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 that sam i am
Joined: 10/27/2006
Msg: 1
Asexuality: a different kind of orientationPage 1 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
Gays coming out of the closet is soooooo last century. There is a new orientation that's starting to gain more visibility and acceptance; both in the mass media and in the consciousness of the rest of the people be they gay or breeders.

The next on my bizarre series of topics which range from the Art of War, to Corsets, to Crazy People to Questioning Why we are monogamous in the first place

AVEN - Asexual Visibility and Education Network is currently the lighting rod which attracts asexuals from all walks of life eager to validate their sexuality and their outlook towards sex and life.
Their website provides support for those who find this obsession that the breeders have with bumping nasty bits quite amusing and often times puzzling.

An overview from their site:
An asexual is someone who does not experience sexual attraction. Unlike celibacy, which people choose, asexuality is an intrinsic part of who we are. Asexuality does not make our lives any worse or any better, we just face a different set of challenges than most sexual people. There is considerable diversity among the asexual community, each asexual person experiences things like relationships, attraction, and arousal somewhat differently.
(from their Site)
Asexual people have the same emotional needs as anyone else, and like in the sexual community we vary widely in how we fulfill those needs. Some asexual people are happier on their own, others are happiest with a group of close friends. Other asexual people have a desire to form more intimate romantic relationships, and will date and seek long-term partnerships. Asexual people are just as likely to date sexual people as we are to date each other.

Sexual or nonsexual, all relationships are made up of the same basic stuff. Communication, closeness, fun, humor, excitement and trust all happen just as much in sexual relationships as in nonsexual ones. Unlike sexual people, asexual people are given few expectations about the way that our intimate relationships will work. Figuring out how to flirt, to be intimate, or to be monogamous in a nonsexual relationships can be challenging, but free of sexual expectations we can form relationships in ways that are grounded in our individual needs and desires.

Many asexual people experience attraction, but we feel no need to act out that attraction sexually. Instead we feel a desire to get to know someone, to get close to them in whatever way works best for us. Asexual people who experience attraction will often be attracted to a particular gender, and will identify as gay, bi, or straight.

For some sexual arousal is a fairly regular occurrence, though it is not associated with a desire to find a sexual partner or partners. Some will occasionally masturbate, but feel no desire for partnered sexuality. Other asexual people experience little or no arousal. Because we don’t care about sex, asexual people generally do not see a lack of sexual arousal as a problem to be corrected, and focus their energy on enjoying other types of arousal and pleasure.

Take a look at their site and do a little research and join in the topic. Flames and trolling (you know who you are) would not be tolerated on this serious topic.
 that sam i am
Joined: 10/27/2006
Msg: 2
Asexuality: a different kind of orientation
Posted: 4/6/2007 9:17:02 PM
from Wikipedia:
Asexuality is a general term or self-designation for people who do not exhibit sexual attraction, or who otherwise find sexual behavior unappealing. There is debate as to whether this is a sexual dysfunction or a sexual orientation. Furthermore, there is disagreement over the exact definition of the word. The term is sometimes used as a gender identity by those who believe their lack of sexual attraction places them outside the traditional definitions of gender. There has been little research done on asexuality, but those studies that have been conducted suggest that, if it is a sexual orientation, it is among the least common.

There is continuing disagreement over whether asexuality is a legitimate sexual orientation. Some argue that it falls under the heading of hypoactive sexual disorder or sexual aversion disorder. Among those who do not believe it to be an orientation, other suggested causes include past sexual abuse,[1] sexual repression (of homosexuality, heterosexuality, or bisexuality), hormonal problems, delayed development, sublimation of sexuality for personal, religious or cultural reasons, or simply not having met the right person. Some asexuals, however, argue that they do not believe in the "right person myth", because they couldn't get into romantic/sexual affection with anybody for long years back and do not create any image of an ideal lover for themselves.

Many self-identified asexuals, however, do not believe that such diagnoses apply to them. Others assert that because their asexuality does not cause them distress, it should not be viewed as a disorder. Those who believe that asexuality is not pathological sometimes point to the fact that similar things have been said about homosexuality and bisexuality, which are now viewed by most as legitimate orientations. Alongside this is the debate as to whether the term 'asexual' is an accurate term. In biology, the term is used to describe a species that reproduces from a single member, whereas in this context it pertains to an organism not reproducing at all, and that 'anti-sexual' (in the clinical, rather than polemical sense) may be a more accurate description of the behavior (for the ideological outlook, see antisexualism).

Because of this lack of research on the subject, there is little documented evidence in favor of either side of the debate

A study done on rams found that about 2% to 3% of the animals being studied had no apparent interest in mating with either sex. Another study was done on rats and gerbils, in which up to 12% of the males showed no interest in females. Their interactions with other males were not measured, however, so the study is of limited use when it comes to asexuality.[2]

A UK survey of sexuality included a question on sexual attraction, and 1% of respondents replied that they had "never felt sexually attracted to anyone at all."[3] The Kinsey Institute conducted a small survey on the topic, which concluded that "asexuals appear to be better characterized by low sexual desire and sexual excitation than by low levels of sexual behavior or high sexual inhibition".[4] That study also mentions a conflict regarding the definition of "asexual": the researchers found four different definitions in the literature, and stated that it was unclear whether those identifying as asexual were referring to an orientation.

There are differences among people who identify as asexual, chiefly among them the presence or absence of a sex drive or romantic attraction. Some experience only one of these, while others experience both, and still others neither. There is disagreement as to which of these configurations can genuinely be described as asexual. While a number of people believe all four variations qualify, many others believe that to be asexual, one must lack both a sex drive and romantic attraction.

The sex drive of those asexuals who have one is usually not directed at anything, and is only an urge for sexual stimulation or release; one exception is those asexuals who are also fetishists, whose sex drive is focused on the fetish object rather than a person (though many fetishists do not identify themselves as asexual). In either case, the level of sex drive can range from weak to strong, and from rare to frequent. As mentioned above, some identify as asexual yet feel sexual attraction, though some would argue that they are not asexual. Some asexuals may experience sexual feelings, but have an aversion to sex or no desire to act on them, while others seek sexual release through sexual contact.

For those asexuals who experience feelings of romantic attraction, it can be directed towards any sex or sexes. These asexuals generally desire romantic relationships (ranging from casual liaisons to marriage) but often do not want these relationships to include sexual activity. Because of their romantic orientation, some asexuals describe themselves as gay, bi, or straight asexuals; this is related to the concept of affectional orientation.

Those asexuals who do want romantic relationships are in a difficult position, as the majority of people are not asexual. Asexuals able to tolerate sex can pair up with non-asexuals, but even then their lack of attraction or desire can be psychologically distressing to their partner, making a long-term romance difficult. Asexuals who cannot tolerate sex must either compromise with their partners and have a certain amount anyway, give their partners permission to seek sex elsewhere, have sexless relationships with those few who are willing, date only other asexuals, or stay single.

Aromantic is another term for asexuals who don't experience romantic attraction or "typical romantic attraction". While some do find a relationship with another asexual, they may not include things such as kissing or touching. Aromantic asexuals who are in relationships often are unsure of themselves, even if their partner is aromantic as well, because of the mass media showing "normal" relationships. They may feel they don't measure up to their partner's standards, usually due to a past failed relationship or lack of experience. This feeling usually goes away over time. Aromantic asexual couples often look like best friends to most people due to the nature of their relationships, even though something deeper is there. It's the same deep love romantics have, but it's shown in a different way from the norm.

Some asexuals use a classification system developed (and then retired) by the founder, David Jay, of the Asexual Visibility and Education Network , one of the major online asexual communities (abbreviated as AVEN). In this system, asexuals are divided into types A through C: a Type A asexual has a sex drive but no romantic attraction, a Type B has romantic attraction but no sex drive, and a Type C neither. The categories are not meant to be entirely discrete or set in stone; one's type can change, or one can be on the border between two types. Note that AVEN itself no longer uses this system, on the basis that it is too exclusive, but a number of asexuals still feel it is a useful tool for explaining their orientation.

Note that asexuality is not the same as celibacy, which is the deliberate abstention from sexual activity; many asexuals do have sex, and most celibates are not asexual.
Joined: 11/30/2006
Msg: 3
Asexuality: a different kind of orientation
Posted: 4/6/2007 9:22:14 PM
I didn't even know other people thought about this.....

I've known a couple of people who I have thought of as asexual for a very long time. One is a friend of mine. He's a good friend and I've never pressed him about his sexuality because it makes no difference to me and I wouldn't want to make him feel awkward trying to explain it.

Never known him to be with a woman or a man. To me it makes no difference, but I've often thought of him as asexual.

I've worked with another guy who fits the same kinda profile. I also met a woman who was similar.

Veerrrrry interestink that I'm not the only one in the world who's wondered....
 that sam i am
Joined: 10/27/2006
Msg: 4
Asexuality: a different kind of orientation
Posted: 4/6/2007 10:24:25 PM
eusocial species have asexuals such as the worker bees and the ants. Only the Drones and the Queens are sexual. Perhaps asexuality is a small mutation towards the eusocial model found amongst mammals in the form of the naked mole rats. In a Naked Mole Rat colony, only the queen produces offspring and the rest of the females do not mate as long as they live in the colony.
 that sam i am
Joined: 10/27/2006
Msg: 5
Asexuality: a different kind of orientation
Posted: 4/7/2007 12:23:09 AM
Whitestarmama, you did the right thing.
Nothing more annoying than prying people. Some are well meaning some are down right catty and insulting towards people who choose not to date (as in seeing someone seriously).

From CNN:
Study: One in 100 adults asexual
LONDON, England (CNN) -- About one percent of adults have absolutely no interest in sex, according to a new study, and that distinction is becoming one of pride among many asexuals.

The new study was conducted by Anthony Bogaert, a psychologist and human sexuality expert at Brock University in St. Catherines, Ontario.

It was published in the latest issue of The Journal of Sex Research and is the focus of a report in this Saturday's issue of New Scientist.

Bogaert's analysis looked at responses to another study in Britain, published in 1994. That study was based on interviews of 18,000 people about their sexual practices.

It offered respondent a list of options. One read: "I have never felt sexually attracted to anyone at all." One percent said they agreed with the statement.

That response level is close to the percentage of gay people in the population, which is around three percent, the New Scientist report says.

New Scientist says such studies offer insights into sexuality, but the results remain controversial.

"The closest we have got to understanding human asexuals comes from studies -- mostly surveys - of people who report not having sex," it says.

A 1994 survey, published by The University of Chicago Press, found that 13 percent of 3,500 respondents had no sex in the past year. Forty percent of those people said they were extremely happy or very happy with their lives.

"If asexuality is indeed a form of sexual orientation, perhaps it will not be long before the issue of 'A' pride starts attracting more attention," New Scientist says.

Activists have already started campaigning to promote awareness and acceptance of asexuality, it reports.

The Asexual Visibility and Education Network has an online store that sell items promoting awareness and acceptance on asexuality.

Among the items is a T-shirt with the slogan, "Asexuality: it's not just for amoebas anymore."
 that sam i am
Joined: 10/27/2006
Msg: 6
Asexuality: a different kind of orientation
Posted: 4/7/2007 2:55:00 PM

Why would an asexual person care about how others view their sexuality, when they don't care about sex?
people seek to be understood. They want to be validated. They want their partners (if they aren't asexual too) to understand them.

More about asexuality... imagine this... think about people of the appropriate gender that are just not your type. If you're a heterosexual female, think about the guys who aren't your type sexually. If you're a straight male, think of the women who aren't your type. You could be friends, very close friends, with the one who isn't your type but deep down you dont feel this attraction. Now enlarge this group who isn't your type to encompass the entire gender. That's what asexuality is like.
 that sam i am
Joined: 10/27/2006
Msg: 7
Asexuality: a different kind of orientation
Posted: 4/7/2007 6:11:05 PM
Asexual and Proud of it
A growing number of so-called asexuals insist that their indifference toward sex isn't a pathology, but an "orientation" like being gay. But some experts say that instead of comforting themselves with a label, "amoebas" should seek help.
By Lynn Harris

As a teenager, Julie Sondra Decker spent a lot of time in the garage with her boyfriend. Her mother, understandably, was suspicious. "She accused me of having 'necking sessions,' when we really were just playing Ping-Pong," says Julie, now 27 and a bookstore worker and writer in Gainesville, Fla. "I explained how I didn't really even think kissing was fun. I remember her asking, 'Doesn't it stir anything in you?' I told her it did nothing for me and was actually quite gross. Before I went to college she actually took me to the doctor to complain that I wasn't expressing 'normal' interest in the opposite sex. The doctors told her it wasn't anything to worry about," says Julie. "I think she still wonders if I'm a closet lesbian."

Today, Julie has an active social life, a large circle of friends -- and still no interest in kissing, or anything it might lead to. "Most of my friends are men," she says. "I just don't really want them near me that way."

Has Julie, like her mother, ever worried about what was going on? "No. this is just how I feel, just like 'I like the color yellow.' There can't be anything wrong with it because it's how I feel," she says matter-of-factly. On her Web site, she is even more defiant: "I know I'm not normal and I simply don't care," she writes. Julie has labeled herself "non-sexual," she says, "because 'asexual' sounds like an amoeba and 'anti-sexual' sounds like I'm against sex in general, which I'm not. Sex is fine as long as it does not involve me."

Whether they call themselves a-, non- or anti-sexual (or even "amoebas" ), a growing number of people, like Julie, consider their indifference toward sex not a problem, not a pathology, but rather, like gay or bi, an "orientation" of its own -- complete with coming-out stories, slogans, online communities, an ad hoc manifesto, merchandise and no small amount of pride. The micro-movement, with an unofficial online headquarters at the Asexuality Visibility and Education Network (AVEN), has gained both visibility and adherents since last fall, when an article published in the Journal of Sex Research reexamined existing British data to find that 1 percent of people report never having felt any sexual attraction.

"I think it's positive to say that for some individuals asexuality is a valid sexual orientation -- as opposed to calling it a health problem -- because that suggests that it's one of the different variations humans can have with regard to sexuality," says the study's author, Anthony Bogaert, professor of community health sciences and psychology at Brock University in St. Catherine's, Ontario, whose particular research interest is the origins of sexual orientation. It's a win-win for everyone, he notes, adding: "If you say a wide range of sexual expression exists in society, and some people are asexual and contented, then even sexual people may have less pressure on them to be super-sexual beings. Because they'll go, 'You know what, this guy never has sex, and he seems happy enough -- maybe if I'm having sex only three times a month then maybe I'm OK, too.'"

But some experts see a potentially damaging downside to the asexual pride welcome mat and are concerned that freshly "validated" asexuals, rushing headlong into acceptance, may be so quick (and relieved) to call their condition an "orientation" that they'll buy the T-shirt before they've fully explored how they might have gotten that way.

"I don't think that masses of people -- who might be confused about sexuality, or afraid about sexuality, or who have not yet experienced sexual attraction and sexual pleasure, or who have experienced sexual trauma -- should be encouraged to define themselves as 'asexual,'" says Aline Zoldbrod, a Boston-area psychologist and sex therapist and author of "Sex Smart: How Your Childhood Shaped Your Sexual Life and What to Do About It." "I worry about boys and girls, men and women, finding an 'asexual' Web site and accepting their asexuality as an identity without even trying to understand its genesis. Some of these people need help.
What does it mean, exactly, to be "asexual"? If you're a sea anemone, it means you reproduce without the union of male and female gametes. If you're human, it means, essentially, that you experience no sexual attraction to either males or females. Generally, you're not so much freaked out by sex as you are entirely neutral to it, if not a little puzzled by what all the fuss is about. "When someone brings up sex, I start thinking, 'I need to replace that light fixture, or I could take a nice hot bath, make myself a sandwich and pop "The Way We Were" into the VCR; I haven't watched that in a long time,'" says Debbie, 47, a self-described asexual who works in sales in northern Wisconsin and preferred not to use her last name to protect her privacy. "Sex is just not high on my list of priorities."

People with sexual aversion disorder, in contrast, might have anxiety or panic attacks in a sexual situation. People with hypoactive sexual desire disorder have low or no interest in sex or sexual fantasies, with no outside explanation (such as use of anti-depressants, which can diminish sex drive) for the condition. (In both cases, the patient's -- or the patient's partner's -- being bothered by the situation is essential to the "disorder" diagnosis.) For sufferers of both disorders, there's usually a before and after: They had a libido, and now it's gone, or in hiding.

Asexuals also distinguish themselves from celibates, as celibacy is considered voluntary. "Asexuality is not a choice," says AVEN founder David Jay, 22, who works for an educational nonprofit in San Francisco. "I never sat down and decided that I would be asexual."

What Jay did decide, when he "came out" as asexual, was that he was not going to just wait around for his sex drive to show up. "I'm still open to the idea that it could change; I just don't expect it to," he says. Jay, who started calling himself "asexual" when he was in high school, says he has many close friends, develops crushes on both men and women (more of an urge to see them 24/7 than to see them naked), and enjoys watching "Sex and the City" with friends anthropologically, as a way of observing how the other 99 percent lives. While Jay has never had intercourse ("I don't like the term 'virgin,'" he says, "because it implies that I'm innocent and that I haven't had sex yet, neither of which is true"), he has masturbated on occasion, and has also done his share of making out. "I've sort of had a mixed reaction to it, 'cause I like cuddling, and in a lot of ways, kissing is similar -- but it's not necessarily more appealing," he says.

Those who identify as asexual (or who, like Julie, use one of its cousin terms) report a variety of social and even sexual -- experiences. Some, like Julie, have plenty of friends, but no interest in more-thans; some are into cuddling, others not wild about touch at all. Some experience romantic attraction and seek intimate, though non-physical attachments. Some masturbate, but have no interest in sharing the love. Some identify themselves as gay, lesbian or bi (as in, "If I had sex, it would be with ..."). Still others have sexual experiences in spite of themselves (say, in an effort to please a partner). In fact, a recent study at Indiana University (though preliminary, and based on limited data) suggested that asexuals are defined more by their lack of interest in sex than by their lack of experience with it. (In less scientific terms, these are not people who just can't get laid.) Many asexuals even get married, though not always with great results. "I did go along with whatever sexual expectations my husband had," says Debbie. "But the only time I ever actively participated or wanted to was when my biological clock went off and I decided I wanted to have a baby." Debbie says the sexual disconnect was not the only reason her marriage ended, but it was up there.

It was Debbie's grown daughter who found information about asexuality online and introduced her mom to Haven for the Human Amoeba. Though Debbie says she's not shy, has many friends (who are aware of her orientation), and is even "out" to her co-workers, participating on the site has made a difference for her. "It's nice to know you're not alone," she says. "That you're not the one candle burning in the wind."

David Jay launched AVEN -- which now has about 100 active members as well as many more lurkers and drop-ins, he says -- in 2002 to offer asexuals a similar "I belong" experience. "We here at AVEN get along just fine without sex," he says. "In a world that places a high premium on sexuality it's easy to feel like you need sex to be happy. You don't. Asexuality is not a dysfunction, and there is no need to find a 'cause' or a 'cure.'" Because of that if-it-ain't-broke message, he says, "there are lot of people for whom finding the site was a really powerful experience. They were looking for a way to say, 'I'm not interested in sex and that's OK, I don't have to force myself or cut myself off from others entirely.' It's a place where people can find validation."

There are experts who think it's possible that at least some asexuals are hard-wired that way -- that when it came to the distribution of desire, biology simply dropped them at the lowest end of the bell curve. But not everyone is quite as charitable. "To me, to say that someone is 'asexual' is tantamount to saying that they're not a human being," says Barnaby Barratt, a sex therapist in Detroit and president of the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists. "I would be profoundly critical of the idea that 'asexuality' is an 'orientation' or that it's somehow the inevitable way that some people are born. The basic building blocks of sexual patterning are there in everyone. The real question about what you're describing as 'asexual' is: What sort of history could make someone wind up being that closed down?"
The main concern among experts is not a debate over nature vs. nurture, however. Rather, it's the fear that those whose latent sexuality could be nurtured will chalk their asexuality up to "nature," and leave it at that. "If someone says, 'I'm fine the way I am and you have to leave me alone,' you have to respect that, even if there's a possibility that someday they could experience sexuality," says Seattle- and New York-based clinical psychologist and sex therapist Joy Davidson, author of "Fearless Sex." However, she says, "To lump everyone who says, 'I don't feel attraction,' into one easily normalizable category seems to me to be premature at best and irresponsible at worst."

"On the one hand, we are validating those people who may be hard-wired not to have attraction to others," says Dennis Sugrue, clinical associate professor of psychiatry at the University of Michigan Medical School and co-author of "Sex Matters for Women. "But the danger is that in doing so we may create a safe haven for some other folks with issues that could be addressed. We could discourage or prevent them from seeking help that could make a difference."

What kind of underlying problems might some asexuals have -- and what kind of "help" could they be missing out on? Well, no one's leaping to the conclusion that they need some sort of creepy reprogramming ; nor is there -- yet -- some sort of quick-fix libido pill. And, of course, a given individual's asexuality may not have one single simple-to-identify cause. But there are some areas an expert would begin to investigate right way. For one thing, endocrine testing might, in some cases, reveal low levels of androgens (such as testosterone), which could diminish sex drive -- and could, in theory, be addressed with hormone replacement therapy. Some might have a chronic anxiety disorder that, in effect, causes so many thoughts to whirl in their heads that there's no room left for sex. (In this case, anxiety medication might be part of treatment, but that would be to lessen the distractions from sex, not to restore the drive itself.) Others might have mild or undiagnosed cases of syndromes such as Asperger's, which can make them uncomfortable with all manner of personal contact.

Sexual short circuits can also be caused by childhood trauma -- which, experts say, is often much more subtle than a specific experience of sexual abuse, or even, say, a parent's warning that masturbators go blind, then to hell. "Becoming a sexual human being is a long and subtle process and many things must go right in one's family of origin for the child to connect sexuality and love," says Aline Zoldbrod. "I have had several patients who came into treatment asexual, completely confused, because they came from 'good' families. But on closer examination, it turned out that certain necessary ingredients were missing: these patients got good care in practical ways -- they were fed, clothed, sent to school -- but they were not touched lovingly by their parents at all. They simply had never experienced physical pleasure in their bodies that they linked to the emotional pleasure of being in a relationship."

Therein, she says, lies her main criticism of the asexual-positive "movement." "It assumes that becoming sexual is simple and easy, and that if sexual feelings and urges don't come 'naturally' they weren't meant to be," she says. "But being sexual has to be learned," she says -- and many people who somehow missed out during their sexually formative years can indeed catch up in sex therapy, though certainly not overnight. Zoldbrod describes one woman who spent a year learning from scratch to enjoy touch: aside from frequent therapy visits both alone and with her husband, "her husband had to give up on intercourse and just touch her non-sexually for months and months, so that she could develop her own innate good feelings about touch and then connect them to her love of him -- and then, later, to sex," says Zoldbrod. "At the end, when she experienced sexual pleasure and sexual drive, she said, 'I can't believe this is my same body.' Her life was profoundly altered, for the better."

David Jay counters by questioning why sex itself is presumed to be the holy grail. "It's not a question of whether asexual people can be made sexual through therapy or drugs, it's a question of whether they want to and whether doing so will improve their lives," he says. "If someone just doesn't like sex then it may, or may not, be easier for them to just get along without it than to go through a long, expensive process of therapy. If, on the other hand, their issues with sex are tied to issues with things like intimacy and vulnerability, then those will play out just as much asexually as they would sexually, and they'll probably be just as likely to seek help. To me, it seems like giving people access to a healthy sex life isn't the issue -- it's giving people access to healthy relationships and then letting them decide where they want sex to fit."

That seems to be the road Debbie has taken -- and she plans to stay on it. "I could go along with the herd and lie to myself and the people around me, but I don't want to, because I've come to the point in my life where I have to be honest with myself, where just being me is OK," she says. "I figure someday I'll be a little old lady with a lot of cats, but it's going to be my choice."
 that sam i am
Joined: 10/27/2006
Msg: 8
Asexuality: a different kind of orientation
Posted: 6/9/2007 2:39:40 AM
i'm with ya Kaygraj67 :) sex does have its uses though... like leverage and all that manipulation. yessssss?
it amuses me when people talk about not having had sex in the past few months like it's such a big deal at all. Oh silly breeders!
Joined: 2/1/2007
Msg: 9
Asexuality: a different kind of orientation
Posted: 6/9/2007 7:03:05 AM
Cliff notes, or me no care.
Joined: 4/19/2007
Msg: 10
view profile
Asexuality: a different kind of orientation
Posted: 6/9/2007 9:12:14 AM
I like this idea. I am not particularly attracted to most people. It's not that I'm not attracted to people, but it's like a dull ache in the back of my mind. Mostly, I just don't have a raging hormone that compels me to pursue the opposite sex, or to engage in sexual contact. Sometimes, I meet someone that I am drawn to.

If I'm not in it, I'm not into it.

I am often amazed by the effects of alcohol on people. I can drink, get drunk, get so drunk I fall over, but my sexual libido just does not increase.

I think this site is good because it gets me and others noticed by a society that takes sex to be the norm. As a consequence, anyone with an unusually low motivation for sex is sidelined, and at best is referred to counselling and/or therapy. As the statistics quoted above say 1% are asexual in Britain, that means about 6 million people are asexual. There are nowhere nearly enough counsellors and therapists to cope with this number, and there are nowhere near enough resources to fund them. So this debate will encourage society to adjust its beliefs to accommodate those of us who are not trying to have sex with everyone in sight.

Asexuals can be very good in a relationship, but they are so frequently misunderstood that it makes it very difficult to deal with them. It's understanding and acceptance we crave, not anything else. The rest will just flow.
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 11
Asexuality: a different kind of orientation
Posted: 7/5/2007 8:15:48 PM
kind of gives the term "Go fuck yourself" a whole new meaning .
Joined: 5/9/2007
Msg: 12
Asexuality: a different kind of orientation
Posted: 7/25/2007 10:04:30 PM
I am quite sure that I have met some asexual women...

Joined: 3/15/2007
Msg: 13
Asexuality: a different kind of orientation
Posted: 7/26/2007 12:14:39 AM
You always start the weirdest posts.

 that sam i am
Joined: 10/27/2006
Msg: 14
Asexuality: a different kind of orientation
Posted: 7/26/2007 1:09:56 AM
I wouldn't call my posts weird. They are different because I don't subscribe to the usual breeder ethos.
Joined: 3/15/2007
Msg: 15
Asexuality: a different kind of orientation
Posted: 7/26/2007 12:24:10 PM
I see. I'm not really here to breed. Just to find that special someone.

Never use a big word when a diminutive one will do.

 that sam i am
Joined: 10/27/2006
Msg: 16
Asexuality: a different kind of orientation
Posted: 9/29/2007 9:49:27 PM
Maybe he was just gay but in Denial :)
 that sam i am
Joined: 10/27/2006
Msg: 17
Asexuality: a different kind of orientation
Posted: 9/30/2007 8:54:21 AM
*LOL* Of course I checked the definition before I posted. What kinda uneducated, ill-informed ranter do you think I am?

Asexuality is very different from Celibacy.
It's as different as Herbivore and Vegan.
 that sam i am
Joined: 10/27/2006
Msg: 18
Asexuality: a different kind of orientation
Posted: 9/30/2007 11:09:35 AM
should gay people likewise see a therapist because they're attracted to members of their own gender?
what is this western concept of visiting a so called expert for everything? It's like a hypochondriac culture where everything needs to be diagnosed and drugged.
 that sam i am
Joined: 10/27/2006
Msg: 19
Asexuality: a different kind of orientation
Posted: 10/4/2007 6:08:19 AM
Naw, they can't be different species. They have the same DNA and if homosexuality and asexuality were species, they'd be long extinct due to their inclination not to breed.

Women, however, should be classified as a different species *LOL*
 that sam i am
Joined: 10/27/2006
Msg: 20
Asexuality: a different kind of orientation
Posted: 2/2/2008 9:34:01 AM

I have no idea if there's any relevance to asexuality.

there isn't. A lot of gay people breed. They either go for artificial insemination or they adopt or they just grit their teeth, have sex with the appropriate gender and pop one out.
Joined: 12/24/2006
Msg: 21
Asexuality: a different kind of orientation
Posted: 2/2/2008 5:12:06 PM
Isn't this a lot like marriage.....?
Joined: 8/10/2007
Msg: 22
Asexuality: a different kind of orientation
Posted: 2/2/2008 10:50:58 PM
Sounds like "political correctness" for sex.. I'll have none of it! Well,. sex,.. Ill have some of that..well,. a lot of that!..
 that sam i am
Joined: 10/27/2006
Msg: 23
Asexuality: a different kind of orientation
Posted: 2/4/2008 10:43:21 AM


If reading and writing aren't your strengths, perhaps the internet isn't the best place for you.
 that sam i am
Joined: 10/27/2006
Msg: 24
Asexuality: a different kind of orientation
Posted: 6/11/2008 1:22:19 AM
Psssh! Sex and Sexuality is often far more trouble than it's worth.
Joined: 5/29/2009
Msg: 25
Asexuality: a different kind of orientation
Posted: 6/12/2009 6:54:37 AM
I just found out about this type of "sexual preference." I know it is rare, and I know I exhibit asexual tedencies, because a few times I got caught in the "friend zone" and didn't really mind. Ok, maybe I was still experiencing the urges, but I felt that the friendship was valuable, and sex was only secondary.

I think I will put on my profile that asexuality is ok with me. That doesn't mean you can put me in the friend zone and go home to Bob, you know. It means that you have no sexual desires whatsoever, but like everybody else, you have the desire for the closeness of a good friend, and the capability of "loving" without sex.
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