Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > The excuses      Home login  
Joined: 3/30/2006
Msg: 8
view profile
The excusesPage 1 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
got some more for you:

I'm busy/working/no time

Gas price to high

distance in driving

Sadly these are some that I have heard.
Joined: 5/21/2005
Msg: 13
The excuses
Posted: 2/9/2007 3:36:46 AM
Why even worry what excuse someone uses? If they're not that into us what can we do to change that? Certainly it might be they're only trying to soften the blow or what they think will be the blow so they resort to an excuse rather than the truth.

If someone begins to use excuses with me that's a sure sign there is something far more wrong than their ability or willingness to say exactly what's on their minds. Yeah it doesn't always make sense but so what? Some things or happenings aren't to be filed away forever and brought out in order to demonstrate SOME people have difficulty expressing themselves.

Where's that delete button when it's REALLY needed???
Joined: 2/1/2004
Msg: 15
The excuses
Posted: 2/9/2007 3:56:53 AM
Lol....the only excuse I can recall off the top of my head....

"I didn't mean to, it just happened."

Ex cheated with an ex....

I would have been ok with something better, like..."I tripped and fell on top of his ****"
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 24
The excuses
Posted: 2/9/2007 10:59:46 AM
My favorite excuse, which I've heard several times: "You're too good for me" ... WTF? Isn't that MY decision?

Tiny - OMG, Ha! I have heard that one before. And to that you say "I AM?!? Whew, that's good to know. I could have hung out with you so much longer not knowing that. Thanks for saving me time."

And then you walk away.

And for the other excuses, you just have to be ready with the comebacks. I once was dating a guy who wasn't sure if he wanted to get serious with me, which was funny because I wasn't even sure if I liked him enough to call him again. It kinda threw him when I mistook him for another guy I was dating on the phone when he called me while I was at a friend's house party. In my defense, I had had a few and the music was real loud, but whatever. Funny once I did that he actually made his mind up he wanted to keep dating and see where it I always draw the men who like a challenge. I am not the type that would ever push for a real serious thing - so in my case it really is BS when I get excuses for problems that don't exist.

I think it's arrogant to think the other person actually cares about where you stand if they don't ask so early on - it's not all about you. And it's more arrogant to actually bring it up out loud.

If they tell you they're not sure about a relationship or ::gulp!:: marriage to you without being asked about it or being at that stage of the game, thank them for the information and then tell them you didn't ask, or thank God out loud that they don't, since it's only like your second date. Tell them all you were thinking about was whether or not you wanted to sit with them thru a whole dinner.
Joined: 9/11/2005
Msg: 26
The excuses
Posted: 2/9/2007 11:24:47 AM
OP, sounds more to me like you're simply dating the wrong men for you and what you're looking for...I recognize it as I've been there, done that through my 20s and 30s...Once I sat down and asked myself some hard questions, and figured out what I really wanted in my relationship, and what I *should* have done when I saw the red flags instead of ignoring them, it helped me to start dating guys who were much more in line with what I'm looking for. That doesn't mean I've found the perfect one for me yet, but what I've found up till now has been much, much better than those I used to date, and the last one was the closest yet...I figure if I keep doing what I'm doing, he'll show up eventually ;)

As for their doesn't matter what they say or why they're saying it...they're all saying the same thing - they don't want to be in a serious relationship, or at least be in a serious relationship with you. That's not a bad reflection on you, so please don't take it that way; it's their choice and their problem...Just be glad you found out about it sooner rather than later as it's saving you time spent wasted with the wrong forget about them, figure out what you really do and dopn't want, and and then go looking for the one who's perfect for *you*. Best of luck to you.
Joined: 8/22/2004
Msg: 31
The excuses
Posted: 2/9/2007 2:31:12 PM
When you wear your hair down, it frames your face very nicely. Otherwise, see chapter 7, paragraph 16 in the hair manual :-) I should talk though, the last time my hair framed my face was in a photograph taken in 1983, drunk, at a party with a wig someone put on me while I was having a nice dream of purple squirrels building my boat. ;-)
Joined: 3/9/2006
Msg: 35
view profile
The excuses
Posted: 2/28/2007 6:16:33 AM
Have you ever Read the book, "He's just not that into YOU?" It is written primarily by a guy with some feedback by a girl. He lists all the excuses men make...and boils it down to: He is just not that into you?...and do you want to "waste the pretty on someone who just isn't that into you".

He takes polls from guys, using the common excuses and the guys respond by saying: If they were really into someone, that someone would know...that no amount of excuses work for men when they are into someone......

He also explains that men would rather face a herd of elephants than tell a woman "they are just not into them"....

You deserve better, your worth better treatment and you deserve to be treated well and have a guy be into you........

READ the Book and keep your chin up!

Joined: 11/11/2006
Msg: 38
view profile
The excuses
Posted: 3/2/2007 10:24:57 PM
I AGREE with Dark Lady!! being told every day how much you mean to him, I love you baby ,all of the stuff you want to beleive (and at times dont question) because you WANT to beleive hes not lieing.... just to find out hes cheating that basically really sucks and is hard real hard to get passed!! some people can play with others hearts like its a friggin game but its just so mean and hurtful!! Grow the f.... up !!!
Joined: 2/25/2007
Msg: 41
The excuses
Posted: 3/3/2007 4:11:07 PM
I think it is difficult to know what to say, and how to put things into words. So lame excuses happen when somebody just does not know what to say.

My ex-bf was in such denial...the truth only came out later that he "just lost interest". This made it OK for him to make out with a girl "he didn't think was attractive, he was tipsy".

Now that I have walked away for good, not even wanting to chit chat over the internet IMs, he wishes I would change my mind. And he of course is more and more interested in me, I have become elevatated to the point where the word "angel" has come out of his mouth to describe me. It amazes me how much I am so great now that I have put him in the past to him. He still thinks it was no big deal he made out and probably did worse with that girl.

I think some very immature people need you to become totally disinterested in them to turn them on. Unfortuantely men who like me because I don't seem that interested in them bore the crap out of me.

It takes a mature man to be present and to enjoy life the way it is right now, right here.

That would I imagine go for women too.
Joined: 2/25/2007
Msg: 48
The excuses
Posted: 3/4/2007 12:05:14 AM
lying always involves blaming the other person for your choice to put them into deception.
it is wrong to lie to mislead them. Nobody "deserves" only to hear the truth if they reward you.

Truth and honesty take real guts. It is hard and not always easy to be truthful.

But it IS the only loving thing at the end of the day to do.
Joined: 12/25/2006
Msg: 66
view profile
The excuses
Posted: 3/7/2007 9:01:45 AM
I have been talking to this guy online for a couple of months now. We get along great and have a lot in common. He says that he likes me and wants to meet me but he is afraid that he will get hooked and he is scared that we live an hour apart. Meanwhile, he writes me poems and cute little notes. I know that this is probably just a little game for him and I have not stopped my life, but what the heck?!
Joined: 2/27/2007
Msg: 68
The excuses
Posted: 3/7/2007 10:43:21 AM
Dating site users have excuses thought up and rehersed before they are even in contact with someone.

I have heard from many that start out their first line of a conversation with an excuse.
Joined: 2/21/2007
Msg: 75
view profile
The excuses
Posted: 3/7/2007 12:27:04 PM
people use excuses because they believe thats less hurtful than "I just don't like you enough. Bye"
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 78
The excuses
Posted: 3/7/2007 2:49:07 PM

From my perspective, it seems that there could be two choices in relating to you chicks. I could be an honest, nice guy and simply ask for a casual date that may include sex (and probably have you say no); or, I could simply lie to you and tell you that I want you to be my one-and-only; only to change my mind (an excuse for you women), after we have had a casual date that may have included sex.

Which do women really prefer, if they tell us they want honesty?

Well, speaking strictly for myself!-having run into a fair amount of disappointment due to be lied to,or( to be absolutely fair!) allowing myself to assume that he also wanted a quality involvement; it's pretty much MY personal protocol that NOBODY gets sex on the first date,regardless of what they do or don't say. Look, if a person doesn't learn to control their appetite for food, they more than likely are gonna get fat, right? If they can't control their appetite for booze,or drugs, or tobacco they're gonna wind up with serious life issues sooner or later, right? So it is also my position that a single person( especially a woman) who lets sexual cravings drive her life is going to end up being a victim of those cravings,one way or another.
Now for you guys who are bound and determined that ALL you want from women is sex, I'm sorry for whatever experience(s) lead you to that decision. Do whatever seems to work best for you, tell the truth, tell a lie, whatever. But I think that you will find the women with true class, strong self respect, a clear picture of her own identity and where she's going in life, will neither give you sex on the first date OR buy a load of BS designed to help you get into her pants.
Just my personal perspective and $0.02 worth. Your results may vary.
Cindy O
Joined: 2/3/2007
Msg: 89
The excuses
Posted: 3/11/2007 5:03:00 PM
"I want you to take care of me when I am old.....if you can't commit to this now....I am going to keep looking.........".......uhm he did find someone to actually commit to that and married them"

^^^^ that one is plain funny! i can't get the vision of an old codger in a wheel chair out of my head!
Joined: 12/22/2006
Msg: 113
view profile
The excuses
Posted: 3/18/2007 11:02:20 PM
I got one from the Cowboy... on his profile it says no games.... then he IMs me and asks.... Truth or dare? I said neither, how about just talking or emailing back and forth.. then he said, you girls from plano are all alike and hung up... well I laughed so hard... first of all, do real cowboys have computers? I think not... it is a costume or fashion style. Then no games and first thing out of the message.. a game... so I dont get that.. then blanket statement saying all girls from plano.. well I am from Canada, and just live in plano, and what a judgmental mental case... I just dont get it... it is like someone saying I am doing this because I know how you are, how you feel, what you are thinking, come on.... is it all just an excuse???

I have been told I am too rich for men, (how do they know what I have or dont have)? I mean this is before they have even met me, talked on the phone... I must look rich...

I dont get the judging... pre judging and the strange parameters some seem to put out there exclusions without even knowing the person... I know of a set of photos of very plain women floating around, before and after shots, you just add fake breasts, bleach the heck out of their hair, add fake tan, eyelashes, capped teeth, nails, and gobs of makeup and you have a movie star babe.... it is all fake. They are still the exact same person, just modified or souped up... but the same person.. I guess guys could also get muscle implants, fake tan, capped teeth, hair if they need it on the head and removed from back, nose, ears etc. but it doesnt change who they are, it is all fake "marketing", then once attracted by the fakeness, the tan fades, hair grows out, breasts even the fake ones sag, wrinkles, so it really is important to get to know the person, and stay away from the fancy packaging... how did I get on this??? oh yea, looks.... Sorry
judgements that the person would have no way to know... what I am who I am, how I feel, but they use it as an excuse to justify their own behaviors, fears and mind changes... very odd... very unsetteling...

Joined: 2/20/2007
Msg: 115
The excuses
Posted: 3/18/2007 11:33:02 PM

"I'm so busy with work and college that I just can't get involved in a relationship, it's been 8 days since I've seen you and I've tried to see you and call you but I've just been so busy and so I don't think you need that in your life." Again, how does he know what I need?

this is me, so i don't let it get to anywhere close to commital at first, atleast i think at first as most women give up on me before I can really get to know them. Maybe a subject for another post but how do i make a meaningful connection when life is so damn busy, theres one girl i'm getting to know who i haven't taken out in 2 weeks the kicker i am interested in getting to know her better but its so hard to get the planets to align.
Joined: 2/20/2007
Msg: 124
Posted: 3/20/2007 9:22:10 PM
Speaking of excuses, I need one like now!

I'm just starting to date after taking myself off the market for 3 maybe even 4 years, I don't even remember.

The first girl I took out 3 times even though I didn't feel a connection. I guess I enjoyed her company enough to go out again and thought I'd give it a chance... Now I'm doing it again.

Yesterday I met a girl for lunch from another dating site and have made plans to see her again tommorow night to see a movie we both want to see but I'm really not attracted to her. Although I think we got along well and could end up being friends I really don't want anything more and something came up that I need to get done this week and tommorow nights my only night I think I can do it (parental commitments, spring break)... anyways I wouldn't mind seeing her again but worried 1.) she'll be hurt or angry I cancelled 2.) If I do go out with her she'll get the wrong idea. 3.) If I do cancel whether I'll call again thinking she might be looking for more than I am

Did I mention I am a little neurotic at times, lol. Anyways thought it was topical to this thread and could really use some advice???
Joined: 2/20/2007
Msg: 129
The excuses
Posted: 3/21/2007 9:26:22 PM
ok no excuses, here's an update from the other thread with a similiar subject. I think i was thinking of this thread when i wrote the part about growing some or one, turns out you were happy to read it so maybe it wasn't a bad choice.

The Silent Treatment or Giving an explanation WHY it is a No
Posted: 3/21/2007 936 PM
I have to admit on my part i do find it easier to go silent, so an update is in order.

Although I didn't grow a full set I did let her know I didn't feel it but only went half way in doing that using msn rather than calling... I figure whats it matter how i let her know, i let her know and i think i'd prefer reading it than having to discuss it, anyways, i think now that we have the option it can be easier for both people. She didn't freak out, didn't say much at all but OK and I was able to take care of what I needed to this evening without going through with something i wasn't comfortable with, i honestly didn't know during the date but definetly could have let her know sooner, next time i guess. I wished her the best and we can both move on.

As for not giving it enough time, I find with Internet dating you may share some common opinions, hobbies etc but when you meet in real life you actually figure out who this mysterious person is and alot of times their not people you'd connect with if it were'nt for this medium. I say don't hang around emailing meet the person as soon as you and they can and just find problem, its been so long since I have had a real connection I'm just not sure I'd recognise it if it were there, just trying to go with my gut and do what feels right.
Joined: 10/3/2006
Msg: 131
view profile
The excuses
Posted: 3/24/2007 3:03:46 PM
My personal fave was:

'I have to deal with my ghosts & I can't ask you to wait'...
Well go tell Dan Ackroyd as maybe he can deal with your ex who just came back knocking on the door (again, for the umpteenth time).

I do have a particular dislike of the old 'you deserve better/you are too good for me' which I loathed at the time - I was furious at him for deciding he knew what was best for me though to be fair, hindsight has proven this to be true

Ultimately though, excuses or reasons are 1000-times better than the vanishing act...
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 132
Posted: 3/24/2007 6:35:07 PM
"I find that I have the best time by myself. So I'll become a hermit as long as I have the internet."
Joined: 2/16/2007
Msg: 133
view profile
Posted: 3/25/2007 3:28:39 PM
Excuses are a result of people not knowing what they want.
Joined: 11/9/2006
Msg: 136
The excuses
Posted: 3/26/2007 3:30:15 PM
One women told me that we weren't compatible because I sometimes go to bars and she doesn't. No big deal. If she didn't like bars, I would do other things with her and go to bars on my own time.
Joined: 3/22/2007
Msg: 141
The excuses
Posted: 3/27/2007 9:19:22 PM
It does not matter what the words are. Determine the meaning of of communication through behavior, not words.

It may help to ask for clarification:
"So, what you're saying is that you want to end this relationship?"

Men, being the simple creatures we are, have difficulty formulating the concept into words on our own.
We can handle simple Yes/No questions without straining too hard... Beyond that, it's a crap shoot!

...or, it could be that while the guy does want to break up, he really does not want to hurt you. This is an unsolved dilemma that has plagued human relations since..... well, since there have been humans.
Joined: 11/6/2006
Msg: 149
view profile
The excuses
Posted: 4/13/2007 11:46:22 AM
your a wonderfull person, I don't want to hurt you LOL or how about this one, your looking for long term and I'm looking for a one nighter ...and then there is the all time favorite, I don't want to hurt you ! your much too nice ... all the some to me... they don't want a commitment just a quickie in the back seat .....
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > The excuses