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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Control freak or Perfect mate? calling all men & women..Help!      Home login  
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 kjay
Joined: 5/13/2007
Msg: 1
Control freak or Perfect mate? calling all men & women..Help!Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
met this guy on here 3 days ago. We seemed to really hit it off. We had a great chat a couple of times and then we spoke on the phone once. We were attracted to each other ( at least by photo) and I was really looking forward to see what happened between us. Then the day after we spoke on the phone he was kinda cold to me during an im chat. I had to dig for the reason why. Well it ended up he is upset with me because I didnt delete my account on here and that I have another one. He kept making comments about it. And said he was testing me to see what I will show him as far as how commited I was to him. And finally he told me to take a hike basicly( he said in a text..."dont u get it? we were never gonna met until you deleted your account")and he did delete his profile. He said he did it out of repect for me and that because I hadnt it showed him I wasnt commited to getting to know just him. I really liked this guy and had no intentions of dating anyone else until I found out about us first. I did put an update on my profile saying I met someone. Am I wrong? Should I have deleted my account for someone I spoke to once and chatted a few times? I mean if we at least met each other and hit it off I would have ran home to delete it...I mean I am here to find someone I'm not looking for a collection of men or anything. Opinons please!!!
Tried to post this one I dont think it worked. So this is second try sorry if its been repeated.
 K-lo
Joined: 7/31/2006
Msg: 2
Control freak or Perfect mate? calling all men & women..Help!
Posted: 5/21/2007 5:23:06 AM
Control freak. And a tad bit paranoid. Geez.

But, there's a lot of that on these sites. Some people get very caught up in protocol and etiquette, whereas I probably wouldn't think much about my profile sitting on a site, collecting dust. But, I would be turned off by someone so suspicious, and so early too. Eek. Oh - and the pouty, passive-aggressive way he went about telling you his thoughts would probably turn me off too.
 Cort1295
Joined: 12/26/2006
Msg: 3
Control freak or Perfect mate? calling all men & women..Help!
Posted: 5/21/2007 5:46:08 AM
He expected that big of a commitment after talking online for three days? Never even met? That's retarded.
 prolibertate
Joined: 9/11/2005
Msg: 4
Control freak or Perfect mate? calling all men & women..Help!
Posted: 5/21/2007 5:51:47 AM
OP, count your blessings that you didn't meet this guy...He expected yuo to take down your profile and yuo hadn't even met him yet? And you'd only talked for 3 days onine and once on the phone? He sounds like a nutcase. Be glad yuo found this out before you met him rather than after a few dates.
 crittersitter
Joined: 5/13/2007
Msg: 5
Control freak or Perfect mate? calling all men & women..Help!
Posted: 5/21/2007 8:08:50 AM
Don't worry about it.
Sounds like that's his little control game to see if you're the type of easily manipulated person that will jump through hoops to 'get involved ' with someone.
It must have worked for him on other women for him to be such an a ss about it with YOU , a person he's never even met.
What a little drama-boy...EWWWWW!
He's not gone- just lurking around with a different profile.
Good riddance!
Control freak or Perfect mate? calling all men & women..Help!
Posted: 5/21/2007 8:48:05 AM
He expected you to delete your profile,and you hadn't even met yet?

Yeah..I would say he had some massive control issues.
 Duckman_2
Joined: 5/15/2007
Msg: 7
Control freak or Perfect mate? calling all men & women..Help!
Posted: 5/21/2007 9:07:53 AM
It must have worked for him on other women for him to be such an a ss about it with YOU


I don't think it work as he was still looking...

Anyway, be glad you found out about him early as I see issues with this guy...
 twoshadows
Joined: 4/4/2006
Msg: 8
Control freak or Perfect mate? calling all men & women..Help!
Posted: 5/21/2007 9:28:59 AM
Control freak. There's no reason to delete your account after talking only a few times.
 gonzofanmel
Joined: 10/3/2006
Msg: 9
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Control freak or Perfect mate? calling all men & women..Help!
Posted: 5/21/2007 10:55:13 AM
He is a Control freak. You are not his girlfriend, you don't owe him any explanations or apologies as to why your profile is still up. That's your business, not his. Even if you had 10 men you were chatting to at once, it's still none of his business. You are a single, unattached woman and you can do as you please.

You haven't even gone out yet, and already he's making demands? Believe me, that's only the beginning. Next would be him telling you that you can't talk to other guys on the phone, even if they are family friends you've known for decades, followed by him demanding all of your passwords for your e-mail accounts and cell phone, so he can check your e-mail and voicemail to see who you are in contact with, all the while hiding his insecurities under the guise of "we're dating, we shouldn't hide anything from each other."

PULEEEEEEEZ. Forget Mr. Crazy Man and move on.
 dino_freebird
Joined: 11/6/2006
Msg: 10
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Control freak or Perfect mate? calling all men & women..Help!
Posted: 5/21/2007 3:20:35 PM
Good ridance to the insecure bah-stard!
 gtadaizee
Joined: 10/22/2006
Msg: 11
Control freak or Perfect mate? calling all men & women..Help!
Posted: 5/21/2007 3:21:58 PM
NEVER delete your profile until YOU want to BUT certainly not for someone you have not met and have had very limited contact with. It is your decision to make and yet there are appropriate times (in my opinion) when you should at the very least hide it BUT this is not one of them. Tell him you find that very manipulating and/or controlling.

When I am chatting with and even at the telephone stage with someone I am attracted to, I feel sometimes that I want to delete my profile and stop looking BUT my firm committment to myself is to keep UNTIL I actually meet the person, have spent some time with them and we mutually agree to it. I've been burned several times and have had to start all over. Its tough when you are interested in someone NOT to delete BUUT I've learned. All that I can say is , then hurry up and meet me and let's spend time together and then I'll show you my committment. I'm in that situation right now (impatient) but I'll honor myself until proven elsewise. I'm telling you IF I find the right man then I'm out of here, not because of here but because I no longer need to be here! I'd rather been in the real world anyday.
 Formerly known as ece7405
Joined: 3/13/2006
Msg: 12
Control freak or Perfect mate? calling all men & women..Help!
Posted: 5/21/2007 4:00:18 PM
Well, looks like you blew it. Most women would be flattered that he was willing... Oh wait... I mean control freak!
 yesiamcute
Joined: 12/29/2006
Msg: 13
Control freak or Perfect mate? calling all men & women..Help!
Posted: 5/21/2007 5:00:50 PM
He's a nut case. You just met and you certainly didn't owe him anything.
 rileyblue
Joined: 5/12/2007
Msg: 14
Control freak or Perfect mate? calling all men & women..Help!
Posted: 5/21/2007 5:37:47 PM
If he acted that way after only 3 days, could you imagine what he would have been like at the 3 week mark? LOL

He is obviously insecure and I'm sure you know you're better off without him. Be thankful you were able to see this side of him early.
 Bigger Guy
Joined: 10/3/2005
Msg: 15
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Control freak or Perfect mate? calling all men & women..Help!
Posted: 5/21/2007 5:47:18 PM
UHHHHHHHHH ... after only a few days ...... no marriage plans ..... no plans on anything yet ...... why would someone delete their account? To me that would seem like a big red flag. A clingon is about and lurking. Heck, if you were an item and wanted to stay on for friends / forums / just to check out the world, it is no-one's business but your own. I believe that you being "dumped" may be the best thing to happen. But: that is just a guys perspective, and one who has been tracked by a clingon before.
 whats_in_a_name
Joined: 1/24/2007
Msg: 16
Control freak or Perfect mate? calling all men & women..Help!
Posted: 5/21/2007 5:50:13 PM
This whole story sounds like one that happened to me a few months ago over a different media (NOT a dating site, just a chat engine, but it shall still remain nameless)...

I had been talking to quite a lot of people --hey, it's chat!--, male and female (OK I admit, mostly female, but still a few males), and eventually things got a little more serious with one, so we decided to meet, and things went their way from there.

Being an honest man and also being happy about the way things were going (up to that point) I told some other people (at least) with whom I was chatting that I had met her and that it had "clicked".

One of the women I was chatting with (actually since before I started chatting with the one I met) got all mad, saying that I had been "flirting" with her (was not exactly the case) AND with others (not exactly the case either), that I wasn't being serious at all with anyone, that she thought I was serious with her at least, and that I hadn't been chatting with any other woman since I had started chatting with her, and this and that...

Needless to say I don't chat with this woman any more! Actually not too long after I stopped using that chat engine completely, and eventually cut all kind of contact (about 3 months ago) with everybody I knew from there except for one person (whom I incidentally met today for 2 minutes for something unrelated, not aiming to date or anything) after chatting with her for a year or so...

Crazy what people think sometimes...

I did have an 18-month relationship with one woman on that nameless chat engine. We decided to stop using it after it got serious between us, but eventually we went back after a while (one of the first signs of the decline of our relationship, but that's another story). However we never closed our accounts between the two moments. At no moment was any one of us "jealous" that the other one still had an account there -- we just stated in it "not single/not looking"...

So I guess that OP's "control freak" could be nice with her and allow her to maintain a profile here (even if it's only for the forums, she still needs a profile!!!) in which she'd state "Not single/Not looking"...

...but then again, I'm pretty sure that OP will NOT want to talk to that guy any more!
 daisie
Joined: 9/22/2004
Msg: 17
Control freak or Perfect mate? calling all men & women..Help!
Posted: 5/21/2007 5:56:34 PM
ahhhhhhhh wow...........PERFECT MATE for sure!!

If he would do all the and call me FAT and UGLY and demand I give him my paycheck each month and throw knives at me while i cook and clean his house....wow....i might just ask him to marry me!!!


yummy!! wowee!!! Don't let this dreamboat slip away sweetie.....i'll snag him in a heatbeat!
 tinydancer123
Joined: 3/3/2007
Msg: 18
Control freak or Perfect mate? calling all men & women..Help!
Posted: 5/21/2007 6:00:43 PM
What a silly, demanding little child he is. Whew, you just dodged a bullet girl.
 Creativguy
Joined: 10/19/2006
Msg: 19
Control freak or Perfect mate? calling all men & women..Help!
Posted: 5/21/2007 6:14:24 PM
There was a guy that posted a few months ago about how he insists on commitment by the very first date, in order to give it every chance, he said... and I recall posting stuff about how control freakish that was. That, if the relationship was to grow, it should be able to flourish NOT because artificial constraints against any and all male competition are built in from Date #1, but because, primarily, there is a willingness on both sides to have it grow.

Turns out on further posting in that thread, that this guy found his "technique" to work out BECAUSE that's exactly how it had successfully panned out with his former wife. So he made the reasoning error that this is how it works best. I had the reasoning that this guy was just an insecure control freak that had met an insecure woman and things worked out, partly because of their mutual neediness.

You may have had a date with him!
 Bikeman_
Joined: 10/8/2005
Msg: 20
Control freak or Perfect mate? calling all men & women..Help!
Posted: 5/21/2007 6:35:59 PM
This sounds like a strange request from a total stranger. I can't ever see deleting a profile before meeting someone; if a first date went really really well I might consider either immediately editing my profile to say I'm not available, or hiding it or something like that. This man's request is delusional, not a good sign, definitely non-plussing behavior. It goes past control freak.
 Charlie Shift
Joined: 12/5/2006
Msg: 21
Control freak or Perfect mate? calling all men & women..Help!
Posted: 5/21/2007 6:43:01 PM
Good grief, girl! You know the answer to this one. He's ridiculously controlling. Is that what you want? I wouldn't have even put anything on my profile.
 hiheelsareOk
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 22
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Control freak or Perfect mate? calling all men & women..Help!
Posted: 5/21/2007 6:44:33 PM
There is something wrong here. He wants a commitment without even meeting you to see if the two of you hit it off first. Sorry, there is no chemistry in emails or telephone conversations. Curious, has he told how to fold your laundry or how to dress yet? I’d dump this one quick, he has issues or is hiding something about himself.
 neal69
Joined: 6/29/2007
Msg: 23
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Control freak or Perfect mate? calling all men & women..Help!
Posted: 7/28/2007 10:38:17 AM
he must of been a total fruitcake , imagine how controling he would of been after 2 weeks of meeting lol you wouldnt of been allowed to the shop never mind on the pc lucky escape for a pretty woman if you ask me
 cdflash
Joined: 9/14/2006
Msg: 24
Control freak or Perfect mate? calling all men & women..Help!
Posted: 7/28/2007 11:23:08 AM
i always get onto the posts too late - dammit!

think the other twenty or so posters have a consensus here which is "its a bit over the top".

i've been out with a woman via POF and we just put our profiles on hidden which can be done via the mail settings. meant that while we were seeing each other, we were not visible to any POF user but if we broke up (and sadly we did) then we wouldn't have to retype our profiles, upload pics, etc.

i might add we didn't do that straight away either, happened over a fortnight or so.

IMO if that was the reaction to not deleting your profile, imagine what he'd do over a dirty dish in the sink or a pair of underpants left on the floor for a few days.
 Winter Sparkle
Joined: 6/3/2007
Msg: 25
Control freak or Perfect mate? calling all men & women..Help!
Posted: 7/28/2007 11:35:38 AM
I would say FREAK!

I had someone do that to me. Let's just say he's not right in the head ok? :)
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