Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
Show ALL Forums  > Ask A Guy  > smokers      Home login  
Joined: 8/10/2004
Msg: 3
smokersPage 1 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
A nice looking local gal contacted me. We met - she looked nice in person and just like her pictures.

But I should have known something was up.

She changed the place I had in mind (for dinner) to a place I later found out was within two blocks of where she lived.

She ate rather fast - we went outside.

I forgot what I said but she said “I could never be with a smoker”. I had not smoked around her - and would not have - and it was marked in my profile that I smoked.

1. Why did she even contact me
2. Why did she go to dinner with me
3. Why did she change the dinner place to a place two blocks from where she lived.

I have no doubt we could have been a match - I also have no doubt she would have been a logical reason to me to quit.

She told me I looked just like my pictures and she liked my looks.

We kept talking for a bit thru email but ......... I still have no idea why she took it to where she did when she knew up front I smoked.

Was it just for the free dinner?
Joined: 7/25/2006
Msg: 4
view profile
Posted: 3/29/2007 6:32:23 PM
^^^That's why dinner as a first date is not good. But that's for another topic/thread.

For me, smoking is a deal-breaker. I wouldn't consider dating a smoker no matter how hot the woman is.

Ok, I'd think about it, about 5 minutes at a time. But that's about it.
 Terrible Flirt
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 6
view profile
Posted: 3/29/2007 6:51:12 PM
Having grown up with a smoker in the house and having seen the absolutely devastating effects it has had on his health I would have to say that it would give me pause if I began to grow closer romantically to one. If the proposition was just to have a little fun, no problem. I don't buy the hysteria and politically driven false science surrounding second hand smoke. It's not pleasant but it sure as hell doesn't scare me.

But if the relationship was headed in the direction of long term I would definately have to think about the serious health implications that I have witnessed first hand. It is heartbreaking to see someone you care about suffer, especially when you know how preventable it is.

Smoking, though I think it is unwise, is not immoral and it doesn't make you a bad person in any way. It makes you a person with a bad habit and, hell, I have a few myself so I don't judge people for that.

If you want motivation to quit consider...
-how expensive the things are
-a portion of the price of every pack is going to bloated, ambulance chasing trial attorneys
-there are racical nut jobs, disproportionately represented in government it seems, who are willing to scapegoat you and villify you in order to bleed your pocket book and, oftentimes I think, to deflect attention away from their own intellectual punificense
-most importantly though, it will cripple your quality of life at some point and it will take you from your loved ones years sooner than you otherwise might be

P.S. I have fallen in love with a smoker and my greatest regret was that she did not have the same kind of feelings for me...
 Terrible Flirt
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 8
view profile
Posted: 3/29/2007 7:05:03 PM

Hmmmmm. So, would you feel the same way about dating someone who was overweight? Same devistating effects on their health.

Yes, it's very analogous. And if you are pointing a finger at me when you mention this, as I said, I have my struggles in life as do we all. But if you are engaged in the struggle to better yourself, well, you have my best wishes and a measure of respect.
Joined: 8/26/2005
Msg: 15
Posted: 3/29/2007 9:28:21 PM
On a purely selfish note...I might not want to kiss a smoker right after she had a cigarette.
In terms of a LTR...I have to wonder is she might die sooner than me and leave me a widower.
Joined: 8/3/2006
Msg: 16
Posted: 3/29/2007 9:38:51 PM
yuck. Bad habit. Bad enough when you get it in your hair or clothing. Worse is when you kiss someone. Like kissing a human ashtray.
Joined: 3/14/2007
Msg: 17
Posted: 3/29/2007 10:04:12 PM
Thats really crummy. I mean there are people that aren't smokers. ok and? Why lead you on? Sound kinda like a jerk to me.

Duckfan, I'm sorry you had to go through something like that. I wish you luck.
 Audial Liaison
Joined: 1/10/2007
Msg: 24
Posted: 3/30/2007 8:06:24 AM
Well i dont care how attractive a person is that wouldnt matter one bit if she was smoking, i have discarded women in the past for it, and i hope not to be in the situation again.ever again. As a vocalist i cannot be around smoke, and will not tolerate it under any circumstances.
Joined: 12/8/2006
Msg: 25
Posted: 3/30/2007 10:49:07 AM

I expect this man truly liked the woman he saw, so much so that he wanted to convince himself that he could deal with the smoking. I've been attracted to a smoker now and then, and have been tempted to pull the no-smoking sign on my profile down, but I know I can't be around smokers for physical reasons. It would be unfair to attempt any relationship where that would be an issue, and a struggle. Relationships can have enough difficult moments, and I think it's a matter of self-preservation to stick to non-smokers from the very beginning, before there can be any hurt when it becomes a problem.

I have to completely agree with this. As a guy, I can see a woman's profile, and have my heart go pitter patter for her... and then see that she is a smoker, since I didn't notice at first. But, since the heart is all twitter for her... it has been tempting to email, and see if I can get around my aversion to smoking. So far, I have never gone that far. :-)
Joined: 1/20/2007
Msg: 27
view profile
Posted: 3/30/2007 7:17:03 PM
Smoking is my #1 deal breaker on my profile. I have dated smokers and won't do it again. Even if someone quits for you chances are they will end up resenting you at some point for making them give up the habit or changing them. I can be friends with a smoker no problem but in a relationship it's a no go. It bugs me because just being around the smoke makes my eyes burn. Not to mention the smell. I know being unwilling to date a smoker severely limits my dating possibilities... I did a pair of searches on here a while back with the only variable being removing my no smoking requirement.... I got back 3 times as many results. But I figure the smoking would eventually become an issue to me even if it didn't start as a huge one so I am saving both them and me from a lot of heartache and wasted time.

Stampeder #3
Joined: 11/1/2005
Msg: 28
view profile
Posted: 3/31/2007 1:53:38 AM
As I ex smoker, I kinda bugs me all the inane laws thay are pushing, I realize that smoking is harmful to your health and so on, but we got a McD's on every other corner, factorys dumping god knows what into the air, and 10 cars per person and thats all ok. That being said, I really can't see myself having a serious relationship with someone who smokes.
Joined: 3/23/2007
Msg: 32
Posted: 3/31/2007 3:41:24 AM
BE YOURSELF. I can't STAND petty and petulent people who would judge me based soley on the fact that I smoke. So what? is that one thing really going to cancel out every other good thing about me?

Now I live in a city where smoking has practically been outlawed. Not in bars, restaraunts public buildings etc etc. The only way they were able to do it was by villifying smokers. There are many small minded people like Eddie here who think that they know better what should be inside YOUR body. If you find people like that who can't deal then it's probably time to look elsewhere, because if you quit for someone, there's no stopping that flood, soon it'll be "If you loved me, you'd do " Try to find someone who can accept you fort who you are without trying to change it. I advertise that I smoke on my profile, so I can root out all those who would be offended by my smoking.

Don't give up, the right one is out there for you.
Joined: 3/20/2007
Msg: 33
Posted: 3/31/2007 6:12:43 AM
I couldn't have a relationship with a smoker, it wouldn't fit in with my lifestyle
Joined: 8/8/2005
Msg: 37
Posted: 3/31/2007 9:14:38 AM
My opinion,,,,,,,,, you have smoking listed in profile
If it was going to be a problem for him, contact should not have happened in first place.

Being a smoker myself, I look for smokers and dont even attempt contact with non-smokers
Joined: 8/8/2005
Msg: 38
Posted: 3/31/2007 9:25:47 AM
Hot Snowman So being around a fat person will make you fat? Bad analogy. Being around a smoker can mess up your lungs and make you smell like an ash tray.

no, but it can make you stay limp,lol
Joined: 12/4/2005
Msg: 42
Posted: 3/31/2007 10:11:15 AM
there are those who smoke by addiction, those are the one who have no respect for their bodies or others for that matter
then there are those that smoke and do it sexxy
those ones still have an addiction but it adds to their look, and is rather a turn on too
they are few and far between, but when you come across them, it is a big bonus
i could care less if someone smokes or not
but i will say this
when you smoke you send a subliminal message that you dont respect yourself, and hence it does come right back to you
the other thing, is **** do you stink in the morning

everybody comes to the anserman
Joined: 8/8/2005
Msg: 57
Posted: 4/1/2007 7:52:57 AM
Well said snugglesmacks
totally agree

Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 63
Posted: 4/5/2007 9:17:17 AM
I don't smoke myself.
I don't like anything about smoking...I don't like the smell...I don't like coming home from someplace and having smoke in my hair. Smoke drives my contact lenses wild. Ive gone to parties at private homes and come home with my coat smelling like smoke...even though there was no smoking going on. You just can't get that smell out of your etc. and kissing someone who has just had a cigarette...bleck.
I couldn't be with a smoker.
but thats just a personal preference. Im sure Im missing out on a bunch of nice people...but then a lot of people are missing out on me because I don't fit into their criteria.
Its all the nature of the game....and all depends on what you're willing to accept or settle for.
Joined: 2/21/2007
Msg: 71
Posted: 4/6/2007 7:37:45 AM
I find smoking totally repulsive. If I notice that a woman is smoking whom I might otherwise find appealing, that alone decreases the appeal to ZIP. I won't even KISS a woman who smokes.
Joined: 1/17/2007
Msg: 85
view profile
Posted: 4/6/2007 9:13:24 PM
My gosh there's a lot of judging going on in this thread, and a lot of people assuming they know all about the inner workings of this particular smoker based on what they've read or experienced for themselves.

The bond in the brain to nicotine varies for each of us. Some are much more prone to nicotine addiction than others, and while for those prone to addiction there are certain commonalities, there are also quite a lot of differences. Anyone trying to make broad generalizations on the topic is out of line, in my opinion.

I'll stay on topic for a bit, then stray a bit.

The scenario described by the OP does sound like there was more going on than just the smoking issue, or if it was just the smoking issue then despite good initial chemistry it probably would not have worked out well in the long term with someone that quick to leap to judgement.

And to come to the OP's defense, it is quite possible to be a smoker who can and will quit completely for the sake of a relationship and stay quit for the duration of that relationship. I know because I'm just such a smoker.

I never know how to address the smoking issue in my profile. I want to be honest. But at the same time I can promise you that should a potential or actual relationship not work out, it WON'T be because of my smoking. I'd hate for someone otherwise interested in getting to know me better to pass just because I may smoke when they're not around until and if we get more seriously involved, in which case I'll quit.

When I'm unattached I tend to smoke. I'm not proud of it. I understand the health risks. It probably doesn't help that I'm still in a lot better physical condition than a lot of non-smokers I know, many of them a decade or two younger than me. I could try to justify my smoking saying it doesn't affect me like others but I know it is doing me no good. It's just a part of me that I can't seem to get completely in control of UNLESS I have the extra incentive of being with someone I care about who would be happier if I didn't smoke.

When I find myself interested in a non-smoker I go to great lengths to make sure it won't be an issue. I already don't smoke inside anywhere, including my own home. (exceptions being in the home of a smoker or a smoky bar) I was a closet smoker for long enough that I instinctively smoke in a way to keep the smoke from getting on my clothes or in my hair. If I'm going to be on a date with a non-smoker I won't smoke for hours before the date and not at all during, unless she makes it very clear that it honestly is not an issue at all for her.

Once in a relationship with a non-smoker I quit. I've gone years without smoking even one cigarette when in such a relationship, and not even thought about smoking until the relationship was over. Then, I may find myself starting again. I know all you armchair psychologists have a field day accusing somone like me of lack of self-respect or various other failings. I promise you, I love myself and respect myself. I'm secure in my values. I'm an upbeat guy. I just have this one aspect of my personality that poses a challenge for me. I'd be surprised if any of you are totally devoid of an aspect of your own personality that poses a challenge for you, unless you love yourself so much you're sure you're already perfect, in which case I KNOW we wouldn't be a good match.

So how should smokers like me and the OP present ourselves? We all have our non-starter issues, and I respect that. But honestly, the only one related to smoking that should apply to the likes of us would be if you would never consider anyone who ever was a smoker. We may smoke when we're not hurting anyone but ourselves by doing so, but we're not about to let smoking get in the way of a something important developing with someone we care about.

Joined: 1/17/2007
Msg: 89
view profile
Posted: 4/6/2007 11:42:37 PM

I say smoke if you want to since you have a right to, but don’t try to B.S. me into thinking it’s okay to quit for someone else if you choose not to quit for yourself since the cumulative damaging effects of smoking are so extreme. Just keep the justification and false logic to yourself, and don't try to justify it to me (a non-addictive personality).

And I would re-think your notion that you are in better shape than many non-smokers 10 or 20 years younger than you. Heaven forbid you and those folks get autopsied anytime soon, but I bet the pathologists would have most of them, if not all, ahead of you as to overall physical health.

I wasn't trying to say it was OK, I was just trying to say that's the way it is for me, the OP, and I'm sure others. I thought I went to great pains to make clear that I'm not trying to justify smoking. There is no rational defense for smoking. It's a strong attraction for me that I've only been able to surmount so far with that extra nudge of incentive. I don't defend or ask for your approval of that aspect of me, I just ask for understanding that there are people like me and the OP. If there is any false logic it's your assumption that everyone else is or should be like you, Mr. non-addictive personality.

Trust me, if there was one aspect of myself I wish had been different so far in my life, this trait is it. Can you honestly say there is no aspect about yourself that YOU wish were different? We all have our strengths and our weaknesses. I shared a weakness, a major faux pas on a dating site, I know, and for this I get attacked?

My point about being in better shape was that the fact that I can climb the 500 foot hill behind my house faster without breathing hard than non-smokers half my age, or split a cord of hardwood with a hand maul, or kayak 26 miles of class V whitewater in a day COULD allow me the delusion that smoking isn't hurting me if I let it, but I AGREE that I'm doing more damage to myself by smoking than I would by not smoking. Exactly what else do you want me to say?

Judge me however you want for not having sufficient will so far to quit and stay quit just for my own benefit. But do NOT accuse me of B.S. and asserting that something is OK that I don't think is at all OK. It was enough of a challenge for me to post and admit a personal failing in order to support the OP's assertion that she could and would quit for the sake of a relationship after she suffered a number of unwarranted attacks. I don't deserve your unwarranted attack as well.

Joined: 1/17/2007
Msg: 93
view profile
Posted: 4/7/2007 3:26:19 PM
The only actual question the OP asked was this:

Will guys really dismiss a woman he finds very attractive and the chemistry seems right?

Very few people actually made an attempt to respond to the question. Quite a few decided to take the opportunity to offer their perspective on how bad smoking is. We don't know if the occasional smoking the OP lists in her profile refers to a pack a day habit or a cig a month, yet a number of people jumped all over her for saying she'd have quit for the sake of a budding relationship.

All I tried to do was assert that there are people who are quite capable of quitting for the sake of a relationship. I didn't pass judgment pro or con on those people, I didn't try to excuse smoking or justify it. I didn't try to justify my own smoking and indeed was quite up front in NOT justifying it.

Sock puppetteer, I may have over-reacted a bit when you told me to keep my 'false logic' to myself, but I fail to see the false logic in asserting that such people exist, unless you want to insist that they don't. You say you aren't making any attacks, yet you try to tell me what I can and cannot say here and persist in passing judgment on and analyzing the root causes behind the behavior I only tried to demonstrate existed. If you really want to get into the inner psychologicl aspects of when I do or don't do what I do feel free to email me privately and we can hash that out. I didn't ask for nor am I up for amateur analysis of my psyche here in this forum.

I've neither denied nor embraced your assessment. If you want to tell the OP that she asked the wrong question and you've decided what question she really should have asked, I suppose that's up to you. But what you've decided is the issue is not the issue I addressed twice now that you've decided to twist into something different. If you want to devote a thread to self-destructive behavior feel free to start one.

Joined: 4/4/2007
Msg: 110
Posted: 4/9/2007 7:55:59 AM
Yeah ok ..sure, I smoke. I would prefer not to however I won't quit ....I have alittle more respect for the woman than that. How is she suppose to know whether she gave me a good blow job if I didn't light up after spewing my natural goo. I'm not just going to roll my ass over and go to sleep, that's rude. Sometimes I even light up while she is performing oral ... I'll be sitting on the couch watching TV, she has an ashtray in one hand and is holding my beer in the other while busy doing her thing. I do the same for her when her show is on.

If you don't like smoking but like the person, just jam some gum in there mouth
Joined: 4/4/2007
Msg: 112
Posted: 4/9/2007 9:22:17 AM
Selfish?????? My show is only 30 minutes long, her television program is an hour. ...because I use both hands and mouth in her highway to hell, she sticks a plate of munchies on my head while I'm gettin busy doing her.

...doesn't everyone do this?
Joined: 10/26/2006
Msg: 114
view profile
Posted: 4/9/2007 10:41:09 PM
I smoke. Not quite like a chimney, but smoking doesn't bug me.
Show ALL Forums  > Ask A Guy  > smokers