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Show ALL Forums  > Science/philosophy  > Coflict resolution and Conflict Styles - Self assessment      Home login  
Joined: 10/6/2006
Msg: 3
Coflict resolution and Conflict Styles - Self assessmentPage 1 of 1    
I know in the real world (as opposed to posting & cyber conversations) I am mostly collaborating & accommodating. Sometimes I compromise, but you are right about it not feeling as satisfactory, and often leaves feelings of not being understood/validated. I'm not sure what my forum posting attitude is. I try and write to what I feel without purposefully stepping on any toes, and I don't ever flame anybody, but I try and re-explain if what I'm trying to say gets misinterpreted. It is true what x-dreamer said about the lack of sensory information when dealing with just text (plus a few goofy icons, lol.) An off-handed remark made jokingly can be understood when we're face to face with somebody, but in forums it's hard to get that part across I think. Good post takeitease. Very thought provoking!
Joined: 5/5/2007
Msg: 4
Coflict resolution and Conflict Styles - Self assessment
Posted: 5/14/2007 7:46:15 PM
I have used all five of course, and still have trouble sometimes exercising the patience to make myself shift my behaviour to 'collaborating.' That's what it is, often, I think: calming yourself down from the understandable adrenal fight-or-flight response. I would think it would be easier to do that in text!

And, it depends on what stake of interest that we have in the post content...

Relevance to the reader can make them wave their sword of previous battles, them still shaking with bloodlust.

Yes I believe we are programmed to be adversarial and individualistic, but also collaborative. The big brain gives us the option for any/all of the five as the situation demands. When dealing with angry drunks avoidance could be prescribed. In career-path stuff it would be more collaboration, but in a relationship some competition can spice things up and clarify roles.

People still can't punch through standard TCP/IP so I admit I like to poke the righteous sometimes.
Joined: 5/5/2007
Msg: 5
Coflict resolution and Conflict Styles - Self assessment
Posted: 5/14/2007 7:50:26 PM
Oh, and lots of people have low self-esteem and jump at a chance to flame someone down to their level.
Joined: 5/5/2007
Msg: 8
Coflict resolution and Conflict Styles - Self assessment
Posted: 5/16/2007 5:46:13 PM
City ducks hang around my apartment courtyard. It takes about 10 feedings every spring before they even stop quacking indignantly when I step out on the porch to throw them food. After about 20 they stare at me as if they're wondering what's in this for me. Every animal seems to instinctively fear and hate others until it's shown to be safe to do otherwise.
I loved how "Dreams" by Akiro Kurosawa showed this idea.
This instinct of distrust IMO is prudent. It's sad and scary that if one lets one's guard down one is likely to be attacked. I think we will shed this only when we eliminate most crimes of violence (as opposed to fun spankings or UFC).
Joined: 11/6/2006
Msg: 10
Coflict resolution and Conflict Styles - Self assessment
Posted: 5/16/2007 10:47:08 PM
Obviously I'd like to say that my style is collaborative and cooperative, but mostly I'm too much of a loner for that. I never try to 'make a point' or change anyone's mind. For the most part I'm just thinking out loud to myself. I like to share my thoughts--sometimes deliberately going against the grain which I happen to agree with for no other reason than I'm perverse like that--and then just listen to where the discussion goes. Sometimes I change my mind, sometimes I don't. I don't get embroilled in conflicts (or hardly ever) because I don't take any of this personally.
 natural energy
Joined: 9/23/2006
Msg: 11
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Coflict resolution and Conflict Styles - Self assessment
Posted: 5/21/2007 6:57:02 AM

Normally a big no-no in general forums - mailing you off-thread about your post (ie. not replying in public) is really against (n)etiqutte unless it's for something that the original poster would expect to be kept private (eg. to tell them there is some security problem etc).

x-dreamer you are correct here.
However, I have done so with only three people here in the forums, thus far. These three have strayed extremely from forum guidelines. This was when the person has blatantly slandered or personally put someone down (slammed), without keeping to the thread's topic. The person did this since he/she didn't know how to discuss calmly without slandering and slamming personally.... that is, slandering others as well as myself. This is not allowed on the forums, and I certainly do not respect those who feel they must do this. It is a sign of a person, who cannot discuss in a calm and logical manner when people do not agree with him/her, and feel he/she must show such aggression to turn everyone to their way of thinking. You can't expect everyone to agree with you.

First of all, if someone feels they must win their case in such a manner, what category do they fall in as listed by the OP? ........ certainly not "Accommodating and Collaborating", as the OP suggests.

The email is to be upfront with the person, since I do not need to hide, informing them that I have requested their posts be deleted, and/or asking them to be more professional and civil in their posts, and to stop slandering and slamming. Hopefully they will clean up their act with future posts. I am a very calm person, as are my posts. The other person was not, and the posts were unprofessional, attacking, and immature. They usually do clean up their act, if they see it themselves, or, one of the moderators may have to get involved.

With these three people, the common characterisitc was someone who felt they were an expert, and this attitude was obvious through their post, and their post slandered one or more people, who he/she called so-called experts. A paradox really! ... which is usually the case with such people. There is no need to slander or slam others directly.

Most people know how to communicate civilly here .... thank goodness ....... or, at least they do on the threads I care to visit or participate in.
But, there are others who do not, even though they can hide it sometimes and show their hypocracy.

btw ... only one of the three have I had to block, since they continued to slam.
Then silly me, I unblocked the person, to see how this feature worked ..... now, I cannot put the block back on ....... the way blocking works here on POF .......... since I have not blocked too many, Ihave not had to use this feature very much ..... this feature really should be enhanced.
Coflict resolution and Conflict Styles - Self assessment
Posted: 6/23/2013 6:20:22 AM
Deborah Tannen (various writings about debate versus dialogue)
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