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Show ALL Forums  > Ohio  > Background checks for dating do you mind people looking into your lif      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Mr Italy
Joined: 6/18/2006
Msg: 1
Background checks for dating do you mind people looking into your life?Page 1 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
After reading an article on background checks ...... I was thinking about an what if your date looked in to your background.

Anymore your life is an open book and personally I don't like it. I don't have anything to hide but my money matters are my private matters no one elses.

Now I can understand a lady looking to see if his/her date has a criminal record or not..... that I can understand but anything else I feel like that she or he is stepping over the line.

I don't have any stories from my dating experiences but I am sure that some people do have some. Let's hear some stories and your opinons on the topic.

Mr. I
 Neysha61
Joined: 7/31/2006
Msg: 2
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History
Background checks for dating do you mind people looking into your life?
Posted: 3/21/2007 7:17:13 AM
I have been fingerprinted, physicals, had psych profiles, credit checks, drivers license ran etc. more than your notorious serial killer.
All part of my job. I do not feel violated at all.
I just wish they would all start SHARING what they found out so I can stop the repetitive paperwork.
And if a prospective date wants to know anything, he can log onto this site, talk to the people I have met in person and get the he said she said straight dope on me.
 Jackie1954
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 3
Background checks for dating do you mind people looking into your life?
Posted: 3/21/2007 8:10:27 AM
I'll answer anything someone wants to know if I think it's within reason and could be a legitimate concern. If they want to do a criminal background check... I'm squeaky clean. Anything beyond that is an invasion of privacy.

If I felt uncomfortable with something anyone was telling me (such as contradicting themselves) or things just didn't feel right... I would terminate any further contact. If I can't trust someone (for ANY reason), then they aren't someone I should want to be with.

There are so many reasons for someone to have a bad credit report... especially divorce! Sometimes what one partner has done to/with the couples finances can be a contributing factor to a divorce. Sometimes one of the partners has intentionally run the financial status into bankruptcy when preparing to file for divorce (or when they believe their partner is getting ready to file) because it reduces their chances of paying spousal support (or greatly reduces the amount they will pay), it can affect the calculation for child support, property settlement, etc.

The problem is that it doesn't just affect the credit of the person doing the damage. Ohio is a community property state and when you are married... one partner being fiscally irresponsible affects BOTH partners. I know because I've been a victim of this and wasn't made aware of it until it was way too late.

The lesson I learned is that no one will ever again be in a position to damage me in that way and I don't put much faith in "credit checks". There are too many contributing factors that makes them really unreliable.

Since I am not interested in getting married again, I don't care about anyones financial status because it doesn't effect me. And if they are that concerned about mine... then their interest in me if for the wrong reasons and they aren't someone that will hold my interest for long.

I support myself just fine and don't need anyone's help in that area. As long as they can (and DO) support themselves, that's all I need to know. That would be apparent without checking into their financial background.
 sleprok
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 4
Background checks for dating do you mind people looking into your life?
Posted: 3/21/2007 1:08:37 PM
Well as far as back ground checks go. You want to know so bad ask.Cross the line then I will get you!
Don't Crowd My Cloud .......I Won't Crowd Yours!!!!!!!!!!!
There are Freedoms here in this country
Don't ABUSE Them
 Mr Italy
Joined: 6/18/2006
Msg: 5
Background checks for dating do you mind people looking into your life?
Posted: 3/21/2007 2:11:32 PM
Hey nikki what did your dad look up for you.......was it financial or or a criminal background check?


Mr. I
 nice41
Joined: 1/3/2005
Msg: 6
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History
Background checks for dating do you mind people looking into your life?
Posted: 3/21/2007 9:04:19 PM
I had this happen to me once was very freaky on the first real date a lady started telling me my whole life history. And part of my ex wifes also. she knew finacial delaings etc. property ownership although she was off a little on that though. The longer the dinner went the freakier it got put me in a very uncomfortable situation. This person used resources at there work to find things out about me that if asked i would have told and told truthfully as i believe honesty is a big factor in a relationship. I dont know if i would have told all that she had found out on first date but this crossed the line big time in my book. I talked to her boss and they apoligized and adressed the situation with her i am sure her computer use at work is being watched more closely now.
 Jackie1954
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 7
Background checks for dating do you mind people looking into your life?
Posted: 3/22/2007 6:58:02 AM

Most people don't judge you by the honesty they judge by the dis-honesty.

That is SOOO true!
 harleycwgrl74
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 8
Background checks for dating do you mind people looking into your life?
Posted: 3/22/2007 1:37:56 PM
I don’t want to bore you with extensive details on my horror stories, of which I have many. I want to inform you of a few situations to make you aware it can and does happen… Please be careful not careless when it comes to meeting someone!
I have been online dating on and off for a little over 2 years and have come across these situations which have now forced me into doing a criminal background check before I meet someone in a public place.

1. One guy did research on me and became a “stalker” after I turned him down for further dates.

2. After several weeks of contact via the internet and phone I discovered another individual was under house arrest awaiting trial for 5 counts of rape and kidnapping.

3. After a criminal check came back clear on another individual, a friendship developed only to find out later he was an addict with a drug and theft problem.

4. This guy I met through friends, which made me feel more comfortable and not have the need to do a background check until it seemed something was being kept from me. I discovered he was recently release from 14 years of prison for raping an 8 year old girl.


I can not stress enough to be careful out there…If you would like the details on these situations or any others I have send me an email, I will be glad to share
Good Luck out there!
 lovechild77
Joined: 3/17/2007
Msg: 9
Background checks for dating do you mind people looking into your life?
Posted: 3/22/2007 2:08:59 PM
As far as a criminal history background check,... I can understand that, but anything else is best for them to tell you, otherwise it would be breakin your privacy, when timing is right, then you'd find everything out...
 Mr Italy
Joined: 6/18/2006
Msg: 10
Background checks for dating do you mind people looking into your life?
Posted: 3/22/2007 9:33:35 PM
Crimson

that is why anymore I pay in cash......no money trail for anyone to look up. with credit cards it leaves a money trail.

I am one who never used my cards for purchses ..... big or small..... if i have the cash.... i can purchase it if i don't have the cash... well i can live with out it for a day.
point being.... the more you use cash...... the less they know about you if someone gets a credit check with out your knowledge.

as for the person who said they do credit checks any of their dates...... if I found out you did one on me with out my approval...... your history. you'll be left at the table with no ride and stuck with the check. I


I don't consider myself rude..... but you did a rude thing to me by doing that check so you get rudeness in return

It's now of your damn business how much I have. You will be privy to that info if you become my wife.


Mr. i
 Mr Italy
Joined: 6/18/2006
Msg: 11
Background checks for dating do you mind people looking into your life?
Posted: 3/24/2007 11:19:30 AM
Ohio Lady

Thanks for the link to the bill I will check it out (no pun intended LOL)


Mr. I
 racefan1
Joined: 6/14/2006
Msg: 12
Background checks for dating do you mind people looking into your life?
Posted: 3/24/2007 8:25:42 PM
i don't need nor want to know his financial affairs, keeping up with my own is enough work.
anything obscure in his past i'd hope he'd mention on a need to know basis, what he doesn't tell me, i probably shouldn't know.
as for a background check on me? i'll tell you antrhing you want to know, i have copies of my adoption homestudies and you're welcome to 21 pages of very boring reading. fingerprints available on request, did you want IBC, FBI or both.
IF there is that much suspicion, how can there be a relationship?
 Mr Italy
Joined: 6/18/2006
Msg: 13
Background checks for dating do you mind people looking into your life?
Posted: 3/24/2007 10:26:53 PM
Hey Nice41

Do you have any updates when it comes to your story?
 Mr Italy
Joined: 6/18/2006
Msg: 14
Background checks for dating do you mind people looking into your life?
Posted: 3/26/2007 12:00:46 AM
Interesting Story fut ...................................................................



Mr. I
 Jackie1954
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 15
Background checks for dating do you mind people looking into your life?
Posted: 3/26/2007 4:44:16 AM

If your judgement is that biased or poor that you have to resort to outside checks, should you really be dating?? I mean i you can't trust your judgement or getting to know someone by e-mail as to tell you to go further or not, are you really emotionally available enough for someone to consider dating you?

Someone else's background has nothing to do with how emotionally available you are.

You really can't get to know someone by email or chatting- they tell you only what they want you to know (true or not). Most con's are very charming and convincing... they depend on that. It's the face to face where you are able to read them and get that "feeling" that things just aren't as they should be. Some people choose to do a background check, and some say it just isn't worth it and walk away. I always trust my instincts.

I would never get upset if someone did a criminal background check on me. You can't even apply for a job without that being done! I don't care how long you have chatted online or even by phone... you are still complete strangers and you really should be careful about who you are bringing into your home or around your children if it gets to that point. And way too many people start out with that or advance to that very quickly (crazy isn't it?)!! But anything beyond that is an invasion of privacy.
 Jackie1954
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 16
Background checks for dating do you mind people looking into your life?
Posted: 3/26/2007 9:27:38 AM
gcatsailor- I won't bother with the pre-nup... "marriage" is something that I won't do again! I'll never let someone be in the position again to destroy me financially. Emotions heal, finances take a looong time to rebuild when you have to totally start over- like you say: pre-nups can be successfully challenged. Live together-- maybe, and that's a big "maybe".

I am amazed at the number of men that get REALLY upset when they realize that I am serious when I say I won't get married again! I thought that was every mans dream... knowing that a woman will never bring up the "M" word!!
 Mr Italy
Joined: 6/18/2006
Msg: 17
Background checks for dating do you mind people looking into your life?
Posted: 3/26/2007 3:12:30 PM
never say never jackie it will come back to bite you on the butt

Mr. I
 Singlemale1962
Joined: 9/21/2006
Msg: 18
Background checks for dating do you mind people looking into your life?
Posted: 3/26/2007 3:27:29 PM
I wish I had a woman washing my backside in a shower. Opps I mean I dont have anything to hide from a woman checking out my backside. Opps again I mean I dont mind a woman doing a background check on me.

She can even do a frontal check as well.
 Jackie1954
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 19
Background checks for dating do you mind people looking into your life?
Posted: 3/26/2007 3:45:36 PM
Singlemale- Funny guy! But, I feel the same way! Background check- I am so clean I squeak (no matter how many years they want to go back). Credit check- I have an ex that did a real number on me. I trusted him (he's a very respected CPA state wide), and it was a mistake. Checking out my "front-side" or "back-side".... I've never had any complaints!!

Mr I- See included post... I'm one of those people that "no" means "no" and "never" means "never". But, I'm also one of those people that "committed" means "committed". I don't need a "license" to be faithful and I don't have to have sex (although that area would be extremely nice ) to be faithful.... I will leave before I even consider looking somewhere else for any kind of relationship other than friendship. It would just be really nice to find a man with the same attitude and ethics. Not saying that a man like that isn't out there- I just haven't been involved with one... and I am a very upfront, honest, no games kind of woman!

What's a woman to do????
 Jackie1954
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 20
Background checks for dating do you mind people looking into your life?
Posted: 3/26/2007 3:58:11 PM
Doug-

As for phone, you can do reverse checks on land lines or home phones, but not on cell phones

Actually... you can! For about $25 dollars and you have to wait a few days. I'm not meeting someone that I can't verify that they are who they say they are (and that they aren't covering up that they are married).

And... if I've given someone a phone number to call me, I don't answer calls that have the number blocked. If they really want to talk to me, they will have to unblock it.
 harleycwgrl74
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 21
Background checks for dating do you mind people looking into your life?
Posted: 3/27/2007 11:30:46 AM
See now this just proves my point, I recently started to speak with a man on this site...got his info and looked him up...has more then a dozen domestic violence cases against him (with jail time)...this is not someone I want to spend time getting to know
 Sicanius
Joined: 3/10/2007
Msg: 22
Background checks for dating do you mind people looking into your life?
Posted: 3/27/2007 12:04:46 PM
Would you be offended if someone you were dating tapped your phone ?
Hacked your computer ? Riffled your medicine chest ? Rummaged through your purse? How ‘bout called your ex-spouse for juicy details of your early sex life ? Paid for a copy of your divorce decree ? Examined county records for your last Real Estate transaction ?

Jeeeesh .... isn’t it great what we can do to each other ? I still prefer the Old Fashioned methods for getting to know someone....you know , hypnosis and a hefty dose of Sodium Pentothal.
 Jackie1954
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 23
Background checks for dating do you mind people looking into your life?
Posted: 3/27/2007 2:59:32 PM
Sicanius- Everyone of those all by themselves would be enough for me to say "bye bye"!
 Thalestris
Joined: 5/9/2008
Msg: 24
Background checks for dating do you mind people looking into your life?
Posted: 9/21/2008 9:45:57 AM
Saw your post on criminal background checks. I am curious about how you were able to do them. Did you hire a security firm to do it? Or is there a site online that provides accurate background checks. Please advise. I would appreciate this information immensely!

Write me at rubygirlohio@yahoo.com

Thanks so much!

I am so sorry you had to endure all that creepy stuff! It gave me chills just reading about it!

Thalestris
 Wavfact
Joined: 4/6/2007
Msg: 25
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Background checks for dating do you mind people looking into your life?
Posted: 9/24/2008 4:59:32 AM
Seems to me if you feel the need to investigate your bf, your shouldn't be with him in the first place! Imagine having some girl sneeking around town doing credit checks, background checks, driver license checks, etc.. on you!? OMG!! Psycho!!

Every relationship begins on a foundation of trust you know.. If I felt the need to run a background check on someone, its time to move on!
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