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 AUTHOR
 * Succinct *
Joined: 5/12/2007
Msg: 3
men.. your honest opinion pleasePage 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
Sounds like he wasnt very interested to begin with, if anyone "dumps" someone by text I would say they definitely do not really care about the other person...he's probably already moved on to bachelorette number 2. You don't really care about him either, move on.
 scorpiomover
Joined: 4/19/2007
Msg: 17
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men.. your honest opinion please
Posted: 7/4/2007 6:40:40 PM
First you are casual about the relationship.
Then he dumps you by text.
Then he comes running back.
Then you take him back.
Then you dump him by text.
Does this not remind you of the childish games you used to play in school?

Whatever happened to talking about relationships and how you like each other, or what you both want? If you or he cannot do that, you have no place having sex at all. It's not a game, you know. You and he can get hurt by STDs, feelings, etc.

If you want him back or not, you are going to have to learn to express yourself, and demand he listens if he wants to get back with you. Unless you bore him, or he's found a better-looking woman (which I very seriously doubt!), he will want to get back with you. But if you let him take advantage, he will. So you will have to stand your ground, and demand decent treatment, and if you don't get it, just withhold the sex. It's not unfair. It's just a way of saying that if he doesn't play fair, you aren't going to be as nice to him as you could be, is all. I'm not saying you withhold it to get a free sofa, just faithfulness, and the occasional 'I love you', being taken out somewhere, anywhere at least once a month, that sort of thing. Not a lot to ask is it? No, he doesn't think so either. But why should he if you let him have his won way all the time?
 JWA
Joined: 5/21/2005
Msg: 18
men.. your honest opinion please
Posted: 7/5/2007 2:49:41 AM
OP don't let the smarta$$ed comments like "is the ask a guy section broke........." offend you----------some think they're either funny as in humorous or witty-------often times being neither! I think the question you ask here is as appropriate as any other---probably more so in fact.

Not trying to sound condescending one bit but it seems the age thing might have just a bit to do with your "bouncing ball" relationship with this guy. Many guys his age are still trying to make sense of their world---add in some emotions they weren't quite ready to deal with and you occasionally get reactions like you describe. Yes, maybe his excuse of going through some bad times isn't exactly true but it doesn't mean he's sleeping around or even with your best friends--------it simply means he wasn't able to immediately handle a flood of feelings. Breaking up via text was far easier for him since he didn't have to answer any questions you'd naturally have about why. This in itself might have made it even more difficult for him to keep to the thought if he broke up he'd not have to face his feelings towards you. This isn't the most brave of ways to do this but AT THE TIME it seemed like a good idea. There's not a single one of us who've NOT made this same sort of mistake before------acting too quickly only to regret it later.

Hopefully you breaking up with him via text wasn't 100% in retaliation for him doing that to you and if so that's a bit unfortunate as it doesn't do much to add any maturity to all this. You already know it does seem very school girl like thing to do and maybe now you've both outgrown such behavior---another hopeful thought. About the only way to salvage anything here is for the two of you to begin talking to one another from the heart, revealing what you think and feel and what you'd hope to find in a relationship with one another. Stop reacting so quickly or impulsive to things and develop a bit of patience--------you'll find that helpful in many, many parts of life-------just not the parts dealing with men and emotions.

Guys in general don't discuss their feelings without first knowing deep down they can trust a person. He might have been somewhat frightened by his feelings for you but has yet to think revealing himself to you won't result in some adverse reaction from you. It's happened to many guys and if he's seen it happen to a friend or experienced it himself that's a tough thing to restore or instill in him---I know from first hand expereince in this area. In time we all learn to deal with this differently and hopefully better but again at his age he's still learning his way.

TALK to him ASAP and see what can done to at least begin some sort of conversation and "making up"----------it'll be well worth your time!
 Engage-me
Joined: 11/2/2006
Msg: 25
men.. your honest opinion please
Posted: 7/5/2007 5:57:55 AM
Break up via texting is like finding out you've been fired through a voicemail. Dump him.

-- and he's some of it
 prolibertate
Joined: 9/11/2005
Msg: 30
men.. your honest opinion please
Posted: 7/5/2007 7:43:07 AM
OP, first off getting back with someone who dumped you by text doesn't say much about him, or about your self-esteem. Why would you want someone who could do that to you? It shows lack of respect, affection, and any consideration of you as person on his part. You taking him back told him he could treat you any way he wanted and you'd put up with it. What sterling traits does this guy have that makes you want to be with someone who's dump you by test, act like it's not great to be with you, and isn't bothered if you dump him? It can't be because he said 'I love you'...words dont' mean a thing, especially if their actions don't back up what they're saying. If someone's interested in a person, you know it; just as you know when they're not interested...and don't you want someone who's interested in *you*? The excuse about being hurt before either means he was giving you BS, or that he still isn't over it and has way too much baggage to be getting involved with someone else. Decide what *you* want and need in a relationship; figure out what your deal breakers and boundaries are, and then don't put up with someone who crosses those boundaries, treats you with no respect, acts like you're not important to them, and whose actions don't back up their words. Realize that you deserve someone good, and that you'll also be giving them someone good, and don't settle for less. And while some people do deserve a second chance, this guy wasn't one of them, as he clearly showed when you did give him a second chance...don't give him a third.
 Ron9
Joined: 8/10/2004
Msg: 36
men.. your honest opinion please
Posted: 7/5/2007 8:39:26 AM
Games games games.

OP I have no idea how old you two are but - even when I was in my early 20s - if you actually liked each other - you DROPPED THE SILLY GAMES.

Too many people have read “he/she likes the chase” - “play hard to get” - “act like you can take him/her or leave him/her”

Total bullchit as all games are.

People need to look into the personal lives of the so called experts that are spewing that kind of crap. Sincere people don’t play games.
 prolibertate
Joined: 9/11/2005
Msg: 38
men.. your honest opinion please
Posted: 7/5/2007 8:56:21 AM

Be careful of taking too much advice from us “pros.” The pros aren’t here…because they don’t need to be…they are in a relationship. It is not much different than asking someone in prison how to avoid being a criminal.


Even the pros have their bad days and single times...that's generally how they got to be the pros,,,and people post questions on forums because the people who answer them let them know they're not the only ones who have gone through something like this; also asking unbiased people who truly want to help (rather than those with perpetually smart@ss answers to every thread) may help them to look at something differently than they have been. Not to mention that there actually are people on here whose daily job is to help people with things like this. Your comment makes it sound like you think someone who isn't in a relationship doesn't know anything, when actually it's having been through relationship ups and downs that can help someone learn more about what they do and don't want for themself. And even the 'pros' know that once you're in a relationship you both still have to keep working at it to keep it going strong.


And what are all you ladies doing here anyways ....... she wants a guys point of view.


That's why they have the 'Ask a Guy' section...post in this forum, and anyone will feel free to chime in (though we do that in the Guy/Girls forums anyway ;>)
 yesandno
Joined: 8/23/2006
Msg: 41
men.. your honest opinion please
Posted: 7/5/2007 9:24:32 AM
Men (cause I am 1) have communication issues with females, this is due in part to their upbringing plus life experiences, etc... So the first thing you need to decide is, is he capable of communicating better with you, ask him why he didn't disclose his troubles to you so if space is what he wanted, at least you would understand. You know now that miscommunication breeds all kinds of assumptions which typically leads things down the wrong path.
Move on...................
Next guy you get into it with, work on communication, its the foundation of a relationship, trust me I'm 21 yrs and steaming ahead.
So why am I on here you might think? Just because we communicate doesn't mean we go at the same speed in life. Take it as it is.
 jwaynecon83
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 53
men.. your honest opinion please
Posted: 7/5/2007 5:55:04 PM
While breaking up by text is never the best way to go, here is my opinion. If you really wanted to be with him forever, you wouldn't have chosen to end it. I f he were serious about you he would have really been crushed. It's better and healthier to start over again fresh with someone else than to keep the on again off again thing going. It will become a pattern if not checked.
 Witchypoo
Joined: 9/17/2005
Msg: 57
men.. your honest opinion please
Posted: 7/5/2007 10:38:41 PM
I know... I'm a woman but honestly.... I think you're waaaaay to young to be in a relationship. Take some time to get to know you, what you want out of life. Once you know what you want, desire etc. you'll then be more prepared to figure out the relationship stuff.

:))
Witchy
 Witchypoo
Joined: 9/17/2005
Msg: 62
men.. your honest opinion please
Posted: 7/9/2007 11:06:32 AM

^^^ Witchypoo;
Yeah, at just 23 she's old enough to be married and have children of her own ...


but "relationships" are strictly out of the question.

wtf?


Ah Eric my friend........ you did happen to catch some of the childish games they both were playing right. I'll agree with you though.... she is a very pretty young girl. Perhaps more wisdom may come with a few more years under her belt. Just because one is of legal age and having a body with the functions of an adult does not make one mature enough in certain situations. I have a daughter very close in age, not only that I was that age once myself. I do speak from experience. To the OP.... I meant no disrespect, I just calls em as I sees em.

:))
Witchy
 Eddie1560
Joined: 12/1/2005
Msg: 69
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men.. your honest opinion please
Posted: 7/22/2007 5:31:30 AM
hiya in all honesty i would say was not that interested? if he really loved you he would not have done it like that in the first place. Eddie
 Flipper Jones
Joined: 10/5/2006
Msg: 83
men.. your honest opinion please
Posted: 7/29/2007 10:56:50 PM
Usually when people start in with the "going through a bad time" bit it's because they aren't ready for a commitment. I wouldn't play games with him, if you are interested in making it work tell him that. Both of you need to cut the Bull$h!+ and be real with each other. That would save you having to ask silly questions on the POF forums.

cheers,

flip


 Witchypoo
Joined: 9/17/2005
Msg: 84
men.. your honest opinion please
Posted: 7/29/2007 11:00:01 PM
You're a very bright young lady Pink and you're going to be fine, believe me. Gaining wisdom hurts like hell but it seems that you are indeed learning from your challenges. The key is knowing the mistakes you've also made.

You'll find the right mate my young friend, don't settle just to say you have a relationship, too many young people make that mistake over and over again.

:))
Witchy
 randomstoic
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 88
men.. your honest opinion please
Posted: 7/30/2007 1:00:56 AM
I think since you are studying psychology you should ask yourself what is the best model of communication for you. Now reconsider this relationship and examine it from this perspective. And the next time around you should insist on the model that works for you.
 NatGoat
Joined: 10/15/2005
Msg: 94
men.. your honest opinion please
Posted: 8/25/2007 8:01:21 AM
- Pink -
Even 'casual' relationships need to have Serious talks, sometimes . .
You need to discuss with him Both of your feelings, intent and expectations about Life, the Universe and Everything. . !
If he broke off with you to see other women, you have to question his dedication to Your relationship . .
You are a Very Attractive Lady . . and should want and Expect total honesty from any man that wants to have you in his life . . no matter how 'Casual' you want the relationship to be . . !
Even Moreso . . if you want to become mutually exclusive . . !!

All the Best . .
. . . .
 finandfine
Joined: 9/1/2007
Msg: 95
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men.. your honest opinion please
Posted: 10/7/2007 2:00:41 PM
You are very young, so there is nothing wrong with a 'casual relationship at all, beleave me, take your time

You are a great looking gal, Girls with looks like yours are going to get hit on a lot but you can count on it being no more then them trying to get another check mark in there bubblies books.

I really think your both playing with fire/games witch is only going to bring on very bad hurts that will stay with you for life... If you really have feelings for him as well as him for you, you must have, and start now, good communication, as that is number one key in any relationship... if you don't have it, you have nothing. Anyone can say I love you to get in your pants, it takes a true person to open the book on you life in full with the person you trust, again if theres no trust you have nothing. open your hart sole an mind'

one other thing do not let it all be one sided, it takes two, remember that.


No time like the present to start being totally open on how you both feel as well as what you want... If you don't start this now all your relationship will always have the vary same ending>>>

I CAN TELL YOU FIRST HAND, IT IS NOT A GOOD FEELING HIM OR YOU WANT TO HAVE... Trust me..
Take your time because time is a virtue
A 'casual relationship is fine, seeing each other 2 or 3 times a week is great, don't rush into anything

Good luck!!!
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