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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated      Home login  
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 TennesseeLine
Joined: 8/22/2006
Msg: 4
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Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperatedPage 1 of 16    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16)
I'm extremely allergic to lead so until those papers come in, I ain't even going to bother...

Separated means they may still work it out, in my mind... and I will not step between a married couple.

Go with God & do good things,
-TennesseeLine
 tdh46
Joined: 1/7/2007
Msg: 10
Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 5/23/2007 5:41:32 AM
"Nope! it would make me nervous." I was seperated for 6 years before we finally got divorced, I was the one that left so i pretty much gave her everything she wanted out of guilt, our seperating and divorce was far from messy. Most likely would still be married had it not been for us deciding we wanted to not be libel for the other persons debts in the future.

We stayed married in name only because of our kids and the fact that neither one of us was planning to get married again any time soon. So from knowing how it was with me and my ex, i would have no issue with dating someone who was seperated. But then again i am really not that worried about being dumped and her going back to the ex either. just not insecure like that.
 curlygrl
Joined: 11/8/2006
Msg: 11
Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 5/23/2007 6:10:25 AM
I am very good friends with a guy who is seperated -
and that is it - friends. No - in my eyes I am sorry he
is still married and that is disrepectful. When he shows
me those divorce papers then maybe I will let the walls down.
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 13
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Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 5/23/2007 8:32:37 AM
Depending on the length of time of the separation and the amount of involvement in each other's lives.

For example... my ex and I separated in Sept '04. I moved away with the kids and haven't had a whole lot of contact with him since. I had a few *single* dates (that would mean first dates, nothing more) here and there, but quickly realised that I wasn't mentally or emotionally ready. Probably wasn't until last summer or fall that I got somewhat serious about wanting to date. Wasn't until February this year ('07) that I met someone that had serious potential for long term. My divorce papers were filed a couple of months ago. So for me, even tho I knew from the beginning that I wasn't going back to the ex, I still took my time making sure I was truly ready before putting myself out there... took 2.5 yrs.

In that time a couple of my dates were with men who were separated... some quite recently, and after they quickly turned into disasters, I swore I would date anyone who was *freshly* separated again. Some people are able to move on fairly quickly, some aren't. If you aren't ready, don't date, don't put yourself out there, don't muck about with someone else's feelings if you aren't truly ready to be in a new relationship.

I am glad my bf was able to look beyond that. Actually we joke about him screwing a married woman all the time (partly 'cause one of his friends is having an affair with a married woman!!).
 scorpiomover
Joined: 4/19/2007
Msg: 19
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Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 5/23/2007 9:28:17 AM
Met a lot of women who ran back.
Would not like it at all.
But each to their own.
 unorthadoxchick
Joined: 5/26/2006
Msg: 23
Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 5/23/2007 12:57:25 PM
i wouldn't date a seperated guy. I would never feel comfortable until the divorce was over.
I think the rate for reconciliation is probably pretty high
I automatically see it as a waste of my time and energy, almost like dating a guy that is "really married". It will probably end badly for me in the long run.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 24
Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 5/23/2007 1:06:01 PM
I've learned a valuable lesson here on POF. Canadian divorces take a long time and are rather costly. I was not aware of that when I first came to POF. That being said, I suppose if I were to meet a Canadian, who had been separated for an extensive period of time, I would consider the facts and make a determination.

On the US side of things. There is NO way I'd knowingly date someone who is not legally divorced. Being a member of the legal community for way too many years has taught me one thing: anyone can get a divorce if and when they choose. Every county in every state has federal funds available for moderators to help people represent themselves. No lawyer needed. That includes custody settlement, property settlements, etc. If someone wants a divorce here in the states, it happens. In addition, I don't want involved in the "he said" "she said" that goes along throughout divorce proceedings. Nope ~ he's either single or he's not. At least for me. To each their own, it's just not something I'm interested in.
 dub08
Joined: 4/28/2007
Msg: 26
Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 5/23/2007 3:05:57 PM
So lets get this straight - a lot of you won't date separated people or people going through divorce (another thread)! Maybe thats why these dating sites are full of people. Folks separated does not necessarily mean emotional baggage etc etc. Everyone is different and tarring us all with the same brush doesn't help!


 Miss W
Joined: 12/4/2006
Msg: 27
Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 5/23/2007 3:15:41 PM
Not at all. Separated to me means still married and frankly, I don't want all of the drama that goes with the territory. They are very fragile and could possibly reconcile. In a perfect world, they should be spending the time working on themselves, adjusting to being alone and learning to like it, and if they have children, making sure that they are ok during this transition and...in some cases, going to therapy, not dating.
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 31
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Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 5/23/2007 5:06:02 PM

it took my ex and I less than two weeks..and we live in Canada...if you agree on everything...and say you have not been cohabitating with each other for over a year...even though you have...


Firefighter.. that's cheating!!! Wish I'd thought of it tho...

Took us about 18 mo to get the separation agreement sorted out. A whole lot of back and forth on things, stupid lawyers. My understanding is that legally we could have filed 12 mo after we separated, but due to the whole children, custody, support, insurance BS it took a little longer. Paperwork got lost on one of the lawyer's desks for about 6 wks. Bottom line is what it cost me to get divorced was MORE then it cost for the damn wedding in the first place. Something seriously wrong with that.
 banjaboy
Joined: 5/20/2006
Msg: 33
Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 9/12/2007 7:13:50 AM
It depends when they seperated, last week, 10 years ago. For some people its strictly a matter of finances. If you are a single parent or just single anything, paying rent, food all that important stuff comes first before paying a lawyer huge gobs of hard earned money to make it "legal". Seperated is as much a state of mind as anything else. I would be hesitant if someone was very [as in a year or less] seperated but I would take each case on its own merits. I'm a widower, so its a question I get,"Are you ready to date yet" ?
 TensawEagle1
Joined: 1/5/2007
Msg: 37
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Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 9/12/2007 7:54:19 PM
Hey BabyCrackCrack,

Do you really think they heard what you said...

I kinda doubt it

However, I got your back on that One!

Since when does seperated not mean Married? Oh I forgot that is 2007 and there ain't no rules

Would I date a seperated women? I got one thing to say...Not no but I'd...

Rick TensawEagle
 Engage-me
Joined: 11/2/2006
Msg: 40
Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 9/13/2007 10:21:30 AM
I'll probably be banned for this, but I have to point out that some one of the mods is deleting and renumbering posts without any indication they've done so. I know because I had a post in this thread that has now disappeared.
FYYW
 Engage-me
Joined: 11/2/2006
Msg: 42
Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 9/13/2007 10:55:56 AM
Maybe it was an accident but it's still annoying.
 TensawEagle1
Joined: 1/5/2007
Msg: 51
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Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 9/14/2007 6:24:36 PM
Mr.margaritaville1972

The point is...You are still married and NOT available until you get a divorce that releives you from your prior commitment.

Why would anyone in their right mind want to date someone that is not free?

I waited until after I was divorced to come up here on line to date. Not only that I have been single for some time...to give time to work out the issues, that inevitably comes when one leaves a long term relationship (mostly sub-concious).

Your probably not going to like this for it seems you have no problem jumping out of the fryin pan into the fire...

Before you even try the you have the "no issues" line...save it... Your just lying to yourself if you try to pull that one.

Your forgetting that most of us up here have been where you are now...

Rick TensawEagle
 TS_69er
Joined: 10/19/2006
Msg: 53
Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 9/14/2007 7:38:24 PM
as long as she puts out
 Angelnurse10
Joined: 6/10/2007
Msg: 57
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Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 9/16/2007 2:14:45 PM
I would not date someone who is seperated, just because, when I was seperated and I went out with a really nice guy, I couldn't stop thinking about my ex, and the next time this guy asked me out, I told him I was just not ready. Now here I am divorced, and I know I really hurt this guy. There is just too much of a possibility of them returning to their spouses. Seperated people really are not ready.
 ~Time For Me~
Joined: 9/4/2007
Msg: 59
Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 9/16/2007 5:13:11 PM
I agree with Master irisheagle. The term "separated" is a very broad term. If the paperwork is done and divorce is filed, well, I would cut the person some slack. Until then, they are still "married".
 WhereForArtThou
Joined: 5/13/2007
Msg: 65
Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 10/9/2007 10:52:32 AM
I do not feel comfortable dating a man who is "separated", because, for me, that means STILL MARRIED -- even if he and his ex loathe each other and want nothing to do with one another, for me, they are still married, and I'm kind of an old fashioned woman in the sense that you don't get involved with married men.

There are also a lot of separated people, dating, who could use a little time on their own -- and should not be leaping from one relationship to another. That's comes off so co-dependent to me. It's good to take some time off between relationships -- it's HEALTHY.
 randomstoic
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 71
Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 10/13/2007 5:24:43 AM
I only date siamese twins who are separated. God forbid an indigestion case be magnified by the power to two.
 right4u1962
Joined: 10/3/2007
Msg: 74
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Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 10/13/2007 4:38:26 PM
Just like the old drug commercials ....JUST SAY NO!!!!!!!
Did it twice, once was a 2 1/2 year separation.,,...guess who came back????
Once was 6 months that with all indication SHOULD have been done.......guess who is back???????????
 R_U_Perfect
Joined: 1/14/2007
Msg: 75
Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 10/14/2007 3:42:08 AM
I once dated a woman that told me she was seperated...... and when her USMC Husband showed up to Kill me,I baffled him with BullDung and sent him on his NO SO MERRY WAY...


Sorry. I've been once bit and now I'm forever shy!!!


If I DATE, she has never been married, or is very LONG SINCE DEVORCED!!!


NOT ON YOUR LIFE,WOULD I EVER EVEN THINK OF DATING A MARRIED OR SEPERATED WOMAN EVER!!!!!!!!
 Tequila Sunrise1
Joined: 9/23/2005
Msg: 82
Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 10/14/2007 8:59:29 PM
been there done that..nope, would not do it again until they are divorced..too much BS in between the process..jealous wives, jadedness, and alot of emotional baggage...
 Tequila Sunrise1
Joined: 9/23/2005
Msg: 85
Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 10/15/2007 8:38:25 PM
from my experience, men tend to be the ones looking for that shoulder to lean on, pretty hand to hold (and more) very quickly after a marriage/relationship ends..women tend to take time out ...makes you wonder who is the more insecure sex?!
 FastReb
Joined: 1/3/2009
Msg: 90
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Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 1/11/2009 7:50:47 PM
As many have posted, it's a case by case issue. If it's a fairly recent seperation, say within a couple of months, I'd be hesitant to. The longer the seperation, the more I'd be comfortable with it. If it's something that makes you wonder, ask the person why they think it's taking so long if the divorce papers have been filed. The explanation could be as simple as the judge just still hasn't made a ruling (they can be lazy like anybody else) and the other person can't afford to make them mad by inquiring why they haven't issued a ruling.
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