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 AUTHOR
 tballin
Joined: 8/30/2006
Msg: 2
New? Are you ready for this?Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
I wasnt ready at all, but when I first started I was married and was just checkin out the forums, now that I am single for a bit , I think that I am ready, ladies, come find me.
 Dr_Evil*
Joined: 10/5/2006
Msg: 3
New? Are you ready for this?
Posted: 4/27/2007 12:19:16 PM
I will admit that when I first started I wasn't really ready.

Since then, I have realized that although I am looking to eventually wind-up with someone for a long-term relationship; I have discovered that I need to take my time to determine compatibility.

That is why I have chosen "Friends" as to what I am looking for; as opposed to dating, or long-term.

No matter what your individual situation may be; I feel that without knowing who you are; and ultimately, what you are looking for, you will not be ready.

In order to be there for someone else, you have to know yourself.

There is a saying that goes something like this: "How can you expect to love somebody else, if you don't love yourself?"

I refuse to jump into a "relationship" just because it is convenient, or available; before establishing that we are both at the same place; and that we have taken the time to REALLY get to know each other.

IMO.

;-P



 Bigandtalldancer
Joined: 1/1/2006
Msg: 5
New? Are you ready for this?
Posted: 4/27/2007 12:47:46 PM
^^^^^I totally agree with the above two posters, well put!

Having been on here for a little over one year and having seen many people come online, in a hurry to get on with a "new" life. Watching them rush in "pick out" and take off with their new love can be somewhat dizzying at times.

Then we see them return to the "well", somewhat quieter and not so quick to jump into something again, sometimes even changing what they are looking for to "friends".

Why is this? In most cases they "think" they are ready and that the healing (repairing) period of a minimum one year (better at two) does not apply to their situation. People seem to "think" that they are an exception to this rule in almost every case!

Wow, self deception or what?

Was I ready when I came online? NOPE! That is why I came looking for "friends".
Did the experience help me through the stages? YUP! I found "friends" who helped in the transition.
Am I ready now? Most likely! But now I have a new network of "friends" to help me in my search!
Am I in a hurry? NOPE!
Am I looking for a relationship? NOPE! One will find me when the time is right! If one goes "looking" for a relationship it usually gets chased away!
 Arduinna
Joined: 5/16/2006
Msg: 6
New? Are you ready for this?
Posted: 4/27/2007 12:50:35 PM
I have been separated (I think I might be divorced now actually... I should look into that) for almost 7 years. It is not so much that I am 'not ready' to date, I just choose not to date. Therefore I have that clearly stated on my profile, and it says I am just looking for friends.

If people have not spent enough time with themselves to know whether or not they are 'ready' to date, then they should not be dating. Period.

I truly believe that if you have been separated for 1 year or less, you probably shouldn't be dating - chances are you aren't ready. Of course there are exceptions to this rule - but for the most part that first year is such a mess, attempting to enter a new relationship is probably not a great idea. I am sure many people here could attest to that fact.
 First Lady
Joined: 9/17/2006
Msg: 8
New? Are you ready for this?
Posted: 4/27/2007 3:28:40 PM
Dr Evil & Bigandtalldancer - you took the words out of my mouth - how did you know what I was thinking?

I agree - too many people 'rush' into a relationship because they're lonely for a relationship. I read an article, a long time ago that it takes 3 years from start to finish to get over the emotional separation of a marriage, especially if you have younger children. Since I've been through the 'time frame' and children are all grown up - POF is where I'm making a fantastic group of friends - I have no expectations - and last but not least - I believe there's a reason for everything- what ever will be will be!
 grumpy one
Joined: 10/8/2006
Msg: 11
New? Are you ready for this?
Posted: 4/27/2007 5:57:10 PM
i agree with my lil me aka dr e i also put friends on my profile cause hey you gotta become at least friends before you make that next step. and what ever that next step may be you both should be ready for and not be one sided . hey and when and where you shall ever meet the elusive one that we all hope to be with then we all shall be better off . ( so i'm told )
 bcboy72
Joined: 3/16/2005
Msg: 12
view profile
History
New? Are you ready for this?
Posted: 4/27/2007 7:59:56 PM
I have basically taken a 2.5 hr rest


A whole 2.5 hours? Quick personal growth...

But seriously...Is anyone ever truly not ready when the right person comes along? You may think you aren't ready and miss a few opportunities, but when the right person comes along, it is my thinking, that no matter the space your mind might be in, you know. Relationships are what you make of them. Coming out of one, and into another is not as difficult as some people let it be. Take what you need (learned) from the relationship, and leave the rest behind...the past doesn't need to ruin the future.
 sherness
Joined: 1/17/2007
Msg: 14
New? Are you ready for this?
Posted: 4/28/2007 8:13:22 AM
Wow awesome thread!

I think you are damned if you do and you are damned if you don't. Wanting to date someone before getting into a serious relationship seems to have fallen to the wayside. There are men and women (not gonna pick sides) that feel one date is a relationship make. NOT

For me personally, I like the traditional 'courting' between a man and a woman. Taking time to get to know one another as friends before taking the plunge into something more serious. It takes time to develop equal footing on what you are both looking for and the best way to achieve it. Certainly doesn't happen overnight. *unless of course you are Stuart Townsend..if you are..come to my house please please please* (ok so I'm obsesed with the guy)

I have recently updated my profile to give a better idea of what I'm looking for. True it says 'dating', which in fact is what I chose to do. However, right now it is more like an accummulation of friends that I am gathering rather than a pile of broken hearts because I refuse to get into a serious relationship after 1 or 2 dates. NOT GONNA DO IT and YA CAN'T MAKE ME

This is definitely a personal choice for everyone. We are all on different emotional playing fields and ultimately the decision to either step one foot at a time into the water or jump head first without lookin is their own.

Sooner or later I'm sure that blasted 'Cupid' will find my ass and shove an arrow into it, but for now I remain elusive and single. Who knows what tomorrow will bring? Maybe Stuart Townsend declaring his ultimate love for me

Be who you are. Be upfront and honest and let the chips fall where they may.

Just my humble opinion as always.

Sher
 Yet2FindU
Joined: 4/10/2007
Msg: 15
New? Are you ready for this?
Posted: 4/28/2007 8:36:14 AM
I know I'm not ready but that's why I want
to email for a while and make friends first.
I need sloooooooooow.
 musicnut46
Joined: 2/21/2006
Msg: 17
New? Are you ready for this?
Posted: 4/28/2007 11:21:15 AM
The first meeting is just that unless sparks fly. If they start a fire,might become a relationship. Hopefully it leads to meeting again,becoming Friends and who knows. All animals court,it rocks. You can get to know someone well enough online to know what will happen if do meet. That's can be why you don't meet. The events suck that way...people can't get it through thick skulls that they're just hang-out have fun acquaintances. I consider it a relationship if she lets you get to know the kids and sleep-over and the sort of long-term stuff. Should be separate sites for different playing levels. You're just you and have as much fun as you deserve to and you just never know.
 BbyWayne
Joined: 3/18/2007
Msg: 18
view profile
History
New? Are you ready for this?
Posted: 4/28/2007 11:40:31 AM
Ready for what? I assume that that is what we have the categories for. I put "Hang Out" because that is what I feel comfortable with right now and because I think that is how things should start. It's like kids in a sandbox -- just put them in there and get out of the way -- they and mother nature will take care of a lot.

Some women who are looking for a LTR block guys who choose Hang Out. I have been disappointed in at least one that I felt some interest in. But, I respect their choice (whether or not I could send them an email).

I've been reading lots of profiles and have been to a couple of events. If I feel like joining in conversation, I do; if not, I don't. If I feel like asking someone to dance, I do; if not, I don't. I love the freedom .. maybe too much. :-)
 Northwest from Eden
Joined: 12/22/2007
Msg: 21
New? Are you ready for this?
Posted: 8/23/2008 11:07:44 AM
I wasn't ready when I joined the site last year. I thought I was, only to realize I did it because I was disappointed on the guy that I was seeing. The good thing, I met a friend that helped me in some ways.

Sad to say I made wrong desicions in about 2 months after I joined. I was a troubled soul. I deleted my profile and didn't date for a while. I signed up again to check the forums, randomly posting.

Am I ready now? I don't know. People have many expectations. Expectation comes disappointment. Having said that, I will try this again one of these days. I'll just do it with the right perspective...hopefully.
 punem264
Joined: 7/26/2007
Msg: 22
New? Are you ready for this?
Posted: 8/31/2008 7:25:39 PM
I have been 0n the site now for a year and I was very ready to go on here OP.
 *RINGS
Joined: 5/31/2008
Msg: 23
New? Are you ready for this?
Posted: 9/1/2008 1:42:19 AM
every day is a new beginning & i treat it that way......
stay away from what might have been ....look at what can be and what is...

every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end...

relationships are like a handful of sand..........
when you hold it to tightly it slips through your fingers .......

when something doesn't last forever....
it doesn't mean that it wasn't exactly what you needed for the time that it did last....

my life is never on hold,i'm living my next chapter in my life...with or without someone else..for now...
but when the next girl ..arrives ...in my life ...i'm Ready willing & able.....to see where it goes...
 * L *
Joined: 7/13/2007
Msg: 24
view profile
History
New? Are you ready for this?
Posted: 9/1/2008 2:47:14 AM
It's way easier to sit at home and eat fudge & corn dogs in my housecoat.
 Bella™
Joined: 6/4/2008
Msg: 25
New? Are you ready for this?
Posted: 9/1/2008 3:08:18 AM
^^^^ I'd bet you're not wearing a housecoat.


How ready are you or were you when you started online dating?


Apparently a lot more ready than I thought. Who new?

 mo-mo
Joined: 6/10/2007
Msg: 26
New? Are you ready for this?
Posted: 9/1/2008 3:39:26 AM

I dont know if you have to be ready for the onslot of mail




Nothing has changed much...... just now i have somewhere to post nonsense
 Pantherrrrr642001
Joined: 6/10/2007
Msg: 27
New? Are you ready for this?
Posted: 9/1/2008 7:53:02 AM
Thanks Rings I needed to read that. Shares-ies?
Signed.... one of those "cereal" daters ... HAHAHA only thing I wake up to every morning.
 Da Sassy Bratt
Joined: 8/10/2008
Msg: 28
New? Are you ready for this?
Posted: 9/1/2008 8:52:55 AM

Well, actually, I laughed at myself for considering this stuff. A website to date? I definitely couldn't tell folks in town!!
..... I used to tell {especially} family that it was a singles "Social Club", was kinda embarrassed to say a Dating site!

When I 1st came on wasn't ready for more than friends......but more than ready now to meet new people & hopefully one day meet that special someone, but in the meantime, enjoy everyday, 1 day at a time!
 flybyknight
Joined: 12/2/2007
Msg: 29
New? Are you ready for this?
Posted: 9/7/2008 8:47:53 AM
hmm, interesting posts!.....If one can get rid of most or all of the bitterness of past breakups, then I think they (I) can have fun meeting people and be open to a possible new relationship.
i think i'll change from "long term" to "dating"....long term is my wish but it sounds too serious, but then dating can sound like a player, and hang-out and friends too casual...yeesshh!!....Any ladies wanna be friends, hang-out, date and then have a LTR??
 starfire56
Joined: 10/2/2007
Msg: 30
New? Are you ready for this?
Posted: 9/8/2008 8:28:20 AM

Hmmm, not sure if I'm ready for this or not. Actually I'm not really sure what "this" is.
I started out with Long Term, thought that was a bit much of a request from people I've never met so went to Dating; that was really less than successful so I thought maybe I'd make a good Friend; now I just wonder if anyone returns messages?????

Face to face, women never have a problem speaking to me - here, I'm now feeling like I'm stalking someone with every keystroke - good god, can desperation be unconciously embedded in "Hi, howz things?" ???????

Seriously, last night I messaged a women who had checked out my profile with a "thanks for stopping by" and today not only did she not reply she's deleted her profile!!!!! Maybe I need better pictures?!?!?!

(All said with tongue somewhat in cheek - though I confess I do find the behaviour on here to be confusing to say the least)
 samadongshi2
Joined: 6/22/2006
Msg: 31
New? Are you ready for this?
Posted: 9/8/2008 9:02:25 AM
ready, willing and able and soooo wished i knew about this long time ago cuz then, I would have saved alot of heartache and money.
Never been on any other dating site and what for as many pple who swim on the pond r also on those sites as welll. It's just the same repeat performers if u know what I mean.
If ur not ready to date ur just screwing urselves around by wasting pples time, energy and effort as well as developing a reputation of being a player or a biaotch.
 NotBroken
Joined: 11/26/2007
Msg: 32
New? Are you ready for this?
Posted: 9/9/2008 3:19:24 PM
When I joined, I knew I was ready for something, but I didn't know what - so I said "dating". I met someone through the site who was looking for "hang out", and we hit it off. We "dated" exclusively for about six months. In the end, we both realised we were not right for each other but have remained very good friends.

Now, in the text of my profile, I say "dating with an eye to the future". His says "dating". We both learned something ;)

*************************************************************************

This much I know.

In our brief joy I learned
I’m not so broken -
And am able,
Ready to be whole again,
To give myself completely.
 Wreckin Ball
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 33
New? Are you ready for this?
Posted: 10/1/2008 3:40:56 AM
Who is EVER ready to have their heart ripped out of their chest, stomped on, set on fire, hosed down then stuffed up their ass? oh boy, such FUN!
 *RINGS
Joined: 5/31/2008
Msg: 34
New? Are you ready for this?
Posted: 10/1/2008 9:52:18 AM
^^^^^ ^^^^^ ^^^^^ ^^^^^ ^^^^^ ^^^^^^^^ ^^^^^^^^

Who is EVER ready to have their heart ripped out of their chest,stomped on,set on fire,hosed down then stuffed up their ass?oh boy,such FUN!


dam..... that sounds painful.....and it is.....i'm going through it right now....

very nicely put... and very accurate.....

i pray for this to be over.. so i don't have to think about it, every second of the day........

& so i can lose that heavy feeling in my head and chest..

and then maybe start really sleeping at night again...what a concept..


still, i will miss them with all my heart....dam, life is Cruel....

the sweeter it was... the harder the crash....

the more you cared is directly = to the amount of pain you will Suffer



it's ironic that your heart is the only thing that keeps working, after it's broke...



so, ok sure....i'm ready for this......:(..NEXT..
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