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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Expain the phrase "My children are my top priority"?      Home login  
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 princess too
Joined: 10/15/2006
Msg: 1
Expain the phrase "My children are my top priority"?Page 1 of 45    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41)
On many profiles I have seen th phrase "my children are my top priority","my children are my life"," my children come first " etc. I wondered why men feel the need to state this fact? Is it to show that they are good parents? Is it to let the potenial new woman know that they will come in "second" ? I've never seen the phrase " my career is my top priority" , "my pets will always come first", or "my friends/family/hobbies are my life " ? Please dont think I mean this in a derogatory sense, I dont , I just really dont get the point? I find it odd and a bit of a turn off every time I read it. Yes, I dont have children, BUT I certainly wouldnt be stressing the fact when I'm looking for a relationship that my career/pets/family etc. is THE MOST important thing in my life and will come BEFORE the potential person I'm hoping to attract? These phrases, when I've read them are always the FIRST or SECOND line in the profile ? Now before I get hate emails PLEASE dont think I dislike children, I have 8 nieces and nephews I adore and spoil rotten..... So does anyone else feel that this particular wording is a red flag of what to expect if you engage in a relationship, a bit of a turn off or I am reading this wrong? Do women who HAVE children of there own take this differently than women without kids? Is it necessary to make it the focal point of a profile and why ? Just curious ...
 Larra
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 2
Expain the phrase My children are my top priority?
Posted: 4/26/2007 4:35:02 PM
I always think it's an odd thing to put in your profile. It's a given surely? Why the need to stress it. You see it more on womens' profiles than mens though.

Yeah - I have kids and they're absolutely nothing to do with any of this and whilst they are important to me they aren't my whole world (do I sound like a bad mum now?)
 LifeIsAnExperiment
Joined: 4/23/2007
Msg: 3
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Expain the phrase My children are my top priority?
Posted: 4/26/2007 4:36:32 PM
I'd figure it's to let the women know that the children will always come first. They are their top priority, I don't figure it's that hard to figure out.

They are going to choose their children over anything else.
 princess too
Joined: 10/15/2006
Msg: 4
Expain the phrase My children are my top priority?
Posted: 4/26/2007 4:44:32 PM
I dont think you are a " bad mom" larra, I think anyone who claims that their kids,career, or anything else is their whole life needs to get some balance... if you are SO preoccupied with either to make this kind of statement. I would feel like Iwouldnt be very important and thats NOT how you want that "special" person you are looking for to feel. Is it wrong to want to be first in someones eyes?
 Piano4te
Joined: 10/19/2006
Msg: 5
Expain the phrase My children are my top priority?
Posted: 4/26/2007 4:45:19 PM
I've always believed that for every parent who would say 'my children come first' in their profile, (and I find more women put it than men) there is an 'ex spouse' somewhere, who contributed in their creation, who probably felt the same way...........why should I feel I'll be treated any different....??

It's no wonder some kids don't even know that Copernicus already proved the earth revolved around the sun hundreds of years ago................
 Jellybellyjen
Joined: 2/3/2007
Msg: 6
Expain the phrase My children are my top priority?
Posted: 4/26/2007 4:46:37 PM
well my nephew comes 1st before I do, Children should always come 1st.
no man or woman should be placed 1st in front of children its just a fact!!!!
 Piano4te
Joined: 10/19/2006
Msg: 7
Expain the phrase My children are my top priority?
Posted: 4/26/2007 4:48:24 PM
I'll be curious as to what your future 'ex husband' will feel about that........
 JAZZYJ XXX
Joined: 4/6/2007
Msg: 8
Explain the phrase My children are my top priority?
Posted: 4/26/2007 5:01:58 PM
I have children...i wish to have a relationship but they must understand that my child's needs come 1st...

I think its a good thing if they write that genuinely !

but i suspect that some use that on here to sway a potential partners way of thinking ...
Ie- they are child minded... just what single mums want to hear !

JAZZY J
 fishbill
Joined: 3/19/2005
Msg: 9
Expain the phrase My children are my top priority?
Posted: 4/26/2007 5:03:09 PM
I wonder why even more women put it? They get custody 9/10 times and child support.
 MischievouslyPlayful
Joined: 2/8/2007
Msg: 10
Expain the phrase My children are my top priority?
Posted: 4/26/2007 5:03:23 PM
msg 7: well said

Unfortunately, it is not a given that someone's kid(s) comes first. I met someone off of online dating and he lied about having a daughter and proceeded to tell me she was just a monthly payment...oh be still my beating heart! Needless to say I never saw him again - major turn off to refer to a child like that.

I think there should be balance - and an understanding between what a child wants and what a child needs. Personally, I don't want to be in a relationship where I would always come in last...sometimes a person needs to feel like the priority in a relationship...
 CaughtUPeekin
Joined: 4/15/2007
Msg: 11
Expain the phrase My children are my top priority?
Posted: 4/26/2007 5:05:40 PM
As soon as I see that someone is a parent, I automatically assume their children are their top priority, as they should be.

If someone needs that explained to them, then they are likely not going to be a good partner for someone with children.
 junipermoon
Joined: 3/1/2006
Msg: 12
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Expain the phrase My children are my top priority?
Posted: 4/26/2007 5:06:50 PM
the guys just like to think of themselves as devoted fathers.

why look for something sinister in it?
 mphzguy
Joined: 6/10/2006
Msg: 13
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Expain the phrase My children are my top priority?
Posted: 4/26/2007 5:10:06 PM
You know I've wondered the same thing when I see that on a woman's profile. Like others here have said, most people think that's a 'gimme'. But I also have felt a little twinge as I've read it before almost screaming in the back of my mind, "You'll never be important enough in my life to come first!" There seems to be something quite different in me just assuming it and actually 'hearing' it. I'm glad you mentioned this, I thought I was weird for feeling that way.
 blip
Joined: 9/28/2006
Msg: 14
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Expain the phrase My children are my top priority?
Posted: 4/26/2007 5:21:24 PM
I have 100% custody of my daughter, and therefore, as her sole provider, she has 100% of my attention and devotion. If she is sick, or has a homework project, that is my duty as her parent to be there for her. Above my own needs. So when I say in my profile, that my daughter comes before anything......that is EXACTLY what it means. I am a good daddy to my daughter, and nothing comes before her. If my daughter is sick, I must cancel any previous plans. If my daughter and a potential mate do not get along, my daughter comes first. She is everything to me. And my heart soars when I hear her tell me every night, that I am her favorite person. It keeps me going. So when someone says "My child(ren) are my life". It means that their world revolves around them (kids). That is what good parents do.

JD
 rjpeagles
Joined: 11/30/2005
Msg: 15
Expain the phrase My children are my top priority?
Posted: 4/26/2007 5:23:47 PM
I find the statement to mean that some women sure must have dealt with some shallow, idiotic men in their past.

Why even talk to someone who needs it pointed out to them?
 tdh46
Joined: 1/7/2007
Msg: 16
Expain the phrase My children are my top priority?
Posted: 4/26/2007 5:28:03 PM
Only a total fool that's never had kids would have to ask for that statement to be explained. For a parent no explanation of that statement is required.

I have no issue with a woman i am dating putting her kids ahead of everything else. That's how it should be, It shows me something about that person, it tell me we have the same values. If you're dating a single mom and you get all bent out of shape because she put her kids first, You're an idiot.
 ________
Joined: 12/24/2006
Msg: 17
Explain the phrase My children are my top priority?
Posted: 4/26/2007 5:34:18 PM

On many profiles I have seen the phrase "my children are my top priority", "my children are my life", " my children come first " I wondered why men feel the need to state this fact? Is it to show that they are good parents?


Likely to strike a chord with the 93% of women with children who have "my children are my top priority" on their profiles I would think. But it often has that "doth protest too much" quality.
 MischievouslyPlayful
Joined: 2/8/2007
Msg: 18
Expain the phrase My children are my top priority?
Posted: 4/26/2007 5:36:10 PM
JD, I don't have kids but I can understand what you are saying.

The thought that ran across my head as I read your post was - I have dated too many guys that had moms who gave up everything to nuture and raise them and then can't let go when the child becomes an adult and wants their own life - maybe because the mother didn't take time to do anything for herself (and build other relationships outside of her child) and has nothing to hang on to when the child "flies out of the nest".

I am just suggesting balance - between a childs wants and needs. Parents are people too with needs, right?
 migivadamsbusted
Joined: 3/10/2007
Msg: 19
Expain the phrase My children are my top priority?
Posted: 4/26/2007 5:36:59 PM
it means...if my kids got sick or needed my attention they got it! if it meant canceling a date so be it. it ticked guys off but oh well they took a hike. which just proved they weren't someone to go continue seeing.
 seraph_lori
Joined: 3/12/2007
Msg: 20
Expain the phrase My children are my top priority?
Posted: 4/26/2007 5:39:47 PM
i have always wondered also why woman do it? they sometimes write the most abrasive things in profile as if to scare away any man who may want to meet them.. I a
adore my kids, but I would not be so quick to always side with the children or turn away from my fella just because the kids want me too. I sometimes wonder what man would be desperate enough to jump into a friendship with such strong-angry sounding woman... and a man? If he has children I would be to his the same a mi own , albeit if he made me always take second place , i would just move on... although we may remain friends..
 Indigo rose
Joined: 3/17/2007
Msg: 21
Explain the phrase My children are my top priority?
Posted: 4/26/2007 5:43:17 PM
More Mothers SHOULD put their children first Daddy's too!!!...
I put that phrase "My children are my top priority" right up there with:

No liars= they ARE liars
nice guy= NOT nice
no games= game players
kids come first= I see them when I come home to shower
 princess too
Joined: 10/15/2006
Msg: 22
Expain the phrase My children are my top priority?
Posted: 4/26/2007 5:44:03 PM
OK so please EXPLAIN what does " children being the top priority " mean? Besides that you have and love your children? Why say it in a profile? What are you really telling me if I enter into a relationship with you? What would someone think if I had in my profile " my career is my top priority"? Anyone else relate to this or am I way out in left field here? I realize children ARE a top priority BUT like the role of my career in my life, for example, this should just be something thats acknowledged thru getting to know one another. When you throw it out there as your main topic it can give the impression that anyone else coming into the situation had better take it or leave it.....
 MischievouslyPlayful
Joined: 2/8/2007
Msg: 23
Expain the phrase My children are my top priority?
Posted: 4/26/2007 5:47:31 PM

Only a total fool that's never had kids would have to ask


tdh46 - isn't that response a little heated? Everyone thinks differently.
 moon_fish
Joined: 10/8/2006
Msg: 24
Expain the phrase My children are my top priority?
Posted: 4/26/2007 5:55:03 PM
when I read that... I tend to think they have some emotional problems.... as kids never come first... god comes first, then me... if I cant take care of myself, how the hell can I take care of my kids? They are people with goofy priorities out there, and the "kids come first" people are unbalnaced... the only time kids come first is when they are little babies and can not feed, diaper themselves and need 24 hr. supervision.... and if thats the case, they should be home with the babies, not out dating.
 dave1234
Joined: 11/7/2004
Msg: 25
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Expain the phrase My children are my top priority?
Posted: 4/26/2007 5:55:26 PM
I think people state that because the child is fulfilling part of the roll of a partner. For example, I have seen single parents discuss financial matters with childen which I feel is not appropriate at a young age. The child can not do anything about it. While teaching children about money, in general, is certainly appropriate I feel, in some cases, it's simply transferring the worry onto the child.

The child becomes a confidant. We all seek someone to discuss everyday things with and it's natural to discuss more and more with ones child the longer one is partner-less.

Putting ones children first is "natural" in the sense of "needs", safety, health, etc. so as to insure the child's survival. It is not natural in the context of "wants". One would "naturally" put their partner first as the partner was necessary for survival of all.

Times have changed. Partners used to be together before children, during childraising and after the children left home. Children were a "part" of a person's life and ones partner was ones life. The opposite is usually true today.
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Expain the phrase "My children are my top priority"?