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 Tukabirdy
Joined: 4/1/2007
Msg: 1
Single (never married at all) men over 45Page 1 of 30    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30)
As I have looked over personal ads for dating/friends/ whatever, I have seen many that have "single" in their profile. I have always wondered why women and men that get to this age have never married at least once. (I waited until I was 31 to marry hoping to be mature and find the right man.)

I find many men that put single down but get a feeling it may be different.

Why do people remain single at all? Tuka
 tinkerbellcgy
Joined: 9/17/2005
Msg: 2
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Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 4/15/2007 6:31:40 AM
OP, the rules of these forums state that you cannot start a thread that is gender specific. Hence I will respond even though I am not a male.

Why do people remain single at all? Many reasons I suppose, to not finding the "right" person to economic circumstances.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

I guess we could take a look at the other side of the coin - why do people marry knowing that it is going to and/or allowing it to end in divorce?

Perhaps those of us who never married have the wisdom to know that being single is the best marital option for us. Because of single people like me, there are two lawyers walking around with a little less jingle in their pockets.

Tink
 Tukabirdy
Joined: 4/1/2007
Msg: 3
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 4/15/2007 6:34:37 AM
I'm going back to the original title, single.....never married. Those are the people I wanted to hear from on exactly why.....but I really liked hearing from those who let us know their experience on WHO out their used the term single liberally!!

For the past 15 years I have not believed in the legal state of marriage. I was married. I kept my vows but....I think it's a legal state that needs changes in the religious and legal aspects...

I don't think the term, "for better, for worse", should be in there....there is too much abuse out there.

I also want to reassure those that have NEVER been married that that is a valid choice. tuka
 Tukabirdy
Joined: 4/1/2007
Msg: 4
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 4/15/2007 9:39:30 AM
Yes, it does...tinsmith. It's hard to overcome esteem issues but most surely, it's what's on the inside that counts. We are told that....but it still seems like we always look at the outside...thanks for replying. tuka
 prolibertate
Joined: 9/11/2005
Msg: 5
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 4/15/2007 10:44:53 AM
OP, people remain single for various reasons...I've never married because they were never the right person; the 3 times I was engaged something just said it wasn't right...and I thank God I never went through with any of them as I'd have been divorced for sure. Also, what rule says anyone *has* to be married, or married by a certain age to be happy? I'm very happy with me and with my life. And when I see more married people who are unhappy, it only makes me more sure that it's not something one just jumps into because of societal notions that something must be wrong with you if you're nto married, or married by a certain age. I feel there's something missing in someone who feels they *have* to be married to be complete, happy, etc. and I believe way too many people jump into marriage without a clue as to what they really want in life or who their partner really is and what they want. Would I like to be married? Sure...but only to the person who's perfect for me and that I'm perfect for...'perfect' meaning we both accept each other for who we are. But I don't need to be married to have a happy life or a good life; I have that now.
 Tukabirdy
Joined: 4/1/2007
Msg: 6
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 4/15/2007 11:04:15 AM
"I have always wondered why women and men that get to this age have never married at least once."

I'm not sure why this comes across as "you have to get married", I happened to agree...don't get married unless you are sure about why you want it. I just said I wondered why....and I really mean it as I want to know reasons why never married people never married. Everyone is different; some people want no children....nothing wrong with that either.


I would like to know though, if a man over 40 has never been married...what happened or didn't happen? And I do really appreciate the men that have responded. I didn't want to put it in "Ask a Guy", the folks that read "Over 45" seem to be more my speed, but maybe I will.


thank to everyone gals and guys! Tuka
 Tukabirdy
Joined: 4/1/2007
Msg: 7
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 4/15/2007 11:46:36 AM
Ooli, you have that right! I do know some 30 somethings that don't really want the 40's guys.


I often wonder too about REGIONAL differences in LTR's. Like you said, they've had committment but still are technically single. I live in the south and I think getting married is more expected here. tuka
 doubleohseven
Joined: 3/7/2006
Msg: 8
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Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 4/15/2007 1:49:37 PM
Well in my case I am truly single and never married........yet .
I will consider it and have in thepast on a few occasions but the timing was not correct in some instances.
I thought I would marry when I was around 25 or 30 but kept putting it off because I wanted to find the woman of my dreams and not settle for second best, and when I found her something happened and it didn´t work out, one turned out not to be marriage material, one died, the other one wanted to marry when I wanted to wait and then when I was ready she decided on waiting, the last one didn´t work out.
So I´ve had long relationships for years but I´m almost 44 and still single, I enjoyed it but think it might be time now to take the step when she comes along.
One more thing , most of us see at least twice more divorces than we do marriages ( In Costa Rica us Lawyers/Notaries perform civil marriages ).


Gregory 007
 Tukabirdy
Joined: 4/1/2007
Msg: 9
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 4/15/2007 5:45:01 PM
Gregory and Tony, thank you for adding to the thread, I enjoyed your photos too. Tony, you have a very nice grin and Greg....I can tell you have a historical bend.

RU4Me...it is good to hear a woman's view...was it hard to accept your man not wanting to marry or did you just have confidence in what you were doing?

seeking...I was so shy with boys and men and I think this is a common trait. I was sexually abused at nine so that really made me shy.

Tony,I do like the idea of writing your own marriage vows. I should have done that with my Ex, and if I ever get hitched again, I will do that!! tuka...
 prolibertate
Joined: 9/11/2005
Msg: 10
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 4/16/2007 6:12:15 AM
Msg 20, I'm glad you mentioned that it wasn't all black and white...as I disagree that someone who hasn't been in a common-law situation has commitment issues...Some do, dome fdon't ;) I believe that if we're going to live together we should be married. I always swore that I'd never live with anyone and I broke that once when my ex moved here, and I really doubt I'd ever do it again, as I believe in the commitment of marriage. If one isn't willing to make that commitment, then why be willing to just live together? Because it's easier to move out if one wants to? Nope, not for me. We either go into it both determined to work though the bad with the good, or we don't get married. I've had several significant long-term relationship from 3 to 8 years long and while I don't regret them because I learned from them, I'm still glad they never ended up in marriage, as I'd be divorced for sure.

I also see a lot of women who put marriage on hold for a career, much like the men you mentioned, though I wasn't one of those women. Unfortunately, both men and women who wait until they're past 35 and want to have kids are going to find it harder in some cases, and the risks for birth defects affect not only the woman but the man also as sperm degreade starting around 35. I so like your attitude on having a child as it reflects mine, and I'm sure there are some men who also feel the same...though the man I was dating before was insistent on having his own biological children...I was game, but he figured at 'my age' that wasn't likely to happen, even with IVF, etc. and he wouldn't think of using a surrogate or adopting...I figured that if he wants the 'possibility' of biological kids over a partner, then it was good that he went on his way; though there's no guarantee that anyone else he found would be able to have kids, regardless of their age; nor that he would be able to either.
 Fifi47
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 11
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 4/16/2007 7:36:35 AM
I would love to find single men over 45 who have never been married, since I am a single, never married woman who is over 45. I look at it as they might be like me, finding people to date in the smaller town I live in is difficult, I seemed to become undateabe, since I have not been married when I reached age 40 or so, and most of the men I have met love taking care of divorced women and their children and want to have more children when they remarry. I would love to meet men my age or older who have not been married and have no children who want to marry a single woman who is not of childbearing age who has no children.
 dirsup
Joined: 9/28/2005
Msg: 12
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Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 4/16/2007 12:30:39 PM
I am now 61 and never married. At one time I used to tell women this if they asked and a lot of them did. "I was in the U. S. Navy for 25 years and for quite a few years I was in a position where I was away from where I was stationed for extended periods. That is NO way to be married. As an example, I was stationed on GUAM back in march of 1978 and I was asked to take this detachment out for what was to be a 40 day trip. Oh, I could not pass that up. So yes, I went .. Little did I know that the Skipper and Gilligan were in charge. In all I was gone from GUAM for 13 MONTHS and 4 Days. Now remember, the single tour is 15 months. Would any woman want to be married to me, for Christ's sake? I had others, just not gone quite as long. Then I retired and went to work for Federal Law Enforcement, again single and gone. That ladies, is NOT my idea of being married. Now I live at the edge of the earth (not really but it sometimes seems like that. I live in NE Montana. The closest McDonalds and Walmart is over 100 miles away. There are NO repeat NO women in this area that are single, widowed or anything else between 55 and 65. You ask why I live here? I was born and raised here and came back after 40 years because it is cheap and a fine place for my 2 Boston Terriers.
 Tukabirdy
Joined: 4/1/2007
Msg: 13
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 4/16/2007 12:50:39 PM
Dirsup, I think you were quite generous of yourself by not getting married while in the service. I live near Fayetteville NC and am around many brands of military wife. It takes an extreme love and special spirit to stay with a military man.

I've been to Havre which isn't too far from you. I've always said if I EVER runaway from home, I'd go stay with the Hudderites....noone would find me. So I understand that! It's very beautiful up there though so, if you have your pets, people, and hobbies, AND the PC...you are set.

I appreciate everyone's remarks on the live in situation vs marriage. I believe in the concept of marriage, after thinking on it...what I'm having a hard time with is the traditional aspect of man/woman roles....re back to vows. tuka
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 4/16/2007 3:06:51 PM

Hearing a divorced person question the motives of one who never married is like hearing a convicted embezzler questioning the morals of a poor man who never stole.

That's a good one!

I have "single" on my profile, not to mislead anyone, but because single is what I am. How I got that way really doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things and if it becomes an issue with someone, well - that's rather petty, isn't it? I am not married, therefore, I am single. It is what it is.
 dirsup
Joined: 9/28/2005
Msg: 15
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Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 4/16/2007 7:55:57 PM
I tried to send you an E-mail, but I am blocked due to your restrictions.
look for me on yahoo chat as montanasailorboy.
 Pagiee
Joined: 4/10/2007
Msg: 16
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 4/17/2007 1:10:33 AM
as a divorce may cost much more than a wedding, also I feel "single" sounds much attractive than "married" "divorced" or "parents" -- these 2 reasons are enough to keep me single forever.
 Pagiee
Joined: 4/10/2007
Msg: 17
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 4/17/2007 2:24:07 AM

I would agree with you seeking4u. In the long run, does it matter if single means - never married or divorced. Both mean single to me. Your thoughts??


Neithter Divorcees nor single parents mean "Single" to me, they have responsiblities for their past. Even their exes dont often rise from ashs again and again or all of their children were sent to orphanages, they still have strings attached & are psychologically different from these who have never been married and childless---many divorcees write "single" instead of "divorced", but few single(never married) would wirte "divorced" insteas of "single" -- this says a lot of the differences between these 2 groups.
 Celticmist
Joined: 2/1/2005
Msg: 18
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 4/17/2007 7:36:53 AM
I love this statement as well -

"Hearing a divorced person question the motives of one who never married is like hearing a convicted embezzler questioning the morals of a poor man who never stole."

There are as many reasons for never having married as there are pebbles on the shore grasshopper.

I am amazed that anyone would think less of a person for never having married.
I actually had a man I went out for breakfast with, tell me he normally never dates a woman who has never been married, as there has to be something wrong with her.

I have had plenty of reasons for not getting married - being shy, growing up in an alcoholic home, starting early menopause at 28 (never could figure how I would explain that to a man I dated), taking care of 2 elderly parents for 20 years while working a full time job in IT (which meant I was on the clock for 24/7).

I overcame the shyness (mostly lol), had counselling to deal with grwoing up with an alcoholic mother; I am too old to have men question me, as to whether I can have children or not, and my remaining parent had a full time caretaker. The only thing I have left to overcome it would seem, is the prejudice of people who see me as flawed because I have never married. Wait a minute - not a problem, I am pretty sure I would not want some one so narrowminded that does not judge people by their own merits, but judges them by a prejudicial concept of what is normal.

Judge people by who they are OP, and not what this or that fact might mean about them. I am too old to play guessing games about what people might mean by something they say on their profiles. I'd much rather have the chance to meet them in person, and discover exactly what kind of person they are for myself. It's much more fun that way
 Tukabirdy
Joined: 4/1/2007
Msg: 19
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 4/17/2007 4:56:05 PM
"current marital status"

Now that's good point!

tuka
 Tukabirdy
Joined: 4/1/2007
Msg: 20
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 4/18/2007 7:44:54 AM
Long time. I just have to say that the pix of your dog in your profile is beautiful. What kind of dog is it? thank you for your reply!

Cnd guy, From many of your posts you come across as honest about your backgrd....I think that people who are open about the single status can use single....as many here have proven. It's when you get the gut feeling that single means hiding something!! That's what makes it bad for the truly "single" posters....

As for dating on POF,.........................................
I'm going to stick to forums only for friends. I checked all the people in a fifty miles radius of me.....85% drink more than 3 times a week...that is something I can't take.

HOW come all the good guys are in Canada????
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 21
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Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 4/18/2007 8:14:32 AM
There is a legal definition of single which means never married.

There is an online definition of single which could mean anything. Hence, the need to say what single means when chatting with a new person.

I have been widowed for quite a few years. Prior to that marriage, I was divorced which now seems a life time ago. I really have to try hard to think back that far.

I guess I could put single, but why confuse people.

I think that some newly "single" people need to realize that some people who live a single lifestyle have been doing that out of choose for a long time. That doesn't mean we want to be "single" forever.

I guess the issue is to find out what the person means by "single", without it becoming a drama of stories.

I don't like people who press to have all the negative details about my widowhood. It should be enough to know that I have been over it for a long time.

Same thing should apply to "single" what ever the reason for that person being single.

Never married, because of career, or never met the right person and the right time should be all the necessary info anyone needs to know.

The action of that person today and who they are today, should be far more important than what was happening in their lives 20 years ago.
 canyunflyer
Joined: 2/6/2006
Msg: 22
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Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 4/18/2007 9:11:21 AM
To me, "single" means.....[available]/ And, I mean... in the full sense of the word. I realalize many people abuse this word. (available). People love to represent themselves as such when they (for many reasons) couldn't be farther from that state. I'm not interested in 'technical' definitions. I'm interested in the nuts and bolts definitions that determine status.

As far as people being 'suspicious' of people who have reached middle age and never married. I think this is perfectly normal. Look, you people who have (for whatever reason) taken that route. (never married) I would suggest you get off your defensive battlewagons and just accept this simple fact. It is No reflection on your character, or your particular situation. It is just a plain and simple anticipated fact. Most people are going to be a little suspicious of those who have never married.

If you firmly believe that your situation is as a result of things that have nothing to do with you... then it should be a relatively easy thing for you to convay that to any prospective partner. No problem. Going around taking offense at people for exhibiting perferctly normal concerns is a precarious and exhausting position. It is a useless occupation. The truth is... if we are really confident in who we are and what we are..... we don't have to do this. I'll tell you who I am "really" suspicious of: People who exhibit overly strong defensive positions! thats who.
 prolibertate
Joined: 9/11/2005
Msg: 23
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 4/18/2007 11:25:24 AM

Cnd guy, From many of your posts you come across as honest about your backgrd....I think that people who are open about the single status can use single....as many here have proven. It's when you get the gut feeling that single means hiding something!! That's what makes it bad for the truly "single" posters....


While I agree that Cgn_guy comes across as very h9onest, I don't agree with the 'dsingle' designation...as to me single means never married; and if someone I'm interested in has been married before, and more than once, I'd like to know that upfront. Perhaps POF can make a selection for Single-Never Married and Single-Divorced? That way there would be no issues arising from what one might see as a lack by omission.
 Celticmist
Joined: 2/1/2005
Msg: 24
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 4/18/2007 5:47:44 PM
"As far as people being 'suspicious' of people who have reached middle age and never married. I think this is perfectly normal. Look, you people who have (for whatever reason) taken that route. (never married) I would suggest you get off your defensive battlewagons and just accept this simple fact. It is No reflection on your character, or your particular situation. It is just a plain and simple anticipated fact. Most people are going to be a little suspicious of those who have never married. "

There is a quite difference from being suspicious about people who have never married, to not having anything to do with them because you judge them flawed in some way. I will retain my right to get on my "highhorse" about this, and I find this kind of bias to be totally without merit, just as much as racism and sexism is.
There is only one loser in this scenario and it is the person, male or female, who because of their bias lose th eopportunity of meeting some really nice people.

Suspicion is one thing - discrimination is another. Just my humble opinion.
 tinkerbellcgy
Joined: 9/17/2005
Msg: 25
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Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 4/18/2007 7:16:05 PM
People who reach the age of 40 and haven't had a long term, serious relationship (married, living together, dating exclusively) should raise your eyebrows. It's a big, red neon sign for a lot of mental disorders.


I thought I would sign in from the psychiatric hospital and give a further opinion on this topic. The reason I'm in the psychiatric hospital is because I am single and therefore, according to the above referenced poster, I seem to have "a lot of mental disorders" because because I am single. Actually, I was fortunate enough to see the red neon sign myself and check myself into the psychiatric hospital therefore saving society from my mental disorder of deciding to remain single! Do I get extra brownie points for realizing my harm to society?

Thank heavens I saved so many of society from getting to know me and my mental disorders and put myself into a secure facility all because I chose never to marry. Gosh, it must be so hard on a person to be perfect and in a position to be able to judge people who don't fit society's so-called norm. Heaven help all the redneck thinkers out there!!!

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