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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Why do men act like they are always busy?      Home login  
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 Tim0066
Joined: 7/2/2007
Msg: 5
Why do men act like they are always busy?Page 1 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
People are fairly new to online dating, not like offline dating. Taking time to get to know people before going out isn't such a bad thing. This isn't a fast food resturaunt, although sometimes it seems like one. If you are in too much of a rush to meet him, he may feel like you are impulsive and always in a rush.

Plus, we often ARE busy. Being at home and typing away on our pc is easy to do at our convenience where as meeting up with someone takes up the whole day/night usualy. He may also be going on first dates with others and just has a tough time scheduling them all and still have time for his own things to do.
 * Succinct *
Joined: 5/12/2007
Msg: 8
Why do men act like they are always busy?
Posted: 7/14/2007 12:28:19 PM
i would give you a very well thought out, honest and heartfelt answer to your question, but i'm simply too busy
 ~Juggernaut~
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 15
Why do men act like they are always busy?
Posted: 7/14/2007 3:31:53 PM
How can you ask this question now I'm so busy with another thread !
 sometimes_miss
Joined: 2/26/2007
Msg: 17
Why do men act like they are always busy?
Posted: 7/14/2007 9:13:36 PM
Some of us have a life outside of hunting for a mate. Especially those of us who aren't accomplished 'players', knowing that no matter how hard we try it's still very likely we're going to wind up alone anyway. It doesn't keep us from trying, but we do have other interests as well, not to mention work and families that require our time. Me, I've been 1.working a lot of overtime, 2. working on my car after the mechanic screwed it up, 3. trying to fix the phone wiring in my mom's house because she's too cheap to call verizon, 4. trying to salvage a friend's data from a dead computer, 5. reinstalling windows for 2 other people who's recently idle kids screwed up their computers with maleware, 6. having idiots call me and wake me up (why do 'day' people think us night workers are awake all day, just sitting around waiting for their phone calls?), 7. having my sleep interrupted while neighbor jackhammers the sidewalk just to put down new cement that looks the same as the old stuff. Yeah, that's kept me pretty busy the past few weeks.
 onlthelgo
Joined: 3/31/2007
Msg: 19
Why do men act like they are always busy?
Posted: 7/14/2007 9:30:11 PM
not sure if this is true, but it seems that there is a lot of thought that goes into finding, determining and living a relationship from a woman's perspective so there are lots of things that may be pre-determined and then evaluated along the process of getting to know someone new. guys (trust me on this one) ... just are not that complicated so it's all good if it's all good and otherwise are totally blind to the part of determining whether it's going along well, finding it's way to the right parts at the right time etc... while all that evaluation is going on in your mind, he's out living, working, parenting and playing ... for real and not just the part of the words on the paper ... i think lots of women have a scripted expectation these days and have difficulty taking things as they come ... flexibility, self-confidence and independence are the 3 most rare traits when it all comes out of the wash ...

good luck to you, my suggestion is to not think about it so much and just go out there and live every day like it's brand new and good things will come to you ... if someone can "get to you" ... it's not necessarily them that is the issue at hand ... make sense?
 vhdc
Joined: 7/18/2006
Msg: 23
Why do men act like they are always busy?
Posted: 7/15/2007 6:35:08 AM
Guess it's time to move on.
 lonelynlooking15701
Joined: 5/12/2007
Msg: 24
Why do men act like they are always busy?
Posted: 7/15/2007 6:49:44 AM
Gee, I'm almost never too busy to make time for a nice lady, but then, my inbox is empty...
 sweetone56
Joined: 1/12/2005
Msg: 27
Why do men act like they are always busy?
Posted: 7/15/2007 7:00:57 AM
Message: """4. They really weren't interested but were only being nice and now they have to wait until you break it off so it won't look like they are the bad guy"""
That would be my take on it., except with me there's seldom anything to 'break-off' A coffee meet or a couple of games of pool is hardly grounds for me to think I've just found myself my new best friend.

We men can be quite simple really...lol. If we don't want to keep up a relationship that was initiated only thru a bunch of emails and a coffee meet, well it's easy to get busy., rather than come out and say sorry, i don't think this going to be happening because of yadda yadda yadda. Myself I'm not into all the melodramatics that comes with it as well as the nasty name-calling that comes with it as well. You'd maybe be surprised at a lady's reaction when a guy actually steps up and says why he's not interested. We humans can be quite frail at times about hearing anything critical directed our way. ..and you can almost bet that when a guy does step up and say he's not interested; he hasn't heard the last of it. Works both ways too.

I do agree!!!!

 phxnight
Joined: 1/11/2007
Msg: 28
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Why do men act like they are always busy?
Posted: 7/15/2007 8:34:45 AM
When it comes to scheduling a ‘date’, how open is your schedule?
...and is that communicated to him?

As far as him calling you, have you mentioned a preferred time to call or times not to call? If you just met, he probably knows as much about your schedule as you know about his.

His available time might not line up with what he thinks would be an opportune time to go on date or even call for that matter.

I personally don’t like to have to cancel out on people when plans are made, especially early on. And it’s harder to block out a section of time that will not get interrupted by something.

After you get to know someone it’s a lot easier to call them up and say “hey, let’s go…” But, both know it is not as planned and can weigh the risks of plans changing.



If a guy not not staying in enough contact is part of the problem

...you can always call him...It Only Takes a Minute
 Jeff52758
Joined: 7/7/2007
Msg: 31
Why do men act like they are always busy?
Posted: 7/15/2007 1:54:34 PM


The other side of the coin is that we always make the time for those we have an interest in...even if it's just a quick call or email.


Precisely. People will make time for what (and whom) is important to them.
 prolibertate
Joined: 9/11/2005
Msg: 32
Why do men act like they are always busy?
Posted: 7/15/2007 2:04:27 PM

What I don't like is men that try to keep you on the hook while being rude and not calling back or not emailing back. Then coming back a week or so later and saying how great you are then they are gone again.


OP, no one can keep someone on the hook unless that person lets them. If someone disappears then comes back saying they were busy, and then disappears again, comes back, etc....I'd figure they're not that interested (as no one is *that* busy) and forget about them. The only way someone ends up on the hook in that situation is if they keep themself on it. If someone continues to put off meeting, doesn't call or email when they say they will, etc., then what would any sensible person want with someone like that, and why not simply tell them they're not interested and best of luck in your search?
 onlthelgo
Joined: 3/31/2007
Msg: 34
Why do men act like they are always busy?
Posted: 7/15/2007 4:02:43 PM
"needy" people have a ton of time so they won't break your heart girls, you'll be able to direct them wherever and whenever you'd like ... down the road you'll have your hands full and wonder how you got into the mess.

"independent" people are healthy folks ... they are also driven, work hard, play hard and probably have kids ... it might be frustrating if you don't share the same traits, but if you stop thinking and start living you might find out that you just walked away from a good thing and didn't have a clue what hit you.

i've got a rule ... if one of my 4 kids calls and wants to be with me the answer is always yes ... another rule ... if any of my customers call and need me, i say yes. these two things are priorities over everything else ... surprisingly so, there are women who understand and appreciate these truths and have enough self-confidence to believe them and not get jealous, frustrated or angry about them. it doesn't happen often, but when it does it is disruptive and you take your chances ... i'd rather someone keep their lives going and their eyes open than to sit and pine over a disappointment of a re-scheduled date ...

this is a good post and i think defines a huge gap that is out there ... not surprising though.
 onlthelgo
Joined: 3/31/2007
Msg: 36
Why do men act like they are always busy?
Posted: 7/15/2007 6:30:50 PM
i can see those to a point ... self isn't in there which is pretty important ... also, if the "work" is tied to supporting the family whether through child-support or other things like home, auto and life ... then it's more or less tied to the foundation for the family it's not realistic to let it slip especially if it's a big number responsibility which is true at least in my case. i'd love to live in nervana and not have to focus on the job and blissfully hold hands running along the beach naked with glass of wine in hand, but at some point the reality of everyday life joins forces with the shifting of priorities that are suggested by the beginning of a dating relationship ... it makes sense to me to start with those things (responsibilities) in mind so that there isn't a big change once the "new" fades away from the relationship ... otherwise, you get right back to where you started again wondering how such a great thing changed ...
 vhdc
Joined: 7/18/2006
Msg: 37
Why do men act like they are always busy?
Posted: 7/15/2007 6:31:17 PM

no one can keep someone on the hook unless that person lets them. If someone disappears then comes back saying they were busy, and then disappears again, comes back, etc....I'd figure they're not that interested (as no one is *that* busy) and forget about them. The only way someone ends up on the hook in that situation is if they keep themself on it. If someone continues to put off meeting, doesn't call or email when they say they will, etc., then what would any sensible person want with someone like that, and why not simply tell them they're not interested and best of luck in your search?


Love a good wake up call, thanks.
 abrethoffreshair
Joined: 2/10/2007
Msg: 39
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Why do men act like they are always busy?
Posted: 7/15/2007 7:29:49 PM
Sure beats the heck out of me...when you figure it out...let the rest
of us in on it too because we aren't able to figure it out, either!
 onlthelgo
Joined: 3/31/2007
Msg: 41
Why do men act like they are always busy?
Posted: 7/16/2007 7:12:04 AM
not surprising, but did they "freak-out" or just move on ... sounds like you might have needed more than they had to give ... why the anger? maybe you're interpretation of rudeness was their reality of being stretched too thin at a busy time?? in any event sounds like he made an impact on you ... i'd stay away from guys like that in the future and find one more suited to your needs. ... peace
 vhdc
Joined: 7/18/2006
Msg: 43
Why do men act like they are always busy?
Posted: 7/16/2007 8:23:16 AM
^^^^^Miss Sunny, nothing at all in the previous post that is angry or confrontational that has fallen squarely on your shoulders at this point.
 HRWild
Joined: 3/1/2007
Msg: 46
Why do men act like they are always busy?
Posted: 7/16/2007 10:00:41 AM
There is a man who is always too busy to get together. He and I have been emailing, texting, and talking for many months. We were supposed to get together this past weekend, but it turned out he was busy.
Well, you know what, I am busy too. I work. It takes more than an hour for me to get to work by subway. It also takes at least that long to get home. Sometimes I will arrange to meet another man for coffee or drinks or whatever after work and I go home late.
By the time I get home after work, I am totally exhausted. Feed my cats, throw out garbage, wash up, drop my clothes, grab something quick to eat and go to bed. He is busy and I am busy. I spend my weekends doing laundry, reading, cleaning, going to my mom's, etc. I am as busy as he is.
Sometimes it is just difficult to get together with someone. We all have things to do.
 prolibertate
Joined: 9/11/2005
Msg: 47
Why do men act like they are always busy?
Posted: 7/16/2007 10:17:37 AM

prolibertate....i hav to agree with you on what you say ...... but i hav fell for it a few times now you would think i learnt my lesson , but i try not to paint all with same brush but sorry no luck yet all the same so far


we all fall for it at some point or another, ansd sometimes it takes a while to learn form it...especially because we dont' want to tar someone else with the same brush...But after awhile, we do see that regardless of who it is, if they're throwing up red flags it's because of who *they* are and not in comparison to anyone else. Not sure about anyone but me, but I have a pretty full life and don't like to waste time waiting around when I could be doing other things.


Sometimes it is just difficult to get together with someone. We all have things to do.


Sure, we all have bust times, but if one is that busy where they can't find an hour or so to meet someone, then maybe they shouldn't be looking for a relationship, but simply to date whenever they have time. You at least make an effort as you stated "Sometimes I will arrange to meet another man for coffee or drinks or whatever after work and I go home late." But there are people who say they want to meet and then never get around to do ing it...Why waste time on them?
 vhdc
Joined: 7/18/2006
Msg: 49
Why do men act like they are always busy?
Posted: 7/16/2007 10:54:28 AM

If a man or women thinks your the one. He/She will NEVER be busy. I don't care if you’re talking to Bill Gates, Donald Trump or Al Gore. He will make time (Period). If you were his favourite actress or some supermodel he would not be busy. A person who TRULY likes you, will not risk leaving you on the market for someone else to snap up. The fact is although, yes, he may be busy, to him there is nothing so special about you which will make him change his plans.
Wow, thanks.
 leahmarie
Joined: 2/25/2007
Msg: 53
Why do men act like they are always busy?
Posted: 7/16/2007 6:13:02 PM
You say men are anxious to meet you, but once they meet you, they act like they are "so busy all the time." Obviously, when they meet you the chemistry isn't there for them for one reason or another. If a man is too busy and has no time to date you, he is not into you. Forget him; move on.

The above also applies to men that you talk to on the telephone. Once they talk to you and give you the "so busy all the time" routine, then obviously they have changed their mind about you for one reason or another. At the risk of being repetitive forget them; move on.

There is no point in discussing the above, because there is no way you can get into anyone's head. If someone is not into you, why waste your time trying to figure it out? Find someone else; after all this site is called Plenty of Fish. Why don't you just "go fishing again!"
 prolibertate
Joined: 9/11/2005
Msg: 58
Why do men act like they are always busy?
Posted: 7/17/2007 10:30:30 AM

I don't think it really has anything to do with them being not interested. I think it has to do with why they are not currently dating now and not being able to get over the past. I don't think many of the people on this site know how to have a relationship. I hear a bunch of "well I did it wrong two or three times so I am really afraid to do it wrong again." Sometimes you just must take a leap of faith and see how it all shakes out.


Some people will say they're busy because they'r enot interested; others may want a relationship but are still handling baggaage fomr their last one; and others simply may not know how to have a relationship. There's no one fits all answer.


I think many people hide behind being a busy person.


And sometimes that 'hiding' is because they're not that interested, or simply not interested enough to make someone part fo their life...but they're happy to call then when they have nothing better to do.


Honestly if a guy shows me no attention then I would never call him. If a guy acts like he is interested, and says he is interested after meeting and he starts to pull stuff like that he is a little boy and likely damaged goods. Oh and I love the ones that say "I have never really has a successful date with anyone one the site". That says a lot about someone if you ask me.


If someone's interested then they call; if they don't call then they're not interested; and if they call sporadically then they're not interested enough. Some people wont' have a successful dating life because they dont' have a clue what they really want, or they're nto clear about what they do want. Others won't have a successful dating life because they assume things about another person rather than discussing them together.


I really never thought any of the guys I am talking about were all that hot or wonderful anyways.


If you thought this before meeting them, then why bother meeting them in the first place? And if you thought this after meeting them, why waste any more time even thinking about them?
 JeepHammer
Joined: 5/16/2007
Msg: 59
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History
Why do men act like they are always busy?
Posted: 7/17/2007 1:11:38 PM
Orignal Poster asked:

"They act like they want to get to know you and say that but then act like they have no time to date. "


I have exactly the opposite opinion...
I came here to 'Meet' people, not pass gas on the internet.
I trade a few messages, and if the woman doesn't sound like a serial killer, I make arrangements for a 'Meet & Greet' over coffee or lunch.

And in several cases, the mere mention of a face to face meeting is enough to make a woman cut off all communications!
The thought of actually meeting someone in the flesh makes them run, screaming for the nearest bunker in the hills...

I feel these women have been dishonest and weren't emotionally or physically available in the first place...

Lot's of women here posting that have 'Friends with benefits' (I hate that term),
Or have ongoing relationships with the 'Ex'...
If you are still seeing him, he's not the 'Ex' (Corret term would be 'Former') but still the 'man' in your life...
Same if they are seeing anyone... They are NOT available for someone new.
--------------------------

You must have a complete emotional break with the 'Ex', and some time to heal and recoup, before you will be available for someone else...
If you don't have the complete break and distance, you are entering a relationship under false pretenses and it's just not going to work out for you...
----------------------

If the person you are conversing with doesn't want to meet you face to face, there is a reason.

I'm learning some of them are nefarious reasons, like being married or lying about income or the vehicle they drive...

Some of them are cheapskates and don't want to part with any money.
I read a really strange post from a guy that didn't want to spend any money on women he wasn't going to marry...
And the whole time I'm wondering how this guy expects to get/receive affection if he's this tight with plain old money...

And on the other hand, I'm not going to spend a fortune on any woman trying to impress her... When I can't sustain that level of spending if we get together.
'Keeping Up With The Joneses' and putting on false facades is a form of lying in my book.
--------------

Expensive dinners and cheap motels do not love make...
 that sam i am
Joined: 10/27/2006
Msg: 64
Why do men act like they are always busy?
Posted: 10/14/2007 10:29:28 AM
I don't know about other guys but for me personally, I really am busy. I work around 45 to 50 hours a week. When I'm not working, I'm trying to start my own little freelance business. When I'm not doing that, I'm glued to my bed not wanting to get out.

There's so much going on that it's hard to plan ahead for free time. Sometimes when I'm free, I'm not really in the mood to do more than vege out in front of the TV with a good movie on. Whatever socialising I do is usually with my good friends who I would move heaven and earth just to make time for.

Why be on a dating site? Why do women look at shoes and jewelry when they aren't buying?
Why a dating site? It's the most time efficient way to meet people.
 blondago56
Joined: 8/21/2004
Msg: 65
view profile
History
Why do men act like they are always busy?
Posted: 10/14/2007 10:58:31 AM
^^ jeephammer loved your post... *sigh* notice the keyword in the original post? "Act like" they are busy..... because their penises TELL them they are 'busy....
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