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 QueenKaren
Joined: 7/11/2007
Msg: 1
Have you ever waited for a love?Page 1 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
How many of you out there have waited for someone that you love? I'm not talking about waiting to meet that special someone in general. I'm talking about when you have already met someone special, have fallen in love, but things can't work out in the present for whatever reasons (distance, timing, baggage, financial setbacks, family issues, etc).

If you have found that someone in your past, did you wait for them? Are you waiting for them? For how long? If you chose not to wait, why not?

I am in the process of "waiting" for a love right now. Some call it the denial phase. But for me, it is something I need to do. We still talk and the chemistry is there on both sides. However, he is dealing with some heavy baggage and isn't able to be a good partner right now, as he needs to heal more, and become more happy within himself. He's still crazy about me, I'm still crazy about him, but these circumstances of his are keeping us from being together right now. I have told him that I will wait, however, I do not know for how long. And now I'm wondering what others on here may have experienced, and am hoping you're willing to share.

Karen
 Bikeman_
Joined: 10/8/2005
Msg: 2
Have you ever waited for a love?
Posted: 7/16/2007 6:44:02 AM
It's important to meet the right person AT THE RIGHT TIME. The timing is crucial. Waiting for somebody to lose baggage is quite foolhardy. You're acting enabling his behavior. Plus you are giving him the upper hand. If it were me, I'd look for a more balanced situation. Any time that I became particularly smitten with an unavailable lady has NEVER worked.

Look for a guy who is available, or better yet, often couples meet when they aren't even looking for a mate. That's the best way to go, definitely not waiting up for an unemotionally available person. Good luck Queen Karen!
 Arugula
Joined: 11/5/2006
Msg: 3
Have you ever waited for a love?
Posted: 7/16/2007 6:48:21 AM
Does the "heavy baggage" consist of a wife and kids? If not, why not state the circumstances? It "might" make a difference. But then, I imagine the "heavy baggage" would just make more of the posters here respond with "WTH are you thinking?" to you.

Regardless, if he really wanted to be with you...was really into you, he would. "Heavy baggage" isn't enough to stop someone from being with you if they are really into you.
 Meface
Joined: 11/15/2006
Msg: 4
view profile
History
Have you ever waited for a love?
Posted: 7/16/2007 6:50:19 AM
Why don't you be with him and help him heal?
 PHK
Joined: 12/14/2006
Msg: 5
Have you ever waited for a love?
Posted: 7/16/2007 6:50:21 AM
I waited.

I should have moved on.

It's akin to 'changing' someone. Not a good road to travel.
 ~CountrySugar~
Joined: 1/8/2007
Msg: 6
Have you ever waited for a love?
Posted: 7/16/2007 6:52:56 AM
yeah been waiting for 29 years for mine...he was my first love, actually I think my only love. I just recently found his little brother...I'm will be seeing the boy I've been thinking about all these years very soon...guess we'll see how that goes..
 *~*ChardyGirl*~*
Joined: 6/29/2007
Msg: 7
Have you ever waited for a love?
Posted: 7/16/2007 6:55:05 AM
I waited for someone once............was madly in love with him,and,i happily waited for him for over a year coz i thought he was worth it......He wasn't.........And, id never do it again, but it was a lesson learnt in Life & Love,so ,i really hope it works out for you ! ! Good luck, : )
 QueenKaren
Joined: 7/11/2007
Msg: 8
Have you ever waited for a love?
Posted: 7/16/2007 6:59:57 AM

Does the "heavy baggage" consist of a wife and kids? If not, why not state the circumstances? It "might" make a difference


Good point! LOL!

He's going through a divorce. And anyone who has been through that, knows all too well how the reality of it can hit you like a ton of bricks, even if you knew it was coming for months, if not years.

It's more about him realizing that he needs to be happy with himself. He found that the ONLY time he was happy was when with me, and was worried about relying on me for his happiness.. because as we all (should) know, you need to be happy from within before you can truly be happy with someone else. I do respect that reasoning, although I know that it is possible that he could deal with that while still with me. He hasn't figured that one out for himself yet though. He is also concerned that I could be a rebound.. and he wants to make sure he wants to be with me; not just because he is excessively lonely and feels he needs to be in a relationship.
 QueenKaren
Joined: 7/11/2007
Msg: 9
Have you ever waited for a love?
Posted: 7/16/2007 7:06:46 AM

Why don't you be with him and help him heal?


I'm doing the best I can for now. But most of his work he needs to accomplish on his own. .. it's his path to travel. I can do my best to light the way, but he's the one who needs to do the actual moving forward.

So far, I keep our conversations to little to no relationship talk and have given him a copy of "The Secret" as it ties in well to his beliefs and could help him with his healing. I don't want to push too hard either, because that would not help matters any.
 Mary12465
Joined: 1/5/2007
Msg: 10
Have you ever waited for a love?
Posted: 7/16/2007 7:11:29 AM
Karen,

Least he's being honest and forthcoming. You, have the choice to wait or not, and for me, if it's meant to be....it will be. You just need to decide how long you are willing to wait for him.

I've never been in that situation, but seeing I'm separated, I guess it's important to see how the 'other' side would view things, should feelings of love arise between two people.

Good luck whatever you decide to do. I know that when I was very much love in with my husband, there wasn't anything I wouldn't do for him, but time and feelings change.

Despite the fact my marriage has disolved, I still believe in love and the pursuit of happiness, and we are all personally responsible for our own.


Best of luck Karen!!!
 mlm_mlm_mlm
Joined: 4/29/2007
Msg: 11
Have you ever waited for a love?
Posted: 7/16/2007 8:17:52 AM
Karen, you need to change your thinking. Your going to make yourself suffer for nothing. Youu have to learn to take care of your emotional health better. You should not have told him you will wait.
As they say, if you love someone, let them go... if they come back, they are yours.

Don't be surprised if you wait and he finds someone else, as thats just how it goes sometimes. Then you did all this needless suffering for nothing.

Your emotional health is at risk in this. Your not being realistic.
Hell no I would never do that.....whats the point? there is no point. A pre req is someone who is
ready
willing
able...


that goes without saying.
 Paprikash!
Joined: 1/18/2007
Msg: 12
Have you ever waited for a love?
Posted: 7/16/2007 8:25:33 AM
I waited a year for someone during the Gulf War. Very worthwhile, and good for his state of mind. Very hard on me at the time, though.
 Hedda Lettuce
Joined: 7/30/2006
Msg: 13
Have you ever waited for a love?
Posted: 7/16/2007 8:27:36 AM
I'm with your friends on this one about you being delusional.

So you are going to let time slip by, just happy to sit on the back burner for some guy to clean up his baggage in the fleeting hopes of a relationship to ignite?
If being lonely and wishful thinking are the only threads that tie you to this man, then maybe you need to organize your baggage department as well.

You are not getting anything out of this. You are not in an emotionally stable relationship. Everything revolves around him. The decision being his. The ball being in his court.
So be there for him as a friend as he gets his life together. And you move forward with yours being happy and meeting new people.
 HRWild
Joined: 3/1/2007
Msg: 14
Have you ever waited for a love?
Posted: 7/16/2007 8:29:02 AM
"...I'll be waiting every morning
I'll be waiting every night
Just to love you baby
I'll be waiting the rest of my life...
It may take some time
Til your mine all mine
And your heart is calling me too
I'll be waiting
Waiting for you..." -- Gregg Rolie/Abraxas Pool

 LQQK`N41MANONLY
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 15
Have you ever waited for a love?
Posted: 7/16/2007 8:36:42 AM
thats what i`m doing now.. waiting for my love to get here.. i have waited for my guy for quite some time.. so whats a few more months?.. i would wait for my love until the end of time (or until he got tired of me & wanted to move on.. ).. ..
 HRWild
Joined: 3/1/2007
Msg: 16
Have you ever waited for a love?
Posted: 7/16/2007 8:38:47 AM
Karen, I have been waiting for a man for 4 months. I haven't been sitting around twiddling my thumbs though. I have dated other men. If I meet someone else and we really hit it off, I might just stop waiting. I will not make a fool of myself by sitting around and waiting for this man who still cannot find his way to me...
Some people will have every reason in the book to avoid getting together.
Don't sit around and waiat. Go out and have a good time with friends or on dates with other men.
 HarleyKat~
Joined: 8/5/2005
Msg: 17
Have you ever waited for a love?
Posted: 7/16/2007 8:52:16 AM
Karen...I think more people should have the maturity, patience, and unselfishness that you are displaying! Unfortunately, everyone seems to want the fast food version of relationships and "drive thru" love...they want it fast and ready for consumption!

The thing is, love just HAPPENS. Rarely do we actually choose who we love. We may dispose of someone when the going gets tough...but it rarely gets in the way of actually getting there, initially.

I have been on and off with my hunny for nearly four years. A lot of what comes between us is not so much to do with losing the love...but not wanting the other partner to have to suffer through some sort of trauma. His mom just passed away and it is effecting him in ways that make life very difficult and he is in need of serious soul searching and discovery. Some say that the other partner can help you through things like this...but there are certain things that certain people just need to go alone. When you are in a relationship...it requires WORK and a minimal amount of emotional investment. If you are unable to give this, then it is generous to step back and allow the person the CHOICE of waiting until you are able to do so, or choosing to move forward. It is not a cop out for all! My guy feels it is selfish of HIM to expect me to be alone during his battle...when he currently does not see the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel, as of yet.

So...to answer your questions....yes...I think some relationships and people are worth waiting for. I let my hunny know that I AM here for him if he needs me...and he also has the solitude that he needs to heal and make himself better for himself, his children, and me. When you have something that is as awesome as what I have...it is worth the effort of giving a little time and space. Of course if he were out looking for other relationships, then it would be different. But when both are agreeably just needing some healing time...it is a selfless act.
 mlm_mlm_mlm
Joined: 4/29/2007
Msg: 18
Have you ever waited for a love?
Posted: 7/16/2007 9:04:15 AM
You may try some writing if your going to wait. In history some of the best writers have been tortured souls yearning for love. It would make the best of the situation should you decide to wait. Dante had Beatrice, Fictional characters are easy to manipulate. Its an option, better than just sitting there waiting I guess.
Would be better if you stopped waiting and got on with your life.
 eazk
Joined: 9/8/2006
Msg: 19
Have you ever waited for a love?
Posted: 7/16/2007 9:15:36 AM
After reading through the thread and discovering the reason for the wait....I'd say definitely "NO!".

He is going to go through an awful lot between now and the time the divorce is done....and I don't care how healthy he appears, there is still a lot that happens. Then you have "The Golden Year" where he needs to go through one season of everything to understand how he feels and copes with the various emotions that come with it.

My sense is....don't wait, but if he comes back after his issues are comcluded, don't reject him out of hand. Love is timing and it is geographical....and they both need to work out.
 CAPT. ZIGZAG
Joined: 7/8/2007
Msg: 20
view profile
History
Have you ever waited for a love?
Posted: 7/16/2007 9:25:40 AM
[center]
How many of you out there have waited for someone that you love? I'm not talking about waiting to meet that special someone in general. I'm talking about when you have already met someone special, have fallen in love, but things can't work out in the present for whatever reasons (distance, timing, baggage, financial setbacks, family issues, etc).
[/center]

Waited for seven years. What a waste.

-
 QueenKaren
Joined: 7/11/2007
Msg: 21
Have you ever waited for a love?
Posted: 7/16/2007 9:59:33 AM

You should not have told him you will wait.


It wasn't as mushy as it may appear... I didn't get all sappy and with tears in my eyes tell him, "I will wait for you no matter what!". lol. What I told him, was that I have zero interest in dating or getting to know anyone new on a romantic level right now, so in effect, that means I was waiting. But I also said I have no idea how long I can do that.


As they say, if you love someone, let them go... if they come back, they are yours.


That saying, has been a huge help to me over the last few months. It has helped me to take things slow and reminds me to work on myself and moving forward in my healing journey through all of this.
 mlm_mlm_mlm
Joined: 4/29/2007
Msg: 22
Have you ever waited for a love?
Posted: 7/16/2007 10:06:05 AM
If you like that saying...
heres is another, a poem written a few hundred years ago. It may help you more. It helped me in the past. I understand you have hope, but it looks like that man should not be a priority in your life.
I wish you luck and that it works out to your benefit. stop waiting around. Get on with your life !



A womans ways are witless ways as any sage will tell
So who am I that I should love, so wisely and so well.

by
Edna st Vincent Milay
 prolibertate
Joined: 9/11/2005
Msg: 23
Have you ever waited for a love?
Posted: 7/16/2007 10:24:35 AM
OP, I think it's smart of both of you to realize that he needs time to come to terms with his divorce; too many don't see the sense in doing that and then end up not working out. I also think you're smart for being honest with him; while you may have no interest in dating now, that's not to say that you might not feel differently in a few months and he may still not be ready. I don't see that yo're putting your life 'on hold' exactly, as there could be a number of reasons why you're not interested in dating right now that aren't about him. You simply need to do what's right for you; and if you start to feel like dating and he's still working things out, then start dating...if you and he are meant to end up together, then you'll work it out when the timing is right for both of you.
 Pilot152
Joined: 10/16/2006
Msg: 24
Have you ever waited for a love?
Posted: 7/16/2007 10:48:34 AM
I have waited on a couple of occasions and they turned out pretty good. The waits were not very long but I would caution that the relationships they led to were pretty short as well. Guess I was the rebound guy in these occasions but again did not invest too much time, effort, emotion or money so no real loss. Still friends with both of them. Make sure he is ready for the kind of relationship you are if you decide to wait. Too soon and I think you know what will happen.
 silentlonely
Joined: 12/15/2006
Msg: 25
Have you ever waited for a love?
Posted: 7/16/2007 11:05:10 AM
yes i have-

it can work; but i tell people be sure ur ok w/putting ur life on hold, it might not work and when it doesn't people are quick to blame someone. Not saying the other person does not share blame; but whenever u WAIT, u open urself up to MISSING OUT ON THINGS. That may be job opp, relationships or God knows what else; an u have to be prepared for that, be okay w/that...you can wait for months/years and end up w/nothing.

but if its really on ur heart to do so; but be prepared for it to not work; just as you can prepare for it to work.

me personally i say make decisions don't let them make u; if ur waiting cus u and that person are following a specific plan w/a specific result, cool. But if ur waiting to see what could or might happen, i just don't know; its risky either way, but less risk if u and the person have a set plan of action.
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