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 dub08
Joined: 4/28/2007
Msg: 3
Got his name wrongPage 1 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
Agree - never use their names even if they have signed their e-mails each time. I also forget who is who if they have no piccie up but then send it by e-mail!! Maybe its just old age!!

 imaginos
Joined: 3/29/2007
Msg: 7
Got his name wrong
Posted: 5/23/2007 6:43:39 AM
All I know, darlin, is that if I referred to a lady by someone else's name I would expect to be toast. That's just how it is -- there are no second chances.

It comes down to common courtesy.

If you're too busy to handle another IM, say so politely. If someone flakes out at that point, it's on them.

If, on the other hand, you're going to attempt to manage multiple simultaneous conversations, you need to be prepared to accept the consequences of your own confusion - however unintended it may have been.

Play on.
 tdh46
Joined: 1/7/2007
Msg: 12
Got his name wrong
Posted: 5/23/2007 7:21:48 AM
If a woman called me by 2 or 3 different names on msn and still can't figure out who i am, i would bounce too. Totally offended. You're a player so why try to pretend otherwise.


If you are going to play at least try keeping track of the names of the guys you playing.
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 14
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Got his name wrong
Posted: 5/23/2007 7:31:20 AM
I think he might be taking things a little too seriously myself. I have had as many as 6 IMs going at once with friends from all over the world. I normally tell them I am chatting with more then one and it can be wildly amusing sometimes. When I am seriously distracted tho, I tend to tell someone that I can chat, or I tell my friends I need to go so I can concentrate on the ONE conversation. There have been a few that I do this with, and everyone has always been understanding. Normally I get *pounced on* when I first log in, and after that things settle down.

If you explained to him that you were chatting with others, in the middle of eating, etc then he should have been more understanding. I know on YIM you can type in the other person's name, so that when you are having a conversation it's their NAME that shows up, not their email or ID nick. MSN doesn't allow you to do that I don't think, it only shows what they put in.

Meh... not a player.. just highly distracted.
 iherdcats
Joined: 6/15/2006
Msg: 21
Got his name wrong
Posted: 5/23/2007 8:10:10 AM
are you kidding?
got his name mixed up and he has a hissy fit?

cripes, I have only one child and I mix her name up!

perhaps it is better to stick to the sweety, hun or whatever.
the fellows I work with I usually call them all 'Guy' (and most of them wear name tags!)

Yikes.

BTW, I think this is genetic trait... my Mum called me "Hey! Paul/Jack/Joan/Ken/John/Pat... whichever one you are come here!" and she had only 4 kids.

It is those thin skinned ones that miss out on the laughs.


Then again one of my Mum's sayings was... "One thing at a time and that done well is a very good rule as you can tell."
 tdh46
Joined: 1/7/2007
Msg: 22
Got his name wrong
Posted: 5/23/2007 8:14:58 AM
If a guy wrote the exact same thread as the Op , he would be gutted like a fish and branded a "player" and a serial dater, I just wish you people would at least make an attempt to be consistent. Just once in awhile i wish you would torch a woman the same way you torch us guys.
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 24
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Got his name wrong
Posted: 5/23/2007 8:18:11 AM
TDH I would tell a guy the same thing as I told the OP here. This is a forgiveable mistake to most people, and those that take it too seriously need to make an appt with their drs to have the broom handle surgically removed, IMO.
 tdh46
Joined: 1/7/2007
Msg: 25
Got his name wrong
Posted: 5/23/2007 8:24:19 AM
I beg to differ, i don't serial date and i sure as hell don't serial chat. To the tune of calling someone by 3 or 4 different names. I for one would be totally insulted and would never talk to that person ever again. They would be blocked and deleted .

Before i give someone my msn, i would have talked to them via e-mail several times, maybe even on Im , so i would have known their names or at least i should have. But then again i am very selective about whom i give my msn to. I guess if i had 100 people on my msn from online dating sites it would be a little hard to keep track.

I will now go make that appointment to have that broom handle surgically removed thanks.

Edit...I find it quite funny how 9 out of 10 replies to this thread are women and they are all saying the same thing. Guy overreacting. I will have to point this out at the next tar and feather party of some guy over something way more silly than this.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 26
Got his name wrong
Posted: 5/23/2007 8:25:09 AM
First of all, no one should expect people to memorize names in the first two or three conversations. This is a dating site, and previous to meeting anyway, we're all talking to numerous people (or should be). That goes for IRL too...while you are dating you should be talking to a few people in the beginning. And yes, I've had people confuse my name too...who cares? I don't get worked up over stuff like this when it comes to complete strangers...the dude was just too sensitive.

Secondly, do what I do and either write names down or list them as such in your buddy list if on another service. It tends to be easier to keep track that way. Male or female, it's just better to be organized.

Bottom line - this is a dating site, and people can't take things like that too personally - if they do they're in for a hard search for what they want here, or anywhere else.
 Internetdatingpariah
Joined: 10/17/2004
Msg: 32
Got his name wrong
Posted: 5/23/2007 8:45:40 AM
MUCH easier if you date people with the same name.
Now speaking for myself unless it's a committed relationship I could care less what name she calls me because regardless it's me she's with at that moment.
 JustKelly70
Joined: 2/9/2007
Msg: 34
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Got his name wrong
Posted: 5/23/2007 8:51:10 AM
Now I know why I keep being called Hun, and Babe. Even though my name is on my msn..
 Casey76
Joined: 2/6/2006
Msg: 42
Got his name wrong
Posted: 5/23/2007 9:06:08 AM

Really you should only be IM'ing only one person at a time...not that you can't be talking to a gazzillion people, just not at the same time


See now, this I dont necessarily agree with. Ive had to block IMs on this site to only those on my favorites list cause you will get SLAMMED with IMs as soon as you log in. One of my best friends just joined, she logs in and within a few minutes will have 5 IMS. She gets so over whelmed, she has to log out for a bit. And men just dont understand when you dont respond or say you are busy.

But it is possible to carry on a couple of conversations with friends, just pick on person you are focused on. I will do that with my BF...talk with him and respond to my GF's about stuff, (but he is much slower of a typer than I am)



As for the name. Maybe he over reacted being as you really hadnt chatted much before. But you also dont know what he passed/recent experience was. Maybe it was a bad day, maybe he just has a name that isnt very memorable. But, if he is going to react like that within the first few convos, maybe you are better off. Maybe he is better off. I know that I wouldnt want to date a guy that couldnt remember my name. But I would probably remind him once or twice before I gave up.....
 tdh46
Joined: 1/7/2007
Msg: 45
Got his name wrong
Posted: 5/23/2007 9:16:55 AM
If i missed a woman name, not once but twice in a conversation on msn, i would know not to bother any further with the conversation, it's over, any chance of ever meeting her is down the drain.

It's truly amazing just how much love is being shown the Op in this situation, I am seeing alot of cyber hugs going out to the Op from most of her gender...."Ahhh Op don't be too hard on yourself you're only human, we all make mistakes". Now lets all join hands and sing a glorious rendition of Kumbya.

Talk about Hypocritical, as sure as the sun will shine tomorrow, if this thread was written by a man most of the posts would be of a different nature. His ass would be hung over a fire and he would be roasted by most of the same posters supporting the Op. Just be consistent that all i ask, be consistent.
 sandy46blueyes
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 46
Got his name wrong
Posted: 5/23/2007 9:32:02 AM
I definately try to talk only to one person at a time, it gets too stressful trying to keep up with more than one conversation. Also, I would have been insulted if I were called by the wrong name, not once but twice. You should have appologized and explained instead of making matters worse and not justifying his right to be upset. It is very difficult to perceive emotion online and things can be taken the wrong way, so you have to be careful and understanding. Only expect the same courtesy as I would give to others.


Sandy:)
 scorpiomover
Joined: 4/19/2007
Msg: 47
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Got his name wrong
Posted: 5/23/2007 9:41:02 AM
I ALWAYS get called the wrong name.

One guy in my local called me "rob" for 6 months. Didn't have the heart to correct him. Got really upset when he found out the truth. We're good now, though.

I'm good as long as the other person apologises for getting it wrong, and gives an explanation. Saying you're "in the middle of msn'ing about 4 other people, and skimming emails" is a perfectly valid reason. Eating is not. Not unless you're in the habit of giving your sandwiches names. I've met people who named their body parts, leg, foot, other, so it's not unreasonable.

But telling someone to take a "chill" pill before you've apologised IS a little bit rude. Even I'd be offended, and that's really, really hard to do.

And the expression is "take a chill pill". Many people who say "take a pill" mean it literally. I mean hard drugs, or a tranquillizer. So I'd be a little more careful who you say that to. Not criticising. Just might send someone the wrong message.

By the way, OP, you are gorgeous. Just the type of woman I'd love to date. The glasses really turn me on. Shame you're in Alberta, although that wouldn't stop me. And you limit yourself to 35, and I'm 2 years on from that. Be more flexible! I am, literally. Used to do a lot of Yoga. Should get back to that. Much better than a pill.
 Fry Lock
Joined: 10/4/2005
Msg: 54
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Got his name wrong
Posted: 5/23/2007 11:32:46 AM

I mean give me a break, does he think I only contact one person and focus ALL my attention on him at a time??!!


Well let's all tar and feather the **stard for not reading your mind and KNOWING how you operate.

I olny chat with one person at a time, cause it's good manners to give folks your full attention, and I don't eat by the computer, cause it's not sanitary.

So maybe we should tar and feather me for not operating the same way you do.

I think it was either incredibly rude or incredibly dumb to not know who you are talking to.

If you chat with that many guys you can't keep em straight, player would be my thought as well.

I'm just saying.

Play on, playa.

Fry
 tdh46
Joined: 1/7/2007
Msg: 56
Got his name wrong
Posted: 5/23/2007 3:30:55 PM
fry lock Thank you very much for your well thought out and intelligently written post. With open minded women like you in the forums, all is not lost.

missright3 says "Tdh46. us women have to stick together"

Tell me something i don't already know. You saying that is like me saying it's windy in chicago in the winter time.
 harviej
Joined: 12/18/2006
Msg: 66
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Got his name wrong
Posted: 5/23/2007 9:22:41 PM
This seems to break down not just by sex but by age. Younger people seem more understanding of her and older are more sympathetic to him. Interesting.

Yep OP he went ballistic and that was nuts. But you were rude or stupid and did nothing to correct it. In fact if he had just gone quietly away you would be wondering what happened.
As Real-me in message 46 pointed out you contacted him first. This set him up for the sting he felt at being mistaken repeatedly for someone else. He was probalby not IMing with 4 other people and reading emails and eating at the same time so your behavour was objectionable.

And Tdh? Come on guy you know women always stick together. It has always been that way. Of course you are right that if a guy posted this they'd be gutting him like a fish, but its even worse. Most of us guys would join them to curry favour! Man we don't stand a chance.

And countrysugar message 2
When he says or does something impressive I'll remember his name until then he's darlin.
Is that why when I left this morning you said 'bye darlin'?
 dogwood
Joined: 2/2/2007
Msg: 74
Got his name wrong
Posted: 5/24/2007 3:47:23 AM
I'm with tdh on this one. OP is a player, as well as a bit of an drama queen.
 Celtic_Angel
Joined: 9/2/2005
Msg: 78
Got his name wrong
Posted: 5/24/2007 7:55:14 AM
I agree with you TDH46. I think it is very rude to call someone by the wrong name, not once, but twice. I wouldn't have spoken to her anymore either.

If you cannot do more than one thing at a time well, then don't attempt it.

I think that if you are instant messaging with one person, then they do deserve your attention, the same as if it was a phone call. It's just common courtesy, which, unfortunately, is not too common these days.
 tdh46
Joined: 1/7/2007
Msg: 82
Got his name wrong
Posted: 5/24/2007 8:24:13 AM
Mec1 says" She called me 4 other names"

So it turned out the Op was somewhat deceptive in her opening thread ,she said she missed his name twice, yet the guy himself as pointed out in both his post that she actually missed his name 4 different times. At first i though maybe the guy over reacted, But if someone contacted me here on pof then miss my name 4 different times on msn. I would be really pissed too and be thinking she must have massed e-mailed guys and is chatting to all of them at once.

After missing the poor guys name 4 times, I stand by my original post that the Op is a wanna be player with no regard for the feelings of others.
 val0214
Joined: 5/7/2007
Msg: 83
Got his name wrong
Posted: 5/24/2007 8:27:30 AM
OP I know what you mean.

I had multiple email windows up. I was emailing a female friend of mine and a man I went out on a blind date with. Well, I sent an attachment about serial killers in South America to the blind date meaning to send it to my female friend because we had both seen the movie "Copycat" and had looked into the subject...more out of fear and curiousity as they used real cases in the movie and before the movie we didn't even know such a thing existed. And I sent the email to the friend that was meant for him (it was tame).

I got back an email from him saying I was harsh and he was ending it.

That's when I realized my mistake. Oooops!

Now that I think about it, I think maybe he thought I was referring to him being a serial killer (which I didn't). At the time I thought he meant I was "messed up" for even bringing up the subject. Hmmm...Ohhh well!

P.S. Just tell him Marc is gay so there's not much to be jealous of.
 val0214
Joined: 5/7/2007
Msg: 91
Got his name wrong
Posted: 5/24/2007 1:41:40 PM
rmb_mike,

If I screw up, I've screwed up. I tried to explain it to him but he had taken it the wrong way and it was just not meant to be. What do you want me to do? Go on national TV and make a big deal about it? Have a press conference? Jump off a bridge? We only talked a couple of times and met once.

It was not meant to be. He didn't have a sense of humor about the situation.

As for the whole switched names for the OP. The guy got nasty and insulting. So what is she supposed to do? Walk the hall of shame? Jump of a different bridge?

Come on, in her case it was not meant to be either. She screwed up, tried to appologize and he got nasty and made her feel guilty about it and made a huge drama about it.

It must have still bothered her for her to post it. I moved on. She needs to move on.

It would be unrealistic to think that the person we correspond with ...that we are the only person that they are corresponding with. He probably was dealing with multiple women himself.

A c ouple of emails and a couple of meetings does not make one a committed relationship...unless you're a little nutty and in which case you need to be "committed" anyways.



BTW - I'm HORRIBLE with names even with people I've known for years. Always have been, (an Aquarius trait), but I can remember a face, place, what was said, etc years later and speak multiple languages. I'm a little like "the absent minded professor - female version of course". Some of us (and I can't speak for the OP) have difficulty with names like others have difficulty with math. 'Tis the way we are wired.
 val0214
Joined: 5/7/2007
Msg: 97
Got his name wrong
Posted: 5/24/2007 3:31:09 PM
rmb_mike

Look, there's enough serious shi# out there going on, that you learn to see the humourous side of things.

As for names...what's in a name? I've called my own daughter by my sister's name by mistake a couple of times because my daughter reminded me of my sister at that age. It was embarrassing. It's not the end of the world.

I dated a man on and off for a year several years ago. What I didn't know about him and later learned was he was a multiple-personality. Yup, you got it, same name, different man. He was with me on my birthday, we did things together, even went to a wedding. A couple of weeks later he didn't believe me that he was there and (and it was valentine's day) and he was even surprised my birthday was on valentine's day. Some of my best jokes I used on that one. Trying to make him jealous I said "Well, your other personality and I had a great time together, wish you were there! " lol... Then I said "You'all should have a group meeting, maybe write each other notes." As a psychology major in college, I found it fascinating!

Did I feel hurt or insulted? Nope, actually, if I was smarter or more manipulative, I could have collected gifts for my birthday and valentine's day twice ! lol

So get over it...Or another way to handle it is simply call this person by another name like "Shenaynay". "You know, Shenaynay, you need to work on getting my name right or I'll tell everyone on POF you wear your underwear backwards."

MOVE ON!

Jeeze, you sound like the moral minority.
 GuitarGuy_
Joined: 3/15/2007
Msg: 100
Got his name wrong
Posted: 5/24/2007 9:32:52 PM
LOL how pissy would you get if someone got your name wrong twice.


:)
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