Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Ask A Girl  > What is an exceptable level of emotion from a guy?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 mitch97
Joined: 4/7/2007
Msg: 1
view profile
History
What is an exceptable level of emotion from a guy?Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
I just read a post dealing with guys who show how they feel about a girl, and that being a bad thing. From a girl's/woman's perspective, what's an acceptable level?

Although my last little fling was riddled with issues, I believe something I could've done better was control my emotions and not let her onto how I was feeling. I think for an instant I had things under control and then I screwed up by divulging too much. I think that kind of pushed her away.
 mitch97
Joined: 4/7/2007
Msg: 2
view profile
History
What is an exceptable level of emotion from a guy?
Posted: 4/25/2007 10:27:10 PM
Once again I can count on K-Lo for a thorough explanation

Well, after talking to a buddy it seems like I might have given away the farm, but not totally. I mean, I didn't say "oh I like you so much" or something lame like that but I did say some pretty nice things during sex like "I think about you at work" and "I think you're beautiful." Maybe that's what did it. Not like she was emotional about anything to begin with but that might have been minus points. I think that it came out in many ways that I was looking for something serious and she wasn't. So, I broke it off.


I prefer a man who is honest about his thoughts and emotions at all times.


Really? Even when you first start dating someone? Isn't there a game you gotta play when you first start with someone?
 mitch97
Joined: 4/7/2007
Msg: 3
view profile
History
What is an exceptable level of emotion from a guy?
Posted: 4/26/2007 4:33:44 AM
Yep. I was too emotional too fast. I see it now.
 mitch97
Joined: 4/7/2007
Msg: 4
view profile
History
What is an exceptable level of emotion from a guy?
Posted: 4/26/2007 10:48:45 AM

I'm lost OP. You broke it off b/c she wasn't who you wanted...It really doesn't sound to me that you said anything too off the wall...


I broke it off cause she was just stringing me along, keeping me there for when it was convenient for her to get together. She wasn't nearly as into me as I was into her, and she had a lot of issues including the need to drink before getting close to me. I just couldn't hang around and be someone's booty call. I felt used.

I did however make matters worse by telling her too much at the wrong time. I wanted a relationship with her and she didn't want one with me. However, instead of telling me flat out it would never pan out she just kept me on the line.
 mitch97
Joined: 4/7/2007
Msg: 5
view profile
History
What is an exceptable level of emotion from a guy?
Posted: 4/27/2007 11:18:22 AM
Yeah I wouldn't call up anyone of my date's friends to talk about them behind their back. That's wrong. I agree that showing instead of telling is the best way to do things. For example, with the girl I just finished seeing, on like the 5th date I bought her a plastic egg with chocolates in it since I knew she loves chocolate - simple, not overdone. Before I gave it to her I said "I bought you something that I probably shouldn't have, but I'll give it to you anyway." Well, I think she liked it. And that was the first night we had sex.

Now that I think about it I feel like I was pretty reserved with the emotions (other than during sex), but she did know that I was looking for something serious. Of course now I realize that I'm in no position to be in a relationship. I just didn't know how to do casual when I had feelings for someone. Doesn't happen often but when it does it's tough to control.
 mitch97
Joined: 4/7/2007
Msg: 6
view profile
History
What is an exceptable level of emotion from a guy?
Posted: 4/27/2007 12:15:13 PM
Rad...some different viewpoints! Well, I try not to follow that astrology stuff but both K-Lo and the girl I was dating are both Leos. Maybe that explains something

Maybe I do fit the pisces profile. I pretty much go on my feelings at all times. Perhaps I did some things that were wrong but I think she just wasn't the girl for me. She has the emotions of a gallon of milk: cold...colorless...but tastes great with some chocolate syrup
 mitch97
Joined: 4/7/2007
Msg: 7
view profile
History
What is an exceptable level of emotion from a guy?
Posted: 4/27/2007 1:10:41 PM
K-Lo, I totally see your point, and this was obviously a case of mismatched positions. Whenever the subject of being together was brought up, she adamantly said she wasn't ready for anything serious. So I really held back, even to an uncomfortable level. I only mentioned things that were going on, asking her if she had plans for the weekend, you know, not being demanding or anything. 99% of the time she'd be busy with stuff and didn't make an effort to site her availability other than 2 or 3 times.

I wanna know if when a girl says she's not ready for anything serious, and given the above circumstances, is that just her way of saying she's not really into me, but I provide some sort of amusement? I mean, I really felt used toward the end.
 mitch97
Joined: 4/7/2007
Msg: 8
view profile
History
What is an exceptable level of emotion from a guy?
Posted: 4/27/2007 3:10:34 PM

Sometimes people really aren't ready for a relationship - - circumstances in life, mental instability, too soon after a relationship


But...that sounds like her case as well...especially the circumstances in life and mental instability!

When I originally approached her, telling her that I'm not going to run after her to hang out, she said that her life is crazy, she's really busy, and she's about to look for a new job. All of those are valid excuses I suppose, especially since she might move to another city. One of the things she said to me right before I called it off was "you're cool to hang out with and everything, but it just got too serious... and i don't think i am ready for serious." She just cooled off SO quick after we slept together the second time.

I don't know how to take it..."cool to hang out with and everything"? I guess in the end it doesn't really matter, cause I called it off anyway, but I'd like to know the signs to look for in the future.
 mitch97
Joined: 4/7/2007
Msg: 9
view profile
History
What is an exceptable level of emotion from a guy?
Posted: 4/27/2007 4:15:21 PM
Yeah, that makes total sense. Several times I wanted to break it off cause I had a gut feeling, but stopped myself cause I tried to rationalize. I should always listen to myself cause my gut feeling is always right. I think I knew what was going on but wanted it to last cause maybe down the line I thought something might work out. Or, I could bottle up my emotions and just go with it.

In the end it couldn't continue for me because I just didn't know how to handle it. Bravo to those who can do what you did with that guy and not get attached. I got attached and it's still hard to deal with. Another problem of mine was making her into something she wasn't. I mean, as lame as it sounds I thought she might be marriage material down the line! How naive.
 ~LoriMac~
Joined: 3/12/2006
Msg: 10
What is an exceptable level of emotion from a guy?
Posted: 4/27/2007 4:48:00 PM
ugh,,...where are these men? I seem to find the ones who hold it all close to the vest. I find myself holding back saying how much i care so i dont scare them off. I love it.. I love hearing that I get to them as much as they get to me. I think you just need to find someone who matches you. If it wasnt this issue with the chick it would have been something else...you werent a match....this didnt make you loose out on The One.

If you feel it say it...I have held feelings in before (good and bad) and its not a good feeling...if she runs well then find someone who can accept it.
 mitch97
Joined: 4/7/2007
Msg: 11
view profile
History
What is an exceptable level of emotion from a guy?
Posted: 4/27/2007 4:55:15 PM

That was YOU!


Yes it was. Unfortunately I was able to contain myself anywhere but the bedroom.
 mitch97
Joined: 4/7/2007
Msg: 12
view profile
History
What is an exceptable level of emotion from a guy?
Posted: 4/27/2007 5:05:48 PM

If you feel it say it...I have held feelings in before (good and bad) and its not a good feeling...if she runs well then find someone who can accept it.


Do you agree with K-Lo though that too much too soon is bad? I can't help but agree with her, but everyone's definition of "too soon" is different. For me, I don't feel deeply for someone very often, but when I do, I do. She obviously wasn't into feeling anything close to what I was feeling, so that made it hard from the start.
 ~LoriMac~
Joined: 3/12/2006
Msg: 13
What is an exceptable level of emotion from a guy?
Posted: 4/27/2007 5:12:14 PM
I can see how too much too soon will make her run...but i wonder if your not on the same page then maybe its indicitive of other issues. I have dated guys who freaked me out by being wayyyyyyyyyy to into me really early...but that was just because i had doubts about the relationship. I wasnt that into them and maybe in time i could have gotten into them but i wasnt getting the spark and connection they were that early. I am not sure it would ever have gotten to where we were on the same page. I dont know...i just think it should be close to the same for both of you.I love when you both want to say it.

we are talking about the L word right?
 mitch97
Joined: 4/7/2007
Msg: 14
view profile
History
What is an exceptable level of emotion from a guy?
Posted: 4/27/2007 6:45:36 PM

we are talking about the L word right?


What, lesbian? Ha...I know I know...

Well, not specifically love, but general displays of emotion. Some people say you can't show your cards. People like you say show them. I like to show them, but there's timing involved. The biggest question I have is if she didn't want to hear anything specifically from me, or didn't want to hear anything in general. She did a lot of little nice things that seemed to indicate that she liked me, like email me everyday, but I can't tell what she was about. I could hardly ever get her to meet, and I think that if you like someone you'll find time to meet. There wasn't much effort there, I felt.

And...she had to drink in order to get physical with me.
Show ALL Forums  > Ask A Girl  > What is an exceptable level of emotion from a guy?