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|Ok..she emails you..you send emails back and forth..then actually chat on the phone..|
in the course of conversation she asks your full name etc..
So..the next day she calls..and during chatting she says she googled you and you are in kiwanis, american legion, VFW and have 3 kids and about your job..and more..
Using your location and name, anyone can find out anything about you..
I have nothing to hide but I feel alittle violated..No I'm not on any sexual preditor lists or any other illegal list.
But I was kinda upset..we had just talked on email and phone...not even met in person and I was being checked up on..I felt like I was getting rushed..pushed into meeting..
I tell her that that was pretty forward to do..she says" I just googled you to find out more about you" ..like maybe I wasn't telling the truth..like maybe she has trust issues..
some of you are going to justify this as a single lady being safe..but I would never check up on someone..what do you think? was I wrong to get a little miffed?
Posted: 5/13/2007 8:56:18 PM
|i'm not saying i havn't done this but telling someone you did it is sort of weird and rather thinking she is honest I believe whatever she tells you right away, she's done more then that and is not telling. Don't talk to her.|
Posted: 5/13/2007 9:07:32 PM
so many people are on this site though. It is easier for a fact to meet or talk to people then ever before and their are so many; you must have a weining out process. This might sound harsh but on a dating site its true if a personal preference of someones makes them questionable in your mind, don't go for it.
Posted: 5/13/2007 11:33:19 PM
|I would be pissed too and would probably not have anything more to do with her. She hasn't even met you and she's doing back ground investigations on ya? Who needs that drama!|
I googled myself and didn't get much (YEA) I never use google anyway.
Posted: 5/14/2007 1:26:35 AM
|While I can certainly sympathize with being a little bit bothered and unnerved by it, you have to realize the world is changing. This kind of thing will only become more and more common, so you might as well get used to it now. It does seem a little weird that she told you, but maybe she's unaware of the unspoken ettiquette on that sort of thing.|
Posted: 5/14/2007 5:20:45 AM
|thanks for all the great answers and opinions..|
This is a local lady not 10 miles away..
She emailed me and after 3 emails asked me to call her..so we talked a bit..then 4 more emails from her..then she called..with the google stuff..
Also..might I add she conferred with her cousin an attorney about meeting me..
I guess I should have just said, thanks and I'll see ya right then..
But dam..never meeting and just new to speaking to each other..and the FBI investigates? lol
Posted: 5/14/2007 5:30:43 AM
|Actually, Googling someone is a pretty inefficient way to find out much about someone. If your willing to pay money, and sometimes a lot of money, you can find out just about anything you want.|
Google yourself sometime and see what you get.
Posted: 5/14/2007 8:23:44 AM
I agree with most of what you say..
But you must realize I was taken aback by someone investigating me when I never even suggested to meet her. She was pursuing a meet.
I have much knowlege of online safety and trained battered women and men on how to protect themselves from abusing spouses and exes...but this was something I never expected from someone I had a few emails from and talked to 2x.
As one poster said, there are stalkers of both sexes..
One thing to always remember about online chats..no matter how strange, weird or demented you are..you can find a friend on the net.
So, a woman protecting herself in this case..the jury is still out..had I requested to meet her or anything of that sort..ok..maybe..
I don't have anything to hide from anyone..as you can see a few have met me and varified that fact..
This is just another facet of dating that I find so disheartening..
When you meet someone, their past enters the picture like it or not..
Most times when meeting someone, I discover, You must wade through the garbage treatment someone else did to this person in their past. It just is frustrating how people endure a bad relationship then jump right into another..so when they finally meet someone who actually will treat them decent, they are guarded, don't accept truths well or generally are suspicious of the new person in their life..
I hope this helps explain why I was taken aback by being "checked up on".
Posted: 5/14/2007 8:33:03 AM
I think, rereadin some of your posts..that being a formidable male..6'3 and 240 that fear and suspect doesn't become a factor meeting someone..
It just became clear how some feel that meeting even in a public place has become a safety issue..
I will think about who and when and where I meet someone..what information I give them.
I have always believed people are good in nature, and yes being close to chicago I see big city crime, dishonesty in all facets of government and politics, that is why I choose to live in a very small town far from the city life.
I think this is why I chat and be friendly to many but actually meet very few..
Posted: 5/14/2007 4:37:15 PM
|When I google my name i get all kinds of doctors and professors that aren't me. |
I gotta do somethin crazy so I'm on there too. Can't have my name represented only by respectable people.
Posted: 5/15/2007 9:21:46 PM
|I think googling someone is perfectly understandable. After all, there is a safety issue though when you think about it, there was dating before the Internet. Crazy that people just met and found out about people the old fashion way.|
However, telling someone what you found out is a social faux pas in my opinion (and bragging a bit too). It kind of is like when one of my friends said to a newly engaged friend, "Congratulations! Beautiful ring, it's one of those new yellow diamonds!" To which the other friend said, "Um... no."
Posted: 5/15/2007 9:48:19 PM
and just to let you know if you have a google email account (aka gmail) you can actaully set up the email account so that if any article on the net is posted somewhere with your name on it
How do you do this? That is so cool, I didn't know that!
Posted: 5/15/2007 11:06:16 PM
|after reading this post I had to go and google myself and I must do a pretty good job of not posting anything about myself online as I only came up with 60 hits and only 1 was actually of me (an article from a local newspaper) but other than that not a single thing at all.... guess if I get googled that no one will find anything on me!!! that leaves me free to mastermind all the plots in the world. As long as I keep them offline!! ~mad scientist laughter~|
Posted: 5/15/2007 11:57:58 PM
Simple solution to this one.. google yourself, and then report every link containing info on you to google for removal from their search engine, they are obliged to do it.
That said, its also not hard to keep your details off of google, despite all of the online signups, forums, games, and websites i have published, i am yet to find a single result containing info on ME !
Posted: 5/16/2007 12:44:18 AM
|Google your POF screen-name. We're all over google for forum posts. I was amazed.|
Posted: 5/16/2007 4:35:37 AM
|it's just a sad state we are in that we feel the need to check up on someone we have never even met..without their knowledge..|
all you have to do is just ask..
Posted: 5/16/2007 12:12:42 PM
all you have to do is just ask..
Yes, I have found that liars are really very forthright when you ask them a question they don't want to answer. It's a strange phenomenom. The liar in them just ceases to exist and the truth oozes out of their mouth. I can honestly say I know about .... ummmm .... zero honest liars.
Posted: 5/16/2007 12:24:24 PM
|hmm..I don't think most are liars..ans I would hope that most would just be honest from the start.|
If you feel you need to google someone..or check them out or anything just doesn't sit right with you, why bother to talk with them any longer?
I deal with people all day long all over the USA and Canada..I can tell who is honest most times, pose a few pointed questions and see who is just trying to get something for free..I get a feeling that things don't add up..I check their record and usually find a 1 yr old item is in reality 5 yrs old..and out of warranty.
I will say this..If I chat with someone and I get an uneasy feeling, I just say..well nice chatting with you, good luck in your search...I would never consider meeting them.
verygreen, I'm sorry for all the liars you have talked with..not all of us are untruthful..
I guess I could search posts by others and pick parts what they say, take them out of context and disect it to mean what I perceive them to be saying..but I have better things to do with my time.
Posted: 5/16/2007 12:33:25 PM
verygreen, I'm sorry for all the liars you have talked with..not all of us are untruthful..
Thank you for the sympathy, but I wasn't referring to my own personal experiences. I learned the tricks of the liar trade long ago. I don't waste my time on such silliness. It's nice that you have such a positive/puritanical view of humans in general, yet it isn't wise to assume that "my senses tell me" is an accurate view of the character of another human being. I have been online on and off for 7 years ~ when behind a screen of anonymity ~ it's not only common, but it's EASY for people to lie. I have never done a background check on anyone but myself (out of curiosity) ~ but some people don't have a lot of experience in online dating/meeting and it's an entirely different realm than the real world. If someone feels the need to check, my only opinion on that is: share information and both parties google away. Fair is fair.
Posted: 5/16/2007 12:48:12 PM
thanks for writing a quick response..I have been online since the late 80s, with bbs and local chat boards.
Yes I do try and believe folks are truly good in nature..has nothing to do with being puritanical..just raised to believe people are good in general until they prove they are not. I hope to never be so cynical to believe people are inherent liars. I'll go with my senses anytine..proves to be very accurate..a large pecentage of times.
Yes, some people do think behind a computer monitor screen you are anonymous but the fact is you are and can be resposible for anything you do and type.
BTW I did google myself..nothing..I mean nothing about me showed up. Just alot of genealogy facts..my concern is now..how did she find out about my children..etc..
have a great day!
Posted: 5/16/2007 12:57:14 PM
|Honestly, any person using a few details from my profile on PoF can figure out my full name. I know because I tested it and have made steps to limit the available confirmation.|
Would I be scared by that? I would probably be impressed. Especially if it was a woman I was talking to and was considering dating because the steps it takes track down my whole name (first, middle, and last) demonstrates her initiative, intelligence, and level of interest.
I'm still waiting for someone to track the bread crumbs I threw out. Why else would I include certain details?
Posted: 5/16/2007 1:19:00 PM
well, we went to the same church as kids..smacked on the hands by the same nuns, and yelled at by the same priest..and the same age..trying to find out if we already knew each other..
that..is how I gave my last name..
not silly at all..just honest and friendly.
Posted: 5/16/2007 1:27:23 PM
|she could have just asked then if inconsistencies start croping up then maybe a little investigating i dont know id tell her to go google herself, people who dont trust are a pain to be in a relationship with and i just wouldnt let it go ( theres that double standard if a woman found out a guy googled her then he would be a pervert , stalker , or some other creature)|
sorry but if you gals have a right to privacy then we do to) if we are undesireable you will find out soon enough . and what have you found out anyway unless we are on americas most wanted and then why would we put a profile and picture on a dateing site for thousands to see
Posted: 5/16/2007 1:41:34 PM
|sounds scary to me are we to the point of old sifi movies where the only place private is in our mind ( or has that been violated also) how much information is to much ?|
OMG I cant date you google said you thought about sex five times yesterday.( maybe more the data hasen't finished uploading yet)Can you say twilight zone