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Joined: 2/27/2007
Msg: 1
this so called baggagePage 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
who was the one who started to call a persons past 'baggage'?

everyone has a past, some can forget it and some cant, it is all a part of who a person is.

i would have thought those that can turn off their past are either cold, insensative, uncompassionate or robots.

does anyone realy want a partner who has a on \ off switch for their emotions and fealings?
Joined: 1/27/2007
Msg: 2
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this so called baggage
Posted: 6/15/2007 6:12:19 AM
Baggage is the sum total of emotional crap a potential partner brings to the table in the form of red flags and stuff a new partner has to deal with. Rules, kids, ex's, friends, etc. all come into play when one person's life intersects with another for something romantic. All of which have to be dealt with in order for anything to even have a chance of working.
Joined: 4/22/2007
Msg: 3
this so called baggage
Posted: 6/15/2007 6:26:50 AM
When you get treated like a criminal although you’ve committed no crime you might gain a better insight into the negative aspects of baggage.
Joined: 7/4/2006
Msg: 4
this so called baggage
Posted: 6/15/2007 6:50:39 AM
The dictionary says that baggage means : things that encumber one's freedom, progress, development, or adaptability; impediments: intellectual baggage that keeps one from thinking clearly; neurotic conflicts that arise from struggling with too much emotional baggage.

so its not so much that you have to forget your past or ignore that you have certain family responsibilities. Its more that those things impede you being able to move on with your life. As in ...carrying heavy bags with you when you are travelling somewhere and it slows you up. Hence the reason people use that term.
Joined: 4/17/2007
Msg: 5
this so called baggage
Posted: 6/15/2007 7:21:49 AM

When you get treated like a criminal although you’ve committed no crime you might gain a better insight into the negative aspects of baggage


Baggage can lead to the PERFECT CRIME however... No Police to arrest them, No Court to Judge them, and No Sentence to ease your pain. But yet you'll still feel as though you've been victimized... WIERD!! FARK!
 Winter Sparkle
Joined: 6/3/2007
Msg: 6
this so called baggage
Posted: 6/15/2007 7:41:26 AM
In order to have a healthy relationship you must have come to grasp with what went on in one's life. Only then can one be open to develop something with someone that should happen to walk into one's life.

You should be happy with yourself and where you are at in your life. We've all had our share of problems. I took 3 years to myself just to focus on myself and my children. I 'll never forget my past. However, it's no longer something I dwell on
It has made me a stronger person for experiencing it.
 michael feir
Joined: 5/15/2007
Msg: 7
this so called baggage
Posted: 6/15/2007 7:52:31 AM
I don't think it's a question of that at all. Some people can be trapped in their past and that can be very hard on someone new. When people reach the point where they can be informed by and learn from their past but give new people in their lives a fair shake, they've dropped their baggage. Had a woman come to me right after I had separated from my wife, I wouldn't have dealt with that properly yet. The pain of having a five-year marriage end in failure was stil too fresh and unsorted. Being unemployed and alone here has given me a tremendous amount of time to come to terms wth what's happened. Sighted people live such frantically busy lives that it's no wonder it can take years to deal with what I have. It takes a lot of innerreflection and soul-searching to put things right after it all goes to hell. People are right to be cautious.
Joined: 2/27/2007
Msg: 8
this so called baggage
Posted: 6/15/2007 8:16:13 AM
and i thought baggage was something you took on holiday
Joined: 4/29/2007
Msg: 9
this so called baggage
Posted: 6/15/2007 8:31:16 AM
msg 4 gave a good outline of it........ many things fall under it... bad choices where someone has not resolved their issues. Some people also include someone elses kids as baggage... as they do fit the definition.
Baggage can be in emotional, financial and many other forms... unresolved issues or things that tie someone down.
Joined: 4/17/2007
Msg: 10
this so called baggage
Posted: 6/15/2007 8:33:36 AM

and i thought baggage was something you took on holiday

It is...

wow that was deep!! There's no getting away from it lol
Joined: 5/8/2007
Msg: 11
this so called baggage
Posted: 6/15/2007 8:42:21 AM
Yes, everyone has a past.

Its just that if you live/wallow in the past, it affects the present so that there is no future.
Joined: 3/7/2007
Msg: 12
this so called baggage
Posted: 6/15/2007 9:11:29 AM
The best way to get rid of baggage and get on with your life is to check it with Northwest Airlines....they are experts at losing baggage.
Joined: 12/22/2005
Msg: 13
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this so called baggage
Posted: 6/15/2007 9:17:38 AM
Yep -- we all have our own collection of 'life's experiences', both good & bad. That 'knowledge base' makes us who we ARE!

Personally, I look forward to the challenge of dealing with, and REFLECTING with an intelligent & truly educated individual -- someone who has taken the time to found their own worldview on something more substantial than TV Land.

The process of 'figuring out' your partner's outlook, needs & wants CAN be great fun -- provided you both have the time to FOCUS on the importance of your relationship, and EXCLUDE meaningless side-trips & diversions.

"You & Me against the World" -- has the potential for Greatness!

"You, Me & the REST of the World, IN OUR BEDROOM..." -- is a formula for DISASTER!

"Baggage" is ;

*** A crazy Ex banging on the door at 3 AM, primarily to extract revenge.

*** An endless string of phony, purely manufactured "issues" about 'the kids'.

*** A collection of excuses for clinging to the past, and failing to move FORWARD in life.

This 'so-called baggage' is REAL, and you'll recognise it the moment that it starts trampling all over your LIFE, canceling your PLANS & makes you think about running AWAY.
Joined: 4/29/2007
Msg: 14
this so called baggage
Posted: 6/15/2007 9:23:25 AM
Its not baggage itself as when baggage is resolved, it often leads to wiser people. What the issue "IS"... is what type you have and if it is resolved or not... as some people will not deal with certain types of baggage and have degrees of it they can or will tolerate from someone.
I personally ( when dating) did not want someone who currently:
had small kids
did not own a home ( at least at one time)
did not have their finances in order, a bank account and savings
anyone on psyhe or male hormone meds
anyone who drank daily or took any form of dope
anyone with a past criminal history of violence, preditior type behavior
anyone with bad hygiene or bad teeth or a dirty, cluttered place they lived at

...... some of those things are not actually baggage but a result of choices and values I do not share...
we all make our choices and have to lie in our own beds... I feel I did well TO FIND WHO I WAS LOOKING FOR and in my criteria to avoid someones baggage coming into my life... I met someone BETTER than I hoped.
We all have to make our own choices according to what we want, can tolerate and need.
It is personal choice who we let into our lives, how much and what type of someones baggage we are willing to take on and be around.
Joined: 10/19/2006
Msg: 15
this so called baggage
Posted: 6/15/2007 6:53:46 PM
I think it was the same person who invented the phrase...'get over it'..........

and both are copyrighted by the a whole lot of plagiarists need to start antying up for over using those trite expressions as if they somehow invented it.........
Joined: 4/22/2007
Msg: 16
this so called baggage
Posted: 6/15/2007 7:04:18 PM
Baggage is a term that means things you can’t let go of from your past. Everyone has a past and everyone has skeletons in their closet. Some people have a hard time either forgiving someone else or themselves.
Like everybody else I have people that have hurt me and people I have hurt. I forgive the people that hurt me and I hope the people I have hurt forgive me. Life is too short and you have to move on or you’ll be swallowed up and live in your past. I didn’t really want to forgive people in my past that hurt me but I found out it was a necessity. It’s a necessity because if you hang on to the things that hurt, you will be stuck in a place in your own mind that carries hatred and resentments into your everyday experiences. You’ll find that you stay awake at night and lose sleep because you’re so angry with someone while the person you’re angry with is home sleeping just fine. You’re only hurting yourself.
Joined: 9/22/2004
Msg: 17
this so called baggage
Posted: 6/15/2007 7:12:49 PM
I like the term "baggage" for suitcases anddddd personal experiences that are important for who we are...but really needs to be sorted out and managed better. "Baggage" sounds good....ya gotta carry it around with you all the time, 24/7.

No I wouldn't want someone who could turn it on and off permanently or irrationally. It is fantastic to be able to do that for short periods of time though. Anyway "baggage" is just fine, but if you insist on comparing it to a light switch you turn on and off. Well then I want this light to have a DIMMER switch, so it can be gradually turned down or off.
Joined: 7/17/2006
Msg: 18
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this so called baggage
Posted: 6/15/2007 7:25:24 PM
Everyone has baggage , no baggage life.
Joined: 9/17/2005
Msg: 19
this so called baggage
Posted: 6/15/2007 7:25:45 PM
When I think of baggage when it comes to relationship I think of all that the other person has went through and hasn't taken the time to deal with it. Tooo many people just jump from on relationship into another and never take time to figure out what went wrong. So then the new person isn't treated fair as they might do something anf it reminds the other of what the last one did. They will feel a fear or a pain that could be from another relationship and not form the one they are in. I just got out of a relationship like that. She just goes from one to another.
Joined: 5/9/2007
Msg: 20
this so called baggage
Posted: 6/16/2007 1:33:28 PM
We all have baggage. It is part of all our lives. So throw out the worst, save the good and look for the best.
Joined: 3/29/2007
Msg: 21
this so called baggage
Posted: 6/16/2007 1:50:38 PM
I might have baggage but at least it comes in a pretty shade of pink :)

baggage, it does get to be a cliche after awhile, doesn't it. i am finding that i'm really quite happy to store it in the closet nowadays and just enjoy the moments, learn as much as i can from each experience i have and make no apologies for my choices and accept responsibility for them
 man with ad
Joined: 6/5/2007
Msg: 22
this so called baggage
Posted: 6/16/2007 1:58:56 PM
I think the term originated with one of the offshoots of the Anabaptist Movement. The term is found in some Early Mennonite texts, but my guess is it was popularized by the Samsonites.
Joined: 1/29/2007
Msg: 23
this so called baggage
Posted: 6/16/2007 3:19:20 PM
I often think about this. My life is full of experiences some positive some negative. It’s the negative experiences we refer to as baggage. Using that logic I have tons of baggage and I am happy i do. Without that baggage I would have no benchmarks for making positive change in my life. Dwelling on the baggage without change is Drama. It’s the drama i have a problem with not baggage.
Joined: 5/16/2007
Msg: 24
this so called baggage
Posted: 6/16/2007 4:02:48 PM
Baggage is all the stuff you haven't taken the time to deal with before entering in to a new relationship.

The baggage I dealt with before deciding I was ready to date again.

My resentment towards my 'ex'
The emotional roller coaster ride I was on for a good six months after ending a 15 year relationship
Honouring the financial commitments tied to that relationship
Determining how things would be divided
Agreeing how future decisions would be made
Ensuring I was safe and clean

My child will never be baggage however ensuring my child’s readiness for me to move on was all so a huge factor.

Baggage is when you haven't emptied out the suitcases from your past journey and bring it along on a new one. It weights you down too much and you rely on others to help you carry it. Not fair on a trip. One man, one kit.
Joined: 4/22/2006
Msg: 25
this so called baggage
Posted: 6/16/2007 6:59:03 PM
baggage only becomes an issue if someone isn't over their ex or if they feel pulled backwards due to something shared with an ex (unfinished legal entanglements, finances, or children). not to say any of those things inextricably tie someone to another person, but a lot of people use those things as an *excuse* not to move on.

case in point: earlier today i got a call from a guy i had met on PoF and gone on a couple dates with. he broke up with his common-law/long-term girlfriend about 3 months ago, and has an 8 yr old son from a previous relationship who doesn't live with him. we really clicked, or so it seemed, very romantic and sweet...i let my guard down. then i get the dreaded call...he informs me that he slept with his ex, and that since their kids (from seperate relationships) are kinda bonded he feels he should give it another go. in his words "i feel like i'm giving up heaven with you to go back to hell with her."

baggage destroys a lot of things that feel wonderful at you can't blame men and women for being cautious with their hearts.
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