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Joined: 4/28/2007
Msg: 3
Depression and suicidePage 1 of 31    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31)
Its hard to understand what makes a person sink so low that they do that kind of thing and even harder to understand why they take others with them.

This week a young mother (26) killed her 7 year old daughter and then herself here in Ireland- why?? No one seems to be able to understand - the little girl had just made her first communion and the woman had received the keys to her new house last week. A few weeks ago a man killed his 2 little girls, his wife and then himself - again no one knows why.

What could make someone reach that desperate point??
Joined: 3/29/2006
Msg: 8
Depression and suicide
Posted: 5/17/2007 5:25:44 AM
I was diagnosed with severe depression many years ago and twice attempted suicide as a young man. For extra fun my now ex-wife had gastric bypass surgery and took her new body out for a spin - after swearing she would not leave me because I loved her even when she had a weight problem and panic disorder. I say this all not for sympathy but so you know I have experience. I left my home and my son and now live alone. I do get to see my son often, but I don't live with him.

What you feel sucks. It really does and it, along with all other thoughts and emotions are very real. I want you to know this; you have the power to survive. You really do. You have to be happy with yourself. Time? What difference does that make? 49, 19, or 69, would it make a difference? Ok, so be sick of feeling this depression now. Mandate it of yourself to be happy with you. God, the universe, higher power, what ever, is trying to tell you that until you are happy with who you are you cannot make anyone else happy and no one else can MAKE you happy. It just cannot happen. Happiness is not about what others will bring you. If you were with someone the loneliness and depression will not go away. In fact, it will intensify because you will feel, "Oh great, even when my girl is with me, I'm still depressed. I must really be sad."

Feel good about you. Make a list of what you are thankful for. Sure, like what you may ask? Let me help you start; Thank you for my computer, the Internet, PoF, the people who care enough about me to write back, the eyes to read. And that's just what I know you can be thankful for. Then ask the world for what you want as if you have it; Thank you for the love of my life, for my great mental health. Feel it!

You are responsible for your happiness. As long as you wait for someone else to give it to you, you will never have it. You have to take your happiness - and it is waiting for you to take it.

Peace, Love, and Light.
Joined: 3/29/2006
Msg: 11
Depression and suicide
Posted: 5/17/2007 7:01:56 AM
Karen and Hey Sam...thank you for your kind words. You can always be shown the way or led to the Light by teachers, leaders, friends, lovers, and others. still have to want to go. Like a mule, if you don't want to go you won't.

You may have to start by wanting to want to be happy. In other words, some folks may feel the desire to be happy enough to start changing to be happy. Depression is usually so deep you can't even see that you want change. Start with saying, "I want to have the desire to change my life."

You see, it doesn't matter who loves you, who doesn't, if you are with lots of people or alone. If you are depressed you are hurting. We become what we think about. That's it. So if our thinking is depression, whether it's emotional or a chemical imbalance, it is our thinking. You can shift it, fake 'till you make it if you must. But being grateful puts your brain and chemicals in a shift. It will feel like you are going crazy at first because it feels and 'thinks' so differently. Be silent, be grateful, then ask to be well and believe that you are. Change your thinking to the present tense. I am so happy and grateful now that I am happy. Don't think 'I am not depressed' because you still have depression on your mind when you say that. Say, "I am so happy and grateful that I am happy and grateful."

Peace, Love, and Light.
Joined: 3/1/2007
Msg: 14
Depression and suicide
Posted: 5/17/2007 8:08:43 AM
Been there, done that. I don't remember how old I was. Maybe 16 or 17. Even now there are times I wish I succeeded. I think about my father's death and, more recently, my brother's death and wonder why it couldn't have been me.

You want to know what the worst part of attempting to die was - being strapped down in a hospital. Having my whole body strapped down was hellish.

Truth - people who really do want to die do die. There is no shame to finding a therapist. Find someone you feel you can work with. Maybe try an SRI.
Don't let yourself hit rock bottom. Even if there is just one tiny little thing in your life that is good or positive, focus on that.

Some said "chin up". Some said you deserve better and love yourself. Someone even tried guilting you by saying you should think of your son. I know these aren't all that helpful when you are seriously depressed. The word "depression" has been so over used. Depression and anxiety are very real problems. Please, please, please don't hurt yourself. Get help.
Joined: 8/18/2005
Msg: 19
Depression and suicide
Posted: 5/17/2007 9:10:21 AM
I am a single mom and I know no mother would do that but it comes some times to a situation where the pressure and continung life becomes sucha difficult task. I had no one and raised my own child alone by my self. BElieve me it was very hard, his father jsut took off to turkey and found a turkish mail order from there, how can you work, take care of a chid adn have no family or friends soem times in a new city, but because I kept my religious and believe always up to date, I survived. You think you are a logical person with all th eanswers and hearts and empeties but when you are in that situation, believe me any one even you can have some horrible toughts very illogical about life. A lot fo mothers do nto have helps and suports they need as well. the society does not give enough support to single parents either!! We hate single momsa nd always think they are the problems and they are lazy but that is not true! Eveyr body blames women if any thing happens, what if they have post traumatic stress after giving birht. the bormonal changes in a woman s body has such a big effect on how she will think and react, some thing men do nto have to go through!!!! Then next time if you want to judge a single mom, think twice! No mother wants to hurt her child but is there any oen who can actually help a mother to go thorugh a difficulty, not many will give support. If the society cared about that little girl, they would first help the mother to get help and support she needed!!!!
Joined: 3/1/2007
Msg: 20
Depression and suicide
Posted: 5/17/2007 9:16:08 AM
If I may, what set it all off? Was it a particular incident that brought out the desire to die? Was it several things? Usually, this kind of depression is chemical and it can be set off.
I have lived through so much. I grew up in housing projects that were not great. When I was 9 I had rhuematic fever. We had to move because my father's life was being threatened. At 13 I had hepatitis. At 14 I was raped by a neighbor's nephew. At 16 I was gang-raped on a beach. At 17 I tried to kill myself by swallowing every pill I could find in the house. At the same age I started college upstate NY. I was abused and some of my things were destroyed. I left college and worked. Meanwhile, my sister was becoming more and more ill. My older brother was living on the streets and getting very high. I went back to school in Brooklyn. I moved to my first apartment.
My father's company moved to Austin, TX. He stayed here in NY. He was diagnosed with an extremely rare form of cancer. It mastecized and now he's been dead for almost 5 years.
My brother moved into my mother's place. When he started doing drugs while living there, my mother through him out. He kept doing drugs and was staying at the Bowery mission. He died from an asthma attack. That was last December. We did not find out until February.
As of June 1st I am losing my job. Our company was swallowed up by another company that has a risk management department in California and I was told that I was no longer needed. I am having trouble finding another job.
Yesterday my doctor had a heart monitor put on me that I have to wear for 24 hours. I am only 40 years old and I have to wear a heart monitor.
I am overwhelmed with awful things. You know what - This too shall pass.
Most of my life has been horrid. BUT I AM ALIVE AND I WILL CONTINUE TO BE. I MUST CONTINUE TO PUSH ON. So long as I know I can laugh, I know my life is worth living.
This is my life up to today. Tomorrow will come and I will be there to greet it.
Joined: 8/18/2005
Msg: 22
Depression and suicide
Posted: 5/17/2007 9:33:02 AM
I think 85 percent of marriage, some one will cheat but ending a marriage because of that is not a great idea. YOu can keep your family and have yoru own fun but going through the divorce adn loosing yoru family and divorces is even more horrible! Lots of successful marriages did not happened i heaven either. They ahd ups and downs, some one always ended up cheating at least once but I think we are now loosing our tolerance to the values and families. If my partner cheats on me, I will go and cheat on him but I will nto put the whole situationa dn my own son in such a situation. Marriage consuling is a joke, they always tell you to get divorce adn even put more fire to yoru situation. I will trust my future partner even more and trust those groups even less. No one knows better and knows how to make my self happy except me. If my partner in the future cheats on me, I will hav emy own fun too, it happens but Getting divorced is turly is a huge head ache specially when you have a child, this child deserve to be happy nad you owe yoru life to your children. Only because you want to have fun should not sacrifice his or her life and future, right?? I believe couples should start to learn to compromise more and stop using the divorce as an excuse!
Joined: 12/30/2006
Msg: 24
view profile
Depression and suicide
Posted: 5/17/2007 9:55:16 AM
My daughter committed suicide on June 12, 2006. She'd been divorced about 6 months. My last phone conversation with her was her crying that she never wanted to be hurt again like that, but that her new boyfriend was pressuring her for a committment she wasn't ready to make. I won't get into other particulars, but I believe that my experience, and great loss entitles me to an opinion on this issue.

Suicide is an act of selfishness, made by a person who has rarely ever been selfish. It's a desperate act in an attempt to control that which is NOT yours to control.

You cannot control what others think, feel, do or say. YOU cannot change people by YOUR desire for their well-being. YOU are not responsible for ANY of the craziness that other people want to bring into THEIR lives.

You are only responsible for YOU, and you can only change YOU. There's no sense in trying to make sense out of something that makes NO SENSE! Learn to recognize when something simply makes NO SENSE...and WALK AWAY...don't let it drive you crazy!

It took me over 45 years to LEARN that there's no point in trying to please or satisfy a person who doesn't WANT to be pleased or satisfied. Shortly after learning that lesson, I realized that it was NOT my purpose in life to see how much "abuse" I could take before I opened my mouth and said..."OUCH, that HURT...don't do it again!" When you encounter someone who treats you like you have NO RIGHT to feel "x,y or z", then you NEED to walk away. By the same token, when you encounter someone who is "hurt" by EVERYTHING, this is a person who CANNOT be satisfied, and NEED to walk away!

Life does NOT have to be one drama after another.

On Mother's Day this year, my other daughter threw 1 dozen roses on Adele's grave, called her a ****, and walked away. It's been almost 1 year now and I haven't been able to work up any anger. I just shake my head and say, stupid, stupid,, how could you have been so stupid. Adele simply didn't THINK about the mass of depression and grief she would leave behind her. If she would have considered it for 1 moment.....

I offer my ear to anyone considering this as an option.

Joined: 5/10/2007
Msg: 27
Depression and suicide
Posted: 5/17/2007 10:15:37 AM
my marriage broke up about 5 years ago and apparently caused PTS which made me suceptable to major depressive episodes. i never had symptons of depression before. after my marrige i self-medicated with disfunctional relationships. after one traumatic breakup i considered suicide. i have to say a combination of talk therapy and medication has kept my head above water. i feel pretty good now. if you have never been to that dark place it's like we've been somewhere that only others visit in there nightmares. like i said i'm feeling well and thank god everyday for my mental health and my children.
 Forum Guy
Joined: 5/14/2007
Msg: 28
Depression and suicide
Posted: 5/17/2007 10:16:58 AM
Its ironic that the cutting of one's skin causes the release of endorphins which brings a person out of depression.

To those who make an effort to weather it through, slamming a toe with a hammer will cause the release of endorphines to bring you out of it.
Joined: 5/10/2007
Msg: 31
Depression and suicide
Posted: 5/17/2007 12:00:59 PM
i don't know who you are but your nuts. exercise brings out endorphines also. gee what's better for you? it helps depression but it's not the cure all.
Joined: 4/1/2007
Msg: 38
Depression and suicide
Posted: 5/18/2007 5:03:15 PM
I just have to shake my head and roll my eyes at some of the helpful comments here. Bad Depression is like sitting in a dark room...chained to a chair. It's almost like throwing oneself into an abyss when it gets bad. In it's worse times the harshness is relished and as big as the center of the earth.

Fortunately I'm better and certainly understand all the intrusive thoughts. When you are feeling worthless and you truly don't care what happens must pick up the phone. You must make a pact with one or two people that won't freak out and can just talk to you without BS. That's what helps me...I take a medicine too but hope next year to get off of it. It's nice to have that crutch but I'd rather not take meds. Tuka

PS, Don'tcha love all the peeps that think taking an antidepressant is sooo bad. I figure they must be slightly over narcisistic!!
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 44
Depression and suicide
Posted: 5/21/2007 1:53:15 AM

Just how many here have become depressed over loneliness, and how many have actually thought of suicide?

~OP~ I wouldn't worry about what type of ladies will judge you based upon this post. It's a good topic and there have been some great posts.

I am not prone to depression or loneliness. However, I've had raging panic disorder since my late teens that went undiagnosed (or even discussed by me) until I was 29. By age 30, I was completely housebound and had I had one once of self-esteem left, I think I might have ended things that day. I was so riddled with panic and self-doubt, I was afraid to attempt suicide because I would probably botch the job and end up a head of cauliflower. It was then that I realized it was either get busy living or get busy dying. Since dying wasn't an option ~ I had to pull it together.

Several years ago, I was in an amazing relationship (which fate took away from me, sadly.) During that time, I hoped for death. But, when I thought of suicide, the only real thought that I had was my son. He knew I was physically ill (extremely), heartbroken, and that I lived 1750 miles away. For me, I didn't want to die before seeing him, which meant I had to live long enough to make the trip out here. Obviously, that was my excuse for living. Thankfully.

Maybe others don't understand that there is truly a fine line between those of us who think or have thought about this and those who actually atttempt it or those who succeed. In all reality ~ I don't find it disturbing that someone has/had these thoughts, I find it disturbing that so many judge when one is honest about it.

I can only sympathize for those who have depression. But I can empathize with those who have had thoughts of not wanting to live anymore. For me, once I stopped fearing death and started actually living ~ those thoughts have never once entered my mind. I hope you find peace for yourself and that it sticks around! JMO
Joined: 2/20/2007
Msg: 51
Depression and suicide
Posted: 5/21/2007 10:07:42 PM
I was depressed and suicidal in the late 80’s. When I finally bottomed out and was ready to end it all, I realized that once you have nothing left to lose, you gain the power to do anything. I think all of us have been sold a bill of goods over the years. We’re told that we should be happy and we shouldn’t be lonely. Too much of anything is not good, even happiness. We need the sad time to make the happy ones sweeter. Placing the onus of sadness at our own feet just make it look like it’s our fault that we are to blame. Saying we should not be lonely, is like telling a person that you should never allow yourself to be hungry. Eat all the time, and you get obese. We need loneliness to focus on ourselves, to grow; just like we need to sleep. When you learn to embrace loneliness for what it truly is; time to work on yourself; at that point you become unbound and truly free.
Joined: 5/3/2007
Msg: 54
Depression and suicide
Posted: 5/21/2007 11:05:24 PM
I had a very hard childhood with an alcoholic father and a very passive (scared of my father ) mother. He threatened to kill me many times in my teen age years and I was almost ready for it many times cause the life there was unbearable....he held a gun to my head on three different occasions...and yes he was my real father...but backed down every time..Im not sure why..but after that I started to mutilate myself with cutting cause my bf at that time was just as mean as my father....finally I got away and now my father is dead and Im happy....thats all I have to Im not married...I was once but didnt work out....I guess Im destined to be alone
 Fry Lock
Joined: 10/4/2005
Msg: 57
view profile
Depression and suicide
Posted: 5/22/2007 9:51:49 AM
Nothing is ever thast bad, and if it is, it will get better sooner rather than later.

Think of all the people in the world that are WAY worse off than you; do you have running water? an indoor toilet? a bed to sleep in and food to eat? Well, you are better off than a percent of the world's population (not quoting numbers here, cause I know if I do, someone will call me on it for being wrong)

This is a very personal thing for me. I just lost another friend yesterday to suicide, and it sucks, cause that's the ONE THING you can't take back; words, actions all that can be fixed, but that can't.

Man, Tim, I miss you already.

Joined: 5/10/2007
Msg: 63
Depression and suicide
Posted: 5/23/2007 10:53:42 AM
this response is a little late but you are obviously a moron. actually a person has to be quite brave to take his own life. i'm glad i was a coward. many times you cannot control when you have a kidney disease or heart disease. so you see a doctor. it is same with depression. you can't control the chemical imbalance in your brain so you see doctors and hopefully that helps.
Joined: 3/29/2006
Msg: 66
Depression and suicide
Posted: 5/23/2007 12:35:06 PM
I pray to manifest for all those suffering from depression the peace the universe intends for you to have. To have not is horrible; to expect less is a nightmare; to wish for it is lonely; and to give up is tragic.

I know how lucky I am. I have no magic to give but my love...which is pretty cool actually.

Feel the friendship, love, Light, and peace we give you. Make a gift of your pain by fighting and passing on the lessons you will learn.

You are a survivor: Thrill me, baby!

Joined: 5/4/2007
Msg: 71
Depression and suicide
Posted: 5/24/2007 5:08:50 PM
My sister committed suicide last week after a long bout with depression, fueled by alcohol and abuse of painkillers, antidepressants and sleeping pills. No matter how hard we worked to help her, we couldn't stop her.

I hate to say it, but there are people out there who have lost the capacity for clear thought, and end up destroying themselves. This was the case with my sister: we intervened in so many ways, we tried to help her, but she continued to suffer, suffer, suffer.

When the end came, I was in complete shock (I still am.) My only consolation is that her suffering has finally ceased and that she has the peace that she has craved for so long.

But for all you others: get help, get as much as you need, pay whatever you can, because the alternative is not so great, and those you leave behind suffer even more. I think about all the suffering I went through during the last six months, but the suffering I'm going to feel in the future will be even greater.
Joined: 8/18/2005
Msg: 73
Depression and suicide
Posted: 5/26/2007 8:52:14 PM
I am really sorry for the lost of your daughter, I know how painful it must be. I, my self once I was very young and I was going to teh university, I was loosing my mom from brest cancer and gettng divorced and loosing every thing, one night I made my self very drunk, and took some sleeping pill to go to bed ad fall sleep, I never drink that much but that night few years back I did it. I saw the horrible experience, I was dying, i saw the light. DOctors told me I was lucky if I did not have any brain damaged or even I survived!But I wanted to come back, For some reason I woke up adn my friends were all sleeping and drunk but I woke up and called 9/11! I saw my self leaving my body and going some where else. They say when you experience after death you become even stronger adn you will start to believe in god adn that was it. I never ever took my life for granted or any thing even if they send me to a prison in the middle of Baghdad! Life is a precious thing and never take it for granted!Since then i helped lots of people to deal with their depression, if any one tells me he or she wants to end his or her life, I will tell him or her how horrible the experience is and will do any thing to stop her or him! The horibble experience that I had to go throught it was so terrifying, I ahve never seen it in my life. People who do it need help adn we should all do every thing in our power to help these people. I knwo how bad it is and I do not wish any one else to go through the same thing I went, believe me you would want to do any thing to come back but lots of people do nto get this second chance! I was feeling that some thing was trying to suck my soul down and I was tryig to go through the light but soem thing ws trying to take me away from that light. It was as scary as hell, any one who has this tought can contact me and I liek to talk to you please! I ahve been there and may be I can help you and talk to you if you like! Now I became such a strong perosn because of my faith. Nothing can adn should deceive me any more because I deserve to live!Good luck to every one, please take care
Joined: 8/18/2005
Msg: 74
Depression and suicide
Posted: 5/26/2007 8:58:28 PM
It can also be a type of Phobia, there are different kinds of panic disorders adn phobias. My minor was in Psychology. I took lots of corses at the Unviersity. But being uncomfortable in the public places is ad does not necessarly is a mnifestation of a unic fact such as depression. It can be also Panic disorder or Phobia!!
Joined: 5/13/2007
Msg: 77
Depression and suicide
Posted: 5/27/2007 12:16:30 PM
It is sad that so many people do not understand depression. It is not just "the blues". Most people have days when life seems to go wrong and makes us feel blue or even black like there's a thundercloud hanging over us. This is normally a self correcting situation and things return to normal in a few days. Depression occurs when things DON'T return to normal.

Whilst it is true that depression IS a chemical imbalance of primarily the seratonin levels in the brain, the problem with that is that it is a chicken/egg scenario. Depressive thought reduces seratonin levels; reduced seratonin levels induces depressive thought. So, it's exceedingly hard to say that depression is of a physical/organic origin, or a psychological/emotional origin. What we do know is that we can do things to adjust our chemical situation with antidepressants or our psychological state with talk therapy (or mood therapy) and inside a couple months, depression in MOST people will lift. That said, even left untreated, in a great many people, depression lifts all of its own accord.

For some people (chronic depression), it doesn't lift. Nobody's quite sure why but the suspicion is that either there are brain lesions (none have been found btw) causing the chemical imbalance, or that there are deep rooted psychological issues which keep feeding the depression that therapy has just not been able to find or do anything about.

Antidepressant medication should not be treated as a cure for depression, but a helper. If there are things that induced depression in the first place, if they aren't removed, then as soon as antidepressants are stopped, it's straight back to hell on earth.

In reading OldTimeMusic's postings a couple things stand out ...

1) You don't think much of yourself so nobody will want you
2) You think that you have no time left so nobody could want you

Taking number 2 first ...

Time left is relative ... even if you find someone in your last month before dying, you'll depart this life happy and not lonely and that has to have a lot of value. My father looked like dying a lonely old man at 75 (he had a nasty cancer), but just a year before he met a woman who turned his life around. Although he was disappointed that he only had a short time with her, they made each other very happy and he died knowing he wasn't alone. She had leukemia and died just a few weeks after he did - she decided it was her time and stopped going for her weekly transfusions.

Remember that there are lots of fish in the sea who are your age and older (I am for one) and all face the same situation ... all hopeful they'll find someone to end their days with.

Now, number 1 ...

You have to have love yourself first. Concentrate on YOU ... because you are Numero Uno! None of this "It's only me" stuff ... "It's ME!" When you appreciate and love yourself, you will exude the good things about you and suddenly become very attractive.

There is a good book, probably a bit dated now in medical terms, but for the psychological things it's still very appropriate, called "Feeling Good, The New Mood Therapy" by David D Burns MD (
At the time of writing the idea that by doing things to alter your mood, you can impact depression was looked on with some skepticism, but more and more it's becoming the preferential treatment.

One very interesting thing that comes out of mood therapy is the idea that it's NOT necessary to look back to see what went wrong in the past. You look at the things that are holding you back RIGHT NOW from making plans to make you happy.

For example, OK, you don't have your own family. You're not likely to have your own offspring now. SO, what else can you do to bring youth into your life? To toss out a few ideas ... 1) Become a scout leader ... 2) Become a foster parent ... 3) Help out in hospitals Sure they aren't your own kids, but hey, for some you're almost as important, and you'll be meeting some urgent needs these kids may have.

What is there about yourself that you don't like? List them. What can you do that would change them?

Another important thing is to make SHORT term goals; goals that you stand a chance of making given your situation. Long term goals are hard to meet and you may disappoint yourself by never being able to make them. Lofty goals you might not reach either. So make some goals that you know that with a little effort you can meet. As you meet those goals, you'll start to become proud of meeting those goals and you make more goals ... maybe a little more reaching in terms of time frame and intensity. The essence here is don't bite off more than you can chew, but at the same time don't forget you need to eat!

This has been a very long post, but I hope that it will clear up some misconceptions and help you OldTimeMusic!
Joined: 5/13/2007
Msg: 79
Depression and suicide
Posted: 5/28/2007 10:26:57 AM
Well, it is known that simply adding seratonin doesn't do a lot in itself. There are other agents called dopaminergic agents also involved. It's a crazy system where you have parts of the brain that generate the agents, others that use the agents and still others that take the agents and throw them away making them unavailable for use. Kind of like playing the old game of catch and having somebody running in and stealing the ball all the time!

One of the more modern antidepressants are "SSRIs" Selective Seratonin Reuptake Inhibitors. In other words they stop the places in the brain from stealing the seratonin. Obviously that has an effect on the seratonin levels, but it obviously must have other effects possibly like the process of stealing the seratonin has some part in the depressive process. It's all an inexact science unfortunately.

I just tossed ideas out there ... look at the things that make you NOT a people person ... are these things that are preventing you in relationships too? More importantly, what can you do (that aren't too stressful initially) to make you a more people person. Remember, a little step at a time. Always little steps. If you bite off more than you can chew, you'll back away as "impossible".

Remember too that if you do find someone, they may have family that you can meld into and consider at least partly yours ... Sure they don't have your name, but you can at least have an opportunity to put your mark on the world.

Don't let yourself be stopped in your tracks. Look for other ways ... other things that you feel you can manage. You'll surprise yourself.
Joined: 2/9/2006
Msg: 87
Depression and suicide
Posted: 5/29/2007 6:15:14 AM
Hi X
first off Im glad your still around :-)

Ive only tried it 3 times in my life 3 very low times in my life that is! I wont bore you with the reasons I mean really who cares! I guess it is nice to know that Im not the only one that failed at it! recently t my day job just before I got hurt and now still recovering from the surgery I had to have done. They have these games at work I guess to help get to know one another anyways my Boss asked me what my biggest fear was then he didnt like my answer and told me to think up something else! My first answer was that I would wake up the next day meaning I'd be faced yet again with working 2 jobs back to back. Sure I have a goal in mind thats why I work 2 jobs. It also keeps me very busy and very active so I dont have much time to dwell on much of anything. Except now since Im on bedrest till then I have alot of time on my hands. Sure I know others have it way worse then me. right now Im just depressed and cant move at all well Im not suppose to not that I cant! I tried calling the local suicide hotline but they put me on hold just after they said Hi this is meagen can you hold please and I'll be right with you. well like a dumbass I waited while I was waiting I watched 4 episodes of scrubs I got tired of the lousy music thy had playing so I hung up. The 911 system here isnt much better not that I make it a habbit of calling it. Called them once when my house was robbed and once by accident I was cleaning my home phone when I had one and I didnt think to unplug the cord to the wall now I know when yuo clean off all the numbers that for some dumb reason it calls the cops. and because I had the ringer off of course I didnt answer it! about 3 hours later while I was doing some work outside 2 cop cars come roaring up my driveway guess it was a good thing I didnt have a blunt in my hand! lol

Joined: 5/13/2007
Msg: 88
Depression and suicide
Posted: 5/29/2007 7:06:51 AM
"as i think i said in an earlier post, if i build up hopes then its a long way down when thinks work, but i have found from experiance that if i dont build hopes, then one avoids the pain. (in other words, i keep my glass half empty)"

And this is why little steps and working on goals you can actually reach right now is so important. If you look at big steps, you'll see goals you can't achieve, so won't bother trying. And that then reflects in your interactions with others, which you perceive as rejection, so your reaction is why go out. It's easy to say "I'm not a people person" and hide yourself away. It's not so easy to develop people skills, but think of what doing so would do for you.

One thing that was recommended to me many years ago, although I've not done it myself, is an organisation called "Toastmasters" where they help you get over fears like speaking in public.

As I said before, depression feeds on itself ... especially mild to moderate depression which tends to keep you in this suspended state ... You have to do things to help break the cycle. This may why meds alone probably aren't working for you ... the underlying habits of a depressive lifestyle are dominating ... It's not easy to break a depressive lifestyle, especially if you've been in one for years. But change begins with you - but you need to do it in small steps and take pleasure out of the achievements of the small steps. Make enough small steps and you'll find you've come a long way and are capable of bigger steps. Maybe a relationship isn't right for you right now ... but friendship and understanding is. Walk before you try running!

Yes, I've had a LOT of experience with depression .. some mild depression of my own, but also family and others. I've done a lot of counselling. BUT, I am not a doctor nor am I a professional and I don't even play one on TV ... so, in standard disclaimer, any comments I'm giving you are not worth any more than you're paying for them. If you use any in an attempt to help yourself, you should do so in conjunction with a professional, such as a doctor or professional counsellor or therapist.
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