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 AUTHOR
 Whip it good!
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 1
Post a JOKEPage 1 of 50    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41)
Interesting Health Fact

Did you know that in the human body there is a nerve
that connects the eyeball to the anus?

It's called the Anal Optic Nerve, and it is responsible
for giving people a shitty outlook on life.

If you don't believe it, try to pull a hair from your
arse and see if it doesn't bring a tear to your eye
 SEKKHU
Joined: 9/15/2006
Msg: 2
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History
Post a JOKE
Posted: 2/26/2007 5:10:54 PM
LMFAO !!!
IT DOES WORK
 SEKKHU
Joined: 9/15/2006
Msg: 3
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History
Post a JOKE
Posted: 2/26/2007 5:12:03 PM
JUS KIDDING
BUT THE HOCKEY GAME TONIGHT IS LIKE PULLING ANUS HAIRS
 Whip it good!
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 4
Post a JOKE
Posted: 2/26/2007 5:12:51 PM
Just reading this joke when I opened my email was enough to bring tears to my eyes..
 Whip it good!
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 5
Post a JOKE
Posted: 2/26/2007 5:13:46 PM
I hear the Leafs are gonna pick up two new Russians in their early off season.
Tee-Off and Summer-Off
 bluedew
Joined: 12/30/2005
Msg: 6
Post a JOKE
Posted: 2/26/2007 5:47:57 PM
What do you call a brunnette and 2 blondes standing on a street corner?

Regular price, $5, $5.
 pandora220665
Joined: 6/14/2006
Msg: 7
Post a JOKE
Posted: 2/26/2007 5:55:38 PM
Sad News

With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment,
it is worth reflecting on the death last week of a very important person,
which almost went unnoticed.
Larry LaPrise, the man who wrote "The Hokey Pokey" died peacefully at
the age of 93.
The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin.
They put his left leg in, and then the trouble started.
Shut up. You know it's funny
 AeWingnut
Joined: 2/11/2007
Msg: 8
Post a JOKE
Posted: 2/26/2007 6:38:38 PM
this joke only works in person and on kids but I'll post it for information purposes only

KNOCK KNOCK

who's there?

IMPATIENT COW

impa

MOOOOOOO

 the_donald
Joined: 1/8/2007
Msg: 9
Post a JOKE
Posted: 2/26/2007 6:53:33 PM
That is an interupting cow... moo

Did you hear about the bear they discovered up in James bay?
First it would be happy, then sad, then happy, then sad.
Turns out it was a BiPolar Bear.
 the_donald
Joined: 1/8/2007
Msg: 10
Post a JOKE
Posted: 2/26/2007 9:26:07 PM
A guy comes home from work, sits down in his favorite chair and yells to his wife "honey, quick bring me a beer before it starts".
She runs to the kitchen gets a beer from the fridge and brings it to him.
He chugs it down in one gulp and yells "Quick bring me another beer before it starts".
She gets another beer from the fridge and brings it to him.
He polishes it off in one gulp and yells "Quick bring me a beer before it starts".
She says "who do you think you are....."
He says "never mind it's started already".
 sjmh
Joined: 9/23/2006
Msg: 11
Post a JOKE
Posted: 2/28/2007 7:15:29 AM
If there's 2 potatoes standing on the street corner....how do you know whick one is the prostitute????....The one with the sticker that says........" I Da....Hoe!!".....hahaha
 sjmh
Joined: 9/23/2006
Msg: 12
Post a JOKE
Posted: 2/28/2007 7:49:31 AM
An elderly couple, Margaret and Bert, move to Texas. Bert always wanted a
>pair of authentic cowboy boots, so, seeing
> some on sale, he buys them and wears them home. Walking proudly he goes
>into the kitchen and says to his wife,
> "Notice anything different about me?"
>Margaret looks him over, "Nope".
>Frustrated, Bert storms off into the bathroom, undresses, and walks back
>into the kitchen completely naked except
> for the boots. Again he asks, a little louder this time,
>"Notice anything different NOW?"
> Margaret looks up and says, "Bert, what's different? It's hanging down
>today, it was hanging down yesterday, it'll be hanging down
> again tomorrow."
> Furious, Bert yells, "AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN, MARGARET?"
>"Nope", she replies.
>"IT'S HANGING
>DOWN, BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!!"
>Margaret replies... "Shoulda bought a hat, Bert. Ya shoulda bought a hat."
 x4livin
Joined: 4/30/2006
Msg: 13
Post a JOKE
Posted: 2/28/2007 2:18:49 PM

Sad News

With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment,
it is worth reflecting on the death last week of a very important person,
which almost went unnoticed.
Larry LaPrise, the man who wrote "The Hokey Pokey" died peacefully at
the age of 93.
The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin.
They put his left leg in, and then the trouble started.



this IS funny!!
 Whip it good!
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 14
Post a JOKE
Posted: 2/28/2007 7:17:49 PM
An old maid wanted to travel by bus to the pet cemetery with the remains of her cat. As she boarded the bus, she whispered to the driver, I have a dead ****.

The driver pointed to the woman in the seat behind him and said, "Sit with my wife. You two have a lot in common.
__________________________________________________________________________

Knickerless
Joe is sitting on a train across from a
busty blonde wearing a tiny mini skirt.

Despite his efforts, he is unable to stop staring at the top of her thighs. To his delight, he realises she has gone without underwear.

The blonde realises he is staring and
inquires, "Are you looking at my ****?"

"Yes, I'm sorry," says Joe and promises to avert his eyes.

"It's quite alright," replies the woman, "It's very talented, watch this, I'll make it blow a kiss to you."

Sure enough the **** blows him a kiss.

Joe, who is completely absorbed, inquires what else the wonder **** can do.

"I can also make it wink," says the woman. Joe stares in amazement as the **** winks at him.

"Come and sit next to me," suggests the woman, patting the seat. Joe moves over
and is asked, "Would you like to stick a couple of fingers in?"

Stunned, Joe replies, "Good grief! Can it whistle, too?"
____________________________________________________________________________

There is a new study out about women. I thought these results were pretty interesting.

85% of women think their ass has grown too big since getting married..

10% of women think their ass is just as big as it was when they got married..

The other 5% say that they don't care, they love him and would have married him anyway.
 hansumfool
Joined: 7/26/2006
Msg: 15
Post a JOKE
Posted: 2/28/2007 7:32:45 PM
did they take the right leg out lol x4livin
 vstarcruiser
Joined: 1/28/2007
Msg: 16
Post a JOKE
Posted: 3/6/2007 3:08:51 PM
THIS JUST IN

Today we note with sadness the passing of Julio Bonanza, long time resident of Springfield and owner of Bonanza Pizza.

Delivery to the cemetary was over 30 minutes, so his next funeral is free, but when the coffin was opened he was stuck to the lid.

His long time friend Bozo the Clown, spokesperson for the Bonanza Parlor, commented that the delivery would have been on time if all 30 mourners hadn't piled into the same limo.

In other news...................
 roxie0605
Joined: 10/25/2006
Msg: 17
Post a JOKE
Posted: 3/6/2007 3:37:39 PM
this one is good!!!!!!


What did the egg say to the boiling water???????????????

I just got laid and now you want me to get hard!!!!!
 roxie0605
Joined: 10/25/2006
Msg: 18
Post a JOKE
Posted: 3/6/2007 3:39:43 PM
What has six legs and loves ants???????

how about three uncles
 BoatTrash
Joined: 2/17/2007
Msg: 19
Post a JOKE
Posted: 3/6/2007 3:54:02 PM
Ok....

What's the difference between a woman and a computer?

A computer will accept a 3 1/2 inch floppy!

:rimshot:
 Whip it good!
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 20
Post a JOKE
Posted: 3/6/2007 5:54:34 PM
Today local police found a man's body in a park in your area. They Describe him as having a Beer Belly, Saggy Balls, Wrinkly Ass and a Small Wiener.
Let me know you're OK.

I'm A Concerned Friend....lol
 the_donald
Joined: 1/8/2007
Msg: 21
Post a JOKE
Posted: 3/6/2007 8:05:23 PM
A guy hires a prostitute and they go back to a hotel room.
She proceeds to get undressed while he goes and lays on the bed.
As she turns around she see him "pleasing himself".
She says "what are you doing!"
He replies "for two hundred bucks you don't think you're getting the easy one".
 vstarcruiser
Joined: 1/28/2007
Msg: 22
Post a JOKE
Posted: 3/7/2007 3:29:15 AM
IN OTHER NEWS

Local police reported for duty today and found every toilet at the police station had been disconnected and removed while the night shift was in progress. Because the station was locked, security cameras were turned off, leaving no clue.

Police Chief Wiggam says " it's terrible, we have nothing to go on.".........
 justanotherdave
Joined: 2/2/2007
Msg: 23
Post a JOKE
Posted: 3/7/2007 6:31:25 AM
Joke of the Day!

This happened at Harvard University in October last year. In a biology class, the professor was discussing the high glucose levels found in semen which gives the sperm all the energy for their journey.

A female freshman raised her hand and asked, "If I understand you correctly, you're saying there is a lot of glucose, as in sugar, in semen?"

"That's correct," responded the professor, going on to add statistical info.

Raising her hand again, she asked, "Then why doesn't it taste sweet?" After a stunned silence, the whole class burst out laughing. The poor girl's face turned bright red, and as she realized exactly what she had inadvertently said (or rather implied), she picked up her books without a word and walked out of class, never to return.

However, as she was going out the door, the professor's reply was classic. Totally straight-faced he answered her question.

"It doesn't taste sweet because the taste buds for sweetness are on the tip of your tongue and not the back of your throat. Have a good day."
 peach_
Joined: 2/16/2007
Msg: 24
Post a JOKE
Posted: 3/7/2007 3:42:37 PM
A litte girl walks into a pet shop and asks, "Excuthe me, Mithter, do you keep wittle wabbith?"

The shopkeeper smiles, gets down on one knee so he's at her level and asks, "Do you want a wittle white wabbit or a soft and furry black wabbit?"

She leans forward and replies, "I don't fink my pyfon gives a f–k!"
 peach_
Joined: 2/16/2007
Msg: 25
Post a JOKE
Posted: 3/7/2007 3:44:12 PM
A man walks into a bar and says "Bartender gimme a triple shot of Jack".

The bartender pours, and the man downs it, slams the glass on the bar and says "Another".

The bartender pours another. The man downs it and says "Another".

As the bartender pours the third glass he says, "Mister, you drink like you have a problem. Want to talk about it?"

The man says, "Ten years, ten years I've been married to my wife, and today I go home a little early to surprise her, and I find my best friend, MY BEST FRIEND, in bed having sex with her."

The bartender says "Geez, what did you say."

The man says " I told him, BAD DOG! BAD DOG!
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