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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Learning why some people just choose to NOT answer!!      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 CrystallineSunshine
Joined: 11/3/2006
Msg: 1
Learning why some people just choose to NOT answer!!Page 1 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
I just learned the hard way why some people just refuse to answer messages.

I let a man know I wasn't interested. I was nice about it... as nice as one can be to a total stranger who doesn't even have a picture up. The end. Right? No.

He turned around, called me every name in the book, and then some, and then... went into psycho mode...

... stole my picture, created a fake account on POF with a name almost exactly like mine, stole my profile info and modified it so that it was all about how I was into porn, kink and other things, etc... wow... etc!!!

After friends of mine saw it all, reported him, and got it all deleted, he made ANOTHER account to let me know who he was and what he had done... and WHY:

"To teach me a lesson."

So now, I'm thinking the 'no answer' route is a nice, safe one to go, and can see why so many people are that way.

WOW.

So... have you ever not answered a message because of bad experiences in the past??

I'm wondering now. I want to see who comes out of the wood work on this one. I'm really curious. That was enough to scare me into not replying. Anyone else?

 Fry Lock
Joined: 10/4/2005
Msg: 2
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History
Learning why some people just choose to NOT answer!!
Posted: 5/7/2007 2:22:48 PM
heh heh...sorry, don't mean to laugh, but I saw that profile & thought you'd turned into a freak overnight.

That is the nature of the beast that we deal with here. Either take your chances that a tard does something like that, or risk responding to a married man with a psycho wife, it's 6 of one, half dozen of the other.

Good luck,
Fry
 CrystallineSunshine
Joined: 11/3/2006
Msg: 3
Learning why some people just choose to NOT answer!!
Posted: 5/7/2007 2:25:15 PM
Oh you're not the only one who thought that, believe me!!!! Thank goodness I have lots of friends on here who watch out for me. One called me to tell me.

You are so right... it really *IS* the true nature of the beast here with this online dating stuff. Unreal how disgusting and mentally unstable some people are though, ya know?

Sheesh!!!

I think I'm going with the "not interested: don't reply" option from here on. I can't help but think that's the wise thing to do after all that!!
 CrystallineSunshine
Joined: 11/3/2006
Msg: 4
Learning why some people just choose to NOT answer!!
Posted: 5/7/2007 2:31:18 PM
"Thats not a reason why no one answers, thats just a raving lunatic-no sane person would do that and its a bit scary."

VERY SCARY.

And I suspect others have been bothered by people who could not take 'no' for an answer. And I also suspect that some of them have resorted to not replying anymore because of that. I'm SURE of it. While it may not be everyone's reason, I'm sure it's some people's reason.

As for me... safe is one thing, this person was pretending to be me, and attemping to make me look like some kind of sex maniac and freaky sex weirdo. So ignore and block are great and all... but they do NOT STOP people from STEALING PICTURES and making FAKE ACCOUNTS/PRETENDING to be YOU!!!

I'm sorry but that was just too much for me. Too much.
 dpd22
Joined: 11/9/2006
Msg: 5
Learning why some people just choose to NOT answer!!
Posted: 5/7/2007 2:48:58 PM

I think I'm going with the "not interested: don't reply" option from here on. I can't help but think that's the wise thing to do after all that!!


You could can always the block the user after you reply with "I'm not interested" if you are really concerned about his response to you rejecting him. A woman here was rude to me after I told her I wasn't interested. I'm not going to stop replying to people because of that.
 CrystallineSunshine
Joined: 11/3/2006
Msg: 6
Learning why some people just choose to NOT answer!!
Posted: 5/7/2007 2:52:02 PM
Blocking a psycho doesn't stop them from making fake accounts, and coming here to the forums to try and cause trouble.

Blocking someone only keeps them from messaging you. And I'm willing to bet that blocking a good, hard core crazy, would only anger them and trigger them more.

Sometimes blocking just isn't the solution, ya know? Would be nice if it was though!!
 CrystallineSunshine
Joined: 11/3/2006
Msg: 7
Learning why some people just choose to NOT answer!!
Posted: 5/7/2007 2:55:31 PM
"And all these men cry about safeguards like the "do not date" feature they tried to implement here. They need to get some form of traceable I. D. from members so that once an incident like this happens, they can lock the perpetrator out of the site for good and turn the name over to the proper authorities. "


atlast just took every last word out of my mouth. There was an option to 'report' that person (thank goodness!!) and the admins did squash it all quickly (thank goodness!) ... but I have no doubt lots of people reported him ... my friends all did, and so did I. Reporting just ends thart particulat situation.

How about prevention? Is there some way to PREVENT such crap from happening?

I think IP tracing or blocking may be something to really consider. I'm sorry... but what that person did was REALLY messed up and sick and I am not getting carried away here. I'm sure some people will think I am, but I don't care. I don't need someone running around with my pictures and pseudo-identity... my friends don't need to be watching out for me.

The whole thing was just WRONG.
 dpd22
Joined: 11/9/2006
Msg: 8
Learning why some people just choose to NOT answer!!
Posted: 5/7/2007 3:11:52 PM

Blocking a psycho doesn't stop them from making fake accounts, and coming here to the forums to try and cause trouble.

Blocking someone only keeps them from messaging you. And I'm willing to bet that blocking a good, hard core crazy, would only anger them and trigger them more.

Sometimes blocking just isn't the solution, ya know? Would be nice if it was though!!


Well after you rejected him, you can simply ignore him if he keeps emailing you and you don't think blocking is the situation.
 CrystallineSunshine
Joined: 11/3/2006
Msg: 9
Learning why some people just choose to NOT answer!!
Posted: 5/7/2007 3:16:09 PM
I'll repeat...

Blocking a psycho doesn't stop them from making fake accounts, and coming here to the forums to try and cause trouble.

Blocking someone only keeps them from messaging you. And I'm willing to bet that blocking a good, hard core crazy, would only anger them and trigger them more.

So, once again, I'm still trying to figure out exactly HOW you tell someone you aren't interested, without running the risk of them going crazy and doing crazy things (like making a fake account, and pretending to be you) ... rejecting them and blocking them isn't very nice. None of this is nice. Seems to me more and more than the answer is simply... not to answer at all. Period. Delete the messages and feed the fire in no way.
 CrystallineSunshine
Joined: 11/3/2006
Msg: 10
Learning why some people just choose to NOT answer!!
Posted: 5/7/2007 3:29:06 PM
That's apparently all you can do... report... delete... and block. Wish there was more, but, there's not.

I'm sorry that happened to you too, Sigi.

So after all that, how do you deal with telling someone you're not interested? Do you? Or do you just delete their message?
 dpd22
Joined: 11/9/2006
Msg: 11
Learning why some people just choose to NOT answer!!
Posted: 5/7/2007 3:30:54 PM
My point is this. If the man is psycho, then it won't matter if you reply/reject/block him or read/delete the message without replying. Either way he would be mad because you weren't interested in him.
 CrystallineSunshine
Joined: 11/3/2006
Msg: 12
Learning why some people just choose to NOT answer!!
Posted: 5/7/2007 3:42:30 PM
"omg... stop repeating yourself, hun. there are some ppl that will not get it no matter how often you repeat yourself... you'll get carpal tunnel from trying to get through to some ppl."

I see that. Sad, isn't it?

I do appreciate the fact that you actually read my post, and understood why blocking wasn't going to help stop this sort of thing from happening. And thank you for your suggestions as well. Thank you muchly :)
 CrystallineSunshine
Joined: 11/3/2006
Msg: 13
Learning why some people just choose to NOT answer!!
Posted: 5/7/2007 3:51:32 PM
"I do occasionally delete messages...you know...'the crazy ones'."

Oh yeah... I know. I get those, too.

Online dating: non-stop adventure. Kind of like an amusement park ride. Only no "WOO HOO!" factor.



 CrystallineSunshine
Joined: 11/3/2006
Msg: 14
Learning why some people just choose to NOT answer!!
Posted: 5/7/2007 4:34:37 PM
The whole whole 'no picture' thing always winds up being a heated topic around here. I still do think it's weird to be contacting people without a picture. POF allows people to upload them to their account here... and keep them PRIVATE. So when people don't even attach one to a message they're sending me, I never know what to think.

So... now I have the filter on. I feel bad about it, but I need to lower the creepy factor a little. I may even take mine down for now.
 2findU
Joined: 11/19/2005
Msg: 15
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History
Learning why some people just choose to NOT answer!!
Posted: 5/7/2007 4:37:42 PM
Not get an answer. Why do I get "deleted unread" all the time? I quit writing, there's no point any more. Besides there are very few fish in my area to write to.
 CrystallineSunshine
Joined: 11/3/2006
Msg: 16
Learning why some people just choose to NOT answer!!
Posted: 5/7/2007 4:41:27 PM
"Not get an answer. Why do I get "deleted unread" all the time?"

How this is on topic I don't know... but, the truth is, that's just how some (a lot) of people say "I'm not intetested".

And I can see why people do that now. It's not fair to punish everyone for the action of one jerk (or PSYCHO), but I'm really starting to feel like... "SCREW IT" ... if you had what happened to me, happen to you... you'd understand better.
 Diva Po-Po Princess
Joined: 5/15/2006
Msg: 17
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Learning why some people just choose to NOT answer!!
Posted: 5/7/2007 4:57:31 PM
That's exactly why I took my pic down. Some nutbar from here actually tracked me down at work and harassed me because I rejected him. Ummm, hello?? Read my profile carefully there, buddy. Plus do you think it's wise to harass people carrying firearms??

MOST are decent enough about it though, like "thanks, but we're definitely not a good match, good luck"...but there is always one piece of stinkbait in every bunch.
 EC22
Joined: 4/25/2007
Msg: 18
Learning why some people just choose to NOT answer!!
Posted: 5/7/2007 5:06:15 PM

"omg... stop repeating yourself, hun. there are some ppl that will not get it no matter how often you repeat yourself... you'll get carpal tunnel from trying to get through to some ppl."

I see that. Sad, isn't it?

I do appreciate the fact that you actually read my post, and understood why blocking wasn't going to help stop this sort of thing from happening. And thank you for your suggestions as well. Thank you muchly :)


Most people understood your point. Some people were saying that not replying isn't necessary a better solution than blocking. I know a woman on another dating website. She didn't reply to some men that emailed her. The men got mad and sent her rude and nasty emails. Some men will get at being mad for being rejected regardless of how they were rejected. Whether you blocked him, didn't reply, directly stated you weren't interested etc.
 CrystallineSunshine
Joined: 11/3/2006
Msg: 19
Learning why some people just choose to NOT answer!!
Posted: 5/7/2007 8:37:30 PM
I've had that happen, too.

We could have a whole thread about people who actually do that... argue with you about why you SHOULD be interested in them. I will never get that! That smacks of desperate and childish. Why do that, why!?!?!?

I did report this person, yes. POF admins squashed it fast. But still... the desperation and headcases!!! Sheesh!!!

SAD!!!!!
 Cutepid
Joined: 4/4/2007
Msg: 20
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History
Learning why some people just choose to NOT answer!!
Posted: 5/8/2007 12:18:15 AM
Tracing ISPA is possible...and in fact anyone who logs onto this site, the pof does have access to their isp server ..and for excuses....why not make it simple for everyone..have a couple of choices that you could send automatically..
1)No specific answer and prefer not to say.
2)Seeing someone else.
3)I am not attracted to you but my dog is.
4)Are you the last man on earth?
5)My god where have you been all my life?
6)Let's just be friends
 El_Mariachi
Joined: 4/21/2007
Msg: 21
Learning why some people just choose to NOT answer!!
Posted: 5/8/2007 8:32:46 AM

So now, I'm thinking the 'no answer' route is a nice, safe one to go, and can see why so many people are that way.


You think you're saving them a freak-out-session by not answering? I've been gone off on bigtime for not answering (though I had answered).

Not answering just bring differently worded freak-outs.
 CrystallineSunshine
Joined: 11/3/2006
Msg: 22
Learning why some people just choose to NOT answer!!
Posted: 5/8/2007 9:37:52 AM
"Not answering just bring differently worded freak-outs."

Yeah... I can see how that would happen. I guess it really is all about WHO is on the other side of the keyboard, you know? If it's a rational person with half a brain, there shouldn't be a problem of any kind.

But still... I took my pictures down for now and am taking a break from all this stuff for a little while.

inxs68: go back and read this whole thread before you ask such a stupid question. Really. Don't be the "Funny Jerk" ... nobody here likes those.
 Flipper Jones
Joined: 10/5/2006
Msg: 23
Learning why some people just choose to NOT answer!!
Posted: 5/8/2007 3:58:41 PM
I'm really sorry that happend to you.

I hope most people are mature enough not to do something like that. Personally I try to reply to everyone. I guess if they don't like what they hear you can block them.

Personally I'd rather people just politely say "no thanks" rather than just not answer at all......When I see someone has read and deleted a message without replying it's just like if you say hello to someone on the street and they look you right in the eye and walk away without even a wave.

I know there are some jerks out there (men and women both) but most of us appreciate a little feedback.
 Baba_Ganoosh
Joined: 6/27/2006
Msg: 24
Learning why some people just choose to NOT answer!!
Posted: 5/8/2007 4:22:53 PM
you can copy and paste my picture of deez nuts and create a fake profile for him if it is REVENGE you seek. Hell, i'll even offer to help.

Sometimes, i swear, reading these threads makes my brain hurt. Who really cares if you don't get back to someone or not on A ONLINE DATING SITE? have a little more self-esteem and respect, who gives two shiate's.

FACTS:
Women: get more email than men on average, get more 'perverted' email's than men on average, and probably don't have as much willingness to respond to those same emails, ON AVERAGE. Also, for the men - have you noticed that women on here have more favorites which consist of the same sex than men?? Do yourself a favor - Don't be a douche!!

I do have to agree with Flipper Jones - feedback is always a good thing, even if it is to the common theme of "sorry, just not interested". Seems like the OP had really bad luck on that one...

/Baba/
 scorpiomover
Joined: 4/19/2007
Msg: 25
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Learning why some people just choose to NOT answer!!
Posted: 5/11/2007 7:23:13 AM
That's so scary.

My first thought is: has this guy been diagnosed for Schizophrenia? Is he on Lithium?
He seems to have a hell of a lot of time on his hands, or made a ridiculous effort.

I know that I've got a bit of a rant on people. But the whole revenge thing, it's soooo passe.

Sounds like you just managed to run into the occasional nutcases. Should be locked up. Unfortunately, life is a bit like the Batman Cartoons. Most of the real loonies are on the outside, and a lot of perfectly nice and sane people are on the inside.

But it's difficult to shake someone off if you don't want them.

I met a woman talking to 2 friends of mine in the local bar on Valentines Day.
We got talking (just as friends) and she asked me to buy her a drink.
Normally I'd be too scared of offending a women to ask her if she wants a drink, but she asked and said she didn't have any money, so I bought her a drink. Didn't think anything of it. This happened again. But then she asked me if I wanted to **** her. I said no. She started to ask me why. Eventually I got fed up and moved to the other end of the bar. She got very angry and they had to throw her out.

So it happens both ways.

But don't give up, otherwise, what will all us nice, healthy sane people do for company?
Just date losers, or more psychopaths?

You just have be aware for when it does happen, but don't stop talking.
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