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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > ARE WE ALL LOOKING FOR SOME PERFECT PERSON THAT DOESNT EXIST?      Home login  
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 Savanna
Joined: 3/23/2007
Msg: 2
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ARE WE ALL LOOKING FOR SOME PERFECT PERSON THAT DOESNT EXIST?Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Yes.
Go do an advanced search on here and pick out your perfect mate.
Then go look at the pics on the profiles and delete them ones you are not attracted to.
Then go read through the few you still have left on your potential "soulmate".
None of them will be perfect although they may seem to be.
 SthrnButtrfly
Joined: 10/17/2006
Msg: 3
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ARE WE ALL LOOKING FOR SOME PERFECT PERSON THAT DOESNT EXIST?
Posted: 4/9/2007 4:54:25 PM
Not sure if perfection is the answer.....I have found a few guys that meet many of the qualities I am looking for in the "perfect" man for me. I had a friend give me an exercise that might help you goldbugger and anyone else interested in giving this a shot....

make a list of the 10 things you expect out of a good relationship. Then go thru the list again and chek off those that YOU can give to that relationship. If you have 5 or less then your expectations are way off, but if you have more than 5 your expectations are not unrealistic.

This not only helps me with my expectations but also with some self-searching ideals that might just be a bit unrealistic in today's society.

The last relationship I had, he fit 8 of the 10 ideals I had on my list....but his anger and negativity brought him down an awful lot and therefore brought me down as well. I can only be happy and positive for 2 for so long...."sigh"

Good luck in your search...
Sthrnbuttrfly
 Savanna
Joined: 3/23/2007
Msg: 5
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ARE WE ALL LOOKING FOR SOME PERFECT PERSON THAT DOESNT EXIST?
Posted: 4/9/2007 5:03:31 PM

Exactly! Well, some of us keep our expectations realistic... But you'll see some like 20 year old girl demanding that a guy be this this this and this.... and I'm like pleaaaaaase! She'll never get it =oP If you can't compromise, your relationships wont last anyway, so ya deserve to be alone! Yup..


Hey now, I resent that.
Who said I don't compromise?
 Ron9
Joined: 8/10/2004
Msg: 7
ARE WE ALL LOOKING FOR SOME PERFECT PERSON THAT DOESNT EXIST?
Posted: 4/9/2007 5:58:47 PM
Perfect to me actually has a pretty good range to it.

I don’t think my “hits the radar screen” is all that narrow.

 haywiresue
Joined: 9/27/2006
Msg: 8
ARE WE ALL LOOKING FOR SOME PERFECT PERSON THAT DOESNT EXIST?
Posted: 4/9/2007 6:37:28 PM
I dont think I am looking for the "perfect man" as the first question I would ask regarding the definition is "by who's standards?".

Goldbugger in answer to your question asking if we would bear our soul - I have copied a piece from my profile that outlines what I am looking for and I dont think its beyond reasonable expectations:

About You: exciting, intelligent, independent, stable, a man who enjoys life to the fullest. You live an active lifestyle, look after yourself and take pride in your appearance. You don't have to like/love all of my interests or be interested in doing all of the things I do, but some shared interests and activities would be necessary. The same goes for me, I most likely wont like/love all of your interests - however there is nothing stopping us from introducing each other to new things that may become a new interest.

About A Potential Relationship: I am looking for someone who, like me has a life. I want to share my life with you - not be your life or have you be mine. To me a rich full life includes individual personal time, personal times with each of our respective family and friends, time together just you and me, and then shared times between us with each of our respective family and friends - and all this should be able to work within each of our careers and should fit nicely in our lifestyles. Time spent together should be valued and wanted by each person, not because we "have to". I am not looking for someone to mould or change as I want a man who is already his own person that I can love for who he is, what he is and shares a similar lifestyle to what I enjoy. I am looking for a man that is ready to love me for who and what I am - as is.

If you are not interested in personal growth, development and meeting new friends, I don't think we will have much in common. If you are into one night stands, the bar scene and easy women - please keep on searching as I respect your needs, position and don't want to waste each others time. Thanks for your attention and success to you on your journey.
 almostavgjoe
Joined: 3/10/2007
Msg: 10
ARE WE ALL LOOKING FOR SOME PERFECT PERSON THAT DOESNT EXIST?
Posted: 4/10/2007 5:19:37 AM
I think perfect may not be the ...perfect word to use here. "Ideal" might be a better fit.
Online dating gives the ILLUSION of endless choice, much like a Sears catalogue. We see a profile and mistakenly believe that this person needs our email to prevent a boring life of lonliness.
If you could put everyone from POF in a stadium, you'd quickly see how limited your choices are. The people you've lusted over are surrounded by the opposite sex, and your chances are somewhere between slim and none.
What I fear is happening is that with the illusion of endless choice, and the belief in finding the perfect person, many of us are afraid to leave our monitor, in fear that the perfect person will pop up on our screen while we are out having a coffee with a less-than-perfect person.
 wanderer1999
Joined: 2/10/2007
Msg: 11
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ARE WE ALL LOOKING FOR SOME PERFECT PERSON THAT DOESNT EXIST?
Posted: 4/10/2007 8:38:15 AM
Well, here's a rehash of another post I did. I'm too lazy to retype it.

---------

I believe it's because of the illusion of choice.

There is a phenomenon called analysis paralysis.

When a person is presented with a choice of A or B, most people will make a decision reasonably quickly, weighing the pro's and con's of each.

As you increase the number of choices and selections, the amount of time people spend weighing each choice increases. As those choices become a multitude, people are faced with so many choices that they are effectively unable to weigh the benefits of one without the other. Some will find themselves completely paralyzed, unable to make any sort of decision, fearful of making the wrong choice. Others will begin applying unusual criteria (sometimes rational, sometimes not) in order to narrow the field, with the amount of criteria and restrictions increasing as the field becomes larger.

It has been shown that human beings are inherently risk-averse, in other words, we are more hurt by loss than made happy by gain. As a result, that fear of loss (magnified by indecision) can drive us to increase our criteria to the point where we weed out any reasonable selections.

In the on-line world, the availability of a database and personality filters gives us the illusion of limitless choice. Wow, 300,000 members! There must be that absolutely perfect person out there! So, we apply the filters, and screen the profiles, gradually and continually narrowing down the field... we speak to others, read the forums, and compare one date to the next, discarding one after the other due to a shortcoming or quality that we believe may be missing, or out of fear of negative qualities that are hidden from our perception.

In the end however, this is purely an illusion. We don't have the level of choice we think we do. Yes, there are 300,000 members, but we do not dictate which one we end up with. Just as we may discard others, they may discard us. We can use the filters to screen our prospects, but our prospects are doing the same... compounding the improbability of two people finding each other as they filter each other to the junk mail bins. We read profiles and eliminate prospects, believing that we can adequately judge the nature of a human being from 5 or 10 paragraphs, and comfort ourselves in the knowledge that we have chosen well.

And then find that nobody in our on-line world measures up. Yet we remain hopeful, after all, there are 300,000 members! We aren't so fussy... we only need one! They are out there, and we'll be waiting... and waiting... and waiting.

This of course is different than meeting an individual in a bar or through a friend. As we are dealing with a single individual, our criteria tends to be much lower. We compare against our own experiences, but have no others immediately available for comparison. As such, we tend to be less discriminating in the real world, and more forgiving of shortcomings and failings.

We attempt to judge the person on the merits of themselves, spending less time focusing on the minutiae of their lives, and more upon those qualities as human beings that make them interesting and appealing to us.

Is one better than the other? I guess it depends on what you're looking for. Be as picky as you want, meet more people or fewer, invest some time and emotional energy, or choose instead to quietly screen and filter... after all, I'm sure that cursor is keeping you wonderful company.
 Singlemale1962
Joined: 9/21/2006
Msg: 14
ARE WE ALL LOOKING FOR SOME PERFECT PERSON THAT DOESNT EXIST?
Posted: 4/11/2007 5:41:06 PM
I dont think that is true. If so we would never go on dates or see other people.

however

We do tend to be very selective. And being with someone long term is a serious commitment.

I dont have a problem with a woman being selective any more than a woman should be up set with me being selective. Trust takes time to build. But if you end up with the right person its all worth it.
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