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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > HOW HONEST ARE YOU ABOUT YOURSELF      Home login  
Joined: 12/6/2006
Msg: 4
HOW HONEST ARE YOU ABOUT YOURSELFPage 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
Exactly honesty about what people want. it is annoying to read on the persons profile and it says "im laid back and i want to meet someone with a great sense of humor" the normal guy may think im laid back and people laugh at my jokes... im in!!! e-mails and get nothing because the person could not be honest enough to say "oh must not be Iranian and has to look like brad pitt" now we get people who never get responses and wonders why then they come on the forums then say they dont get why no responses and the whole thing goes down wash rinse and repeat. All because the person could not be honest about what they want/expect and did not post it. I understand there are some cases where it is unavoidable but every llittle bit helps eh?
Joined: 2/9/2007
Msg: 9
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Posted: 6/14/2007 3:00:02 PM
I have a feeling I'm too honest, But thats me, I prefer to be an open book so there are no surprises. Sometimes a good thing, Sometimes I give the wrong impression.
None of us are perfect for everyone but we may be perfect for that one person:)
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 10
Posted: 6/14/2007 3:03:39 PM
As long as the basic truths are outline ie: single, kids etc then that is all that matters initialy, alittle mystery in the early stages is essential neither party wants to carry someone elses past bagage.........

I was recently dating a guy , and mind u for the first time i acually compromised and went purely for personality seeing this man was not my type physically or mentaly, lets just say he seemed 'nice', so i figured i would get out of my comfort zone and give this guy a chance, only to learn three weeks later this man had a wife and 3 kids at home.....nothing new to many but for me it was definatly a first lol, seeing my ass hole radar wasnt working at that time........and funny enough he was adamant through out the 3 weeks that 'honesty' is something he loves, and dislikes those that cheat and so forth, which makes me wonder sometimes, should they have been warning signs for me ? I mean they do say that those that constently fear something normaly fear it in themselves ? ?
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 12
Posted: 6/14/2007 3:47:08 PM
Do you think that if someone is dishonest about him or herself on a profile or elsewhere that said person would come into a forum and admit it?

Ok, I admit it. I am not really human; I am an alien from Proxima Centauri.

Damn, that felt good to get out.
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 17
Posted: 6/14/2007 4:09:08 PM
Just easier to be honest up front: saves everyone a truckload of time. What's important about your past will come out anyways. I'd rather have it come out *before* the "I do"s, lol!

Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 20
Posted: 6/14/2007 4:33:15 PM
I'm as honest as I can be although I usually leave out the bald purple pigmy sex fetish just because people seem a bit tripped out by it :P
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 21
Posted: 6/14/2007 4:38:04 PM
they need a man. Then the ideal is to have a man who has no thoughts or feelings to deal with. He is supposed to be a source of income, comfort, attention, protection and so on, kind of like the police have their role or firemen play a part in the life of the community. To women, a relationship is an arena for their own emotions, a support system for raising their children, and a topic to discuss with other women. Having to deal with a man as a human being is not possible because she cannot see him as such.

Evidently having to deal with a woman as a human being as opposed to a stereotype is a very difficult thing for some men to do. I'll say the same to you as I've said to women who keep attracting males who use them, abuse them, and lose them: YOU are the one who keeps attracting these others that you do not like and respect into your life. Mightn't you ask yourself exactly why?

Joined: 4/19/2007
Msg: 23
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Posted: 6/14/2007 5:41:41 PM
I used to be too honest, and I found it caused too many problems. People would jump on anything they wanted to see and perceived it how they want to perceive it. Besides, I am a person of many parts. It takes a lot of time to understand me, and I'm a perfectionist, so if I tried to put the level of honesty that I expect of myself, I would need to write a book in my profile. So my profile is a basic summary of myself, my situation, my interests, and what I am looking for.

Anyone who wants to know more, could ask, and they'll get the whole picture, and most people seem to like me. Anyone who has a list of criteria to judge me by, can move on, anyway. They don't have the time to understand me.
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 25
Posted: 6/14/2007 8:00:49 PM

I usually leave out the bald purple pigmy sex fetish just because people seem a bit tripped out by it :P

Oh my gosh! You have that particular fetish, too?
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 26
Posted: 6/14/2007 8:14:41 PM
Gwendolyn ? we have to talk :P
Joined: 4/5/2005
Msg: 33
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Posted: 6/15/2007 4:21:20 AM
I also picked up this motto for myself years ago, "What you see is what you get".
One main reason is that I don't really care for someone else's opinion of me. I'll explain that: Know thyself is an ongoing project half the time we aren't honest with ourselves, so without meaning to we really can't be 100% honest with some one else.

So I say to myself the man who is interested in me will like me for who I am, I still have quite a few chapters to write in my book of life. I don't even know what the next chapter will be, but the basics are true.
No hidden fetishes, no extra pounds or pink horns, or hidden harem, mostly me.
Joined: 1/9/2007
Msg: 39
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Posted: 6/15/2007 3:53:07 PM
if your not honest then when you meet its based on a lie so your only wasting your time and theres ...even though it seems honesty has no place in dating these days ...
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 41
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Posted: 6/19/2007 6:05:34 AM
I generally lie about EVERYTHING!!!

I find that it makes for a MUCH more interesting have to ferret out the truth from amongst the pile of bullsh!t!

I mean seriously folks...who's going to openly admit that they lie here on the forums anyways...

As someone else said most people tell you as much truth about themselves as they are capable of or even KNOW at the time of telling...

That's why time ALWAYS tells in the end....muwahahahahahahahaha!!!!!
Joined: 9/11/2005
Msg: 42
Posted: 6/19/2007 6:27:40 AM

Now far be it for me to tell anyone how to conduct themselves in a relationship; but i wonder how honest are all of us on here in regards to our relationships, not just what u do w/in that relationship. But honest about your wants/needs/love for that person, goals/dreams or even how honest you are about past relationships.

OP, I've been told I can be too honest, sometimes to a fault...but I'd rather be too honest than not honest enough, and I'd rather others were the same way. I'm always myself, no matter where I am or who I'm with...sure, I might use a few blue words when I'm with friends where I wouldn't do that at work (well, I've been known to do that when I'm with friends there also ;>) but I can't be anything but who I am. And that's also how I am in a relationship...I didn't used to be that way when I was in my 20s and early 30s, I used to walk on eggs back then; but I learned from that and I like it better this way.

When starting to date someone, you want to know if they have family, things they enjoy doing, do they have pets, etc. It's agood idea to find out what they're looking for also - a relationship, a date, just to get laid, etc. But if a guy I'm on a date with goes into his relationship with his ex in any depth, then I figure he's not over it...and if he bad mouths an ex, then I know I don't want to be with this person. As far as past relationships go, I don't believe anyone needs to go into the nitty-gritty details, especially in the beginning; what for? It's the past, which can't be changed anyway; and I'm more concerned with the present and future. Sure, one wants to know if someone had been divorced or has kids, or if there's something they're working through that makes having an exclusive relationship not such a good idea right now. But unless someone's in a relationship and with thoughts of working towards the long term, I don't see why they'd go into every detail of their past relationships to any major depth. I want to know who they are now, and while their past may have helped them to become who they are now, it's now I'm concerned with, not 10 years ago.
Joined: 6/14/2007
Msg: 45
Posted: 6/19/2007 7:35:23 AM
I am upfront and honest about everything. I admit I don't volunteer personal things or past relationships upfront, unless someone asks me a direct question. But that's the whole point. If you want to know about how many times someone's been married, any felonies, drug use, etc., then ask the question. These don't have to be brought up all at once, but if the relationship progresses to the point where you want to continue, these questions should be answered. Trust and honesty are the cornerstone of any relationship. If it starts out with untruths or even half-truths, the relationship is doomed before it even gets started. Each person knows what they can and cannot tolerate in a relationship. Everyone has a past and a history with other people. How has this past and history shaped who they are today and is that good or bad? Is there a pattern of self-destruction? Are they a detructive force in someone else's life?

If you are afraid someone will not accept you because of some indiscretion in the past, you still have to be honest about it. Different things are important to different people and should be discussed at the appropriate time.
Joined: 2/10/2007
Msg: 48
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Posted: 6/19/2007 8:07:51 AM
I find that there is a difference between honesty and candor.

Similarly, there are many levels of honesty. Each person I meet starts at a certain level, and then how much more I reveal of myself is a function of intimacy.

Like most, I have lived a very full life with many experiences. Some good, some not so good. As such, I am careful about what I reveal to each person. Though some say that want total honesty, my experience is that what most people desire is various levels of honesty and candor.

Personally, I am suspicious of people who say that they are completely honest about everything. My experience has been that those who are most likely to proclaim their honesty from the rooftops are either deceptive (I think they do protest too much), or are using the mantle of "honesty" as an excuse to say anything that they wish without accountability of others feelings and beliefs.

We all have parts of our minds and hearts that we keep to ourselves, parts that we don't express to our friends, siblings, or family members. This is not because we seek to be dishonest, but because these things are not relavent or helpful to the relationship, or because there are certain things in our life that we do not wish to share with others.

Honesty without consideration of it's impact can be both hurtful and irresponsible.

That being said, I seek to be honest about who I am as a human being. As for the rest of me, that is something that I share selectively. Similarly, sometimes there are things said in confidence or kept in confidence. While people often say that they wish to know "everything", more often than not this is just a polite fiction. If it what I see or think will be hurtful to others, then I am very careful about expressing it.

It would be nice if everyone could handle honesty with a measured eye, but we are human beings. Sometimes, it is best to keep our own counsel.
Joined: 4/21/2007
Msg: 50
Posted: 6/19/2007 12:06:54 PM
If the potential needs to know it.. I tell them. If not, then it comes out way later or not at all.

I'm not the type that thinks you can only have a real relationship if EVERYTHING is out in the open. No secrets, etc. You're having a relationship, not becoming a spy, for cryin out loud. You're allowed to hold onto some of your secrets... especially if they're completely benign.

I don't lie, but my entire life is NOT an open book unless I decide it is (and that's unlikely.. it's also unlikely that I will even remember any of my secrets).
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 53
Posted: 6/19/2007 12:38:16 PM
There is a huge difference between honesty and waaaaaaaaay too much information. I'm honest right up front, I'm a royal pain in the azz. I take full responsibility for that. No need to sugar-coat the reality ~

I recently had the good fortune of someone telling me that my past is insignificant, all he's concerned about is "who" I am today ~ lucky me. My past is mine, some things I'll openly discuss, many other things are my memories, heartbreaks, life-lessons, etc., that are no one's business but mine. Furthermore, my side of the story is just that ~ one side. No need to spew venom or even information because John Doe Past and I weren't right for one another. JMO
Joined: 5/27/2007
Msg: 58
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Posted: 6/20/2007 8:17:20 AM
I am very honest about my intentions, lifestyle and of course health status. There are some things from past that I would share with a long term partner that are important but only if this person is going to be long term I would feel it necessary to share with him. In a new or casual relationship its not something that is important and actually in a long term not something that would effect the relationship but something I feel should be shared for honesty sake.
Joined: 4/27/2006
Msg: 59
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Posted: 6/20/2007 8:21:04 AM
TOTALLY honest!! That is what you have to be in order to have a lasting relationship...Everything I've said on here or to the people I've spoken with has been this way...I was looking for someone to spend my life with, why would I have to lie? Lying only gets someone in deep trouble in the long ALWAYS have to remember what you told the person when you lie...sooo boring!!! Be fresh everyday, the truth lets us be WHO we are inside!!
So, I'll just continue to be a truthful person...with a lot less stress than some
Good luck in your searches...just give everyone what YOU would like in return, and you WILL find your special one!!
Joined: 4/11/2007
Msg: 60
Posted: 6/20/2007 8:55:57 AM
You know, I know myself very well - good points and bad ones. I have spent alot of years in self reflection and determining who I am and who I want to be. I have made some mistakes along the way but for the most part, I view those mistakes as stepping stones that bring me closer to who I want to be and I learn from them.

So, all of that said, I am very honest with the person that I might be dating but there are things that really don't need to be said because they don't affect the relationship or who I am today. I don't need to share every single portion of my life with a person - its the past and why bring it up if it has no bearing on today? As for my current life, I am an open book... I dont have any deep, dark, scary secrets past or present.
Joined: 3/13/2007
Msg: 68
Posted: 6/28/2007 4:46:00 PM
Good topic!

After some failures and reassessing myself, I've learned some things along this line. I would rather be hurt by a truth than anything else, and I have learned to deal with that 'putting yourself out there to be hurt or rejected' at some point early in the relationship so that there are far less surprises in store...for both of us! And yes, I expect the same from her. I think a lot of it has to do with being honest with yourself, first.

Just my .02
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