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 linmar207
Joined: 3/17/2007
Msg: 1
Does anyone like being alone better? Can you take or leave having a relationship?Page 1 of 14    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)
I ask this because I've been single for a number of years and I've grown accustomed to being content with myself. Most times when I date, we usually end up having a fabulous time and it turns into another date. But then I find myself wanting to have my alone time back rather shortly after I start dating. I become selfish about my time and I end up sabotaging yet another developing relationship. So, I'm usually drawn to men who are uncommitted so there isn't a demand on my time. Are others experiencing this and is it because we are happy with being alone and just filling in the void occasionally? That's my opinion on it. It would be wonderful to find a match that isn't demanding of my time and allows space without insecurities. The balance would be in knowing when we should spend valuable time together and when!
 MapleSweet
Joined: 10/6/2006
Msg: 2
Does anyone like being alone better? Can you take or leave having a relationship?
Posted: 4/28/2007 9:21:03 PM
I can be content being alone by myself, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't be even more happy sharing my life with somebody someday. I think most people need some alone time whether they're in a relationship or not. I know when I'm in a creative mood (for writing, art projects, etc) I like to have my own alone time. When we find the right one to love, the dynamics change and we crave time together, and cherish it, but we still need some time on our own to keep being the person we were before we were 'two.' Maybe you think you're sabotaging the relationship because you know somewhere in the back of your mind that he's not the right one for you. Just a thought...
 Anneli
Joined: 3/28/2007
Msg: 3
Does anyone like being alone better? Can you take or leave having a relationship?
Posted: 4/28/2007 9:52:32 PM
Interesting thread. Actually, I think a lot of 45+ feel this way, but just don't want to admit it. I value my time alone, and think it IS wonderful to have the space to be creative and artistic. Or do whatever one wants to do. I've seen similar ideas expressed in various forms throughout the 45+ forums, and it makes me wonder if any of us are truly seeking a committed relationship on a 24/7 basis, or just looking to date/hang-out and have companionship occasionally?

Frankly, there is nothing wrong with being content alone. It's when you are DESPERATE and feel LONELY, that the trouble begins. You know what I mean ladies/gents, don't you?
 GirlWarrior
Joined: 4/3/2006
Msg: 4
Does anyone like being alone better? Can you take or leave having a relationship?
Posted: 4/28/2007 9:57:52 PM
Oh boy! I was having this same conversation with a friend today. . . about how I jealously covet my freedom and I'm not sure I want to give that up for a man. I am extremely happy in my life right now.

I have quite a few friends and most of them offer what I need in the way of a relationship, without the intimacy. I'm not alone, I am just without a SO. I don't miss it.

After being married, having the freedom to do as I wish without having to report to another is very liberating. I am happy to not have to worry about whether something is done up to another person's standards. Mostly, I don't want to share my bedroom or bathroom with another person. I like my privacy, I like my own space.

I missed the amount of physical activity I used to do before I was married. I found that after I got divorced, I reverted back to much of my single behavior, which includes spending a great deal of time in athletic endeavors. I don't think I would be willing to give that up, so I know any man would have to want to do those things with me. And that's tough to find because I see very few men over 40 at my gym.

I think I'm less apt to sacrifice.

What I am wondering is if this idea of having a long-term relationship really "fits" with my lifestyle. I sometimes wonder if an FWB relationship might not be more in line with my current situation, just someone to sort of date, with the knowledge it is never going any further.

If you figure it out, please let me know. This has been on my mind for the past year.
 Geneseo
Joined: 2/27/2007
Msg: 5
Does anyone like being alone better? Can you take or leave having a relationship?
Posted: 4/28/2007 10:22:51 PM
In response to the OP: Yes, I'm pretty much the same way. I can spend a day or maybe two with someone, but by 48 hours I get the urge to go home and relax by myself.

I think that perhaps, I was never able to find a close enough connection with someone, where I feel totally comfortable being around them for an extended amount of time.
This is not to say, that I wouldn't like to find such a connection, but for some reason, it has always alluded me. Perhaps I am lacking in some human quality that makes such a bond possible. Perhaps all the good ones are already taken.

Also, I am highly alergic to Drama, and it seems that I keep ending up with drama junkies.

I'm not saying that unfortunate situations never need to be addressed or that they should be avoided completely. However, I'm the kind of person, that if something is not very serious, such as a major illness, loss of an arm or both legs, decapitation, starvation, or my cat being stuck up in a very high tree, I am not bothered because it can be fixed by throwing money at it, setting it on fire, pissing on it, or just ignoring it until it goes away.
In other words, I don't sweat the small stuff, and people who make a big production out of them, really annoy me.
 rOckNrollChiCk33
Joined: 3/10/2007
Msg: 6
Does anyone like being alone better? Can you take or leave having a relationship?
Posted: 4/28/2007 11:05:34 PM
i think the 24/7 thing could never work for me. i'm 42, never married, don't play games and hate drama..........would love to have a sex life, but can't do that just casually anymore, so i've painted myself into an unwanted corner of celibacy.

get me out.
 olhippychik
Joined: 10/12/2006
Msg: 7
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Does anyone like being alone better? Can you take or leave having a relationship?
Posted: 4/29/2007 12:21:36 AM
I do enjoy being alone. On the other hand, I miss having that special someone to share my thoughts and dreams or cuddle up with.
What I found, with the couple of people I actually meet, was that they were very smothering. They would call constantly, want to do something every night or call and say they were just around the corner (when they lived an hour away). After the first time we went out, it was like... time to pack the bags cause we're moving in together. I don't know if it's that they were desperate or I just didn't connect on the same level.
So, Can I take or leave a relationship?
Ones like that I can.....
Do I want to spend the rest of my life alone?
No...
Will I?
Maybe....but I won't stop looking for that one special someone that will make me say.....time to pack the bags.
 Oaklady
Joined: 9/11/2006
Msg: 8
Does anyone like being alone better? Can you take or leave having a relationship?
Posted: 4/29/2007 12:42:05 AM
I love being alone! I have all kinds of fun by myself with no one else here to consider. However, I'd like to have someone around for those times when I'm finished playing with myself
 Playful human
Joined: 4/23/2005
Msg: 9
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Does anyone like being alone better? Can you take or leave having a relationship?
Posted: 4/29/2007 2:49:35 AM
This quote from my profile describes part of what I'm looking for (and what I practice): "She is at ease with silence and understands, and ideally practices, solitude."
 claypot
Joined: 3/7/2006
Msg: 10
Does anyone like being alone better? Can you take or leave having a relationship?
Posted: 4/29/2007 3:37:14 AM
LOL, OP, get out of my head.
Having 21yrs single under my belt, I have become good friends with myself, BUT, there are times when I want to kick myself out the door for the night, so I could engage in some REAL adult fun

But once the partys over, there I stand alone once again, and say, whew, wasn't that fun, sure glad it's over.

We all can stand alone, and can be VERY content, 99% of the time. It's just that other 1% that is the killer.
 jazzy73703
Joined: 5/11/2006
Msg: 11
Does anyone like being alone better? Can you take or leave having a relationship?
Posted: 4/29/2007 4:49:06 AM
I like LIVING alone..just not BEING alone all the time. In a perfect world...I would find my guy...but we'd both have separate houses. We could spend time at his house, or at mine. But we would always have our own places to go back to occasionally for alone time. Its difficult to be alone with yourself, to have your own personal privacy when you actually share an abode with someone...not to mention everything else that goes along with living with someone. I like watching what I want on tv without having to fight over the remote...or...splitting up and watching in separate rooms. I like eating what I want when I want and not having to worry about cooking a meal if I don't want to. But on the other hand, I do enjoy the company of a good looking man..
jazzy
 Phantom1954
Joined: 3/26/2007
Msg: 12
Does anyone like being alone better? Can you take or leave having a relationship?
Posted: 4/29/2007 5:22:07 AM
I like LIVING alone..just not BEING alone all the time
This exactly how I feel right now. At my age, it's nice to do what I want, when I want, for however long I want, without having to worry about someone else's feelings about it. But every once in a while it would be nice to share a movie, a meal, an evening with a special someone. However I'm not willing to break down and get into a marriage or common-law situation right now just to have those things. Can't have everything, and I choose to have my independance and my own space.
 highwater
Joined: 4/24/2006
Msg: 13
Does anyone like being alone better? Can you take or leave having a relationship?
Posted: 4/29/2007 6:07:36 AM
Very nice, I see where you are coming from. At times I feel the same way. Dating is fun, but a long term relationship can be a pain if you let it. If we could be honest with each other and just say," I enjoy my alone time. It's not that I don't like you at times I just want to be alone." Hopefully a relationship can grow this way. The more you get to know the person and LIKE them. I think you want to spend more and more time with them. I don't think anyone wants to be alone all the time. Nor be with someone all the time. If you respect someone and their privicy and like them you want them to be happy. Balance is the key.
 deep-sky
Joined: 8/12/2006
Msg: 14
Does anyone like being alone better? Can you take or leave having a relationship?
Posted: 4/29/2007 6:29:18 AM
I agree with olhippychick......
I want a man in my life, but not in my house.

At least not anyone I've met so far. But I'm still holding out that hope that one day I will find that one true connection that will make me change that idea.
 ryouforme
Joined: 12/31/2006
Msg: 15
Does anyone like being alone better? Can you take or leave having a relationship?
Posted: 4/29/2007 6:49:31 AM
I am enjoying my renewed relationship with an old beau. While we like spending time together, we both admit to relishing our alone time and having our own space. I have come to the point where I acknowledge that I no longer need a man in my life, having been self-reliant and comfortable with my own company/pursuits for many years. As others have already said, I do like going home to my "own little piece of heaven", that sanctuary I have made into a comfortable home that relaxes and revives me. Even while I state the last point I admit that I want a man's companionship and love.

I used to be adamant that I wanted to get married, having never experienced that. That is no longer a priority, though if he were to ask me I would give it serious consideration. He is a good man; one with whom I can truly imagine enjoying the golden years.
 ryouforme
Joined: 12/31/2006
Msg: 16
Does anyone like being alone better? Can you take or leave having a relationship?
Posted: 4/29/2007 6:58:01 AM
In response to rocknrollchick,
I too chose to be celibate, away from the dating scene, for many years - nearly nine. When I met my current beau a few years ago, his personality and caring nature caught my attention. I actually spent several months cultivating a friendship with him, all the while trying to decide if I wanted to ask him out, let alone jump on the dating wagon again.

After several bumps and breaks, we find ourselves back together. I do agree with you that the 24/7 thing may be difficult after so many years of singleness. But in the end, I am glad I took the time to get to know him, and got the nerve up to ask him out way back when.
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 17
Does anyone like being alone better? Can you take or leave having a relationship?
Posted: 4/29/2007 7:01:15 AM
If a person cannot be alone with him/herself, why should anyone else want to be with that person? Many of us NEED alone time, but it doesn't mean that we don't want people with whom to share ourselves.

Having just ended a three month relationship, I can emphatically state that being alone is much better than being with someone who doesn't fit the bill in all ways. There is such a thing as compromise, of course, but one cannot develop a personality late in life.
 Guesswhoo
Joined: 8/12/2006
Msg: 18
Does anyone like being alone better? Can you take or leave having a relationship?
Posted: 4/29/2007 7:06:44 AM
Does anyone really like being alone, or is that an easier statement to say when we think of the pain, the ups and downs, the possible struggle and hurt a relationship might bring if it doesnt work. Does fear overtake us in truly being honest about this?
 Muskoka Gold
Joined: 4/18/2006
Msg: 19
Does anyone like being alone better? Can you take or leave having a relationship?
Posted: 4/29/2007 8:13:17 AM
Does anyone really like being alone, or is that an easier statement to say when we think of the pain, the ups and downs, the possible struggle and hurt a relationship might bring if it doesn't work.

I don't like being alone.
I'm alone though, because I didn't have a choice. For the first five years, I avoided entering into another relationship because I didn't want to risk my heart, by loving someone again, with the possibiity that I may have to bury them.
I've reconciled this fear within myself and am prepared now to risk loving again and having a relationship.
Other posters have mentioned that they are content with having their time and their homes to themselves. So, they're not sure they want a permanent 24/7 relationship. But, I think when two people enter into a relationship together, this is a concern that needs to be discussed. Each person's needs and feelings about the amount of time spent together can be talked about. The amount of alone time that a person needs can also be checked out with each other. It is in the "give and take", the compromising that sets the stage for a relationship, that will benefit both people.

Does fear overtake us in truly being honest about this?

Fear overtook me...."I shot myself in the foot" for five years, until I realized what I was doing to myself, not to anybody else.
I don't think anyone wants to be lonely. So, we looks for ways to fill our days and our lonely times. And, we pretend to the outside world that we're not lonely. But, my reality is I'm lonely and I'm human and I have needs. ( please don't interpret this to mean I'm needy......... there is a difference) I need to give. I'm a giver and I have love inside of me to give. I also need to receive love and nurturing from a man, that I can't get anywhere else.
I just read somewhere that " Love" is like a muscle that needs to be exercised and used. And, I won't pretend that my heart doesn't need some exercise.'Cause if I do pretend, I'm not fooling anybody, but myself.
Muskoka
 Writer2006
Joined: 1/11/2007
Msg: 20
Does anyone like being alone better? Can you take or leave having a relationship?
Posted: 4/29/2007 8:20:20 AM
I wouldn't say I could take or leave a relationship. I think we all need companionship to a degree. However, I do prefer living alone. Since my ex moved out last spring, I've been loving the freedom to come and go as I please, and I think I'll keep it this way for a while.
 Guesswhoo
Joined: 8/12/2006
Msg: 21
Does anyone like being alone better? Can you take or leave having a relationship?
Posted: 4/29/2007 8:21:05 AM
Fear is a very damaging feeling. If a person can accept our past for what it was, what it gave to us, what it taught us and then let go of it. Only then will we be free to move on and take the risks life puts in our paths. And yes I know words can be easily said and harder to put into practise, but one has to start somewhere.

 Addictive1
Joined: 4/18/2007
Msg: 22
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Does anyone like being alone better? Can you take or leave having a relationship?
Posted: 4/29/2007 9:00:32 AM
I guess I can take or leave having a relationship. I have been single for almost 20 years now. I work for myself so many years I was developing my business and liked the idea of just coming home and being alone with no other demands.
Now at 51 years old I look around me and watch other couples, my neighbors are seniors and look after each other, each does their part and neither can do everything and the love of each other is very strong. It takes years to build that kind of support.
Alone is alright but what about when you get older? What about when the time comes when you can not look after everything yourself?
Now I am at a point in my life I would like to share time with someone, but how does one switch from being alone for 20 years to having to answer to someone? Can you get to a point and lifestyle where sharing is just to hard to do?
 SOBEIT19
Joined: 10/15/2006
Msg: 23
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Does anyone like being alone better? Can you take or leave having a relationship?
Posted: 4/29/2007 9:02:02 AM
I won't say I like it better than having someone in my life, but I'm pretty resigned to the fact that I may never stop loving my deceased husband enough to let someone else in my heart. So I am adjusting to being alone, it's not too shabby.

I relate to wanting alone time, I've gotten so used to the peace that having someone around constantly is more than I can handle.
 keriae
Joined: 4/11/2007
Msg: 24
Does anyone like being alone better? Can you take or leave having a relationship?
Posted: 4/29/2007 9:15:12 AM
I think it is a matter of whether being alone translates into lonely. I was lonely all the time when in my last relationship, now I am alone but not lonely. That is not to say I would not like to meet someone to spend my time with. I just would not expect it to be all my time, or his.In all the best relationships I have witnessed, there is time spent apart. I do miss being with someone, especially the intimacy - physical and emotional. But having missed it for a while I have come to terms with it and figure it will come or not. I can't define myself by it's existence or nonexistence. Excluding the large number of "Here for the forums" we are all here because we are seeking companionship of one sort or another. Even the forums are (is?) just another form of communcating with other people.
 NapJoe
Joined: 1/17/2007
Msg: 25
Does anyone like being alone better? Can you take or leave having a relationship?
Posted: 4/29/2007 11:43:54 AM
It depends on a number of factors. Mostly chemistry. How good are together? Is the sex good. A list of virtues in a relationship is great. But if the chemisty isn't right, the relationship suffers.

Of course, we can always like many married folks come to online sites to meeting people for those needs.

"ask this because I've been single for a number of years and I've grown accustomed to being content with myself. Most times when I date, we usually end up having a fabulous time and it turns into another date. But then I find myself wanting to have my alone time back rather shortly after I start dating. I become selfish about my time and I end up sabotaging yet another developing relationship. So, I'm usually drawn to men who are uncommitted so there isn't a demand on my time.
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