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 refusnik
Joined: 10/24/2004
Msg: 3
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Another Kissing Question Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
I'm with the ones that say be honest and upfront with her. Ask her out on another date. If she accepts, ask her about. Something as simple as, "May I kiss you?"

No matter what she says, it's a good thing. If she says "No, I'm not into you" then you know where you stand. If she says "I'm not ready yet" then you know where you stand. If she says "yes" then you know where you stand.
 Baba_Ganoosh
Joined: 6/27/2006
Msg: 4
Another Kissing Question
Posted: 7/6/2007 2:08:09 PM
Two words: Pocket Listerine. Works every time!

/Baba/
 beerchen
Joined: 5/9/2007
Msg: 5
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Another Kissing Question
Posted: 7/6/2007 2:17:14 PM
Kissing is great.
That being said, maybe she was just not ready.
Give it time, explore her thoughts on relationships.

And, maybe her pulling back was simply a sign of her expressing self control.
Maybe she had an experience where she let all barriers down to quickly and got hurt in return.


So, offer a sweet peck on the cheek for starters. Tell her how you feel. Yet, a word of caution, don't go overboard with the sharing . You may scare her away if you say to much to quick.

I know.. women are tricky little things. But, admit it so are men. So, until we all develop a mind reading ability... play it by ear, watch her reactions and yours.

Let life lift you higher
 SinCin66
Joined: 5/28/2007
Msg: 11
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Another Kissing Question
Posted: 7/12/2007 7:23:59 PM
[I'm with the ones that say be honest and upfront with her. Ask her out on another date. If she accepts, ask her about. Something as simple as, "May I kiss you?"

No matter what she says, it's a good thing. If she says "No, I'm not into you" then you know where you stand. If she says "I'm not ready yet" then you know where you stand. If she says "yes" then you know where you stand.]

Or you could be caught so off guard by the question, you laugh and ease any tension that was there....perfect opportunity for that first sweet kiss.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 16
Another Kissing Question
Posted: 10/6/2008 2:30:36 PM
Dude,

What happened to you is more a reflection of you than her. So let's start at the beginning, does she like you? Yes she likes you, but maybe not enough to kiss you, yet. The problem is that when you went to kiss her it came out of the blue, and you did not do any of the necessary work that needs to happen in order for a woman to do not pull back when you try to kiss her.

So where did you go so wrong. Kinosis and personal space.

Every individual has a bubble that constitutes a personal space. Any person that breaks through that space sends alarm clocks and sirens through their defensive mechanism and pulls back. Imagine yourself some guy come to you an try to kiss you. You would feak. Well, it is the same with women. If you try to kiss a woman, in a romantic way, out of the blue, more than likely you're going to get a rejection. So how do you change that? How do you break from that.

Like you said, you don't know how to read women. So you need to learn how to read them. Women are sending you signals constantly. With their eyes, their actions and their lack of action. The reason they do this, is because the majority want a man that TAKES action, that is in control, that is assertive and confident, but how can you become all that when you get rejected. You have to learn how to use kinosis and then how make her feel comfortable inside her personal space. So what you have to do is begin to test. And see what she does in response. Now, some of these things may sound cliche to you or even other women, but they work all the time. You start by touching her in a completely NON SEXUAL way, but in a part of her body that is highly sensitive to contact. Start by touching her elbow. The first time for just a second, while trying to make a point. Then move to other areas, such as her face. Now, you have to be careful, if you come across as being all over her, her defense mechanism will go up, end of story. But if she digs you, she will tell you by doing something like letting you taste what she is eating. She will extend her fork and feed it to your mouth. She may even ask you to taste what you are eating, so you should extend your fork and let her eat from it. Again, these are signals, or let's call them pings, like a radar, you send one, a message comes back, you reply.

Now, the advantage of doing this is that BOTH of you participate in this exchange. And let's say that a girl is not into you. Guess what, you will know right away, and you will know that you need to pull back. Also, even when you pull back, you have just sent a signal, and most women, in a subconscious level know how to read that.

But this is what happens, at least with a person that is beginning to dig you. The more contact you exchange, the more the attraction increases. Now I am not saying the more you touch HER, but the more you two exchange. The more you exchange the better chances you have for that first kiss to be successful.

Just a couple of things. Don't do it at the end of the date. That is horrible because there are high expectations at that time and a girl may even kiss you even though she doesn't want to go out with you again. Do it in the middle of the date, when there's no pressure. Then pull back, talk more, see if she now wants to kiss you.

The interesting thing is that when I began dating, I would feel all this fear about when to kiss her, how to kiss her, and that all out fear of rejection. But something funny happened. I would go out on a date and I was not that much into the girl. I kind of liked her and was kind of curious as to where it would go, and what happened, she would end all over me. Then I would go out with a girl that I was really into and nothing would happened. But after I began to ping for response through out the whole date and escalate or pull back accordingly I never had to worry again. In fact, it got to a point where instead of going for that first kiss, I would do things that would make her be the one that went for it, but at the exact time that I had planned.
 VivaciousVixen2010
Joined: 7/12/2008
Msg: 17
Another Kissing Question
Posted: 11/7/2008 4:43:10 AM
Kissing usually willl come naturally. If you want to rush it, you can always ask her or tell her tha you would like to kiss her. HEHEHEHE ~ that is silly
 dustyknight
Joined: 9/14/2006
Msg: 20
Another Kissing Question
Posted: 11/7/2008 6:32:56 AM
RG,
In this time of internet dating...you never know what to expect ot do with a date.
One date..you finish a great evening and they shake your hand and turn away..the next kisses you and massages your tonsils with her tongue..

Everytime I ask for a hug I get kissed..and usually a great kiss..the few times I made the mistake of assuming we had a great time and try to kiss the lady goodnight I get the same reaction you do. I am beginning to think..if a male tries to kiss first you are then aggressive..if you don't try and kiss.. she then wonder's why...


Don't try to figure women out..they are just as different as the leaves on a tree..each one is unique...
 TOMic bomb
Joined: 10/5/2008
Msg: 21
Another Kissing Question
Posted: 11/7/2008 6:33:47 AM
if the first or second date is going well there should be a kiss.
i sometimes simply say i'm going to kiss you and then hesitate for half a beat and go in with lips just barely parted.

i did this once and the girl surprised me with an immediate fully open mouth...wide. my lips were inside her mouth cavity! funny awkward.
i made a quick adjustment cause i figured she wanted some french right away. i ventured my tongue in, then deeper but couldn't feel her tongue. she had her mouth wide open with her tongue pulled as far back as possible. at that point i pulled away and said "interesting technique you have there." she wanted me to explain and i just said good night. i'm still shaking my head.
 dustyknight
Joined: 9/14/2006
Msg: 22
Another Kissing Question
Posted: 11/7/2008 6:38:26 AM
OP,
In this time of internet dating...you never know what to expect ot do with a date.
One date..you finish a great evening and they shake your hand and turn away..the next kisses you and massages your tonsils with her tongue..

Everytime I ask for a hug I get kissed..and usually a great kiss..the few times I made the mistake of assuming we had a great time and try to kiss the lady goodnight I get the same reaction you do. I am beginning to think..if a male tries to kiss first you are then aggressive..if you don't try and kiss.. she then wonder's why...


Don't try to figure women out..they are just as different as the leaves on a tree..each one is unique...
 fancynanci
Joined: 8/21/2007
Msg: 24
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Another Kissing Question
Posted: 11/7/2008 11:45:07 AM
Next time, take her in your arms and kiss her deeply, passionately, like you mean it.
 White_Scorpion
Joined: 11/23/2008
Msg: 25
Another Kissing Question
Posted: 11/30/2008 4:22:52 PM
Exceptions prove every rule.

However, from my experience, most women can feel if there is attraction and chemistry pretty immediately. If they don't feel that, then why are we wasting our precious time together in the first place? If I am out on date 2 or date 3, I think a kiss is something most women would expect and definitely should not somehow be 'surprised' about.

Going in for a kiss shows confidence and interest. Confidence is a huge turn on. A kiss is pretty basic. We are not talking slobbering, tongue down the throat, awkward teeth banging. It is just a kiss. On a date, the first kiss answers a basic question of interest. If she isn't ready to kiss yet, she can definitely communicate that in words to clear up any misunderstanding.

The way I would handle the OP's situation is to back off considerably. I would definitely call her or text her and thank her for the date. But beyond that, I'd wait until she expresses further interest. In my experience, at least 90% of the time, when a girl doesn't want to kiss me on a second or third meeting, she isn't interested period.
 GoneSailinBabe
Joined: 7/6/2008
Msg: 26
Another Kissing Question
Posted: 11/30/2008 5:12:19 PM
Don't know the particulars but it's possible too that you initiated and caught her off guard or unexpectedly.

I know, when I've been "not focused" and somebody has leaned in for a kiss, it snaps me back into the moment...ya know? Like your mind wondered for a bit, initially I'll jump back too, but then think "Ah yeah! A kiss!!!" And then be into it.

Now I realize this sounds as though my mind is wondering around the planet, when I should be focusing on kissing. But I'm talking about in the moment of the date.

Y'all know there's stuff going on, you're thinking where' s my car, where's my keys, oops watch out for the kid on skates...damn do I kiss him first or is he going to kiss me, I wonder if he liked me, I"ll bet the dog is pissed off for being in the kennel too long....

That kind of thing.
 dustyknight
Joined: 9/14/2006
Msg: 31
Another Kissing Question
Posted: 12/7/2008 2:32:36 PM
I'm one who would ask for a hug if I enjoyed our first date not assume a kiss is wanted. Generally, the lady returns a kiss with my hug.
Kissing is still intimacy no matter what the TV, clinton or anyone under 30 thinks.
If she kisses me then ofcourse I'd return her kiss ...unless her kiss was really bad.
 Trees202
Joined: 10/31/2006
Msg: 32
Another Kissing Question
Posted: 12/7/2008 8:07:59 PM
If you met her on the Internet she might have self-confidence issues.

(yes...I'm aware that I'm on the Internet too...as we all are...)


Prior to this year I'd only kissed 2 guys. I was REALLY awkward about kissing...ESPECIALLY first kisses, no matter how great the date went it was just a HORRIFYING thought. I didn't have my first kiss until I was 18 and then it was such an embarrassing thing that I didn't do it again until I was nearly 21...so that left me with practically no kissing experience! It's scary when you're not sure what you're doing and you're afraid you're doing it wrong.
 Wildcard74
Joined: 12/1/2005
Msg: 33
Another Kissing Question
Posted: 12/7/2008 11:18:26 PM
Hey OP, I've had the same dilemma before. Except I got the pull away on the second and third date. Signs say to keep fishing and find some other prospects. Best of luck.
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