! My friends are NOT a poor-man's substitute for a relationship. Besides, what kind of a person would that make me? The kind who will ditch people the minute something better comes along. You really want to date someone like that? I don't. Someone who ditches their friends for you will eventually ditch you for someone else. It's just something to think about.


I also reognize the trust issue but some people just can't handle certain situations and some times you just can't push it on them

Nobody is pushing anything on anyone. You can handle the fact that I have guy friends or you can't. If you can't, you might as well keep looking, because I'm not your girl. I've had more guy friends than girl friends most of my life, so the idea that I'm not going to continue to have guy friends is pretty unrealistic for me.
 CoolBreezez
Joined: 8/20/2006
Msg: 28
view profile
History
Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 1/29/2007 6:04:06 PM
This topic has been done so many times. But it really has people dug in on both sides of the fence.

Males and females can relate in sexual and non sexual ways- even in a relationship!

Some are sincere about friendship and others are not-and some are between these two positions- and things can change over a period of time be it short or long.

It's even said that relationships between same sex people can carry some sexual undertones.
But it's all about how far both people decide to take it.

Friends and intimate relations can be two opposing things or something interconnected. Saying it is impossible to be friends or that there is no way a friend is interested in more in all cases is denial.

Sorry for making things complicated for some but life and many other things are not black and white sometimes- and each case needs to be looked at on its own.

Why does this topic always lead to an huge debate and comes up over and over again? That's my question.
 Iowapaperboy
Joined: 12/14/2006
Msg: 30
Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 1/29/2007 6:11:29 PM
My two cents: If you trust your girlfriend and are confident in yourself and your relationship, you have nothing to worry about.

However, if you're not secure in yourself or your relationship, just leave. Your insecurities will eventually lead to the death of the relationship.

Life is simple. We make it complicated.
-IPB
 CoolBreezez
Joined: 8/20/2006
Msg: 32
view profile
History
Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 1/29/2007 6:40:26 PM

The test is really simple.

Go find any "male friend", tell him you've always been interested in him and that you want a no strings attached evening with him.

Then start taking off your clothes. I'd bet 99 out of a 100 guys would just sleep with you or any other girl outright.

Then you will see how long the "friendship" lasts.

What many of you have is not "friendship", it's a "quenue" Just a line of guys waiting for a shot at getting you into bed.


Yes we men are nothing more than dogs humping whatever smells like a female. Let's just keep thinking that way and life will be simple. And the female attention whores just love it!

Pretty harsh think- and sometimes its correct given different situations- but sometimes its just not the whole truth.

The idea above has merit but I doubt most women women would want to go through all of her male friends to seek out the truth. Could get a little tiresome- might even get to feel used up after a while.

but think of all the smiles you'd create!

No - bad idea these days-

Again- why does this come up so much? Seems to be a real sore point with everybody.
 -=Kalidor=-
Joined: 7/14/2006
Msg: 33
Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 1/29/2007 7:37:54 PM
Redundant topic! Been done to death!


Off topic posting! Against the rules!

Stop being a troll.



I don't mind girls I go out with having male friends, as I have several female friends. If a girl is going to cheat on you she's gonna do it. At least knowing who she hangs out with makes her LESS likely to cheat with that person, unless she's really stupid.

 dddaviddd
Joined: 11/23/2006
Msg: 38
Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 1/30/2007 2:29:17 AM
Your friends should never come second. Male or femail. I am 31 year old man comming out of a seven year relationship. One of my main probs was my friends were never aloud in my life. To this day I love her male and femail friends. It is very important to me that my love(wife) has a support outside our relation ship.
Thanks for letting me get shit off my chest.
David
 ravageplay
Joined: 12/22/2006
Msg: 42
Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 1/30/2007 2:09:24 PM
I'm all for women having male friends. I'm male and love it. There is nothing quite as enjoyable as providing sexual satisfactin for a woman that is married or in a relationship.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 48
view profile
History
Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 1/30/2007 5:00:05 PM
Wow, do I wish some of my guy friends were on here. They'd be laughing themselves silly.
Clearly there are two types of people who make opposite sex friends. Those who expect that they're only doing it to get a chance to screw someday, possibly, maybe. And those who just think of them as another human being they enjoy the company of, who have no hidden agenda other than friendship.
Lord knows, there's been tons of threads asking can women and men be friends without sex. Some say yes, some say no. Not everyone lives their lives the same, acts the same or thinks the same. Two completely different mindsets, two viewpoints and two modes of conduct. As they say, and never the twain shall meet.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 50
view profile
History
Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 1/30/2007 5:10:03 PM
Thanks sierrasman.
Funny I've never had a man act or say he was somehow "hurt" by being my friend, quite the opposite, actually. I don't say I want to be friends to someone I have absolutely no interest in.
There are people who can't have friends of the opposite sex without the element of sex playing a part in that. I'm NOT one of those, never have been, never will be.
I lost a dear male friend a few years ago, it was devastating. I loved that man dearly, he told people all the time, I love this woman. It was PURELY platonic, he was like family to me, adored my children and they loved him, too. He enriched our lives and we enriched his. That CAN happen without sex every playing a part in it or even entering someone's mind. Just apparently not with everyone. My sweetie's the same way, guess that's why for us it's a non-issue.
 HottieScotty
Joined: 6/9/2004
Msg: 58
Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 1/31/2007 3:28:25 PM
I have no problems with this.....As long as i can keep all my Ladie friends.

Kapeesh!
 HottieScotty
Joined: 6/9/2004
Msg: 60
Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 1/31/2007 9:14:19 PM
I think dbndon nailed it on the head.
*R*E*S*P*E*C*T
 HottieScotty
Joined: 6/9/2004
Msg: 61
Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 1/31/2007 9:21:55 PM

I thrive in the attention and company of males ( platonic and romantic )

this is where things get sticky....
If a woman enjoys this type of attention whenever she goes out....
Well...she best stay single.
As a whole....i don't think you'll find very many serious guys that go to a bar with THEIR girlfriend.....just so he can sit and watch his romantic partner "thrive"..on the attention she trys to generate with other males(who probably are single, horny, and looking)
Just a thought.
 HottieScotty
Joined: 6/9/2004
Msg: 62
Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 1/31/2007 9:22:03 PM
sorry.double post
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 71
Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 2/1/2007 10:40:59 AM

I guess my whole point is this....i just get sick of hearing women rant and rave how they have such "great" male friends, when we ALL know that they have at least ONE male friend that would sleep with them given the chance. I know I know, exception to every rule, and im gonna hear stories from females who have never had this happen to them. But all in all, if your a female with male friends there is at least ONE who will sleep with you given the chance.


Okay, maybe one does. And so what? I am the one who determines who I sleep with. If I'm not trusted enough to make that decision I'm with the wrong guy, and my radar is way off. So I'd have to thank the fool who made an issue of it, and set me straight. I'm friendly with both of my x husbands, and all but one of my X SO's. And there are good and sufficient reasons they are X's. But beats me why if we're a 95% match, and 5% not, and the 5% is obviously the deal breaker, why I should toss the rest, for some guy who is worried about his own masculinity. . . . That's a BIG deal breaker.

It is, BTW, kin and just as silly, as worrying about a widow's/widowers' dead husband, wife.


I also get annoyed by females who remain friends with males they have slept with and we as males are just suppose to go along with it and if we dont, we are all of a sudden "insecure"....


You are not "all of a sudden 'insecure' " ~~ Ya'll are full time, 100% insecure, and we -- no woman -- can cure that. No one can but you.

I love every woman in my man's life: past and future ~~ she (all those she's) saw at least something of what I see. They, one woman at a time, grew him (with his help) into the man I adore. What can I say? They did a great job!!
Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 2/1/2007 2:26:25 PM

I know that guys want to sleep with girls.


Yep. They want to sleep with women too.


I see other women at work and outside of work with lots of "guy friends" but it's not really friendship.


That is such a crock. You don't believe men are capable of genuine friendship with a woman? I'm sorry that you have missed out on this in your life. Some of my closest friendships are with guys, and it has nothing to do with sex. Contrary to what you believe, men are humans also and sex is not the only thing they have on their minds.
 cooldude
Joined: 4/26/2004
Msg: 78
Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 2/2/2007 11:44:47 AM
Even thought I don't agree with DancingQueen 100% I known wheres she's comeing from. I also belive to have "true" male friends is a rare thing. Hell, five of them on here already admitted would take up the offer already if they had the chance! Always exceptions of course.
 ebrown3931
Joined: 7/21/2004
Msg: 87
Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 2/3/2007 2:42:06 AM
Well from my side of it. IF he doesnt like it he must feel insecure in the relationship with the lady. I , for one, do not have a problem , nor do i feel like i have a say in who my sig other should or shoulnt talk to or be JUST friends with.
 Littletot
Joined: 3/11/2006
Msg: 92
view profile
History
Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 2/3/2007 7:37:57 AM
OLder and smarter..I have old lovers that are my best freinds outside of family. No I will not give them up.Older men have thier own lovers from the past, or exwives...Life goes on, but I do not intend to wipe my social slate clean every time a new man comes into the picture. And would I continue to sleep with old lovers given a chance? LOL!! Just ask that question of the men and you have my answer also!
Looking for MARRAIGE is not the only goal in here.How about looking for a great companion that fills 85 % of what you need in your life? Younger women have yet to face the ugliness in romance.Seasoned men and women know there are myriad pitfalls to love working out and get more reasonable..if they are emotionally mature. If I can handle his running around ,then he should be able to handle mine. "Friends" in my book has no physical limits.Heterosexuals lean to sex involvements with the opposite sex.MY Friends tend to be the loves that could not go to the point of living together, but the love is strong and still continues.Unless MR Wonderful comes along and fills my life and heart's desires,those continuing embers will not become pen pals.
 Runs With Squirrels
Joined: 10/21/2005
Msg: 96
view profile
History
Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 2/3/2007 8:53:50 AM
Men can be "just friends" but that doesn't negate that there is not an attraction there....I have female friends and find most of them attractive...I have told them that.....for other reasons I choose not to cross lines or place myself in tempting situations with them.......

Alot of times for men the friendship is much more valuable then allowing intimacy to develop that could ruin that friendship especially if we know long term it won't work out. Yet our minds still may be having those lustful temptations.

Most times we will leave intimate thoughts unspoken because in the long run we know it would hurt our female friend. I did have a close friend in college and I knew she really liked me and wanted to pursue past the friendship. Many times I was tempted physically by her and pondered intimate thoughts with her. I just knew she was not "the one" for me long term because other things didn't add up to make it a successful relationship. My friendship with her was far more important and I never allowed myself to succumb to those temptations.


I'd say the above is often true of both men AND women. It is a great definition / explanation of how men and women can be friends, and why there is no need to abandon old friends for new relationships: it's called integrity.

Nicely done.
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Males disapproving of women having male friends