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Joined: 3/12/2007
Msg: 1
Dating Turn Off TriggersPage 1 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
Dating is tuff enough.... I recently met someone (a rarity) that I thought I could really care for... he did the usual disappearing act most guys do when they are "feeling" something is happening.. I let him come by again... we were tooling around and finally got someplace to talk , I wanted to tell him it was very hurtful to have him disappear (from Thursday to Monday... rotf) yeah I know I'm the idiot... his response triggered my turnoff trigger... The old "What do You Mean?" had barely escaped his lips before I told him to hit the road....

I wasn't speaking swahili... it was our common language of But all I have to do is hear that phrase and a guy is history... I did suffer withdrawals and all. I'm not an unfeeling person but... just wondering if anyone else out there in dating land has Triggers that Instantly Turn off a budding relationship?
Joined: 9/10/2006
Msg: 2
Dating Turn Off Triggers
Posted: 5/3/2007 5:39:11 AM
It's generally when they begin speaking.
Joined: 3/8/2007
Msg: 3
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Dating Turn Off Triggers
Posted: 5/3/2007 5:40:42 AM
Emailing them and being ignored.
Breaking dates...
Not returning phone calls when they say they are.
Joined: 2/20/2007
Msg: 4
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Dating Turn Off Triggers
Posted: 5/3/2007 5:47:44 AM
Stinky breath. Nuff said.
Joined: 3/6/2007
Msg: 5
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Dating Turn Off Triggers
Posted: 5/3/2007 5:48:05 AM

Well here we go again. MALE bashing. What is this with the bashing of both sexes? Seems like that is all I see on these forums. This is not meant to be a bashing of or anything like that. But I am sure there are men that have been through the same thing.

I for one have experienced such behavior. It is something we just have to pass over and get on with the important things in life.

Don't allow a few bad apples to spoil the whole basket. So suck it up and get on with your life.
Joined: 3/8/2007
Msg: 6
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Dating Turn Off Triggers
Posted: 5/3/2007 5:52:45 AM
I do not think she was engaging in gender specific bashing at all. She was relating an experience with a specific male.
Joined: 3/12/2007
Msg: 7
Dating Turn Off Triggers
Posted: 5/3/2007 5:55:05 AM
Not Bashing Males..I think I'm being harder on myself for not being more forgiving.. The question is... Does any one else have a turn off trigger that is a deal breaker in a budding relationship. and expression... a remark... an action... Personally I love men.. have a lot of good male friends.... but when it comes to love that's another story, am I being too picky?
Joined: 2/27/2007
Msg: 8
Dating Turn Off Triggers
Posted: 5/3/2007 6:19:38 AM
A big one for me is waiters/waitresses, cashiers, etc. And if you're rude to me or to my family or friends,
Joined: 1/12/2006
Msg: 9
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Dating Turn Off Triggers
Posted: 5/3/2007 6:23:52 AM
My turnoff trigger is when a woman decides to tell me how very hurtful it is that I disappeared from Thursday to Monday. It's insecurity I don't want to deal with when she could have just asked me what I was up to.

Rather than leaving on the spot, I'll usually give her a "what do you mean", so that she will just go stomp off like a child.

And then my job is done ;)
Joined: 4/29/2007
Msg: 10
Dating Turn Off Triggers
Posted: 5/3/2007 6:24:54 AM
If they started to talk about being unemployed or stories of being a victim in life I would run. Also when they tended to blame everyone for thir shortcomings. I didnt go so much by phrases but general behaviors and I had to throw some back due to being fakes.
Joined: 3/1/2007
Msg: 11
Dating Turn Off Triggers
Posted: 5/3/2007 6:44:58 AM
I think my triggers are several. First, if he is half hour late and hasn't called me to tell me he's running late. Also, if he tells me in his profile and emails that he is athletic and when we meet it turns out that he is at least 40 pounds over weight.
Or when I spend Thursday thru Monday away from him and when I see him again he wants to know where I was, what I was doing, and who I am doing it with - I respond with a "huh?" and he tells me that I'm being hurtful.

Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 12
Dating Turn Off Triggers
Posted: 5/3/2007 12:10:49 PM
hmmm,.....being rude,shallow,and poor grammer are a few of my triggers........and if they are a horrible kisser, I start to have feelings of regret....
Joined: 10/29/2006
Msg: 13
Dating Turn Off Triggers
Posted: 5/3/2007 12:17:22 PM
cute_physics_guy, that was too funny.
Joined: 9/4/2006
Msg: 14
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Dating Turn Off Triggers
Posted: 5/3/2007 12:38:37 PM
My take on "Thursday to Monday".

If I'm hearing from you every day for a couple of weeks and all of the sudden I don't hear from you from Thursday to Monday, no explanation I'm going to think that's odd.

I would give you the benefit of the doubt that you had an appendicitis attack and wound up in the hospital, because the last time something like that happened to me those were the circumstances (and I visited him in the hospital).

I haven't had this experience personally, but this is my take on it. If you like me well enough to be in contact every day, then you're going to tell me if you're going away for the weekend. If you don't tell me and just disappear from Thusday to Monday, you're toast and it's time for the next guy. I'm not going to tell you I'm hurt, I'm not going to tell you I'm mad -- it's not worth the time or the energy.

I hate games and I don't play them, which is probably why I'm with the boyfriend I have now, and why I married my deceased husband. Wasn't a game playing bone in either of them.

The minute I smell a game player of any variety I'm outta there.

Joined: 12/22/2006
Msg: 15
Dating Turn Off Triggers
Posted: 5/3/2007 5:18:13 PM
negative talk... especially about exes... hell... talking about exes period!!
Joined: 6/1/2006
Msg: 16
Dating Turn Off Triggers
Posted: 5/3/2007 5:27:44 PM
It must be my age and maturity, but those little games are just that: Games. You, young lady, are quite insecure, which to me would be an instant turnoff...perhaps he got a taste of that on Wed. and took thur - mon to think about what a pain in the rump you are going to be in future
Joined: 8/30/2006
Msg: 17
Dating Turn Off Triggers
Posted: 5/3/2007 5:39:30 PM
Try a disappearing act for 2 to 3 months, and when he contacts you again, I say no explanation needed. I just figure they are too busy at something else more important.

Must be the my age and maturity also, or I don't care. This is going to turn someone off too, whatever.
Joined: 12/15/2006
Msg: 18
Dating Turn Off Triggers
Posted: 5/3/2007 5:39:42 PM
I think the big problem is the expectations around what constitutes "dating" and "long term" aka as exclusive. Before the Exclusive Bomb can be dropped, it is important for all to establish parametres. To me, dating is getting together, getting to know one another, while chatting with/seeing others in that same context, then deciding who/when will be the ONE to move things on to the next level of exclusivity.

Disappearing during the "dating" stage is not a problem with me. I have no ownership over this person's time, and they have none over me. I know for a lot of people that this is the "make-or-break" stage and that is what makes it all so difficult for many of us. We all have different expectations but we rarely communicate them to the other party.

Ultimately many of us (notice I said "many" not all) are looking for exclusivity and jump the gun doing so. Or they totally miss the boat and misread the others' intentions. This sounds like an old hackneyed response but communication is key!
Hackneyed or not, it bears repeating.
 the girl next door39
Joined: 4/18/2007
Msg: 19
Dating Turn Off Triggers
Posted: 5/3/2007 5:43:46 PM
Turn-off triggers for me:

1) Everything is about them. When conversing, you can't get a word in edgewise - they've done everything in life better, faster, bla bla. They constantly try to "one-up" your experiences, stories, you name it. They take zero interest in you/learning anything about you because, well, it's all about them. *yawn*

2) Guys who can't stop talking about their ex - whether it's "my ex was the greatest thing since sliced bread" or "my ex was a beeeotch on wheels." Next.

3) The Obnoxious. The kind who must always be the center of attention, to the point of being downright embarassing, loud, boisterous - if he's not trying to make strangers laugh, he's trying to make the waitress laugh. It's like being out with a wannabe-comedian with ADHD. Next.

4) Those who ask very personal questions on the first couple of dates. It's not that I'm a prude but really, come on, must you really ask me on our first date if I have a sex toy collection or if I'll be 'puttin' out on the 3rd date'? Um, NEXT.

5) The dude who has his cell phone glued to his ear. He's taking personal calls, obviously, by what I'm hearing him say. Phone doesn't stop ringing - and he takes all calls - and no, it's not a work cell and no, he's not on-call for work. He's just a tool.

6) The kind who, on the first couple of dates, looks at you like he wants to eat you for lunch - and starts talking about how he can 'just tell' that you're "the one"........... and he's wayyyyyyyyyyyy too intense, practically talking about picking out china patterns and booking the church. Scary. Next.

7) Stanley Groper. This is the type who's clearly a descendent of the octopus family. All over you like a dirty shirt and this is on the first date. You put your hand on my thigh or grab my a$$ and you're done like dinner.

There. I think that should about cover it :-)
Joined: 10/10/2006
Msg: 20
Dating Turn Off Triggers
Posted: 5/3/2007 5:51:01 PM
Making promises they don't keep.
Bad kissers.
Joined: 4/23/2007
Msg: 21
Dating Turn Off Triggers
Posted: 5/3/2007 5:52:33 PM
yep...hate the talking about the ex thing...HATE it

HATE the guy who had bad mexican food earlier in the day and tells me about it while running to the bathroom on our date. gross.

hate when they dont shave and want to kiss me and jack up my face with their stubble. Ow.

dislike when they dont open my door. I know I am capable, but it just shows me that he cares a little.

Dont like the ones who say, "I can't imagine why you are single. ur so perfect". Gag me, k?

dislike people who show up late. HATE it.

I guess that is it for now. :)
Joined: 10/29/2006
Msg: 22
Dating Turn Off Triggers
Posted: 5/3/2007 5:53:41 PM
When they start talking about the other date they are going on right after this one.
Joined: 4/27/2007
Msg: 23
Dating Turn Off Triggers
Posted: 5/3/2007 6:03:33 PM
An instant turn off for me is if a guy checks my caller ID after I have only been out with him a few times. What's mail? Looking through my purse?
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 24
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Dating Turn Off Triggers
Posted: 5/3/2007 6:03:34 PM
"recently met" is the phrase that kinda sticks out. I have an LDR and we both live in storm prone areas...both weathered our computers harddrives crashing and power outages. Stuff does happen beyond anyone's control, a couple of days wouldn't send me into panic mode. I'd just be worried that something happened to him.
Then again, we were already in an established and secure relationship. And not "recently met". It is rare, granted, but we did have that mutuality of interest from the beginning.
If it's new, then interest may differ, may wax and wane. Personally, I don't have patience for that, I have no problem with making my interest or lack of it known. When someone says, I'll be online, I'll call...all well and good but never sat in front of the computer or the phone after the prearranged time. But I'm not the average duck in the pond...and puleeze, not that I'm all that special or great, but me and my time ARE important to me and I choose how I spend it.
The forums are interesting and entertaining, particularly the threads about the dating "rules" or when someone has figured it all out. So amusing, I cut through all the BS personally, if there's not mutually expressed interest, then I'm doing something else and enjoying it!!
Bottom line is either both or interested or not, and both are just as interested as the other and will spend time investing in whatever is going on. One sided interests and relationships they DO exist, sadly but someone's going to be unhappy and someone's doing to be disappointed and/or hurt.
I've learned to avoid the snakepit of it, would I do it different..pfft...did I pass on someone great because they were "busy"? That's the biggest smokescreen of them all. I'm always busy, always have been always will be. Busy people understand the limitations of their resources and make the best expenditure of them.
If I'm looking for someone to do something and get it done, I'll go to the busiest person I know. They always seem to manage things better.
Joined: 4/25/2007
Msg: 25
Dating Turn Off Triggers
Posted: 5/3/2007 6:04:19 PM
I think when he doesn't smile when he meets me or if he doesn't open my door.....lil date actually never looked at me ...however when I told him i was leaving after about an hour of such nonsense......he didn't understand........who knows maybe I am high maitentanance and don't know it
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