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 fallendeva
Joined: 3/22/2007
Msg: 2
how long would you like to talk online before meeting in personPage 1 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
you are not the only one thinking of this... i too do not know how soon to meet someone...
 oggers
Joined: 5/10/2007
Msg: 4
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how long would you like to talk online before meeting in person
Posted: 6/3/2007 2:06:03 AM
There is no rule book , people, whatever feels right for you both is the right time to meet ... two months , two days , whatever feels right for you both .

There is no guarantee that - when you both get along online - you are going to get along in person . Sometimes you can click online and chat for ever , but when you meet there is no chemistry .. thats a shame, but remember , people are a lot shallower than they like to make out , maybe something about you turns off their buttons big style ?


If you spent months talking then would that be seen as alot of wasted time. Due to the fact you are looking for a partner in life. Not a online buddy.


But if you are then gonna see that as a waste of time , and dont want online buddies, then you need the " I Dont Want To Waste Any Time And Get Right Down The Aisle" booklet available from all good dating sites ... Personally, I would have to question your level of desperation to meet someone who could be that partner for life - that could be just as big a turn off ! Relax and chill a little - you have got to meet a few frogs before you meet The One ... and whats wrong with online buddies ?? You gotta have someone to invite to the reception .............
 2matchingsocks
Joined: 5/19/2007
Msg: 8
how long would you like to talk online before meeting in person
Posted: 6/3/2007 3:25:27 AM
Six years ago when I was on a dating site I talked to a few men for weeks, a couple for months. I never met any of these men. It just took weeks or months of talking before I felt comfortable enough to think about meeting them. Before I ever reached that comfort level they always said something that set off a bell in my head - I knew meeting them wasn't something I was interested in. One man I emailed with for a couple of weeks, talked on the phone for a couple more, then met. We were together for 5 years...

Since becoming single this time, my first day on this site, I got some many emails it was overwhelming just answering them. Most got some form of a polite "No thanks". One I talked to about organic gardening for a bit...more like friendly chatter than anything else. Then, that first day, there was one that his first email just did something to me...it made me want to respond. We ended up going to a baseball game that evening...and I enjoyed the heck out of it...and him. We've been together ever since. If it develops into something I will be so glad I answered that email. If it stopped today, I would still be glad I took the time to meet such a wonderful man.

So my answer is, I think it depends on your comfort level with the people you're talking to. Some you'll feel the need to get to "know" better before you meet. Some you'll feel comfortable with right away.
 Mystic77
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 11
how long would you like to talk online before meeting in person
Posted: 6/3/2007 4:24:49 AM
I can’t put a time frame on it, cause would certainly depend on a lot of external factors. I am still trying to adjust to this online dating era & makin constant mistakes. There really is no rite or wrong but only what feels rite within yourself. My perception with most things in life, as long as you are open, honest & optimistic with every individual you meet, you will impact their life some way. For the most part, I listen to my instincts, even thou off here you are kinda limited with resources for makin an observation . It will take a few emails or IM’s to at least decide there is enough common interest or at least your minds are on the same wave length. I certainly wouldn’t want to waste anyone’s time, if they had a misconception on my motives. I agree with others thou, a relationship can only progress so far online when the curiosity, desire or need can only be stimulated with the physical appearance. We are all human after all, when you have been alone for a time without the championship of a person who fulfills your soul. We can create a
person’s imagine so intense in ones mind that you can be coerce into meetin far too soon & the relationship is domed. I never consider time spent getting to know anyone, as a waste of time, but grow from the experience. I am a adult & I have the ability to forming my own conclusion or take responsibility for my actions.
So, a long story short, in answer to the question……….it depends
 IrishAngel1
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 13
how long would you like to talk online before meeting in person
Posted: 6/3/2007 4:46:56 AM
~OP~
Unfortunately..

attraction to pic/profile != email chemistry
email chemistry != phone chemistry
phone chemistry != attraction in person..

So.. if we seem compatible and share some chemistry.. based on a few email / IM / phone connections.. I prefer to meet.. sooner rather than later..
 lovableladywanted
Joined: 5/14/2006
Msg: 15
how long would you like to talk online before meeting in person
Posted: 6/3/2007 5:04:18 AM
Personally I do not see a reason not to meet right away. Think about it many of us have met people at clubs or in situations where we were conversing anyway. Now I understand the need for ladies to be cautious. I believe many ladies though are over cautious and lock themselves out of potential relationships, which I think is a shame, because I know I treat people the way they deserve to be treated. I do believe another reason why some people do not want to meet and will just talk on here forever it seems lol; is because they are ashamed of the way they look.
 Mystic77
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 17
how long would you like to talk online before meeting in person
Posted: 6/3/2007 5:26:05 AM
I disagree with your statements, they are ashamed how they look. If an actual relationship was formed between yourself & another, physical appearance is not an issue. Well it shouldn't be any ways.
I would be more inclined to think you are being played for what ever reason. Or maybe they think you are only searching for a Barbie doll.
 lovableladywanted
Joined: 5/14/2006
Msg: 18
how long would you like to talk online before meeting in person
Posted: 6/3/2007 5:32:02 AM
I did not mean to start a controversy lol . I have no problems if someone is a few extra lbs or whatever. I believe if there is a good flow and some vibe go for it ... the meeting I mean . That said, there are people , not just women , I am sure men as well, that are insecure about the way they look and they hold off the meeting for as long as possible to ' keep the good thing going' with the connection on line and not to risk it .
 mlm_mlm_mlm
Joined: 4/29/2007
Msg: 20
how long would you like to talk online before meeting in person
Posted: 6/3/2007 5:38:37 AM
I met them pretty quick... as there was no point in building any relationship, spending time talking to someone that I could not see face to face. After that and seeing if they were a freak, social retard, emotionally unbalanced or not. then I would decide if I would talk to them some more.
In my experience 95% of the people severly misportraed themslves... most in both looks and personality. I found only about 2% actually dateable.

Usually I would chat with someone briefly... a few times... and then if I felt ok with the phone calls I would meet them in a coffee date setting or casual interview... ALWAYS IN PUBLIC.... and talk about 20-30 minutes.
I only had 2 guys who showed up that were so hideous I just left..... and 95 %
got blown off after the first meeting.
A few I saw a few times more only to find out they were not exactly what I was looking for, so I stopped wasting time with them.... and all communication.

I finally did meet someone and he is far better than I ever dreamed... a fair, honest, balanced man... with a good job, no mental or physical issues... not jaded or on drugs...
* if I didnt do it this way....
I don't know what horridness would have let marks in my life... ... as there sure is some horrid... utterly out of touch with reality types out there.
 oggers
Joined: 5/10/2007
Msg: 21
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how long would you like to talk online before meeting in person
Posted: 6/3/2007 9:34:41 AM

....for some ridiculous reason ppl do, and can behave very differently online as to when you meet them in person.


Thats because on 't' internet, people have time to think about what their resonse will be , time to think how to build a reply / comment for maximum effect - people dont really type as fast as they think...

in real life , a lot of people tend to engage mouth before brain .........
 giggleparts
Joined: 10/23/2004
Msg: 25
how long would you like to talk online before meeting in person
Posted: 6/3/2007 9:58:04 AM
It depends, I think, on the physical distance between the two of you... I have spent 3-4 months and as little as a week. You know, if you're really excited/interested about/in someone, you want to meet them as soon as possible...

@piano4te - Dude... I like short burst sprints on the beach and punching cows... wanna' wrestle? I keed, I keed! Don't give up man, you have so much going for you... like being sexy cool... and ... and.... knowing how to play the piano, maybe?

the giggleparts - Trust me, I look a lot better in the dark...
 cuteazabutton
Joined: 8/8/2006
Msg: 28
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how long would you like to talk online before meeting in person
Posted: 6/3/2007 10:09:19 AM
Well for me i'd say at least a couple of months which will be when i finally meet the man that ive been talking to since May 10th. We plan to meet at the beginning of July when i take my holidays starting July 6th.

I hope by then that we will have gotten to know each other better and i plan to have my sons with me ages 9 and 15 so i wont be alone. I know some of u will say thats stupid to bring them along but it was going to be a family holiday anyways and he plans to bring his daughter along too who is 13 yrs old.

If neither of us have any trust in each other then what a waste of time we did getting to know each other for the last two months. I suppose im just one of those people that puts a lot of trust into people too easily but im always afraid that this man could be the one who got away if i dont go for it.
 giggleparts
Joined: 10/23/2004
Msg: 29
how long would you like to talk online before meeting in person
Posted: 6/3/2007 10:11:07 AM

attraction to pic/profile != email chemistry
email chemistry != phone chemistry
phone chemistry != attraction in person..


sooooooooooooooo not true in my books!! Most I've met we'd obviously had online/phone chemistry for it to get to the point of meeting, but no chemistry upon meeting. The above is NOT a given!

AND... you can "feel" it all you want... but it all comes down to what's actual upon meeting


Actually, see that exclamation point by the equals sign? That is a programming convention that actually means 'not equal'...
 1knight1
Joined: 4/10/2007
Msg: 30
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how long would you like to talk online before meeting in person
Posted: 6/3/2007 10:25:44 AM
I prefer to meet quickly, usually after 3 e-mails. I strike while the
Iron is Hot, for a few reasons.

Now I write fantastic e-mails. and I’ll usually spark something pretty soon
in the first few. so i meet earlier due to I want to see how interested she is in ME.


1) don’t want to waste time.
2) loss of interest after a few weeks/months.
3) competition. joins every day on POF.
4) Darn it, i just don’t want to type that long.
5) if you know to much, about other person your first date, can be
low on conversation topics. (depending on the two people)

I also am not looking for dates / relationships, but rather friends
if something sparks then wonderful. if not, then i have a new friend.
gives both sides a “less pressure Vibe”.



BUT i’m million times better in REAL LIFE, then on screen.
at first a little reserved, but still Fun.
 mj824
Joined: 7/10/2006
Msg: 35
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how long would you like to talk online before meeting in person
Posted: 6/3/2007 12:05:42 PM
I'm not a big e-mailing person. And I also believe you get to know alot more about that person over a phone. If you hit it off over the phone, then as soon as possible. The quicker you meet the sooner you'll know is he for me or have I just gotten carpal tunnel system from practiically writing a book to someone who I ain't got the hots for in person?
 Got Trance
Joined: 5/23/2007
Msg: 37
how long would you like to talk online before meeting in person
Posted: 6/3/2007 12:20:22 PM
The reason I ask this is because there are alot of people out here that when you talk on line it sounds very good. But when you actually meet in person. Well things just don't seem to click. If you spent months talking then would that be seen as alot of wasted time. Due to the fact you are looking for a partner in life. Not a online buddy.
I agree with the above quote.
As you can see I could not figure how to quote it properly.

I like to meet within a week or so. There really is no way to know if you will click with a person till you meet them in person.
 JDMETRO
Joined: 5/9/2007
Msg: 38
how long would you like to talk online before meeting in person
Posted: 6/3/2007 1:10:26 PM
"how long would you like to talk online before meeting in person?"

About 30 seconds if she is good looking and available. HA!
 fallendeva
Joined: 3/22/2007
Msg: 41
how long would you like to talk online before meeting in person
Posted: 6/4/2007 11:16:35 PM
see when i read all of your posts it all makes sense... except for one thing.... I am scared s**tless...... i can have wonderal, amazing conversations with someone and be all excited about meeting.... but when the time comes.... i dont know if i will be able to actually do it....... even after photo exchanges, what if he thinks badly of me... what if he does not like me... what if this is just a rebound game.... i dont know if i could even truely tell... argh argh argh.... lol.... god i feel like i am in highschool all over again... hell i dont remember what my true last date was... well except for going to the movies with my kids... LOl... this starting over thing is way harder then i expected.....
 Soul Seductive
Joined: 6/5/2005
Msg: 42
how long would you like to talk online before meeting in person
Posted: 6/4/2007 11:25:20 PM
I guess it woukld depend on the chemistry in the converstaion and with my gut instinct....should I or should'nt I??...It's a chance you take, no matter how long you talk online...you never know the person until you spend time around them face to face
 fallendeva
Joined: 3/22/2007
Msg: 43
how long would you like to talk online before meeting in person
Posted: 6/5/2007 1:20:36 AM
LOL... yeah ask my ex.... that is why he is my ex........ he fell for his union-coworker that he only communicated with via email... (she was married as well) well she left her hubby, and mine left me for her... well she dumped him to go back to her hubby..... and all i kept telling him is it is going to blow up in his face.. he does not know her.. how well can you know someone through a damn computer.........
 El_Mariachi
Joined: 4/21/2007
Msg: 45
how long would you like to talk online before meeting in person
Posted: 6/5/2007 8:17:04 AM
2 to 3 wks tops.

I'm not about to run out and meet after a few moments of convo... but I'm not gonna drag the stuff out either.
 prolibertate
Joined: 9/11/2005
Msg: 47
how long would you like to talk online before meeting in person
Posted: 6/6/2007 6:17:35 AM
OP, I prefer to exchange several emails, then a phone call or two and then a meeting. I do my weeding out in email, so that by the time I'm at the phone call stage with someone, then there's a definite interest in meeting the person...the phone call helps me decide whether to have an actual meeting with them. I don't believe in emailing for weeks or months...that leads people to build up their ideas and expectations about the other person, and too many times only disappointement happens. If I feel comfortable after talking with them on the phone, then I feel good about meeting them in a public place, preferably during daylight hours, so we can talk face to face. What I don't want to do is go to the movies on a first meeting, as some have suggested...you can't talk in there so you're not getting to know the person, which is the whole purpose of the initial meeting.
 icare500
Joined: 5/22/2007
Msg: 48
how long would you like to talk online before meeting in person
Posted: 6/6/2007 6:34:08 AM
Talk once or twice online, then meet for coffee. That way you're not wasting much time. I love coffee anyway...
 swingpup
Joined: 10/21/2006
Msg: 51
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how long would you like to talk online before meeting in person
Posted: 6/10/2007 1:12:56 PM
I will and have always met anyone (female that is) for an Iced tea at Perkins or Bennigans here in Cedar Rapids. I have met with women that are far better looking then their pictures and profiles presented then to be online. On the other side of the coin for a few it's been just the opposite.

There is no way I desire to spend time e-mailing back and forth when in fact one can determine if there is any connection within virtually moments when meeting in person. One or two e-mails, a couple of phone calls and it's time to meet.

Meeting in person separates the impostors from the real thing. Anyone can and sometimes are whatever they desire to be hiding behind their computers. In person that vanishes.

Meet per personal secure is easy. Always in a public place and preferably not a bar. Let friends know who it is your meeting and provide your friend(s) their number, description etc. You drive, they drive and meet them in the lobby or better at a table inside the location.
 sweet-blonde
Joined: 5/23/2007
Msg: 53
how long would you like to talk online before meeting in person
Posted: 6/12/2007 2:42:09 PM
Well I can honestly say that I've seen one profile and I haven't even had the chance to chat with him... I've e-mailed him and heard back from him a few times but nothing about having an interest in me. But if he wanted to meet me tomorrow I'd go... only as his profile had me at the end and then when I saw his looks well hmm. He's been very honest in his profile, (don't ask me why), I know due to some of the facts he gave about himself... he's got my interest but doesn't seem to be interested in me. But anyways if I had the invitation I'd be gone as soon as it came....
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