Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > In general, is rejection more difficult for men or for women?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 AwP
Joined: 12/31/2006
Msg: 3
view profile
History
In general, is rejection more difficult for men or for women?Page 1 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
I'll let you know after the opperation.
 misticspear
Joined: 12/6/2006
Msg: 7
In general, is rejection more difficult for men or for women?
Posted: 2/5/2007 11:54:19 AM
Guys do take it harder, look at the statistics for example , it is a fact that men are more likely to commit suicide after a divorce. Now the thing is this most women (especially here) may take rejection but there are a good number of e-mails in her box waiting for her. As where guys have to hit the search again and play the numbers game, in short losing is much harder when you don't get a consolation prize.
 -=Kalidor=-
Joined: 7/14/2006
Msg: 8
In general, is rejection more difficult for men or for women?
Posted: 2/5/2007 12:04:04 PM
I got asked out by this girl but I didn't tell her where I lived and refused to get in her car because I thought she might use my head as a punching bag so I had to turn her down.

She took it pretty well, though.
 JustCallMeMike
Joined: 5/29/2006
Msg: 15
view profile
History
In general, is rejection more difficult for men or for women?
Posted: 2/5/2007 5:39:59 PM
[qoute]Seriously, I'm old school. I think the guys should do the pursuing.
I used to do the pursuing but I found myself in countless situations where the guy was just giving it a try cause he was flattered.... not cause he REALLY liked me.

And women don't do the same thing? I am in your boat. I don't care how old fashioned I am, a woman better be willing to pursue me as well. I am making sure the ladies live up to the same equalities as me. No having your cake and eating it too with me.

I personally, don't take it hard. But, I don't like the taste either. So, between rejection, non-answers, no emails, no hey I like you lets talks. I am tired of being the one to try and only to have the door slammed in my face. I am tired of keeping my chin up and the b.s. about not looking it will come to you...That one definitely is a lie for this one. I am tired of not knowing what a woman wants even if she "claims" this is what she wants only to find out my matching is still not good enough.
 browneyedstallion
Joined: 12/29/2006
Msg: 18
In general, is rejection more difficult for men or for women?
Posted: 2/5/2007 10:24:57 PM
Women probably take rejection harder then men, because they're not as use to it as we are. Guy's are use to being the pursuer and every one of us has taken a few smacks on the chin from women. As long as your successes out weight your failures it's easy to shake off rejection and move on. One person's junk is another person's treasure. As long as my batting average with women is higher than when I played baseball I'll be okay.
 PickyProfessional
Joined: 2/3/2007
Msg: 23
In general, is rejection more difficult for men or for women?
Posted: 2/7/2007 9:32:43 PM
Hmm...online, I have no problem initiating. Offline, I still feel a little weird (albeit much less so than in the past) about it.

As far as rejection goes: I'm extremely resilient whether it's career-related, date-related, or anything else. If something bad happens in my life, I go through several phases. At first, I tend to think it's just an anomaly. If it happens repeatedly, I'll start wondering about myself and whether or not I have what it takes - and that can lead to a temporary slump. After that, my attitude becomes "you just have to forge on no matter what" (and that leads to self-respect). It always pays off eventually. Work hard enough, try hard enough and it will eventually pay off - you just have to keep at it (although you might have to change your tactics - if one tactic doesn't work, something else will work).

Hang in there.
 intheswim
Joined: 1/8/2007
Msg: 24
view profile
History
In general, is rejection more difficult for men or for women?
Posted: 2/8/2007 10:49:20 AM
I don't think that anyone likes to be rejected. However, things don't always go the way we'd like them to go. We can't control the event, but, we can control how we react to the event.

I do find it odd that many women seem to have this desire to pick and choose when to be "equal" to men. Wanting to hunt with the hounds and run with the hares at the same time. Most perplexing.

In any event, if you've had the intestinal fortitude to put yourself out there and ask, and are rejected, simply consider it the other person's loss, and move on!
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 25
In general, is rejection more difficult for men or for women?
Posted: 2/8/2007 11:03:25 AM
I think it's harder for women generally, because they can sit back and choose from suitors more often. A lot less women are in the position to be rejected, and it's a complete 180 from deciding which guy you want to choose - the fact that they are interested in you is already a factor when you're approached.

I hear a lot from women that they approached a guy once, or twice and it didn't go well so they just stopped approaching. A lot figure all men must want to approach and that's what works, instead of realizing that approaching is a different dynamic than choosing. Some of the people you approach aren't interested.

Men are the ones initiating most of the time. They might not like it, but they are more used to the rejection and the odds.

Of course a select few men take it harder as time goes on instead of realizing they've been through it before and lived.
 trancer32
Joined: 10/18/2006
Msg: 36
In general, is rejection more difficult for men or for women?
Posted: 3/2/2007 2:41:53 PM
My quote, its all me, i made it.... you may use but quote ME ME ME, cuz its all about ME

"Rejection is the Universe's way of telling you, you are trying to date an idiot"

think a sec on this,

Rejection is a good thing, it saves you time, and allows you to focus on someone who is worth it.

 Truucha
Joined: 12/16/2005
Msg: 42
In general, is rejection more difficult for men or for women?
Posted: 3/20/2007 11:34:28 PM
I just don't put myself in the position to get rejected. Sure it happens from time to time, but I rarely hit on women. I just hate being summed up in 4 seconds as just another guy hitting on a her. Probably why I'm still single.....lol
 caidwi1973
Joined: 2/7/2013
Msg: 44
In general, is rejection more difficult for men or for women?
Posted: 5/6/2013 3:32:11 PM
In my experience. I think I like the if you like someone, may take a sec. But eventually just say anything. I think it's probably fear of upholding a conversation. While maybe not the greatest thing. But dang, ya got all that emotion or things to get in your way....that get, in the way.

I say girl or guy, man or woman just take a deep breath and say 'anything', taking the anxiety out of the fear of upholding a convo. Maybe, even if you like someone. You might be able...sometimes :)....come up with something to say instantly.
All in a nutshell, if you want, take my grandmama's advice and say, "Hi." :) . Every hello gets just a lil easier.
 hounddoug
Joined: 3/21/2013
Msg: 45
In general, is rejection more difficult for men or for women?
Posted: 5/6/2013 3:53:16 PM
I take rejection quite well, I prefer to be rejected than thought as a reject. If I approach a woman and she isn't interested, it's not the end of the world. Life will go on as usual.
 Netghost56
Joined: 2/16/2013
Msg: 46
In general, is rejection more difficult for men or for women?
Posted: 5/6/2013 4:03:58 PM
Absolutely, unequivocally, without a doubt - YES
 twelfth_dimension
Joined: 7/23/2011
Msg: 47
In general, is rejection more difficult for men or for women?
Posted: 5/6/2013 4:35:47 PM
From an evolutionary standpoint, rejection is much more risky for women than it is for men. Suppose a woman were to make romantic advances toward a man who was only marginally interested in her, and they had children. The man might leave, and the woman would be saddled with the burden of raising the offspring on her own. In a pre-modern world, this would be disastrous for her and the survival of her offspring. Women will typically underestimate the man's level of interest to avoid this deleterious outcome. Men, on the other hand, can overestimate a woman's sexual interest and risk involvement with a woman who is less enthusiastic about him than he is about her, because in all likelihood she will come to depend on him if they should have children. And if not, he can move on to the next with no problem.

Men are wired to take romantic risks and suffer rejection less deeply -- otherwise they would fail to reproduce successfully. Women, on the other hand, are more risk averse and attuned to the possibility of rejection, and when they are rejected, the consequences can be dire so they'd better learn from their mistake if it's not too late already (i.e. feel horrible about it and not do it again).

Also, before people chime in to tell me "But this is the 21st century! Women are independent!" please bear in mind that evolution has not caught up with modern society . There's only so much we can do to overcome our biological programming.

So what this boils down to guys, in practical terms, is that you're just going to have to bite the bullet and send that first email.
 Netghost56
Joined: 2/16/2013
Msg: 48
In general, is rejection more difficult for men or for women?
Posted: 5/6/2013 5:29:49 PM
I have no problem with emails or texts. It's face to face that I can't do. I've had women that literally made a scene when I finally worked up the courage to approach them. You ladies HAVE NO IDEA how painful that is.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 49
In general, is rejection more difficult for men or for women?
Posted: 5/7/2013 12:33:08 PM
It's easier on the more logical person, the one who doesn't take it personally - the one who realizes attraction isn't a choice. The one who doesn't see it as rejection - rather they just see it as a lack of mutual interest.

Also, the more you deal with it, the easier it should get - you'll grow a thicker skin, and be more desensitized to it much like anything else.

It's not a gender issue, really.
 hounddoug
Joined: 3/21/2013
Msg: 50
In general, is rejection more difficult for men or for women?
Posted: 5/7/2013 3:54:07 PM

Desensitized.........well depending how often you got rejected in person I guess - though rejection tends to breed cynical-ness.


Not always, it can also breed their loss-ness or don't give-a-rats-a$$-ness.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 51
In general, is rejection more difficult for men or for women?
Posted: 5/7/2013 4:04:18 PM

Obviously more easier for women - after all - they do the vast majority of the "rejecting" in the first place.

Some do - not all.

All of the put downs or straight up rude "ignoring" that they do - men put up with that on a daily basis on POF being the ones who actually send proper messages in the first place.

Men get ignored offline as well, they just don't realize it because in order to do so, they'd have to first ask. Women do as well...by men we don't approach but have interest in. Bottom line is that not all we want will want us back. It's a pretty basic part of the social process. We should be used to it once High School is over.

Desensitized.........well depending how often you got rejected in person I guess - though rejection tends to breed cynical-ness.

Desensitization comes from frequency - getting used to it, realizing it won't kill you, it's just a person of the opposite sex, it's not as awful as being told you can't participate in humanity - you gotta learn not to tie your self worth to it. Some will like you, some won't. This is life.
 monocryl
Joined: 3/4/2013
Msg: 53
In general, is rejection more difficult for men or for women?
Posted: 5/7/2013 7:39:38 PM
Depends on how deep into the relationship you are. After a first meet of date I don't think you can even call it rejection if the other party isn't interested. Not until you've offered them your heart and soul :-)
My memory is doing funny things now that I'm forty five: most remaining synapses get devoted to work matters where I can't afford mistakes. So in matters of dating I usually forget about a man as soon as I've messaged him and until he gives me reason to remember who he is.
 tooborednow
Joined: 1/13/2013
Msg: 55
In general, is rejection more difficult for men or for women?
Posted: 5/7/2013 10:06:04 PM

if hiring managers held this perspective...where would we be?

I'm not sure. Because of all the hiring managers I've been interviewed by in the past 21 years of my professional life the majority have been women.
A good 90% of the teachers I've ever had have been women.

Good luck kicking out all women from their hiring manager position to replace them with men for your little thought experiment.


Would anyone hire a woman to be a CEO or some other job that required risk taking, decisiveness and the ability to respond resolutely to failure or rejection of their ideas/actions?

Maybe. Women can always start their own businesses. People are going to do what they want despite what the government or church try to force them to believe or do. If not, we wouldn't be here today.

I know back in the 20's to 40's my great grandmother (whose husband left to find a job in the early 20's then died in the mississipi river several states away, she never remarried) had several of her own businesses. Hotels, motels, center of town retail shops.

I know my grandmother (on my step fathers side, she was born in 1898) ran several agricultural and tree farms, as well as investment portfolios, in Illinois for more than 20 years after her (doctor) husband died in the late 60's (she never remarried).

Because there will always be contrarians that will say "you don't tell me what to do!" and give/not impede opportunities to go against societies grain or to assert their own individual dominance, assuming people don't take opportunities for themselves.


From an evolutionary standpoint, rejection is much more risky for women than it is for men.

Group ostracizing is more risky for women. Especially if pregnant, or pregnant with defeated leaders kid.

Mate rejection is more risky for men. Look at any group or herd in existence (extreme simplification follows):
Dominant females in a horse herd rejects male sexually, male is pushed out of the group, desired stallions rule, one horse impregnates many with more desired genes, ostracized horse runs off to find/start new herd or die.

Dominant male gorilla rejects female for mating, lesser males fight over and accept female for chance of mating.
Non alpha Female rejects lower male, dominant male gorilla may kill him if he tries anything and does anything but provide resources/protection to the group.

Other than that you can get the dolphin mating system which in many instances is a bunch of males ganging up, kidnapping a chick, and forcing the female to choose which one of her captors gets to impregnate her.

From an evolutionary standpoint rejection has always been more risky for men than women.
Men generally have to (sometimes violently) compete against each other for dominance, to show their genes and group value is greater, then they have to peacock themselves to women so the women choose him.
If men are rejected, they have to go back to (sometimes violently) competing with the next guy and then hope the woman likes him, or he's told to basically just go f off and die his genes aren't useful to the group.
 monocryl
Joined: 3/4/2013
Msg: 56
In general, is rejection more difficult for men or for women?
Posted: 5/7/2013 10:13:32 PM
From an evolutionary perspective there is no reason for post-menopausal women to date at all (pardon my bluntness). They should all just go check themselves into a convent. Would you guys want these women to remove themselves from the "game"? If not, let's admit we humans don't exactly follow the dictates of evolution.
 grantfl80
Joined: 7/21/2011
Msg: 57
In general, is rejection more difficult for men or for women?
Posted: 5/7/2013 11:11:12 PM
Eh. As a 33 year old man I'm pretty hardened to the consequences of rejection. This is probably so as I have dealt with rejection in some form since oh...age six. I generally expect to "lose" when it comes to women, yet somehow I wake up with a smile on my face and no tear stains on my pillow. So yah, it is probably easier for me.

G
 dahlingdarling
Joined: 5/11/2012
Msg: 58
view profile
History
In general, is rejection more difficult for men or for women?
Posted: 5/8/2013 5:34:56 PM
In my opinion rejection is probably more difficult for guys as a saying goes "Men fear women will laugh at them and women fear men will kill them" so it seems gals have other difficulties to worry about.

Also in my opinion rejection being more difficult doesn't seem to mean guys take it to heart as I find most guys rarely ever think they are at fault. Gals seem to be in a constant mode of rejecting themselves wondering if they're pretty, young, thin, feminine enough. Guys rarely seem to worry about themselves in such a manner especially in romantic/sexual rejections rather they will blame the gal (she's a b*tch, sl*t, whore, c*nt, doesn't know a good thing when she sees it) rarely ever thinking they are at fault much less have a fault and if they think they have a fault it's a self-congratulatory one that puts themselves on a high pedestal where the only possible reason a gal could reject him is because he's (too) nice.
 NikonGuy007
Joined: 4/1/2012
Msg: 59
view profile
History
In general, is rejection more difficult for men or for women?
Posted: 9/27/2014 9:32:35 AM
Dating type rejection is obviously more difficult for men, because men do most of the approaching. And, "equality" notwithstanding, I have never seen nor heard women complaining about it.

Duh.

I would guess that all other forms of rejection depend more on that individual person's mental toughness than anything else. I would imagine, that something that might roll off MY back...........................might very well send YOU into a downward spiral.

I don't even count or consider anything online as a rejection. There are probably 100,000 women on POF alone, who are in relationships, had a fight with their dude or are "on the fence" about the guy they're killing time with, got angry and created a profile, that they have no intention of actually using.....................not to mention all the women here who admit to being "separated" (the REAL number is probably twice the number who actually admit it).

Online, you have NO idea who is on the other end of that kompewter. Could be a mental patient with Internet access at the asylum, a prisoner, or a 14 year-old. To my way of thinking, rejection is walking up to stranger and introducing your self OR asking a stranger for their telephone number.................something like that.

If you've got the balls to step to a woman who interests you, the woman SHOULD be intelligent enough to realize that you just did something that, like 70% guys cannot do, and probably 90% of women cannot do, and likely would not ever want to do.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 60
In general, is rejection more difficult for men or for women?
Posted: 9/27/2014 10:24:19 AM
I think you can argue it both ways. It depends on the personality and attiude of that particular person. Yes men in general make the first contact more often and get rejected more often. Therefore men should be more used to it. On the other hand, there are men that are frustrated about sending emails to dozens or hundreds of different women and only receiving a very small amount of positive replies.
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > In general, is rejection more difficult for men or for women?