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 PinkSalmon
Joined: 11/26/2006
Msg: 1
You want it? I got it... PROFILE REVIEWS!Page 1 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
I've been told that I should start my own profile reviewing thread, and so here it is...

I review all kinds of profiles and offer honest and indepth reviews. If that's what you're looking for then please come in, wipe your shoes and take a seat.

-Pink
 Banter-er
Joined: 4/18/2006
Msg: 2
view profile
History
You want it? I got it... PROFILE REVIEWS!
Posted: 3/5/2007 12:40:59 PM
Welcome Pink Salmon.

I have to second what Bill said - you've been giving great reviews, and I'm glad to see you start your own thread. Hope you have fun!
 PinkSalmon
Joined: 11/26/2006
Msg: 3
You want it? I got it... PROFILE REVIEWS!
Posted: 3/5/2007 12:52:09 PM
Billbutler, well I wasn't sure what I was getting myself into with this thread, but we shall see what can be done.

Your profile is quite long, and I do have some suggestions for you. Buckle your seatbelt. This will probably have to be done in two posts....

I'd take out the whole first section of your profile that isn't about you... So pretty much everything before "And without Further Ado". It's confusing, I read it three times and I still don't know what you're talking about. Also Profiles should be about quality and not quantity. You definitly have quantity... Now we are going to work on the quality aspect.

And without further ado...



mE...I love finding a woman who enjoys long conversations, as I am clever, witty, charming, and a great listener. My sense of humour is improvisational, situational, and highly original. Along with that, you will find me downright lovable as well.


Great paragraph for the most part. I'd take out the part about us finding your downright loveable. Let us determine that on our own. If you say it, it makes you seem like you're c0cky and full of yourself. Which does not give the right impression.



Being a keen observer, I never get bored. When I spot cars parked at expired parking meters, I fish out a quarter, glance around nervously as I am filled with the rush of breaking the law, then slide the quarter in the slot and casually wander away innocently. I like to think of it as my little way of “sticking it to The Man”, but I really do it because I know that women just love “bad boys”. Admit it. And it saves you from yet another parking ticket.


Again, great paragraph... You should cut it off at the "Admit it" though. We know it would save us from yet another parking ticket. To say it is pointless and just filler.



I am extremely smart, my IQ is 158 and yes I use everything I have to the best of my ability. A mind is a terrible thing to waste. I love when people sarcastically ask “what? Are you a genius? This is an opportunity to look them straight in the eye and state emphatically “yes, as a matter of fact, I am.” The EQ tests I score 90% and that is because I am 10% flawed. Ha! I use this 10% to get into all kinds of fun.


I'd take out your IQ score it's arrogant. Women don't typically care about or ask for IQ scores when talking to men. At least that's never come up with me. I find that people who parade the smartness they think that they have like a badge of honor instead of just casually wearing it... come off as pretentious. And that is not attractive..... Well in fact I'd just that that whole paragraph out. Let the women decide if you're smart. The more you tell them one thing, the more we are inclined to believe another.



I love gourmet food and fine wines, and I am a masterful chef who can prepare a fine meal (well, you can be the judge of that)...Challenge me! This is not what I do for a living, but a talent I have in which my friends and I benefit.


This section is all right, but it needs a little bit of work...

"I love gourmet food and fine wines, I'm quite the chef and love to be challenged in the kitchen. Some of my favourite things to eat/cook are _____________________"



I prefer to live each day to its fullest potential! Life is way too short for complacency and existing day to day to maintain a status quo. I make it a point to learn something new everyday even if it is simply a new word or idea.


Ok, good to know.



I am a successful business owner and my business is auto identification (bar code related) custom labelling, packaging. After seven years as a sales rep giving me valuable knowledge and experience, the risk I took venturing out on my own over twelve years ago has worked out well for me.


This is something to talk about in Private messages. You don't give the whole book away. The profile is like the plot summary on the back of a book. If the back of the book told the whole story, then no one would buy it.



I work hard so I can play even harder...(or relax as comfortably as possible.) I enjoy my vocation and usually seem more like play than work.-when it's not-I'll go take a break and do something else. My schedule is very flexible and relaxed. I love to travel and usually plan my work around my fun.
With today’s technology, and the nature of my work, I can basically operate from anywhere in the world. As far as work is concerned I like to say I've created my very own self contained universe.


This is a much better paragraph, it slightly talks about work. But it more talks about your views of what you do. Keep this one.



I spend much of my time involved in altruistic pursuits … I have a heart. I care about people… provided they care about themselves I am the antithesis of materialism and I abhor the middle class. I reject middle class American values and the mindless pursuit of “things” I am a not thing kinda guy…I do like gadgets, though! I insist on the best…less is more in terms of quality over quantity. I spend more money on my shoes than I do on my watches. Good footwear is important.


This sounds like you're trying to prove you're above all that, it left a bad taste in my mouth, take it out. Please.



I am always out creating little adventures for myself!


This sounded like the end of the profile to me, but apparently, it goes on... My job is not done yet. Wait yes it is... Take those other sections out. Not needed. Again... Profiles should tantalize not fill you up.



Music: I have many interests. Music is more like a passion. I have eclectic taste in music. I grew up in the music business, and have always been around it. I own a ridiculous number of CDs. Something for everyone.
Art: Another passion. I love and appreciate all types of art. I own art, and have created my own art. I have creative spurts and love to create something beautiful and unique.

Books and literature: I love to read, although I need to make an extra effort to schedule a substantial amount of time with a book it is still a passion. Aeroplanes, airports and beaches are all opportunities to get some reading done as well. I try to read something each day if only 10 minutes before bed each night. Bios, memoirs, history, and well written fiction (Tom Wolfe, John Irving to mention a couple authors I enjoy) I especially like to get book recommendations from my friends...always a source of something out there I would otherwise missed.

Please don't respond with a blank stare if I happen to ask about the last book you read. This is a dealbreaker. Please be well traveled and well read.
 PinkSalmon
Joined: 11/26/2006
Msg: 4
You want it? I got it... PROFILE REVIEWS!
Posted: 3/5/2007 1:03:08 PM
Bill... In your profile you go on and on about yourself. Which is good, profiles are a way to sell yourself and there is no point doing it half hearted.

In EVERY profile there should be the basic structure.

*Your tag line isn't eye catching. If you can't think of something original and eye catching, look to those books you love and give us a quote.

*About you, interests and whatnot. You do not need to add anymore to the about you section. You've got that covered.

*What you're looking for. In your profile you made no mention of what you're looking for in a partner. The more we know about what you're looking for the better it is. We don't like to contact men if we don't know that we fit their requirements.

Your pictures are fairly good. I'd take out the pictures that are not of you though. The clown person kinda sets a reader on edge. I'd also take out the picture of you standing on the stairs (number 5) it's not very flattering and you've already got a great body shot up...
So in short take down picture number 3 and 5, they are not doing justice to your profile.

Your first date section is good, until you do that silly kisskisskiss thing that you already did in your tag line. Please it's childish and looks immature, take it down... I'd also remove the quote from buck Owens, it doesn't add to your profile.

I think I covered it all...
 ~HONOUR~
Joined: 9/12/2006
Msg: 6
You want it? I got it... PROFILE REVIEWS!
Posted: 3/5/2007 3:21:38 PM
Yes I want it...review me please!!
 PinkSalmon
Joined: 11/26/2006
Msg: 7
You want it? I got it... PROFILE REVIEWS!
Posted: 3/5/2007 4:12:30 PM
PICES_74 Here is your review.



Just chilling on a dock, with my fishing rod and dipping my feet in the ocean to relax and see is there is any truth to what my mom always told me 'Theres plenty of Fish out there, you'll be fine', lol.


Great starter. Really original. I have never seen that said before so for that, you get some kudos from me. I would just add one single tiny word in... and see IF there is any truth... Flows better that way.



This is me:
I was born American, but grew up in Norway... I used to travel and move A LOT, I have lived in 4 different countries for school, work and pleasure, and I still enjoy traveling but have nooooo plans on moving anywhere else for a long, long time unless of course, you know.


If I know what? I think you could add a little allure into that paragraph (which is oltherwise nicely put) by changing it a little bit... To something like this:

This is me:
I was born American, but grew up in Norway... I used to travel and move A LOT, I have lived in 4 different countries for school, work and pleasure, and I am now understanding the pleasures of having one place to call home. On the other hand, home is where the heart is...

It implies the same thing. I don't have the wording quite right, but it should be open ended, like a challenge without ending in a question of sorts.



I like to sleep in on the weekends, I eat weird food, I can be a scatter brain sometimes, always looking for my cell phone or keys, I'm cranky in the morning until I get my first cup of coffee, I swear at people in traffic, and generally think everyone besides me don't know how to drive... have you seen how retarded some people are in traffic???


Ok... Again, in profiles it's all about focusing on the positive. This paragraph tries to make light of what some would veiw as negative traits, but it doesn't really work. I would take it out... If you're set on having that space filled you could give us examples of what drags you out of bed on the weekend. Some of the best culinary examples you have of the "weird" food you eat...



I'm not rich, and I'm way to honest... WAIT, don't leave, and keep on reading... I have other qualities you might like...


This made me laugh and want to keep reading.



I like to play golf, my best score is an 86 and I think that's awesome! I play guitar well enough for occasional open stage, or amongst friends. I love taking long drives to nowhere, just for the adventure. I think work is fun, because then I'm allowed to tinker with computers and networks, super caffeinated figuring out problems!


I'd take out the part where you mention your golf score. It's not needed. It's more important that you like it. It's not so important what your score is.
I'd change the part about work just a little bit... "I think work is fun, because then I'm allowed to tinker with computers and networks, drink as much coffee as I like while doing what I love."



One of my goals is getting my scuba license and I would like to find someone who would like to do that with me, seems you need a partner to go diving ;) Imagine a trip to the Bahamas scuba diving, discovering the bottom of the ocean, seeing all its fantastic life, and then enjoying each others company in a low lit hut by the beach... ah yes, a good goal indeed


Generally a good paragraph, I like that you're tying in the whole plenty of fish in the sea comment with the diving, though that might be unintentional. I would take out the "Ah yes, a good goal indeed" it sounds like you're patting yourself on the back.


Another goal I have, is to quit smoking... I hate it, but I love it... loose loose situation. I just started working out to aid in that goal, but it's a tough road. (Judge is still out for the verdict)


I'd just take this out. People who won't talk to smokers are not going to change their mind because you're trying to quit. Either you do quit or you don't.



I love dogs, to me they are the truest, most honest creatures I know of, they are your best friend, and they never let you down and pick you up when you’re feeling down. If you have a dog, awesome... If not, I'm likely to get one soon as I get settled in, so if your not into dogs... too bad. The one sleeping in my pics used to be mine, but he is 3000 miles away in Norway ;(


I don't like this paragraph... It reads like a diary entry of a little kid. Instead say that you love animals and that dogs are your favourite animal. You can't wait to get one and that if someone else has one, you'd love going to the dog park.



My future:
Work hard, find the right one for me, fall in love, get married, have a few rug rats, buy a house and live well for the rest of my life with the woman of my dreams...

I know, I know... sounds little dreamy? Well, it's my perfect plan ;) But this is life and not perfect in any way, plans don't always work out so only thing you can do is try.


It's great that you want that. But I'd save it for private messages. Everyone wants to find "the one"... Take it out of the profile, it might scare some women off, simply because it makes you seem like you're looking to commit right off the bat.



This is you:
Someone who can capture my attention, that can laugh of them self and me, enjoys the small things in life, someone loyal with enough independence to know what they want and how to get it. It would be awesome find someone I can spoil with my affection, that will spoil me in return. I like a woman with a bone in her nose, that's not afraid of life's ups and downs.



This is good. A lot of people forget about the qualities they want in a partner. I don't however get the "bone in her nose" comment... Hmmm.



Your future:
(Fill in the blanks)


Please. Take. This. Out.



If you read this far, woohoo! Congrats! That means you enjoy reading funny stories about strange creatures called men. I hope you enjoyed it, I'd like some new friends so shoot me a message maybe we can get to know each other!



We know what to do. If we find you interesting we will contact you. We don't need to be told to. So this section can go as well. It's nice to end the profile with the comment about "ups and downs" it has a nice finishing touch.



I've been trying to write the perfect answer here, but the fact is it all depends on the person you are having a first date with. I like have fun, so maybe Dave & Buster, sporting event or a comedy show? You know I love coffee so you know chilling at a coffee shop is A'ok too. Even hanging at some dive bar playing darts or pool can be really fun with the right company. Basically anything that allows both to feel comfortable, with no pressure so the true person comes out.


This is good. This shows you have a sense of humor and that women who went out with you should be prepared to laugh.

Your pictures are good. Though I'm not sure I like your body shot. It's too blurry... I'd work on getting a different full length shot.

I would also get rid of the emoticons. Those little smiley faces really bother me when I'm reading a profile. It dumbs everything down.

Good luck!
 PinkSalmon
Joined: 11/26/2006
Msg: 8
You want it? I got it... PROFILE REVIEWS!
Posted: 3/5/2007 4:17:54 PM
Sorry, my quotes thing seems to be messing up, I've tried to fix it 3 times.

Sorry!
 PinkSalmon
Joined: 11/26/2006
Msg: 9
You want it? I got it... PROFILE REVIEWS!
Posted: 3/5/2007 4:25:31 PM
WRY_GUY Here ya go, hot off the grill.


I loathe wasting time with music, writing, reading great books, arts and culture of all kinds, food & cooking, and spending an evening having far-reaching conversations with engaging people. Who would want to do that?

And travel? Utterly appalling. Sometimes it's about going on treks where you have to lug stuff around on your back. Other times you go places where they bring you these concoctions with stupid little umbrellas and sand gets caught up in them. Ugh! And then, just when you thought something interesting might be about to happen, so much for that trip. That was no fun at all, and now you have to traipse and trudge your way home again. Horrible.

Oh yeah, dancing. Do guys actually do that?!?

So, if anyone out there is thinking that I might be interesting to hang out with, forget it. You must have stumbled upon this by accident.

If you do think you might like to get together, you'll know where to find me. Small group, farthest right table at the Bell Curve Café.


I don't even know what to make of this. The fact that you were so negative, even if it was a joke, completely turned me off of reading the rest of your profile.



Update: 25 Feb 2007. Hello out there! I haven't been on PoF very long, and I've been enjoying myself immensely. Made some new connections and so on, so I'll be sticking around. I'm taking myself off the market. Met someone special and we're crazy about each other.

So if anyone out there wants to check me out, drop me a line, start a conversation or continue one, be my guest. It doesn't matter if you're female, male, or happen to be something else. If you're young or old. Just as long as we keep it interesting and fun.

Best to all, and

Happy Fishin'


Congrats on meeting someone. In the interest of actually reviewing your profile. I'd take out the second paragraph. If you don't have any mail restrictions then anyone who wants to contact you will do so. Take it out.


"Love is our true destiny. We do not find the meaning of life by ourselves alone - we find it with another"

Thomas Merton

"The architect must become the art worker...the art worker must become an architect...the draughtsman of the future must be an artist...Art is the flower - life is the green leaf. Let every artist strive to make his flower a beautiful thing - something that will convince the world that there may be - there are - things more precious - more beautiful - more lasting than life."

Charles Rennie Mackintosh


"The implications of language are vastly deeper than the words themselves. The nuances with which words are spoken and received, the transcendence imbued in the way things are expressed when written, and the manner in which we express ourselves within different mediums all play beneath the arc of communication, and directly affect the process of our relationships with others and ourselves."

Yours truly


"I wouldn't belong to any club that would have me for a member."

Groucho Marx


Oh Wry, quotes are for your tag line, the beginning or the end of your profile. Unless the quotation is relevant to what you were saying in a certain paragraph.

Profiles are way to sell yourself. Whether you're on the market or not you're selling yourself for friendship or more. I wouldn't pick this profile out of the freebie bin.
 PinkSalmon
Joined: 11/26/2006
Msg: 10
You want it? I got it... PROFILE REVIEWS!
Posted: 3/5/2007 4:42:52 PM
SWEET86 A review for you.

Ok well first, lets talk about the wonders of paragraphs. They are important. They break up the different points in your profile. They are NEEDED.


Well I work all the time trying to pay off student loans from my 2 yrs of college and hoping to start working on my degree soon.


By saying you work all the time, it's the same as saying "I'm super busy, I won't have time to date you... Oh yeah, I'm in debt up to my eyeballs and don't even have my degree yet"... It's not attractive.
Now that doesn't mean that you shouldn't mention that you work, I'd just keep money business out of your profile. And mention work more constructively.


I try and live life to the fullest taking wat it gives me and trying to change it to wat i want lol.


That's nice. How do you live life to the fullest? I assume that "wat" is "what"... I'd make sure that you use the FULL forms of words in profiles. And to steer clear of all and any emoticons and "lol's". Those are the makings of 14year olds in chat rooms. Not adults on a dating site.


i have a sarcastic sense of humor, im easy going, i luv to have fun and always up 4 trying sumthing new, and i always try and do wat i can for my friends and family. i have two nieces and a nephew who mean the world to me and i love spending time with them THEY ARE AWSUM.!!!!!!!i have no kids of my own and not planning on having any rite away i want to be settled in my career first so ne kids i wud have will have a stable home. family is a big part of my life my family has always been there for me when i needed them and they are the BEST.


Again please. use FULL FORMS of words. There is nothing more off putting than the short forms that seem to have taken over.

This section is mighty jumpy. It doesn't flow and appears to have no structure. Something like this might work better.

" I have a sarcastic sense of humor, I'm easy going and fun loving. I'm very generous with my friends and family. Family is very important to me and is a priority in my life. That being said I plan on having a career before starting one of my own. "


i have 6 tats and hope to get a few more. I can be stubborn as hell (so everyone tells me) but no one really sees that side of me until they get to know me, i'm shy when i first meet people but once i get to know a person that goes away and sumtimes you just cant shut me up specially wen the topic is important to me!!!!! ive made mistakes in life but i learn from them and move on. i luv to laugh and have fun spending time with my friends and family doing watever comes to mind i luv music specially eminem, finger 11, hinder, 3 days grace, nickelback, and tim mcgraw and pretty much nething that sounds good and has a good beat. me and my friends always have a blast wen we get 2gether no matter wat we r doing we always have fun specially wen we go sleddin lol its the best!!!!!!


This is far too scattered for me to make my way through it.

Ok this the point in your profile review where I tell you what the structure of a profile is.

FIRST PARAGRAPH: ABOUT YOU. This is what you're personality is. What you makes you different from every other woman on here. What would make men contact you and want to meet you. The more they know about you as a person, the more they can find in common.

SECOND PARAGRAPH: YOUR INTERESTS/PRIORITIES. If family is important to you, this is where you'd talk about it. If you have something you love to do, this is also where you'd talk about it. Tells us why you love it and so forth.

THIRD PARAGRAPH: WHAT YOU ARE LOOKING FOR IN A PARTNER/RELATIONSHIP. The more they know what you're looking for the better the chances of finding what you're looking for.


not looking for nething to serious rite now but im not looking for a one nite stand just seeing whats out there. im looking for someone who knows wat they want out of life and goes for it. knows how to laugh and doesnt take everything too seriously, and can have fun going out with sum friends or just staying home watchin a good movie. neways if u wanna know more just message me and we can go from there


and seriously i dont know about neone else but i just luv the dancing bannana its so cute lol


Please, Sweet, use full forms. Run your profile through word for spelling and grammer. Capitolize your "I's" and please don't use emoticons.

As for your pictures, you are clearly an attractive gal. But it took me a while to figure out which one was you. I'd make sure you have more pictures of JUST you and less of your friends. You should have one that clearly shows your face, one that clearly shows your body, and a couple action shots. You can have a friend help you with those.

Good luck.
 PinkSalmon
Joined: 11/26/2006
Msg: 11
You want it? I got it... PROFILE REVIEWS!
Posted: 3/5/2007 4:49:06 PM
HONOUR and one for you.

Please let me say ahead of time, that you are simply beautiful. I love your Third Picture. I'd have that one as your main image. It made me smile just seeing your smiling face. It's truly wonderful.

on your second image I'd point out which one you were. I could hassard a guess, but it would be just that. A guess.

Ok and now a Review.


My home is my haven and I enjoy sharing it with others…there is nothing better than throwing some steak, shrimp and mushrooms on the BBQ, tossing a salad, having a few drinks (I will always serve the first one, but after that you are on your own!!) and embracing what life has to offer. But, I am just as likely to be found curled up, enjoying a good movie and quiet conversation.


Great opener!


On a quest to meet some interesting people and do some new things…I have never golfed and would like to learn…Are you game? And now my dirty little secret…I am not much of an outdoors kind of girl…seems like almost every profile I read mentions someone to camp and fish with...my idea of camping is taking my own pillow to the Royal York...but I do know how to bait my own hook, I have cleaned a fish or 2 and am willing to give just about anything a try at least once!


I like that you admit you're not an "outdoors" girl. But why don't you tell us what you love about being an "indoor" girl. What activites just make you happy?


I have many acquaintances, but very few true friends. I have a strong personality but can be won over gently… or I will win you over with a twinkle in my eye, a mischievous smile and a healthy dose of laughter! I get that we all have baggage, but hopefully you can contain yours in a carry-on instead of a steamer trunk!!


I like that you made a joke about baggage. We all have it. There is no denying it. What counts is how much we walk around with.


As cliché as it sounds…”What you see is what you get”. I am well-educated (University Psychology/Sociology) and can talk to almost anyone about almost anything. I have opinions that I don’t mind sharing…I will be respectful of yours as long as I get the same in return!


Works for me.


WOW!!!...that is way too many "I's" in one place...now it is your turn!


All right, all in all, good profile. But you're missing a key element; What are you looking for in a partner/friend? It's always good to mention what you're looking for in someone...

All in all, I enjoyed it.
 PinkSalmon
Joined: 11/26/2006
Msg: 12
You want it? I got it... PROFILE REVIEWS!
Posted: 3/5/2007 4:55:50 PM
All right BILLBUTLER, I'm going to do this again.

...I love finding a woman who enjoys long conversations, as I am clever, witty, charming, and a great listener. My sense of humour is improvisational, situational, and highly original. Along with that, you will find me downright lovable as well.

Please take out the loveable comment. It really is c0cky.

Being a keen observer, I never get bored. When I spot cars parked at expired parking meters, I fish out a quarter, glance around nervously as I am filled with the rush of breaking the law, then slide the quarter in the slot and casually wander away innocently. I like to think of it as my little way of “sticking it to The Man”, but I really do it because I know that women just love “bad boys”. Admit it. And it saves you from yet another parking ticket.

Take out the "And it saves you from yet another parking ticket". The paragraph is more powerful without it.

The EQ tests I score 90% and that is because I am 10% flawed. Ha! I use this 10% to get into all kinds of fun.

Please, this is not needed. Please take this out.

I love gourmet food and fine wines, and I am a masterful chef who can prepare a fine meal (well, you can be the judge of that)...Challenge me! This is not what I do for a living, but a talent I have in which my friends and I benefit.

Bill, why would you ask me review practically the same profile. I already gave you my ideas and suggestions on what to take out...You've only half listened. That means I'm just going to spend this time repeating what was already said. So please go back up to your first review and work from there. If you chose not to make all the changes, then that's your call. If you do make all the changes, then come back. I'll review you again...
 PinkSalmon
Joined: 11/26/2006
Msg: 13
You want it? I got it... PROFILE REVIEWS!
Posted: 3/5/2007 5:01:52 PM
Thank you BillButler. You're quite complimentary aren't you?
 PinkSalmon
Joined: 11/26/2006
Msg: 15
You want it? I got it... PROFILE REVIEWS!
Posted: 3/5/2007 5:07:44 PM
Pices... The review is yours to do with as you like. You're welcome for giving it.

Ahh ok, I actually like that saying, I might have to use it, if you don't mind of course. Though you might want to explain what that means in your profile.
 PinkSalmon
Joined: 11/26/2006
Msg: 16
You want it? I got it... PROFILE REVIEWS!
Posted: 3/5/2007 5:09:05 PM

Please populate the earth.


Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha... I'll try Bill, I'll try.
 Banter-er
Joined: 4/18/2006
Msg: 17
view profile
History
You want it? I got it... PROFILE REVIEWS!
Posted: 3/5/2007 5:11:34 PM

in norwegian it's 'Two birds in one smack!', lol...


OMG - I just LOVE this!! I will start using it immediately... thank you!
 PinkSalmon
Joined: 11/26/2006
Msg: 19
You want it? I got it... PROFILE REVIEWS!
Posted: 3/5/2007 5:26:38 PM
Wow a Gemini and a Pices all at the same time.

Well GEMINI_GUY this one is for you.

All right, well I better start at the top.

I don't like your tagline. It seems arrogant and that's not the right first impression that you want to be giving off. Taglines are supposed to be eye catching. You should avoid words like looking/searching/fishing/need... And go for something that says something about you. If you can't think of something on your own turn to your favourite movie/book/song/poem whatever. If a lady knows what you're talking about then it's a great conversation starter.

Your pictures are... boring. In the one where there are two of you I can't tell which one is you and that's not good. And fraknly the one of just you, I'm afraid does nothing for you. When it comes to pictures what you want is: One CLEARLY showing your face in a close up. One CLEARLY showing off the type of body you have, and then a couple action shots.

Now for the body of your profile.

Somethings about me:
I don't mind a good debate and I am not affraid to admit when I am wrong. I have been to Radio College and have worked in radio. I am a bit of a movie collecter, I have an ever expanding selection and close to 100 DvDs. I also love music of pretty much every type.


All right, you "don't mind a good debate"... If that's the case what are some of the topics you "don't mind" debating about? Politics. Religion. Gay Rights? What turns your debate crank?

I am working on starting my own business.

That is not a thought that stands alone. What kinds of business. Is it what you've always wanted to do? Why did you chose that route, why didn't you just work for someone else (and if you say you're not good with authority, then I suggest you go back to high school).

Fav Colors: Red, Silver, Black (ok, only one is a color the other two are "shades")
Fav Food: Mashed Potatos, Poutine (I should be eating more salad)
Fav Time of the day: I am a night person. Much rather be up all night than be up all day. It is much more relaxing and quiet, I feel like I get more done.
I can kind of cook, if it has instructions I am a great cook.


I don't like the structure of a list in a profile. The way you talk about yourself on your profile shows someone the caliber of messages that they would get from you. I'd try to make this section a little more natural.

I am working with a Hypnotist and I also DJ as well in various places. I was the house DJ at the Diesel until their lease was bought out and they closed. (pix are of some of the staff and me, only recent ones I have, great people.)

Wow a Hypnotist. As a job or for yourself? I think a little more explaination is needed here.

I try to be a thoughtful person, like anyone I am not perfect. I think life should be enjoyed and not just lived. Every new experiance has something to teach me. I try to be fair and I refuse to lie for any reason. Sometimes my honesty gets me into trouble. I am dedicated to those things I value in my life, and I dedicate myself to those people who have a place in my life. I have a lot to give to one special person or to many new good friends. I should not be taken seriously at all times, only during times when it is needed; just like life.

Why does your honesty get you into trouble? Are you blunt? Brutally honest? Why would it get you into trouble?
You say you are dedicated to those thing you value in life. Well what are they?
This sentance " I should not be taken seriously at all times, only during times when it is needed; just like life." Makes no sence. So far you haven't come across as a guy who is particularily "unserious" or goofy. This just comes out of left field and not in a good way.

I have been told I should say what I am looking for. Simply friends, what kind of friend is all dependant on how well we connect and how far we are comfortable taking it.

This sounds like you're looking for friends with benifits. I wouldn't contact you just based on this sentace alone. I'm sure there is a better way you could word this. Also what people mean when they say that you should say what you're looking for. They mean you should say what you're looking for in a person/friend/FWB/whatever.

If you would like my MSN just ask, it's free for anyone to use to message me.

I hate when people tell me to message them. I know to do that if I''m interested. So does every other woman. Please take it out.

Good Luck.
 PinkSalmon
Joined: 11/26/2006
Msg: 20
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Posted: 3/5/2007 5:37:24 PM
KEGCLK! Catch!

Again, please lets talk about the wonders of a paragraph. Dividing your thoughts on your profile in paragraphs not only makes my job easier but it makes it easier to read and understand.

Ok.

You don't have to live forever, you just have to live!

Good opener. Paragraph.

I am someone that cares about others. I love my family and friends, they are the most important part of who I am.

Ok, do you have a big family? If they are the most important part of you, then surely they deserve more than a sentance.

I am shy and quiet at first, with a gruff exterior,But once you get to know me, you'll realize that I am not what I seem.Some actually say i never shut up...

Ok, but what helps to get you to open up to someone. What do you just love to talk about?

I like hanging out at home with a good book or a cool movie or going out to listen to a band.I like the outdoors.Camping and fishing are up there during the summer.

What kind of books do you enjoy reading, what kind of movies do you enjoy watching, what kind of bands do you love listening to, do you prefer larger concerts or the smaller venue?

One of my favourite things to do is cook and i am pretty good at the bbq.

What's your speciality? Why do you love to cook? Where did you learn?

I have direction and know what I want and where I am going. I believe that honesty is the key ingredient in any relationship, whether it is with a friends, family or a partner. I Love Life and all its wonders.

Ok, so where are you going? What do you want out of life?

Let me say this again, a profile is THE way you're selling yourself. The more we know about you the more we can relate to.

Tell us what you're looking for in a woman. The more we know the better for you. Then the only people who will be contacting you are the ones who believe they fit your bill.

You have a good rang of pictures but your first date could use some work.

The first date section tells us what kind of experience to look forward to. So please put some work into it.

Good luck.
 PinkSalmon
Joined: 11/26/2006
Msg: 21
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Posted: 3/5/2007 7:31:47 PM
HOPE4FOREVER...

Ok, first of all your tag line is common. EVERYONE is looking for a forever kind of love. WE ALL HOPE FOR THAT. Tag lines should be eye catching. If you can't think of something on your own use something from you favourite movie/book/poem/song anything. If a lady gets what you're talking about then it's a great conversation starter. In your tag line you should avoid using words like searching/looking/need/want...

Your pictures are pretty good. You've got that clear body shot that so many people avoid putting up. You've also got the "close up" showing someone your face and the action shots. Your action shots could be closer, some someone could actually see which one was you, but as far as your range of pictures, they are fairly good.

You've got a couple good interests listed, butyou should strive to have around 10 listed. The more actual interests you have listed the more hits your profile will get when a lady does a specific search. Remember to separate interests with a comma.

Ok and now onto the main portion of your profile.

Father of three boys. Looking to find someone who enjoys life and wants to grow old with someone fun. I've been teaching 12 years now and love being in the classroom. Can't have any more children, but would welcome someone's own children. If you're interested in my profile, let me know. If you have any questions, ask. If you're self-centered and selfish, please move on to the next guy. Non-smokers welcome!

You're right, you don't have a lot in there. Obviously you could use help.

There really isn't much to critique in your profile HOPE, but I'll find a way.

It's good to mention that you have kids in your profile, so I'm cool with that. It's good to know what you're getting into when you send that first message.

I'd leave the whole "growing old" section out of your profile, it might scare some women off because it makes it seem like you're looking for a wife right off the bat.

You say you've been teaching for 12 years? What grades? Why do you love being in the classroom? Do kids really say the darndest things?

If we are interested in your profile you will know. Because we know what to do. Message you. Also take out the part about having any questions. Of course we will have questions. Your profile is short and tells us almost nothing about you.

I'd take out the part in your profile where you say "non-smokers welcome" It's redundant since you've made it that smokers can't contact you.

I'd take out the part about being self centered and selfish.... In profiles you have to focus on the POSITIVE. Instead of telling us what you're not looking for, try telling us what you are looking for.

A profile has three key elements to it. And any good/great profile that you read will have those things in it.

*A section describing you. How are you different from every other guy out here, what do you offer that others can't claim? The more we know about you the more we can relate to you.
*A section talking about how you like to spend your time and why you like to spend your time doing those things. Again the more we know about you the better.
*A section talking about what you're looking for in your partner. The more we know about that the better. We don't like wasting our time, and I'm sure you don't like wasting yours.

The first date section is just as important as the main body of your profile. It's in this section that a woman can garner what kind of date she'd go on with you and what to expect.

Good luck!
 23bcgal
Joined: 2/26/2007
Msg: 22
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Posted: 3/5/2007 7:38:49 PM
you u please take the time to review my profile thank you
 PinkSalmon
Joined: 11/26/2006
Msg: 23
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Posted: 3/5/2007 7:53:10 PM
PATRICIA694972 This one is for you.

Ok, to start with, taglines should be eye catching. If you can't think of something eye catching on your own, find something by looking for your favourite quote from a book/movie/poem anything. It's a great conversation starter.

All right. All your pictures look like they were taken in the early 90's. Except for number 2. But you can't even see your face clearly in that one.
The ideal profile pictures are... ONE clearly showing your face. ONE clearly showing you HEAD to TOE. And then some action shots. I'd take out the one of the fairy. We are not here to date her. So it's pointless to have her up. Also please take down the picture of your sister. Unless your tag teaming the profile, she's not here to find a date.

Now onto the main section of your profile.

hi i am looking for friends male or female to chat too, and i am also looking for someone to date just male, i have been told i am very attractive, very young outlook on life, dry sense of humour, love to laugh and have fun, feel free to contact me,my interests are, meeting people, reading, films,good food, wine, some sports,theatre, nature, travelling,and much more, i love to be indoors with a nice meal, a good dvd,and few glasses of wine,i don`t like disco`s, and not because im old fashioned, but they just have`nt got any interest to me these days, say no more.oh if you find yourself on my favourite list its because i have something to say to you, or you remind me of someone or something, so if i don`t get back to you, i have forgot why i put you there, lol.ps or i might just like how you look. pps the one with the glasses on is my sister, be honest who`s the best looking lol

Again a lot can be said for paragrapghs. They make my job easier and they make the profile easier to read. I would also run your profile through a spell/grammer checking program. To make sure it's up to par. Remember all I's should be capitol I's. And that periods are a wonderful thing.


Lets do this section by section which is a little difficult as it all appears to be one sentance.

hi i am looking for friends male or female to chat too, and i am also looking for someone to date just male, i have been told i am very attractive, very young outlook on life, dry sense of humour, love to laugh and have fun, feel free to contact me,my interests are, meeting people, reading, films,good food, wine, some sports,theatre, nature, travelling,and much more,

Ok, here's the first thing I would change. You are either looking for talk/e-mail or you're looking for dating. Pick one and only one. If you want to get to know someone through messaging before meeting them, then just say that. But if someone reads that you are looking for "chat" then someone who would want to meet you won't contact you. Simply because they don't want to be relegated to your inbox forever.

You've been told you're attractive? Don't you find yourself to be so? What makes you attractive?
What makes your outlook on life a young one? (This could give off the wrong impression... That you're here for games and nothing serious).

I wouldn't list your interests again in your "about me" section but rather pick one to talk about. Why you love it and so forth.

And take out the "feel free to contact me" that's thrown into the middle there. It's not needed.

i love to be indoors with a nice meal, a good dvd,and few glasses of wine,i don`t like disco`s, and not because im old fashioned, but they just have`nt got any interest to me these days, say no more.

You say you like nice meals. Do you cook or are you better at ordering in food? What constitutes a nice meal? What kind of movies do you like?

oh if you find yourself on my favourite list its because i have something to say to you, or you remind me of someone or something, so if i don`t get back to you, i have forgot why i put you there, lol.ps or i might just like how you look. pps the one with the glasses on is my sister, be honest who`s the best looking lol

People know why people add them to favourites lists. It's because they either a) found us attractive b) found us interesting c) wanted to have sex with us d) all of the above. Take it out.

All right. A profile has three key elements to it. And any good/great profile that you read will have these 3 things in it.

*A section describing you. How are you different from every other girl out here, what do you offer that others can't claim? The more they know about you the more they (men) can relate to you.
*A section talking about how you like to spend your time and why you like to spend your time doing those things. Again the more they know about you the better.
*A section talking about what you're looking for in your partner. The more we know about that the better. Men don't like wasting their time, and I'm sure you don't like wasting yours.

The first date section is just as important as the main body of your profile. It's in this section that a man can garner what kind of date he'd go on with you and what to expect.

Good luck.
 PinkSalmon
Joined: 11/26/2006
Msg: 24
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Posted: 3/5/2007 7:59:48 PM
COMATOSO

Great tagline. Good Pictures. You could do with one showing off your whole body but what you have, is fine. You've got a good set of interests, so nothing to recommend there.

On to the main section of your profile. ( which has paragraphs! THANK YOU!)

Hi, thanks for reading my profile. While I have made a lot of friends here, I am hoping to meet that "special someone". I value my friendships and am loyal in return. I am creative and have a great sense of humor. I love going to the beach, but not always when everyone else is. Weather that is a bit stormy is as welcome as a beautiful day, now and then.

Great opening paragraph. Nothing to say about that one.

I'm a painter, and photographer. My work is mostly documentary, about my perception of sound and light. I've exhibited my work across the country. I write stories, a combination of drama and comedy. I have two adorable kids who live at home, but they spend time with their dad on regular visits or special events.

Again good. telling people what you do, and your living situation. Good, good, good.

I am deaf, and wear hearing aids. Basically, they amplify some sounds, not much more. I have no problems with deafness; there's a lot to be said for getting a good night's sleep! But before you start thinking of the great advantages you could have here, such as sneaking an extra cookie or blurting out your ex's name, you will find that I have a very sharp eye and am an expert lipreader. OK, maybe not in the dark, so you might have that advantage! Whispering sweet nothings to me are really.... nothing. And lest I "talk", or sign in my sleep, you could wake up with a black eye or bruised arms from fending off my "conversations". If you get that far....

Again, enjoyed this section as well...

Update: I just changed my user name to comatoso from writer59.

Over all good profile. I enjoyed it and had nothing to critique! Though you could do with a section detailing what you're looking for in a partner. It's always nice to know ahead of time whether or not you'll fit in that persons life.

Good luck.
 PinkSalmon
Joined: 11/26/2006
Msg: 25
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Posted: 3/5/2007 8:13:00 PM
23BCGAL your review.

Taglines should be eye catching... Avoid words like prince charming/love/need/looking and so forth. If you can't think of anything on your own, use a quote from your favourite movie/book/song whatever. It's a great conversation starter.

Your pictures are ok, but they are not ideal. You want at least a close up (wish you have) and one that shows off your body type.

Your Interests should be separated with a comma and you should strive to have around 10 listed. The more interests you have the more hits your profile will get when a man does a search.

Now to the main section of your profile.

I am a 24 year old female who is down to earth kind hearted but I love to have fun laugh i am looking for sombody who I can share good times with .Sombody who knows what they want outa life I love the outdoors and camping.drop me a line and say hello.

First of all, we already know your 24 and female before we reach this section. Take it out you're repeating information already stated.

You say you're down to earth, how are you down to earth? How are you kind hearted? What kind of good times are you looking to share? What do you love about camping? What are you looking for out of your partner?

Ok, you need a total re-write. Here is what a profile should have in it.

All right. A profile has three key elements to it. And any good/great profile that you read will have these 3 things in it.

*A section describing you. How are you different from every other girl out here, what do you offer that others can't claim? The more they know about you the more they (men) can relate to you.
*A section talking about how you like to spend your time and why you like to spend your time doing those things. Again the more they know about you the better.
*A section talking about what you're looking for in your partner. The more we know about that the better. Men don't like wasting their time, and I'm sure you don't like wasting yours.

The first date section is just as important as the main body of your profile. It's in this section that a man can garner what kind of date he'd go on with you and what to expect.

Good luck.
 PinkSalmon
Joined: 11/26/2006
Msg: 26
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Posted: 3/5/2007 8:21:03 PM
GABOY8119 Here ya go.

Taglines are supposed to be eye catching. You should avoid words like looking/searching/fishing/need... And go for something that says something about you. If you can't think of something on your own turn to your favourite movie/book/song/poem whatever. If a lady knows what you're talking about then it's a great conversation starter.

Oh what to say about your pictures... Please take down the pictures of your kids. I find it creepy when people have posted pictures of their kids alone. It's ok if it's you and your kids goofing around but if it's just the kids, then something seems off. Please take them down. Oh and I'm not here to date your truck. Pleasue just put up pictures of yourself.

You have an all right amount of interests listed.. Though hanging out haveing fun... it should be Hanging out HAVING fun...

On to your "about me".

hey how's it goin? anyway i am just a country boy,and a single father of 2 wonderful kids that has a good heart and with love to give. i love to spend time and play with my kids and love the outdoors,fishing,camping,nascar, i love to bowl shoot pool,play poker and just looking for someone to spend time with,someone who shares the same interests i do.

Ok, first of all, don't relist ALL of your interests again in your about me section. We already know what they are.
All right, so you're looking for someone to spend time with, and the only requirement is that she shares the same interests as you? Nothing else matters?

I'm going to say it again... A profile has three key elements to it. And any good/great profile that you read will have those things in it.

*A section describing you. How are you different from every other guy out here, what do you offer that others can't claim? The more we know about you the more we can relate to you.
*A section talking about how you like to spend your time and why you like to spend your time doing those things. Again the more we know about you the better.
*A section talking about what you're looking for in your partner. The more we know about that the better. We don't like wasting our time, and I'm sure you don't like wasting yours.

The first date section is just as important as the main body of your profile. It's in this section that a woman can garner what kind of date she'd go on with you and what to expect.

Good luck!
 PinkSalmon
Joined: 11/26/2006
Msg: 27
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Posted: 3/5/2007 8:35:03 PM
Well at least you caught it eventually Bill, that's what counts.

There was nothing sarcastic about my comment on Comatoso's interests. I normally recommend around 10. She did well.

You're a little nuts aren't you Bill Butler... I just offer a reviewing service.
 PinkSalmon
Joined: 11/26/2006
Msg: 28
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Posted: 3/5/2007 8:35:39 PM
Best yet? What do you mean WRY guy?
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