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 4everBROKEN
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 1
A new way of being sneakyPage 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
A friend of mine and I have been on this for a while, met a few guys, compared stories, and came to a conclusion. Please tell me if this is just a coincedence, or if this is the brutal truth.

Some guys are becoming very cleaver and sneaky with this whole online dating thing. A guy shows seeking "intimate encounter" in his profile is being bruatally honest about what he wants, and this I admire. But he is likely going to get responces from girls who are used to random sex and one night stands - possible booty buddies. The guy searching for intimate encounter is going to be very limited in the type of substance he'll find in the women he meets, and may have to worry about how many partners the girl has had previously. (No offence ladies, this is just a general statement.)

A guy seeking "Long Term" however is in a whole new ballpark. He will meet girls who want a relationship. At risk of the guy loosing interest, thinking of her as a prude, or whatever the case may be, the girl may be a little quick to jump in the sack with him. If anything, when a girl is certain she's met a good guy that is going to treat her right and make her feel good, she's going to want to sleep with him that much more. And to top it off, she'll be passionate with him and do anything he wants, because she believes it is a meaningful sexual experience. Said guy seeking long term now has the option to completely cut her off now that he's gotten what he wants. Painful for her, but he got a decent girl who was a lot more fun, open, passionate and maybe clean than the type said person seeking intimate encounter would.

Because of this, it is impossible to determine the honest from the dishonest.
Has anyone else ever had this idea cross their mind? And did you possibly have experiences with men seeking 'long term' such as this? I sure as heck have. Its painful, and a waste of time and energy.

Thanks
 Engage-me
Joined: 11/2/2006
Msg: 2
A new way of being sneaky
Posted: 7/10/2007 4:41:38 PM
4ever... I think that you're too close to the situation just yet. Your nick fairly shouts this.

OTOT, just because you're a little on the big side, there is now law or rule that says you have to put out to keep a guy. Sadly, there are a lot of guys who will target BBW's for exactly that reason: they think a BBW will put out faster than a Gisele Bunchen would, because the women have fewer choices.

To use the fishing metaphor of POF: this type is too lazy to use a rod and reel, they would rather drop dynamite in the pond and scoop up the stunned fish.
 aTallDrinkofWater
Joined: 6/2/2007
Msg: 3
A new way of being sneaky
Posted: 7/10/2007 4:52:28 PM
4everbroken,
That's not always the case. I am looking for a long term relationship, but I'm not for everyone and everyone is not for me. I've been married (now divorced) and spent time living with a couple of ladies. I've done that, but to spend all my time with someone just one again, well we're going to have to have some major chemistry to start with and it needs to keep getting better from there. I usually remain friends with the women I date. We started as friends and I love to at least keep that if it doesn't work out. It takes a lot to make a relationship work. It doesn't just work on it's own.
 Wanda49
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 4
A new way of being sneaky
Posted: 7/10/2007 5:31:02 PM
A guy seeking "Long Term" however is in a whole new ballpark. He will meet girls who want a relationship. At risk of the guy loosing interest, thinking of her as a prude, or whatever the case may be, the girl may be a little quick to jump in the sack with him. If anything, when a girl is certain she's met a good guy that is going to treat her right and make her feel good, she's going to want to sleep with him that much more. And to top it off, she'll be passionate with him and do anything he wants, because she believes it is a meaningful sexual experience. Said guy seeking long term now has the option to completely cut her off now that he's gotten what he wants. Painful for her, but he got a decent girl who was a lot more fun, open, passionate and maybe clean than the type said person seeking intimate encounter would.

Because of this, it is impossible to determine the honest from the dishonest.
Has anyone else ever had this idea cross their mind? And did you possibly have experiences with men seeking 'long term' such as this? I sure as heck have. Its painful, and a waste of time and energy.


I couldn't have said it ANY better! That is exactly what is going on with all guys everywhere - or what I have seen guys are like in the 4 years I have been looking for a MIRACLE! I have my doubts there is any guy wanting anything else no matter what story he tells you. Long term doesn't really exist at all. It is REALLY sad. If there is such a thing as an honest and genuine guy wanting long term, who is going to ever believe him????.. I won't be pulled into anything like that because I know it is just a game.

What I do to avoid this, is no matter who the guy is and how much I like him, I tell him I do not meet him in private until he is in my life for a month or more on a consistant basis... Then you will have a better idea if he really is looking for long term or not. You won't have to waste too much time with these players if you tell them as soon as they make contact with you that that is your rule... no sex until you get to know him really well first. 99.9 changes out of 100, you won't hear from him again. You can bet your life on it!!! I told one guy three dates and he tried to make a joke that he will have three dates in one day... It is pretty easy when you get that kind of reaction what he is looking for, so you don't even have to waste more than 5 minutes chatting with him.

Guys don't know how obvious they really are. A lot of guys are stupid enough to ask when you 'did it' last in the first 5 minutes of a conversation with you.. I wonder what he wants don't you???? ('')
 LakelandBadGirl
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 5
You hit it on the Nail
Posted: 7/10/2007 5:58:08 PM
You are so right, 99% of men today will say what they think you want to hear, led you on, then once they get in your pants they will change the story as to, at first "I am not a player, I am not into games, and I am a one woman man" So woman who Do know what they are wanting fall for it...then a few weeks or even just days later, he says" I just want to be friends" the sex is great but I am not ready to commit. Famous" I just got out of a relationship" or" I didnt mean to led you on" ....or better yet "It was the alcohol...thats BS!
SO ladies who have been in this situation word to the wise " Make them work for it" or if you just want a booty call PLAY his game..
I think these days dating is all a BIG GAME!!!!

Oh, or he will use you for sex, cause he wants to look like a good guy with the other woman...Men must think woman are stupid!! NOT!!

I am not BASHING men , I love men..but its just FACTS stated.....
 molly__blooming
Joined: 4/6/2006
Msg: 6
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A new way of being sneaky
Posted: 7/10/2007 6:37:28 PM
OP, i have come across that a few times myself. way back when i first started in online personals, guy i was talking to (not from here) had "long term" in his profile. then, in his first e-mail to me, he tells me that he's not really looking for a "relationship" in the foreseeable future, does not see that as part of his life for sometime to come, wants to date various people, keep things open and let a relationship organically evolve if it is meant to be. he asked me if i am ok with that, etc. i said, sure, yea, that's fine (relationships take time anyway, and you always start out dating) but then i asked him: so, why did you list long term in your profile when that's clearly not what you're looking for? considering it takes all of ten seconds to change it, why not just change it so that your profile is truly honest? he said some BS about just not getting around to it yadda yadda.

then a few weeks later, this was like a day or two before we were to have met for a first date, he calls me at like midnight and tells me he's home alone unexpectedly and will i come over? well, he knew first of all that i was with my son and his GF and besides, he and i had not even met yet. so i said well no i don't wanna do that, etc... in response to which he starts giving me guilt trips and putting all this manipulative pressure on me -- "why am i so repressed? why don't i loosen up and just spend the night with him...?" and so on.

i hung up on him. didn't meet him. and realized he was completely full of shit. he's a really slick player who just wants a booty call but has dressed it up to make it look like something else. up to that point he had me pretty much fooled, i must admit. i had thought he was really cool and had been looking forward to meeting... altho, he had, in something like our 6th or 7th phone call, asked me if i'd have phone sex with him, which i declined. (doh! that shoulda been my first clue, but i just figured he was horny, and at that point was not as experienced as i am now at this.)

in response to 'what are you looking for?' his profile should actually have said "intimate encounter." and, had it said that? he and i would never have had a single conversation...

so yep, you're right, and it happens all the time. just gotta look out for the clues. and ask the right questions. and remember that where there's smoke there's fire -- in other words, if something sounds like bull? it probably is.

cheers all!
 EpisodeIV
Joined: 6/28/2006
Msg: 7
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A new way of being sneaky
Posted: 7/10/2007 6:40:09 PM
Wow! Hey, this is a great idea. Now that I've listed myself as seeking a longterm relationship I don't really have to mean it? I can just use it to get booty calls with cleaner women. Rock on!

Now, let's all get paranoid...

"Shhhhhh! What was that?"
 molly__blooming
Joined: 4/6/2006
Msg: 8
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A new way of being sneaky
Posted: 7/10/2007 7:57:16 PM
...the thing i'm wondering about, reading the postings on this thread, is why the heck can't people be NICE? so, you think the OP is inexperienced and naive, that she's saying something you've heard a thousand times (because of course you are so much more experienced and so much less naive?) -- why do y'all have to be so damn mean and sarcastic and snotty? why can't ya just be nice? has kindness actually become passe around here????

so what if the OP is 'green' in your view? she's talking from her own experience and the place she occupies in the world and in time. why can't you just be nice? if the thread annoys you? then MOVE ON and participate in threads where you have something to contribute. most of the people posting on this thread (there are a few exceptions, thankfully!!!!) have absolutely nothing to contribute but ire and haughtiness and snottiness. move on, will ya?

and perhaps give some thought to the possible connection between your difficulty finding a partner and your penchant for pouncing with your fangs and your claws when you spot a person you clearly consider inferior to yourself...

someone said he's tired of man bashing?

well, i am tired of this shit.
 molly__blooming
Joined: 4/6/2006
Msg: 9
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A new way of being sneaky
Posted: 7/10/2007 8:22:04 PM

If he truly wants a long term relationship... he wont try to get you in bed quickly...


bingo -- exactly my feeling, couldn't have said it better myself.

that is one good reason for waiting a while before jumping in the sack, especially when you met the guy thru online personals.

which i say only because i believe there is a higher percentage of liars, players, cheaters (what have you, and of both sexes) in online personals.

unfortunately, it seems to be a magnet for that type... blah.

cheers all!
 Engage-me
Joined: 11/2/2006
Msg: 10
A new way of being sneaky
Posted: 7/10/2007 8:52:29 PM
Just got this msg concerning my previous post:
angelgigi (View Profile) (View All Correspondence)
Subject: Yuk Sent Date: 7/10/2007 1028 PM

Just read your response to a post on pof, stating that BBW have fewer options than skinny woman and therefore hop in the sack with man in order to keep him.
Stop stereotyping people. Your response disgusted me. I consider myself to be very attractive even though a few pounds overweight, and if a man went out with me thinking I'd jump in the sack with him for that reason in order to keep him, i'd kick him to the curb before he could get to first base.
Have you taken a look in the mirror lately, maybe your not fat, but your no Brad Pitt by any stretch. I wouldn't give you or your profile a second glance.

Here's what I wrote back.
Subject: RE:Yuk Sent Date: 7/10/2007 1134 PM

I was speaking about the jerks who prey on these women. Not my personal opinion by any means.

Now that you've tried to insult me, maybe you should go back and re-read what is actually written there not what you THOUGHT was written there.

I'd wish you a nice life, but with your attitude it would be a wasted effort.

And here's what she's objecting to:

4ever... I think that you're too close to the situation just yet. Your nick fairly shouts this.

OTOT, just because you're a little on the big side, there is now law or rule that says you have to put out to keep a guy. Sadly, there are a lot of guys who will target BBW's for exactly that reason: they THINK a BBW will put out faster than a Gisele Bunchen would, because the women have fewer choices.

To use the fishing metaphor of POF: this type is too lazy to use a rod and reel, they would rather drop dynamite in the pond and scoop up the stunned fish.


Emphasis added.
 Mayse
Joined: 1/17/2007
Msg: 11
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A new way of being sneaky
Posted: 7/11/2007 7:18:30 AM
To the original poster....

Don't try to fool yourself into believing you'd sleep with a guy just so he wouldn't think you were a prude. Don't be ashamed of your high sex drive, it's healthy and normal. However, it needs to be curbed to save yourself time, energy, and most importantly disease. Watch yourself.

-MaY$E
 molly__blooming
Joined: 4/6/2006
Msg: 12
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A new way of being sneaky
Posted: 7/11/2007 7:32:55 AM

That was me..... and guess what it's still going on. I would suggest you read the responses from men... I think they go out of their way to try and find some advice to say to the OP. Quite a few of the women on this thread are doing NOTHING else but put men down.


2wheel, why does it seem as if, from these comments, you have assumed that i was saying that only MEN are being mean? i wasn't saying that at all!!!! i don't look at the gender of posters, i just look at the postings, and what i was saying was that i felt people were being mean and nasty and that i don't like it and am tired of it.

you know, you just seem really over the top defensive -- maybe you are right that the men on this thread have been nicer than the women, maybe you are wrong, but that's totally off the point of what i was saying. i wasn't talking about women putting men down, i was talking about people insulting the OP.

quite frankly, you come across to me as every bit as obnoxious as the people you complain about... simply because women are talking about a problem they experience with men in online personals does not automatically mean they are "man bashing". it means they're talking about issues they have in this process.

yes, in every thread like this there are always a few fools who say stupid things like "99% of men are like this or that" but the discerning among us can see that for what it is. does that mean that women should NEVER be able to complain about the issues they encounter in dating? besides, if you're not one of the jerky types women complain about, then what's the point in being so defensive? you should be happy realizing that the pool of truly eligible men is much smaller than it seems... and if you're one of the good guys then, don't worry, be happy!


Frankly it seems to me that a fair portion of the females who do post have nothing but negative things to say about men in general and are more than likely not worth looking at, pursuing, or even noticing.


well now, that's just rude. do you know how many times on POF i have said something like, "of course this isn't true of all men, but there are men who do this or that" and i have been pounced on angrily by defensive men such as yourself and accused of "man bashing"? it is ridiculous!

and i am one of those women who, when female friends of mine actually DO man bash, saying things like, "men are pigs!" or "they're all **stards!", i am the one always saying things like, "now, you know that's not true!" and stuff like that. and yet on these forums i get attacked left and right simply because i have admitted to an issue women experience with men! am i supposed to lie and say that men are all marvelous and wonderful and good and honest?? is that what you want?!

did you ever consider the possibility that if there were fewer jerks in online personals there would be fewer threads like this one?

what i wanna know is, where is the "men bashing" on this thread, other than the 99% comment, can you point us to a place where a woman has bashed men?

that would be great, thank you very much.

grrrrrrrrr yourself!
 molly__blooming
Joined: 4/6/2006
Msg: 13
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A new way of being sneaky
Posted: 7/11/2007 5:22:04 PM

Credit me with writing that late at night with anger in my heart. It just seemed to me that most people who you may have thought were being harsh, were just saying it the way it was. The OP IS young and not much experience. She needs to grow a bit more and with experience will begin to see where she may have used not enough discretion.


thank you for saying mea culpa, 2 wheel. i appreciate it.

and yes, you are right -- she IS young and thus probably also not very experienced and i guess that is part of the reason why i felt the need to say what i did about people not being nice. i mean -- many of us have kids ourselves, mine are in their 20's, and there isn't any reason why, online, we shouldn't be just as understanding and kind as we would be with our own children.

maybe that's assuming too much?

anyhow, about the bashing, bottomline: there are jerky men online and there are jerky women online and there are too many of both those species and one of the things that happens as a result of that is that a crazy sounding idea such as being suspicious of a guy who indicates "long term" in his profile (when long term is exactly what you're looking for) actually starts to make sense... when that happens, you know something is very wrong.

all i can say is, bottoms up!
 Legs48
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 14
A new way of being sneaky
Posted: 7/11/2007 6:48:37 PM
There is nothing new about men and women using each other for sex ( or other things) and being deceptive to get what they want. The internet has only made it easier and faster. There is no way to meet someone without any risk of this happening. That's just life. As for the "intimate encounters" sites, not everyone on there is married and cheating or some kind of deviant.Not everyone wants to be in a commited relationship. Yet I know of several people who met on there and later married. Don't be so judgemental. At least the people on the "intimate encounters" sites are being honest about what they want, which is more than I can say about some of the people on the "relationship" sites. A lot of people post profiles on both. It may not be your cup of tea, or mine, for that matter, but who are we to judge ? If you are worried about being "used" or deceived, then don't sleep with someone until you know them well enough to trust them, and even then it's still a gamble.
 The Ram
Joined: 6/5/2007
Msg: 15
A new way of being sneaky
Posted: 7/11/2007 8:33:25 PM
Sounds like an old way to me!!
for Players, Cads, Conmen, Shiisters, etc: wasnt it the old way, before internet? The guy would pretend he loved them, maybe even marry them, get the sex until it became boring or someone BETTER came along, and move on........
 4everBROKEN
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 16
A new way of being sneaky
Posted: 7/12/2007 1:16:53 PM
I appreciate everyone's responses, both polite and rude.. please note that I was not looking for any kind of sympathy and feeling sorry for myself, nor to bash men. Only to state a fact.

I know my post was long, and for those who read it thoroughly to understand where I'm coming from, I thank you for your patience. For those who simply skimmed through and assumed I was just feeling sorry for myself, your name calling was very childish and unappreciated. Perhaps I was stating something obvious, I wasn't sure.

My only intention was to try to compare how many others have had experiences such as these. Until now, like anyone who is reading this, I enjoyed going through the forums. But thanks to a few people who like to have big mouths while hiding behind a computer screen, I'm not choosing to stop looking at the forums. It was nice to read responses from intellectuals, but I don't need to be called a man-basher or 'princess' for no good reason.

I wish everyone the best luck with their findings.
 misticspear
Joined: 12/6/2006
Msg: 17
A new way of being sneaky
Posted: 7/12/2007 3:38:45 PM
Nope and the reason i say that is this. Go take a look at the most attractive guy you can find on here. Now look at how many women leave testimonies about how great he is(look at the reasons they are usually traits MANY GUYS HAVE) look at the number of times he has been favorite now look at what he is here for more than that look at what he is not here for long term relationships, this is an internet dating site what means this the better you look the better your chances for everything it is the sad truth. It does differ from men to women considering the difference in numbers but the point is still there. If you look good enough people are willing to look past or ever dare i say hope for more than what they are bargained for. Its like politics people just dont want to admit the truth
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