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Show ALL Forums  > Georgia  > Tell us your best joke!! Let's all laugh and smile together!      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 janny538
Joined: 12/2/2005
Msg: 8
Tell us your best joke!! Let's all laugh and smile together!Page 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
Brokeback Mountain Bar

A cowboy walks into a bar, a few miles West of Brokeback Mountain, and, after two steps in, he realizes it's a gay bar.
"What the hell," he says to himself, "I really want a drink."

When the gay waiter approaches, he says to the cowboy, "What's the name of your 'willy'?"
The cowboy says, "Look, I'm not into any of that. All I want is a drink."
The gay waiter says, "I'm sorry but I can't serve you until you tell me the name of your 'willy'. Mine for instance is called NIKE, for the slogan 'Just Do It.'

That guy down at the end of the bar calls his SNICKERS, because 'It really Satisfies."

The cowboy looks dumbfounded, so the bartender tells him he will give him a second to think it over.

So the cowboy asks the man sitting to his left who is sipping on a beer, "Hey bud, what's the name of yours?"

The man looks back and says with a smile, "TIMEX."
The thirsty cowboy asks, "Why Timex?"
The fella proudly replies, " 'Cause it takes a lickin' and keeps on tickin!'"

A little shaken, the cowboy turns to two fella's on his right, who happen to be sharing a fruity Margarita and says, "So, what do you guys call yours?"
The first man turns to him and proudly exclaims, "FORD, because "'Quality is Job One." Then he adds, "Have you driven a Ford lately?"
The guy next to him then says, "I call mine CHEVY,'Like a Rock!' And gives a wink!

Even more shaken, the Cowboy has to think for a moment before he comes up with a name for his manhood.
Finally, he turns to the bartender and exclaims, "The name of my 'willy' is SECRET. Now give me a beer."

The bartender begins to pour the cowboy a beer, but with a puzzled look asks, "Why Secret?"

The cowboy says, "Because it's 'STRONG ENOUGH FOR A MAN, BUT MADE FOR A WOMAN."


janny

PS: Hey guys! You don't have to tell me the name of yours.......I'm NOT asking that!! LOL
 janny538
Joined: 12/2/2005
Msg: 12
Tell us your best joke!! Let's all laugh and smile together!
Posted: 7/1/2007 6:41:04 AM
Ha!! Sneaks!!
That's one where you have to read the last line again, more slowly, to be sure you get it!!

janny
 janny538
Joined: 12/2/2005
Msg: 13
Tell us your best joke!! Let's all laugh and smile together!
Posted: 7/1/2007 6:44:52 AM
The old priest lay dying in the hospital. For years he had faithfully served the people of the nation's capital. He motioned for his nurse to come near.

"Yes, Father?" said the nurse.

"I would really like to see Ted Kennedy and Hillary Clinton before I die." whispered the priest.

"I'll see what I can do, Father" replied the nurse.

The nurse sent the request to the Senate and waited for a response. Soon the word arrived. Kennedy and Hillary would be delighted to visit the priest.

As they went to the hospital, Hillary commented to Kennedy "I don't know why the old priest wants to see us, but it will certainly help our images." Kennedy couldn't help but agree.

When they arrived at the priest's room, the priest took Kennedy's hand in his right hand and Hillary's hand in his left. There was silence and a look of serenity on the old priest's face.

Finally Senator Kennedy spoke. "Father, of all the people you could have chosen, why did you choose us to be with you as you near the end?"

The old priest slowly replied "I have always tried to pattern my life after our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ."

"Amen" said Kennedy.

"Amen" said Hillary.

The old priest continued..."He died between two lying thieves; I'd like to do the same."

janny
 thinga
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 16
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History
Tell us your best joke!! Let's all laugh and smile together!
Posted: 7/1/2007 8:37:05 PM
Billy takes an overseas trip to the Orient. While there, he visited quite a number of brothels. Unfortunately, when he got back home, he realized he had caught some terrible venereal disease. His "johnson" got to looking like something he'd never seen before, just awful...
So he goes to his doctor, and after a careful examination, the doc gave him the worst possible news. "Sorry Billy, but I'm afraid we're going to have to amputate it," the doc told him. Billy asked to be referred to another doctor to get a second opinion. Doctor #2 tells him the same thing: "I'm afraid your doctor was right; we're going to have to amputate it."
Distraught, Billy tells one of his friends about it. His friend says, "Have you tried any of the medicine men over in Chinatown? They've got all kinds of balms that can cure just about anything." Billy figures he's got nothing to lose, so off to Chinatown he goes...
In Chinatown, Billy meets up with Dr. Lee. After examining Billy's "johnson", he asks what his regular doctor had told him. "Amputation," says Billy. Clucking his tongue, Dr. Lee says, "Ahhg! Western doctas, always want to do surgery. No need for surgery!"
"Really?", cries Billy. "You can treat whatever I've got without surgery?", asks Billy.
Pleased with himself, Dr. Lee walks over to his medicine cabinet, pulls out a jar of balm, and tells him, "No need surgery! You rub this on every night, afta one week, no need surgery; d**k fall off all by itself!!"
 thinga
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 20
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History
Tell us your best joke!! Let's all laugh and smile together!
Posted: 7/2/2007 2:03:15 PM
A husband and wife are in bed together.
She feels his hand rubbing her shoulder.
She: "Oh, that feels good."
His hand moves to her breast.
She: "Gee, honey, that feels wonderful."
His hand moves to her leg.
She: "Oh, honey, don't stop."
But he stops.
She: "Why did you stop?"
He: "I found the remote."
 thinga
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 39
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History
Tell us your best joke!! Let's all laugh and smile together!
Posted: 7/11/2007 8:17:25 PM
Methinks "cylclop" might be a "Wolfie" in sheeps clothing...
Tony
 thinga
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 52
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History
Tell us your best joke!! Let's all laugh and smile together!
Posted: 7/15/2007 8:32:22 PM

a tall chick With a big ass and long legs who agrees with everything I say
~Tea(g)
- Sneaks
Uh, Sneaks, I don't think Teag agrees with everything you say...
Tony
 thinga
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 56
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History
Tell us your best joke!! Let's all laugh and smile together!
Posted: 7/18/2007 7:50:58 PM
Health Plan
>
> A wealthy hospital benefactor was being shown around the
hospital.
> During her tour she passed a room where a male patient was
> masturbating furiously.
> "Oh my GOD!" screamed the woman. "That's disgraceful! Why is he
doing
> that?"
> The doctor who was leading the tour calmly explained,
> "I'm very sorry that you were exposed to that, but this man has
a
> serious condition where his testicles rapidly fill with semen,
> and if he doesn't do that at least five times a day, he'll be
in
> extreme pain and his testicles could easily rupture."
> " Oh, well in that case, I guess it's okay," said the woman.
> As they passed by the very next room, they saw a male patient
laying
> in bed while a nurse performed oral sex on him.
> Again, the woman screamed, "Oh my GOD! How can THAT be
justified?"
> Again the doctor spoke very calmly: "Same illness, better health
> plan."
Show ALL Forums  > Georgia  > Tell us your best joke!! Let's all laugh and smile together!