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Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  > Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 4
Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.Page 1 of 57    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41)
It's lack of attraction. If it's not mutal, then you can't make it so no matter how nicely you treat her or how much you prove you're really into her. She can't make herself feel something for you if it's not there.

A lot of nice guys forget the attraction has to be there before anything else you do for her can work. Just because it's not mentioned doesn't mean it's not part of the equation - we don't mention it because we honestly don't think we have to. It's just a given.

Find a girl that feels the SAME attraction for you that you feel for her and romance her, it'll work a lot better.
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 5
Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 5/27/2007 8:17:08 PM
If "it" isn't there, it just isn't there.

Being nice is a good thing, but treating a woman in a nice manner can't instill a flame or incite passion. If she didn't want you, it meant that something was lacking for which being nice could not make up. In other words, her knees didn't get wobbly when she saw you come down the stairs.

Why? I dunno, and I don't think anyone else can define that essential spark that does ignite the fire.

In my last so-called relationship, I waited for the flame to be lit by a nice man for three months. It didn't happen. His knees got wobbly, mine remained steady.

Such is life.
 beautiful_agony
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 8
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Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 5/27/2007 9:43:58 PM
To me it's not that the nice guys don't interest me, but I do agree with some of the posts here saying that there was no physical attraction.
In my opinion and from experience, guys being very nice and very romantic is always a nice thing, but the times I did go for that stuff, well I ended up with a broken heart and finding things were too good to be true.
Nice guys are great, make good long lasting relationships as long as you have that attraction to them, but sometimes it does become very overwelming. I appreciate guys doing nice things for me, but in some ways it makes me feel alittle awkward. I don't know..just my opinion.
 lovableladywanted
Joined: 5/14/2006
Msg: 12
Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 5/28/2007 6:10:25 AM
It works both ways . I have stories of ladies that were overly nice to me but never got angry . It becomes boring. I want a nice lady don't get me wrong , but I want someone to exert their personality. Disagree with me on politics, tell me I am a slob , tell me you do not want to go here or there etc.
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 15
Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 5/28/2007 6:17:09 AM

HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT THAT YOU COULD HAVE HURT THIS GUY VERY DEEPLY. OH I FORGOT YOU ARE LIKE THE COUNTLESS WOMAN WHO JUST DON'T GIVE A DAMN,


Um, did I miss something? Isn't the OP a MAN? To whom is the above quote directed?
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 16
Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 5/28/2007 6:19:52 AM

HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT THAT YOU COULD HAVE HURT THIS GUY VERY DEEPLY. OH I FORGOT YOU ARE LIKE THE COUNTLESS WOMAN WHO JUST DON'T GIVE A DAMN, BUT WHEN THE SHOE IS ON THE OTHER FOOT OH HE HURT ME SO MUCH. SISTER WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND. YOU ARE A REAL ****

Wow, that was quite the outburst, guess someone's cornflakes have been peed in, eh?
 SunnyMommy
Joined: 10/29/2004
Msg: 19
Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 5/28/2007 6:40:41 AM
From my experiance, most guys that are nice guys, normally only appear to be nice guys. It seems at first they are nice guys and then once they are comfortable their real personality emerges. I would much rather a guy be himself and how his true colors.

As long as I am attracted to a nice guy I will give him a chance. Just remember there is a differance between being a nice guy and a push over or someone without a backbone.
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 20
Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 5/28/2007 6:45:03 AM

Ive noticed that guys that treat their women like sh it they(women) never leave them!


Ya know, this just isn't factual. Most women are NOT with a man who treats them like crap. More and more, I see people (men and women) who use this as a cop-out when they can't find a partner and seemingly can't accept that MAYBE, just MAYBE, there is something inherent in their make-up (emotionally or otherwise) that makes the opposite sex not attracted to them.

If a person has a longstanding problem attracting or keeping a mate, then that person should take a deep look at him/herself instead of falling back on excuses and platitudes and blaming the other party. If you consistently attract shallow people who leave you . . . why? How do you perpetuate the cycle? Why do you only attract users and abusers who drop you?

Step up to the plate and do some deep analyzing of YOURSELF, not other people. Try being honest instead of always laying the blame at the feet of other people. Looking in the internal mirror is scary, but it is worth it.
 Emeraldmind
Joined: 4/18/2007
Msg: 23
Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 5/28/2007 7:32:26 AM
I think it also stems from insecurity in the woman. Why does this guy like *me*? If you don't have a valid, "good" reason to find them appealing then they will assume that you don't *really* find them attractive. In some cases, even if you *do* have a valid, "good" reason, this is the case.
 frenchy62
Joined: 3/11/2006
Msg: 24
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Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 5/28/2007 10:21:39 AM
There are many women who do that because they have been in stormy or abusive relationships in the past. There are simply some women out there who are overwhelmed and don't know how to react when someone is nice to them.
 Cyrus982
Joined: 6/28/2006
Msg: 30
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Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 5/29/2007 7:20:59 PM
Don't you know that the real way to a woman's heart is to punch her teeth in? That really gets them goin'. Guys that beat thier women are never lonely. Also try cheating on them, lying to them, and/or knocking them up. They'll be yours forever!

The reason this works is because women are fundamentally stupid. Like dogs, they'll only listen to you and respect you if you beat them and yell at them constantly.

Don't agree ladies? Then start dating all these nice, decent guys on this site that post topics like "Why Do women dump men who are nice to them" all the time! Maybe then I won't have to hear about all your crappy exs either... you know, the ones that treated you like garbage but you still gave more of a chance then any of the great guys out there.
 YourDarkAngel
Joined: 6/14/2005
Msg: 36
Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 5/29/2007 8:06:18 PM


It's lack of attraction. If it's not mutal, then you can't make it so no matter how nicely you treat her or how much you prove you're really into her. She can't make herself feel something for you if it's not there.

A lot of nice guys forget the attraction has to be there before anything else you do for her can work. Just because it's not mentioned doesn't mean it's not part of the equation - we don't mention it because we honestly don't think we have to. It's just a given.


You should tell that to the women that I have zero interest in, and still don't get the message. They either think you're playing hard to get or like "stoic" types, when I'm being stoic simply because I don't care to continue.

Works both ways.
 Cyrus982
Joined: 6/28/2006
Msg: 44
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Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 5/30/2007 12:06:32 AM
"To the idiot who said you should beat women ,cheat on them and generally treat them like dogs ,YOU ARE A FOOL!! I would like to see a man ever put his hands on me . It would be the last time he would ever use his arms."

If I had a dime for every time I've heard that, but then seen that same girl in the same exact kind of a relationship, I would be so stinkin' rich that I could just buy a few women and not have to worry about dating ever again.

The truth is, women like to be mistreated. Being nice to a woman is repellant. It has nothing to do with "the spark" or "chemistry". I'm not the only one on here that's come in to tell you that. Every day there's a new topic just like this one... Some poor guy complaining about his being nice not working.

When was the last time you saw a topic that said, "Why is my being mean chasing these girls away?", or "I beat my chick and she left me. What gives?" You never see these kinds of posts because those guys are too busy screwing to get on the internet.

Somehow I'm the fool though? Even though you're the one who seems completely detached from reality. I'll indulge you though... WHY am I a fool? Do you want to explain or is it just easier for you to call names than to come up with a coherent argument?
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 49
Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 5/30/2007 4:56:19 AM
You should tell that to the women that I have zero interest in, and still don't get the message. They either think you're playing hard to get or like "stoic" types, when I'm being stoic simply because I don't care to continue.

Works both ways.

No, YOU should tell those women that. "I have zero interest in you and you don't seem to be getting the message." Don't leave it to the imagination of those women - if they like you they will take it as coyness. Let em have it. I mean I like to approach men too, but I have a built in knowledge of knowing where to stop. Once I give them a CLEAR signal that I am interested and an open to pick up the ball...and they don't, I move on. A lot of women don't realize men jsut don't play hard to get (if interested), that's specifically something only women do.

That goes for men too, if you don't tell them you don't like them romantically, they either get angry at you, try to find out why and fix it, or say ok and agree to be friends and secretly hope you'll change your mind someday (my favorite). You have to tell them that they can't - it's just not going to happen.
 Cyrus982
Joined: 6/28/2006
Msg: 52
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Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 5/30/2007 2:36:45 PM
::yawn::

"You ignorant male chauvenistic PIG!"

I see a lot of name calling, but not so much explaining how I'm wrong.

"I have been in a couple of relationships where the men have been nice to start with, but soon as they think they have you wrapped around their finger, their attitude changes. And no I never stayed around for any punchup outcomes. Damn its morons like you that stop women dating the "alleged" nice man."

You're the type of woman I'm talking about. Too retarted to tell the difference between real nice and fake nice. Woman get wet for that fake nice that jerks lay down, while real nice will always send them running for the hills. Thanks for proving my point.

"Punch me in the teeth & il have you down like a ton of bricks with my machette!"

Again, every woman I've ever met has said something like this, but they still continue to date jerks who do these things to them and they never once take them down like you claim you would. They mostly just go down on them.

It would be nice if you girls would stop attacking me and realize that you're part of the problem...
 YourDarkAngel
Joined: 6/14/2005
Msg: 54
Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 5/30/2007 10:26:32 PM

No, YOU should tell those women that. "I have zero interest in you and you don't seem to be getting the message." Don't leave it to the imagination of those women - if they like you they will take it as coyness. Let em have it. I mean I like to approach men too, but I have a built in knowledge of knowing where to stop. Once I give them a CLEAR signal that I am interested and an open to pick up the ball...and they don't, I move on. A lot of women don't realize men jsut don't play hard to get (if interested), that's specifically something only women do.

That goes for men too, if you don't tell them you don't like them romantically, they either get angry at you, try to find out why and fix it, or say ok and agree to be friends and secretly hope you'll change your mind someday (my favorite). You have to tell them that they can't - it's just not going to happen.


Excuse me?

I DO tell them that, and I don't play hard to get. Some people simply do not get the message until you cut them out completely.

Do I have to relate several stories for you? I have no problems in doing so if I have the time.
 YourDarkAngel
Joined: 6/14/2005
Msg: 57
Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 5/31/2007 1:35:46 AM
although from what I hear there are still a few June Cleaver and Harriet Nelson clones around who need a big strong man to take care of them and provide for them and keep the boogeyman away.


More than you guess. And I'm not into them, either. Let them find someone else to pay the tab. Many people are just suckers.

Unfortunately, there are several women that want it both ways---equality when the paycheck is received, but chivalry when the bills arrive in the mailbox. You can't have it both ways. You're just living a lie, and when someone claims the tired, "I'm a strong, independent woman" and is funded by an ex-husband, a current boyfriend, and The State, it doesn't sound very true.

I'm all for women in the workplace and carving their own way, it's a wonder why I don't meet enough of them. I'll give them credit far more than the "rescue me" types. The latter is a turn off, no matter how good looking they might be.

As for protection, I protect myself quite well on more than one front, and don't need a sugar mommy to guide me. I haven't met one yet that shared my vision. So be it.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 58
Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 5/31/2007 7:06:20 AM
Excuse me?

I DO tell them that, and I don't play hard to get. Some people simply do not get the message until you cut them out completely.

Do I have to relate several stories for you? I have no problems in doing so if I have the time.

I didn't think you played hard to get, I just figured you were doing the ignore thing most men do as they are usually trying to avoid hurt feelings. Sorry from your post it seemed like you weren't telling them straight out. My mistake.

I don't know maybe say something to them like "get away from me or I am going to contact the police"...I don't know. I had a guy who tried to get me to change my mind f0r two years and date him...nice, fun to hang out with at first but just real arrogant; ugh not my type. No matter what I said it didn't matter. A couple months ago he finally stopped drunk dialing me in the middle of the night, I hope he finally got the hint, but I am guessing he found some other poor girl to bother. I guess some people just like to torture themselves, what else could it be?

And before you all start calling me a B I T C H .. yes.. I am but that doesnt mean that what I said is wrong. People are attracted to who they are attracted to. I would rather be alone than be with someone for material or superficial reasons. Women in this day and age are far more independant and self-sufficient than in the past. Men need to realise that women don't need to be taken care of and treated like simple minded creatures who can't take care of themselves. Relationships are more about partnerships these days, although from what I hear there are still a few June Cleaver and Harriet Nelson clones around who need a big strong man to take care of them and provide for them and keep the boogeyman away.

I won't call you a bitch, I totally agree with you - many people think attraction is a choice. Their response to you not being into them is that they can say or do something to change it, or that you can just change what you're attracted to. Really frustrating. And no, a lot of us don't need saviors, we'd like to meet someone just like us that takes care of themselves (yes, that we're attracted to). Sounds simple, but it's so tricky and hard to find. Weird.
 i feel great
Joined: 3/16/2007
Msg: 70
Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 5/31/2007 4:28:43 PM
thats why you deserve a guy that cheats and is rotton to you because your a worthless trashy female.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 78
Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 5/31/2007 6:20:54 PM
I will not degrade or demean a woman to feel superior. I believe in unity, equality and hard work for a relationship to be sucessful. Building each others dreams together.
To me this, although more subtle, is by far the more superior approach. In the end I get a woman confident in herself, not manipulated or motivated by vanities, and wholesome. Much better than a pushover wouldn't you think?

Oh yeah, it's way better. Good for you - the wait might be a bit longer but it'll be worth it if you are a balanced person. Kissing azz and complimenting is overbearing and naturally being disrespectful will attract needy approval seeking women. Be yourself and treat as you would want to be treated from the heart and you will attract the same.
 YourDarkAngel
Joined: 6/14/2005
Msg: 84
Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/1/2007 2:18:29 AM

uglybetty:
I didn't think you played hard to get, I just figured you were doing the ignore thing most men do as they are usually trying to avoid hurt feelings. Sorry from your post it seemed like you weren't telling them straight out. My mistake.


Not a problem.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 87
Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/1/2007 4:27:02 AM
Alwayssmiling36: Great article and so true. I might cut and paste that one for the next 5000 nice guy threads that get posted.

Simple .. ...... because they're stupid,, they prefer to bellyache about the ones who treat them like shit...

LOL...so many bitter men out there who feel this way, and don't ever see the common demoninator. I suspect they all took math growing up yet they never apply it to life.
 * Succinct *
Joined: 5/12/2007
Msg: 91
Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/1/2007 7:23:32 AM
you're all insane - too much thinking being put into something that should be easy and natural ... POF = plenty of frauds
 Richard678
Joined: 10/30/2006
Msg: 92
Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/1/2007 7:25:44 AM
Because they are just plain stupid. Maybe they would like it better if the guys beats the crap out of them.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 98
Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/1/2007 9:15:39 AM
It's not hard to do. People just need to treat others with respect and respect themselves as well. A lot of people get too caught up with one or the other, but if you allow for both people in the relationship to be active and vocal about it's destination then the rest is just small stuff.

Treat the other person with the respect you would appreciate from them, and respect yourself enough to know when you are overextending yourself for someone who's not returning the same courtesy. It's really as simple as that. Know when to give and when to realize it's not working.
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