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Joined: 4/21/2007
Msg: 1
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Wheelchairs dating and sexPage 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
I've been in a wheelchair for almost 7 years now and I've only been on a few dates, and I still haven't had sex since I've been hurt. I haven't really considered a big deal because I can't really feel anything down there anyways. But lately, I'm getting really lonely and I have a hard time just asking girls out. I tend to be very sarcastic and funny when I'm out, but lately I haven't been able to get out very much at all. I have no problem flirting when I go out, even at the grocery store or the mall, but I never take it any further than that in fear of being rejected. I know that's something I have to get over and I'm trying to but for some reason I just can't build up the courage. I'm just curious, how many women here have or would consider dating a man in a wheelchair? (And what's your phone numbers... LOL)

The main problem is that I'm barely independent and I need help with many things and I'm not very comfortable burdening people with those kind of requests, especially not a date. Occasionally I meet people who wouldn't mind, but then I clam up and not say anything. I don't know if I'm posting here for advice, to ask a question, or just to gripe a little bit.
Joined: 10/14/2005
Msg: 2
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Wheelchairs dating and sex
Posted: 5/11/2007 7:50:52 PM
OP it must be very difficult for you to overcome the desire when it is not getting satisfied - especially when you say you have no feeling 'down there'. I think you have to keep in mind that there are inded people in this world that can overcome your situation and see you as a person and not a wheelchair! Companionship is so important for everyone and hopefully you find that special someone to befriend you and love you for who you are!! Good luck!
 Moongli owes me $1600.00
Joined: 10/15/2006
Msg: 3
Wheelchairs dating and sex
Posted: 5/11/2007 7:53:08 PM
well hello....I realize it must be more difficult to meet woman but I do believe there are woman that see the person and not the limitations/challenges. Everyone has things they can't do yours are just more obvious....mine involve anything to do with water and heights. lol As a nurse I have had the previlage to meet many amazing , interesting people that happen to be physically challenged for a variety of reasons. Some of them were married before and some got married after the injuries and some are still looking for that special someone. I know it may be harder but have you tried your community leagues, community colleges or chat rooms local to the area to start a date line or monthly get together ? I know if you try there will be others looking for a nice single man...go to local events that interest you and see what happens...perhaps volunteer at a local hospital...lots of woman there
Joined: 12/24/2006
Msg: 4
Wheelchairs dating and sex
Posted: 5/11/2007 7:57:11 PM
Think of it as a marketing exercise. Get a clear picture of the type of woman that you're seeking, and try to write your Profile Ad, with just that person in mind.

Now, as to your disability: this is not something I'd go into specific detail on your Profile. I'd allude to being handicapped, and get into the details only by email.

Why? Because it's far too easy to skip over someone and keep looking if we've an 'excuse'. Once we've exchanged an email or too, it's not nearly so easy, so when presented with just what sort of handicap you're coping with, we're more prone to look for ways to make it work. Get it?

In any event, it's a numbers game. Put 'wheelchair' bound on your Profile Ad, and perhaps 2 in 1,000 will exchange meaningful emails with you, and it might take a very long time for you to end up with a serious date. Hold back the 'wheelchair' bound detail until the second email, and you'll get perhaps 50 in 1,000 exchanging emails with you, and of those 50, perhaps 5 or 10, will take you seriously, as, they'll be trying to 'make it work'. [[posted in Sex and Dating]]
Joined: 11/18/2006
Msg: 5
Wheelchairs dating and sex
Posted: 5/11/2007 8:29:23 PM
OP, My sympathies for your situation ...and your way for coping w/it reminds me greatly for a very spunky and somewhat attractive girl who's wheelchair bound and living nearby. I'm hoping that on those whom you depend, they are caring and understanding for your plight. May I be so bold as to pray that you find and begin dating women, and one in particular who embraces your being beyond your handicap, and who can help you feel so much more alive again. I'm not just referring to sex, but feeling complete w/another good soul.
Joined: 10/26/2005
Msg: 6
Wheelchairs dating and sex
Posted: 5/11/2007 10:03:02 PM
I know a few people in chairs, some complete, some not. The complete ones say their upper halfs have become way more sensitive. How long ago did you have your injury? I know of a few that it just took time for their bodies to adjust to the new situation and compensate. The body wants pleasure, it's hardwired in. (thank GOODNESS!) As I'm not a complete myself, this is the best advice on that I can give you.

Talk to Quadly re the going out and meeting people, and read his post on my topic, "friends in wheelchairs - is the work worth it?" or something like that. He talks about women on either side of him taking his number. I've seen it, he's not BSing. He's funny, reasonably attractive (he's going to kill me if he reads this!! hehehe) and out there. He's the one doing the Santa-con, bar hopping, and getting his fun on. Women are nurturers by nature, most won't mind the occational help. You also have your regular caregivers, no? They can do most of the work if a girl happens to sleep over, like they usually do.

Good luck!
Joined: 6/5/2005
Msg: 7
Wheelchairs dating and sex
Posted: 5/11/2007 10:03:21 PM
at OP

your best bet is to join local dating clubs for the disabled.......this starts every one off as being handicapped (in some way) so that this won't be the chief reason to be rejected!

in this milieu, you can mingle and hook up with those who can best match with your capabilities and personality.
Joined: 10/26/2005
Msg: 8
Wheelchairs dating and sex
Posted: 5/11/2007 10:03:49 PM
Sorry missed the seven years part. I don't know what to say then, I'll have to ask around and see if I can get any advice for ya.
Joined: 12/29/2006
Msg: 9
Wheelchairs dating and sex
Posted: 5/12/2007 3:06:49 AM
If a guy met all my standard requirements, then I wouldn't let this get in the way. I wouldn't want to have sex if he couldn't feel it though. I'm single so I have no sex anyway, so if I had a relationship with someone who satisfied me in every other way, the sex would be a non-issue for me.
Joined: 3/13/2007
Msg: 10
Wheelchairs dating and sex
Posted: 5/13/2007 5:43:04 PM
You're just having trouble finding the right people. Personally, I wouldn't have a problem dating a guy in wheelchair, and I'm sure there are plenty of other women out there who wouldn't either (considering I see couples like that all the time).

The wait sucks, but eventually, you'll find a women who'll take you for your brain, not your chair.
 Bi Coastal Girl
Joined: 5/21/2005
Msg: 11
Wheelchairs dating and sex
Posted: 5/13/2007 6:22:49 PM
I have dated a person in a wheelchair. He was funny, fantastic and a hoot. We had so much in common. Would I do it again.. Sure if he fit all the criteria for dating, the wheelchair would not deter me.

PS Do not know if it was because of the wheelchair and he felt he had to make up for something , or if God just blessed him, but I have never met another man that made me see stars like that!!!! I thought I was going to pass out LOL.
Joined: 5/26/2005
Msg: 12
Wheelchairs dating and sex
Posted: 5/15/2007 12:31:27 AM
Christine124 and cashmoneydayle, I knew there was a reason I liked your posts.

Open minded, willing to try things, always a kind you two are something else! Keep it up!

For the guy who started this thread, I honestly wish you well, I know I would have a hard time, but I also know that I have an extremely positive outlook on life that would help to get me through.

Women are attracted to humor and fun people, so don't let your disability get the best of you and maintain a positive focus and I bet you will find someone. It sounds like the guy mentioned in the post that is also in your situation has certainly learned that.

Many, many, many years ago, I met a girl in a wheel chair at a bar in a hotel. I was working in the hotel part-time as a bartender (this is a long time ago - it was fun being a bartender while it lasted, but would not want to do it anymore, happy to be in IT).

Well it was slow, she did not have any definite plans, so we go to talking. She was in your situation, it had been many years since she was with a guy. And yes she missed it. The more we talked, the more I saw something in her attitude that was attractive, so I suggested that if she was willing, well I would take her back to my house after work and show her a great time. She was more then willing. We both knew it was just for fun so no worry about hurting anyone's feelings. I was single and so was she, which makes allot of difference.

Well let me tell you, I enjoyed seeing the pleasure on her face, the stress just washing away. Made it fun for me and I'm glad I got to share that with her. As you can imagine, she was very enthusiastic, as I am sure you will be when you meet a woman who will enjoy you and let you enjoy her.

I don't think it would have happened had we not spent the time talking, which helped me develop some empathy for her situation and of course she was willing. She also was all smiles and had a positive attitude!

She was in town on vacation just for the weekend and I never saw her again after that weekend, I can only hope that she left town with a smile on her face. I did see her two more times after that in the bar while I was working and she was beaming! It was great to see!

Personally I felt blessed that she allowed me to know her that way.
Joined: 5/5/2006
Msg: 13
Wheelchairs dating and sex
Posted: 5/15/2007 12:59:46 AM
I know several people *msyelf included* who wouldn't think twice about dating someone in a wheelchair.
You're just in a bit of a slump right now, happens to all of us. Agreed that being disabled can add to the frustration and make you feel like you would be burdening someone *BUT* (BIG BUT!) to the right person ,it wouldn't be a burden at all - keep that in mind.
Just get out there and continue to be your sarcastic funny self as best ya can.
Joined: 4/21/2007
Msg: 14
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Wheelchairs dating and sex
Posted: 5/15/2007 4:22:43 PM
I appreciate everyone's posts and their honesty. I was in a really bad slump that day and just kind of felt sorry for myself. I have no problem going up and talking to anybody (although I admit I might be a little nervous if I was talking to a playmate who's picture I've seen. What are you supposed to say to a girl like that, "you have very nice lips"? I think that would just get me knocked out of my chair, but that might be fun). I guess it would just help a lot if I could drive. And besides that, even when I do get a ride, I'm worried about getting a DUI as soon as I leave the bar... LOL.

PS -- my pickup line of "Hey baby, want to just sit on my lap and we'll talk about the first thing that popped up!" Never seems to work... LOL
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 15
Wheelchairs dating and sex
Posted: 5/15/2007 4:52:05 PM
Why can't you drive? I have lots of friends who use wheelchairs that drive cars. You just need a converter to give you a hand pedal/brake. Then drive an automatic like any other sane person.

I think the first thing you need to do is stop worrying about the problem and start thinking about solutions. I think your real problem is self imposed barriers.

If you need help thinking of solutions, please be clear on what you can and can't do physically. For example, what limitations do you have on your arms (do you have hands? Arms?).

Google "A Day In the Life: Richard Devylder" it should bring up a page with a link to a video. It is not a dirty video of any sort.

Joined: 3/3/2007
Msg: 16
Wheelchairs dating and sex
Posted: 5/20/2007 11:46:43 AM
I walk with crutches, I was born with very minor cerebral palsy, nothing major, but it does make life just a little more difficult for me ( I just have no balance without them).

So I do understand when you say that dating is hard because, a lot of women can be superficial, not every woman by no means. But alot of them have a hard time seeing the person behind the disability.

I do believe it's all about additude and showing people that a disability does not have to define the person, it's part of you but it's not all you are.

If you touch people in their heart and be an honestly truthful person, then a disability should be secondary.

Hope this helps.
Joined: 3/15/2007
Msg: 17
Wheelchairs dating and sex
Posted: 5/20/2007 12:19:58 PM
Well, I can only say that attraction is more then the outside shell. It has taken me many years to really get that but its very true. I would much rather be with an honest, caring and loyal man who is wheelchair bound than be with an adonis with enough ego and selfishness to fill a room. Your lady is out there waiting for you and she will not mind your situation and its challenges. She is worth a thousand of the other shallow women and it will be well worth the wait. Keep smiling and making faces.......your smile is very attractive.
Joined: 4/4/2005
Msg: 18
Wheelchairs dating and sex
Posted: 5/20/2007 12:40:54 PM
Hmmm...that's an interesting topic. It's all well and good for many of us to say "oh it doesn't bother me at all"...but you really won't know until that situation occurs. I guess it's just daunting for some who feel that they'd have to be taking care of this person if they started a serious relationship (or just find sex with a disabled person rather awkward in their view). Again I think it has to be addressed when and if the situation occurs. I'm sure theres someone out there willing to take the bold step and look past the wheels...
Joined: 10/29/2006
Msg: 19
Wheelchairs dating and sex
Posted: 5/20/2007 12:45:55 PM
codeegirl, you are so cute.
But if you are interested in me first you must chop down the largest tree with this herring.
Joined: 12/12/2005
Msg: 20
Wheelchairs dating and sex
Posted: 5/20/2007 12:50:16 PM
I have not been intimite with a man in a chair but I have dated a few. I train dogs for the disabled so I know more people on wheels then feet I prefer to dance with a man in a chair. We always get better seats and I love messing with ignorant people. Sorry cant help you with the sex part but I will send my friend to this forum so he can post.
Joined: 6/30/2005
Msg: 21
Wheelchairs dating and sex
Posted: 5/20/2007 3:44:56 PM
Hey hang in there.
Not what you level of movement is? I'm an incomplete quad, since '89.So i have lots of complete feeling down to my toes, limited movement.Reason i'm asking is i may be able to share some independent living techniques, tricks. Driving ect.
As for the dating, i was very shy about it also, not being able to have sex....for many years, then the super pill came out yipee.Recently haven't had to use it either.Lonley like you. There are some women who see the inside you, not worry bout the limitations.And some they say they don't, but don't realize it affects all aspects of life.We can't just jump up go running all over the place.Had my eart ripped out stomped on 3 weeks ago by one of those.But it's went the other way before. Abled bodies go thru the same thing. We just have a lil fewer opportunities.Since your a good flirt, your one big step ahead of me!You try you'll find out you can get a LOT of pleasure pleasing a women w/ or w/ out out intercourse..whether you can feel below or not...yipeee. And the only way to cure that loneliness is to find one good lady. Don't go by and have regrets for not trying Can email me if i can help you w/ any independence....they told me i could never live alone...they've been wrong for 14 years
Joined: 4/21/2007
Msg: 22
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Wheelchairs dating and sex
Posted: 5/20/2007 6:02:40 PM
I'm a C-5 Quad with a little bit of C6 sparing on my right side, but not quite enough to use my hand properly. As far as why I can't drive, I'm just incapable of getting into my van by myself and I can't afford to get the driving controls that I would need to be able to drive. I'm currently pushing a manual chair but will be switching to a power chair later this Summer when I start school up so that I can be more independent in getting around the university.
I'm not really in a huge hurry to have sex, but a cuddling and kissing partner would be great (putting lipstick on my hand just doesn't do it anymore, and I feel weird never having an answer for when people ask me who gave me that hickey). And for what I can't use and control below my waistline, I'm sure I make up for in other places. In all but two times that I've asked to go out on a date, I've been rejected. And I never know what to put what I'm contacting someone threw a dating site. Maybe someone can give me some pointers on that. If you have any great ideas, or even just okay ideas, let me know.
(This is what I want to happen: )
Joined: 5/31/2006
Msg: 23
Wheelchairs dating and sex
Posted: 5/20/2007 6:43:39 PM
As far as what should go in your profile, do what you're comfortable with. Look at my profile as an idea. Personally, I'm more comfortable letting people know I'm all cripply before they contact me. Then there is no awkwardness when it's brought up later.

I'm close to you in injury. I broke my spine 5 places and nothing else. I done good.

The only other thing I'd say is don't let your chair define you. Other people will put you automatically in a category of "disabled." Do your best to put that in the back of their minds, not the front.
Joined: 3/3/2007
Msg: 24
Wheelchairs dating and sex
Posted: 5/21/2007 5:15:15 AM
You have a great look on life.. and your profile is too funny. Best laugh I had all week.
Joined: 6/30/2005
Msg: 25
Wheelchairs dating and sex
Posted: 5/21/2007 11:16:30 AM
Yes I always put that up front. Think it makes it better, so they know your being honest.They will still have many questions.But if your open and they're interested it's a good start. Hang in there, i've been shot down lots of times. Power chair really is great for getting out and around.Was in a maunal one for 9 years, b4 getting power one.Still try not to stay in pwrchair all the time. It will mae you loose strength. Have a friend like that, although he had more movement than me. He is very weak now
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