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 CrimsonKimono
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 1
That illusive feeling of satisfactionPage 1 of 2    (1, 2)
I have spent a lot of time being frustrated for want of a good relationship and looking for the answers to that. I don't know that I ever was in any relationship where I experienced the deep satisfaction that I was seeking. It may have been for only short clips of time in which I felt somewhat satisfied before that nagging frustration returned.

Is it possible that we are looking for something that does not exist? Is it normal for satisfaction to only last for short clips of time? Are we conditioned to be ever seeking this illusive feeling? When does the seeking ever stop?
 FKA ~dsl4340~
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 2
That illusive feeling of satisfaction
Posted: 5/25/2007 5:13:43 PM
We are looking for something that does exist! The seeking will stop when we have found it!

I truly believe we'll find it...there is one person that will give us total satisfaction. I know a certain someone hates to hear this phrase but

"I'm not settling" I will find that total satisfaction and until then I'll be happy being single.
 kasie
Joined: 4/14/2007
Msg: 3
That illusive feeling of satisfaction
Posted: 5/25/2007 5:17:19 PM
Amennnnnnnnnnnnnn sisters.....lol

 CreepyOldMan
Joined: 1/6/2007
Msg: 4
That illusive feeling of satisfaction
Posted: 5/25/2007 5:31:32 PM
Although nothing is going in my favor lately, I will never stop trying.
I live for the day, and when I stop trying, I'll no longer be living.

Maybe I need a different venue.
 DebiSHB
Joined: 1/2/2007
Msg: 5
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That illusive feeling of satisfaction
Posted: 5/25/2007 5:44:08 PM
I truly believe it does exist! I had it once and for reasons completely out of our control we had to give it up. I will not "settle" again until I feel that feeling. Would it have gone away after time like you say Sharon, maybe. I'd like to believe NOT and keep the faith!! I also like to believe that positive thinking yeilds positive results!!
 Singlemale1962
Joined: 9/21/2006
Msg: 6
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That illusive feeling of satisfaction
Posted: 5/25/2007 7:29:10 PM
I think someone wiser than I said it best.

"We are always alone until we have the courage to be with others"

Maybe that is all it really takes. The courage to be with someone and the willingness to do it.
 ColsOh1
Joined: 10/9/2006
Msg: 7
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That illusive feeling of satisfaction
Posted: 5/25/2007 10:52:22 PM
Is that frustration because expectations are being set to such a level that no one will be able to live up to them?

Or could it be be that we live in such an immediate satisfaction world that things and people are easily disposed of?

I believe that excessive expectations and lack of acceptance is what is troubling relationships of today.
 CrimsonKimono
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 8
That illusive feeling of satisfaction
Posted: 5/26/2007 6:42:24 AM
I don't think it has anything to do with expectations that another person has to live up to. There is just something that hits a certain spot within that triggers a sense that everything is OK. I see people who have that triggered by people who have lots of shortcomings. Of course, there are things that are the deal breakers, but everyone has a level of grace that they give to their partner.

I'm talking about sensory things of security, well-being and well . . . satisfaction about having a relationship albeit one that needs to be worked on. It's more of a "knowing," I guess, than an accomplishment. Women will probably understand what I'm trying to say than perhaps men will.

I'm hoping that this exists and is not an illusion.
 jackie1954
Joined: 4/9/2007
Msg: 9
That illusive feeling of satisfaction
Posted: 5/26/2007 7:57:18 AM
I know what I want to say, but I don't know to say it...

That feeling of "satisfaction" comes from within yourself, it isn't something that someone else can give to you. The "feeling" that overwhelms you when you're "in love" isn't coming from the other person... it's the love you feel for them.

Our expectations of the other person, and their expectations of us... that's what rips relationships apart. It isn't "love" that destroys a relationship... it's everything else thrown on top of it in the name of "love".
 DebiSHB
Joined: 1/2/2007
Msg: 10
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That illusive feeling of satisfaction
Posted: 5/26/2007 8:06:58 AM
Wow Jackie VERY well said!! Very insightful!! That should be written on a card we can all carry in our pockets and pull out when we need to be reminded!!
 TheBigfut
Joined: 6/27/2005
Msg: 11
That illusive feeling of satisfaction
Posted: 5/26/2007 4:37:35 PM
I think sometimes people confuse satisfaction with acceptance.

And hear me out on this thought. Satisfaction, as Jackie said it, for couples is a conclusive feeling from input of both people in the relation. Now along with that you have the expectations of others in the family unit added to it. Then beyond that the expectations of your "community" or "peers".

Now if someone that is by themselves can't find satisfaction in themselves, then you will not likely find it with the help of others. After all the first step in being able to love others is being able to love yourself.

Alot of times I see people turn to others to fill the gap within themselves, versus addressing it in their own lives and having someone help strengthen that weakness. After all the other reason for a relation is to shore up the weakness of the the other person with the strengths in your personality/habits/thought process. Because ya gotta have offsetting strengths to be strong overall as a couple. Otherwise you will be lacking in some areas and have an overabundance in some also.

Just my two cents, doesn't really mean anything- just putting it out there as food for thought.
 coachb41
Joined: 6/18/2006
Msg: 12
That illusive feeling of satisfaction
Posted: 5/26/2007 6:17:51 PM
Have some of us already been single to long to make it work now? Since I'm a little older than most people on this site I think maybe I have seen a few things in relationships that I know will not work for me and doesn't matter how good or strong or how much money a lady has.
One of the biggest things for me that gets in the way is for a lady to have a son or daughter still living at home that is anywhere from 35-45 years of age. Come on kid grow up and get a job and quit counting on MOM to babysit you the rest of your life. Mom just MIGHT be happier if she had a man in her life instead of a sibling that should be on there own somewhere. With a job and not MOM's paycheck. Sorry Ya'll
 riddler802
Joined: 10/10/2006
Msg: 13
That illusive feeling of satisfaction
Posted: 5/27/2007 5:06:36 AM
Could it be that it isn't satisfaction that we are looking for but contentment. Satisfaction sounds like something you have after you have eaten a good meal, or the approval that you give someone after they have done a good job on repairing your car or building something for you.

Just like DNA, there are no two people in this world exacly alike. Two people may like or have interest in the same things but they are never exactly the same. I don't like the phrase " I'm not going to settle anymore,I'm going to wait till I find what I'm looking for". Sorry but you will never find it, because that would be perfection in your eyes and that doesn't exsist. Perfection is something that none of us have or will ever have (even though some think they have it) because we are human and all of us have faults and shortcomings. We should always strive for perfection but knowing that we will never reach it.

When we find someone that we feel a connection with and feel that we have fallen in love with them, then that love should be strong enough to overshadow the faults and shortcomings of that person. (of course this should work in both directions and not just one way) We know going into any relationship that there are going to be times of disagreements because of our imperfections, but if we can with love overlook these times or let them pass then I believe you can feel contented with this person.

Contented is in itself a great feeling. Being satisfied is a quick fix and short lived, but I believe contentment is long lasting.

The preseeding was the views of one person and does not mean it is the views of anyone else (and most likely isn't) on this website.
 DebiSHB
Joined: 1/2/2007
Msg: 14
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That illusive feeling of satisfaction
Posted: 5/27/2007 9:23:20 AM
I understand peoples reluctance to accept the phrase I won't settle but don't let that be confused with I won't tolerate or accept someones shortcomings! You are exactly correct in that nobody is perfect and to expect that and not be willing to settle for less than perfection would be ludicrous. What I mean when I say I won't settle is that I won't settle for someone who does not meet my needs or make me happy just because I don't want to be alone. I've learned over time that being with ME is not such a bad thing and rather than settling for someone I don't feel it with or settling for someone who treats me badly I will go it alone. I don't have huge expectations and am willing to negotiate on just about anything. The one thing however that I will not negotiate is that it is NEVER better to settle for someone you don't really love just to avoid being alone. Been there done that!

When you love completely you are never settling; instead you are learning to accept and compromise. I don't consider that settling!

Again I will go back to the fact that I absolutely believe that the feeling of satisfation and contentment will not always be illusive once you fall in love completely! Call me a die hard but I BELIEVE... I BELIEVE lol.
 *mandrake*
Joined: 9/19/2006
Msg: 15
That illusive feeling of satisfaction
Posted: 5/27/2007 9:25:29 AM
I like Riddlers term of "contentment" better than satisfaction. All things begin with self. Until I can love myself, I cannot love someone else. Making a relationship work takes "two" well adjusted people, who are willing and able to put 100% into each other. It takes a balance of physical, emotional, and spiritual well being to create that elusive "satisfaction" or "contentment" that one seeks. It is not something you find from the start, it takes work to create such a delicate union. There are "no" shortcuts to happiness.... Father John Powell speaking on "unconditional love" says that love is not a feeling or an emotion, but rather, a decision and a commitment involving the feelings and emotions. Perfection does not exist in the real world.

It takes work to mold self into a healthy person, so it takes work to mold a relationship into a healthy union. Start at the basement and soon the house will be built, if you have a strong foundation, the rest will come in time.
 DesertFox3
Joined: 8/6/2005
Msg: 16
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That illusive feeling of satisfaction
Posted: 5/27/2007 4:23:25 PM
Is it possible that we are looking for something that does not exist?

Yes!

I think there are quite a few here that seek 100% perfection, & will not stop till they find it & will accept no substitutes or anything that is second best or close.

99% isn't good enough.... it has to be perfect!

Ever see Shallow Hal?

"I'm not settling" I will find that total satisfaction and until then I'll be happy being single.

Exactly my point, & likely you never are going to find it!

& how bout that first hubby, are you admitting you were wrong? I get bashed for being never married consistantly, because I knew it would not last, never was anyone long enough to see if it would work & I'm ostrisized for thinking this way?

Everyone has little flaws & quirks, a lot of these we have to adjust & adapt to. If we don't we may miss out on something great, wonderful & good times! I used to put that all the time I lost cannot be bought back in my profile, but then again who reads those passage things, we just look at the pictures, right?
 gpb1953
Joined: 10/16/2006
Msg: 17
That illusive feeling of satisfaction
Posted: 5/27/2007 8:19:58 PM
I think a lot of us share your frustration in search of that perfect relationship. And since relationships are always (in part) about making compromises ... perhaps"perfect" is an impossible target to shoot for. But I refuse to belive that we were put on this earth to be alone. I have this notion that true happiness will continue to elude us until we find someone special to share our wonderous highs & those disastorious lows. Today's "feel good" society & our age of "quick fixes" offers little motivation for us to continue our search. But for me ... no amount of failure will ever discourage me from searching.

"No man or woman is an island. To exist just for yourself is meaningless. You can achieve the most SATISFACTION when you feel related to some greater purpose in life, something greater than yourself. "
- Denis Waitley ,

Thanks,
Gary
 OhioLady59
Joined: 7/3/2006
Msg: 18
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That illusive feeling of satisfaction
Posted: 5/27/2007 11:58:15 PM
I can't get no...



I really think I need to go to bed. lol
 Lorilie25
Joined: 4/25/2007
Msg: 19
That illusive feeling of satisfaction
Posted: 5/30/2007 10:36:17 AM
YES! I agree with what riddler8o2 posted. Thats the way I see things anyway!
 CITB
Joined: 8/28/2006
Msg: 20
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That illusive feeling of satisfaction
Posted: 5/30/2007 11:56:55 AM
Unfortunately there is not satisfaction guarantee!
 Neysha61
Joined: 7/31/2006
Msg: 21
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That illusive feeling of satisfaction
Posted: 5/30/2007 1:19:29 PM
I don't care about satisfaction at this point and time, I just want my money back!!!

And besides, satisfaction comes from within. More people should try looking inward for that elusive feeling instead of searching for it in someone else.
 CITB
Joined: 8/28/2006
Msg: 22
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That illusive feeling of satisfaction
Posted: 5/30/2007 1:23:22 PM
You just got your two cents back, what more can you ask for? Geeze you are never satisfied!
 Neysha61
Joined: 7/31/2006
Msg: 23
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That illusive feeling of satisfaction
Posted: 5/31/2007 8:52:13 AM
Are you an accountant? My ex husbands in fact .....
In that case make sure I get my money back, less the two cents (yes yes yes I KNOW) now it's less four cents.

Am too satisfied.
Sometimes.
 CITB
Joined: 8/28/2006
Msg: 24
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That illusive feeling of satisfaction
Posted: 5/31/2007 8:54:02 AM
I actually did work in Accounts Receivable at one time : )

Glad you can be satisfied!
 Neysha61
Joined: 7/31/2006
Msg: 25
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That illusive feeling of satisfaction
Posted: 5/31/2007 12:39:52 PM
^ Bean counter.

Oh wait, that's the other forum.


I don't remember being criticised at all btw.
Just in case anyone is checking or cares.
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