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 Rose Bubbles
Joined: 12/14/2006
Msg: 1
Friends With BenefitsPage 1 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
I would like to here your opinon why people want only Friends with benefits and mostly men!

You act like FRIENDS and have the BENEFIT of physical intimacy.
It seems that the idea of "Friends With Benefits" must have been invented by a man.
because they want to enjoy sex from women without having any obligation to them.

 Karrpilot
Joined: 1/26/2007
Msg: 2
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History
Friends With Benefits
Posted: 5/12/2007 6:49:43 PM
That is not entirely true. My neighbor called me up. Said she wanted to be friends with benifits. I almost dropped the phone. I never expected that. Because up to that point, we were only friends. Just that. We had not even kissed. But at the last minute, she backed out. Then she got really sick. Maybe the sickness drove her to that? I do not know. But i am hoping for a rain check.
 Rose Bubbles
Joined: 12/14/2006
Msg: 3
Friends With Benefits
Posted: 5/12/2007 6:53:35 PM
No offence but I know only men that want to have this relations.
 JWA
Joined: 5/21/2005
Msg: 4
Friends With Benefits
Posted: 5/13/2007 4:56:15 AM
Like so many other worn out and all-too-often-used phrases this "friends with benefits" has taken on it's own life and accompanying meaning. The more it's used in everyday conversation the more distorted it's original and true meaning become---it seems to fade into recent history. It originally started as a politically way to say "fvck buddies" which is really the more accurate and descriptive version. Today it seems many believe it's actually an agreement more based in friendship but sex is part of it "well, because that's just the way it is...........". Wow----could that be any more wrong?

SOME men are looking to get laid quickly with no strings attached---that's been discussed here ad infinitum, ad nauseum and waaaaaaaaaaay too much too!! LOL IF these same guys can find a way to present this to vulernable women who key in more on titles instead of content then they'll use that as long as it works to their wants. "Friends with benefits" sounds much, much nice than "fvck buddy"---doesn't it?

SOME women go into these things still thinking it's NOT about sex but people who hang on to that foolish notion are the same ones posting here about one more bad experience they encountered in one of those situations. If this whole thing was new or so recent that it wasn't yet known by the masses for what it is that would be one thing----it's been around long enough those who don't know might be related to ostriches!!

Back in my day we had the exact same thing---sex with no strings attached only then it had other names: relationships of convenience, in the 60's it was "free love" and in the 70's it was "swinging". It's still the same thing------SEX with NO strings!!

FWIW it's NOT men only who do this---------as I recall it takes two ?!?!
 §püngl䧧
Joined: 3/6/2007
Msg: 5
Friends With Benefits
Posted: 5/13/2007 5:11:15 AM
It's not only men...I'm a female looking for exactly that type of relationship. To me..it's about finding someone you enjoy spending time with, are able to be intimate with, yet you aren't concerned with revamping your whole life. I had this type of relationship for a year, and by far it was the best relationship I've had. If I could find it again...I think it would be the perfect solution for what I do and don't want... It doesn't have to be a sleazy or immoral situation...that depends on who you are to begin with.
 §püngl䧧
Joined: 3/6/2007
Msg: 6
Friends With Benefits
Posted: 5/13/2007 5:35:03 AM
You mean I can call an escort service to have someone go on a fishing trip with me? They'd send someone over to watch a hockey game over some beer? Wow, silly me to think I could find someone that might be on the same level as me, and enjoy a more casual style.....Guess I'd best whip out my credit card and dial-a-man so I don't offend some sensibilities....
 §püngl䧧
Joined: 3/6/2007
Msg: 7
Friends With Benefits
Posted: 5/13/2007 5:52:57 AM
atlast....Your opinion is great, and your feelings are your own. Depending on what it is you seek out of a FWB relationship, it's not just a booty call. Hell, if all I was looking for was a piece of tail...I certainly wouldn't bother writing a profile, and talking/writing to people in order to get a feel for their personalities before I meet them to see if there's any spark... Each person has their own moral base, and their own desires in life. I know how much I'm willing to give to a relationship, and I know what I'm not willing to give. Should I remain celibate simply because I don't want to have someone living with me? Should I cut myself off from my feminine side simply because I don't want to get into a relationship that would lead to either living together or marriage? Or should I be honest about what I want, and find someone that wants the same?
 acgoat
Joined: 8/8/2005
Msg: 8
Friends With Benefits
Posted: 5/13/2007 6:30:10 AM
OP

You are talking/asking the question like its a bad thing.
 Rose Bubbles
Joined: 12/14/2006
Msg: 9
Friends With Benefits
Posted: 5/13/2007 6:42:57 AM
And what about your feelings?

FWB is to me is:
"I like having sex with you, but I don't care enough about you as a person or respect you enough to be your boyfriend."
 §püngl䧧
Joined: 3/6/2007
Msg: 10
Friends With Benefits
Posted: 5/13/2007 11:04:41 AM
Either that, or people are so focused on labels, they forget what actually really matters... Do I want to be labelled as a girlfriend? Hell no... A lover would be fine I suppose, but would still encompass only that side of 'us'... I guess everyone has their own definitions for certain terminology.

To me, it's all about semantics. When you find the right person for you..it won't matter what the label is....
 Rose Bubbles
Joined: 12/14/2006
Msg: 11
Friends With Benefits
Posted: 5/13/2007 12:19:55 PM
If the FWB does not imply monogamy or commitment

does the idea of him / she sleeping with you one night and then ditching you the next to try to pick up someone at a bar like you?
 Rose Bubbles
Joined: 12/14/2006
Msg: 13
Friends With Benefits
Posted: 5/13/2007 2:46:25 PM
Yes you are right.

It can be confuse at some point with the **** buddy
A person who is not your boyfriend or girlfriend, with whom you have sexual relations, on the mutual understanding that you both want sex and nothing more.
no strings attatched, only recreational sex with no love poing on.

When it works?

Sometimes one person is in love with the other one and hides the true feelings, or falls in love during the relationship
 EC22
Joined: 4/25/2007
Msg: 14
Friends With Benefits
Posted: 5/13/2007 5:21:32 PM
If both people have a clear understanding of the situation, then it's no big deal.
 cupidstrikes
Joined: 2/17/2007
Msg: 15
Friends With Benefits
Posted: 5/13/2007 9:58:09 PM
No offence but I know only men that want to have this relations.


Not at all, and if you're a LOGICAL thinker then would easily see the logic in it.

EVERYONE has needs.
If you weren't in a relationship with someone for months, or even years. would it not make sense to employ physical satisfaction from someone?
AND with that being said, would it not be more logical for that someone to be someone who you know, care for and feel comfortable with, as opposed to some random person?

It's either you do one of the above, OR depend on the ol' vibrator/hand, OR just have no sexual satisfaction until you find a romantic partner.
To each their own but if you ask me; Life's too short!!!

There's NO way I would neglect myself from one of life most enjoyable AND healthiest pleasures for such a long time!

if both people know whats going on and is ok with it. but once one person starts to develop feelings for the other person that relationship is done normally jealousy starts to take over then


OR sometimes it ends up going futher as well, and from that it leads to a romantic relationship.

 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 16
Friends With Benefits
Posted: 5/15/2007 4:45:46 AM
This topic isn't about what's right and wrong or male and female (although yes males originally invented the arrangement and more women are now discovering and initiating it), it's about people who can or can't deal with such an arrangement. The problem comes when someone gets into one thinking it will become more than it is. That's where the word "used" comes from. No one gets used in an above board arrangement.

In order for an FWB to work, both people have to be close friends already and have no interest in being in a relationship to begin with - it's strictly to keep your sex life going with someone you know and trust while single. That's it. When one or both is ready to date a new person the arrangement ends. No one should get attached when their goal is not to be in a full fledged relationship. If for some reason one develops feelings beyond the FWB, they should be adult enough to extract themselves from the situation. If they stay and hope for more, than naturally they are bringing hurt on themselves.

Otherwise, if it's not your thing, don't do it. There's no need to judge anyone who does, and for those who can, there's no need to judge those who can't.
 whatagirlwants07
Joined: 1/27/2007
Msg: 17
Friends With Benefits
Posted: 5/15/2007 2:58:04 PM
Well if a man wants to receive friendly benifits there better be an obligation ......Or it's his loss.........If you catch me you better hold on...cause I could be gone in a flash without looking back............
 tchofclas
Joined: 12/24/2005
Msg: 18
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History
Friends With Benefits
Posted: 5/15/2007 3:16:45 PM
Someone mentioned earlier anout not buying the cow if the milk is free. Guess what? As the joke says, some women have realized you don't need to purchase the whole pig to get a little sausage!
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 19
Friends With Benefits
Posted: 5/15/2007 5:47:01 PM
I don't think so. The first time I heard the term was in an Alanis Morissette song: "Head Over Feet" from somewhere in the 1990's As far as I know she is not a man

The term was around long before Alanis Morrissette was singing - I can remember it back into the mid to late 80s, coming from a lot of my male friends' mouths. Trust me, she probably learned it from some guy.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 20
Friends With Benefits
Posted: 5/16/2007 10:52:23 AM

And for a woman - I am gonna keep it real here guys - it is leverage. And a matter of earning respect. How many guys here really want to BE with a woman who gives it up just like that? Oh sure, you may be sexually attracted to her like crazy and want to have no strings sex to no end - but do you REALLY respect her? Take her seriously?

If you are truly aware of the definition of FWB, you already know the person well, so what kind of impression you're giving off is sort of irrelevant. If you're sleeping with someone you don't know well and calling it an FWB to get the other person to like you as a person, than yes, duh, that's gonna backfire on you, male or female. Males may have come up with FWB, but both genders will use it to get what they want. You have to be smart enough to agree to it ONLY if you don't ever expect more.
 El_Mariachi
Joined: 4/21/2007
Msg: 21
Friends With Benefits
Posted: 5/16/2007 11:20:11 AM

And for a woman - I am gonna keep it real here guys - it is leverage. And a matter of earning respect.


And here I thought it was sex. Sex is leverage? What is sex for a man? Is it something other than sex?


 cupidstrikes
Joined: 2/17/2007
Msg: 22
Friends With Benefits
Posted: 5/16/2007 2:44:13 PM
Personally I hate the "friend with benefits" BS. The only benefit is sex and nothing more and knowing they have someone they can run too when feeling horny with no obligation to the other person. How selfish is that?


The ONLY benefit is sex?
And that's not a benefit?


First of all FWB is usually established in time between 2 people that are already friends. They're not in a romantic relationship with anybody and decide to partake in intimate physical activities with one another.
Everyone has intimate needs.
What, is everyone supposed to deprive themselves of those needs until they're in a romantic relationship with someone?
What if that doesn't happen for a substantial amont of time?
Many people go through life with extended periods of time where they're single simply because they have not met anybody.

Sex is one of the healthiest activities/exercises one can partake in.

Some very educational/informative reading:

www.forbes.com/2003/10/08/cz_af_1008health.html
www.selfhelpmagazine.com/articles/relation/goodsex.html
english.pravda.ru/main/18/90/360/15833_sex.html
health.ivillage.com/sexualhealth/sxarousal/0,,8sc1hj71,00.html
www.theregister.co.uk/2006/10/06/the_odd_body_sex_and_science/

"Sex helps boost the immune system. According to Dr Carl Charnetski of the Department of Psychology at Wilkes University in Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania, people who reported one or two sexual "episodes" per week enjoyed higher levels of Immunoglobin A. This is an antibody that helps fight disease."

"Sex helps boost longevity. In one study cited by Dr Charnetski, men who had more orgasms over a 10 year period boosted their longevity compared with those who had fewer."

"Sex helps ward off cancer. In another study cited by Dr Charnetski, men who had more ejaculations over a 35 year period had 33 per cent less prostate cancer compared to those with fewer ejaculations."

"Sex results in a more youthful appearance. According to a study by Dr David Weeks, a clinical neuropsychologist at the Royal Edinburgh Hospital in Scotland and co-author of Superyoung (1999), men and women who reported having sex an average of four times per week looked approximately 10 years younger than they really were."

"Sex helps reduce stress. Numerous studies show that it does this through lowering anxiety levels, boosting relaxation, and aiding sleeping. "

"Sex helps fight depression. A study by Dr Gordon Gallup of the Department of Psychology at the State University of New York at Albany found that women who regularly engage in heterosexual sex in which they come in contact with semen were significantly less depressed than those women that did not."

THERE ARE S-O-M-E OF THE BENEFITS THAT COME WITH SEX.

On thing I can't stand is when women look at sex as only benefitial for the male. It's as if they get no physical or emotional benefit from it. I just gave you many perfect examples of why sex is good.

If more people were more sexually active there would not only be a lot more happy/cheerful people out there but a lot more healthy people as well. As you can see there are MANY health benefits that come with the physical act of sex.

It takes a mature person to handle a real relationship and want it and willing to see how much the person has to offer FIRST before moving along to something intimate.


No, it takes a mature person to understand that some people are not compatible with others, in the sense that a romantic relationship can be had with that person, and that sex does not always have to come with emotional bindings.
It takes a mature person to understand that just because they may not have found the love of their life yet, they do not have to deprive themselves in one of life's most enjoyable, healing & life-preserving activities if they do not want to.
 Calisparkle
Joined: 2/23/2007
Msg: 23
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History
Friends With Benefits
Posted: 5/16/2007 4:05:37 PM
don't forget that FRIENDS with Benefits usually is just that: FRIENDS in the plural sense. So if you want to have sex with your Friend and, indirectly, everyone else your Friend is having sex with, then be my guest. But you will never be my Friend.

:) Cali
 cupidstrikes
Joined: 2/17/2007
Msg: 24
Friends With Benefits
Posted: 5/16/2007 4:20:37 PM
don't forget that FRIENDS with Benefits usually is just that: FRIENDS in the plural sense. So if you want to have sex with your Friend and, indirectly, everyone else your Friend is having sex with, then be my guest. But you will never be my Friend.


God help us all.

IT'S "FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS" BECAUSE IN ORDER FOR A FRIENDSHIP TO OCCUR IT HAS TO BE BETWEEN 2 (TWO) PEOPLE!
IT DOESN'T MEAN THAT EVERYONE IS HAVING SEX WITH EVERYONE.

If a man and woman were to have that kind of relationship with each other, they would be "FRIENDS with benefits".

Just like how we are all friendS with other people. We are not FRIEND with other people.
 dustyknight
Joined: 9/14/2006
Msg: 25
Friends With Benefits
Posted: 5/16/2007 6:01:29 PM
I've seen it equal of both sexes...what I find is someone always ends up caring more and getting hurt in the end..
 Calisparkle
Joined: 2/23/2007
Msg: 27
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History
Friends With Benefits
Posted: 5/18/2007 10:24:11 PM
Well, every man i have talked to who wants friends with benefits (in reality, yes, *uck buddies, you're right) has told me that the whole point of FWB is being able to be with other FWB at the same time, or go back and forth or whatever. Just what I've been told by a number of men. Maybe not all men define it this way, but when it comes down to it I doubt in a relationship of any kind without commitment (which is what FWB is all about) there would be loyalty. I, for one, would never trust a FWB to be monogamous because there is no commitment or love. Of course there is always the exception or minority. oh, and yes, i've learned this on dating sites. It's not my definition.

:) Cali
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