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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > How many dates are people actually going on from this site?      Home login  
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 sun_shine_2008
Joined: 7/24/2007
Msg: 7
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How many dates are people actually going on from this site?Page 1 of 16    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16)
well I am brand new to the site and dating again for that mater so I have not met anyone yet.

I do want to meet people but I feel that it takes more than one or two emails for me to feel comfortable about meeting someone.
 thebamachick
Joined: 12/25/2005
Msg: 9
How many dates are people actually going on from this site?
Posted: 7/28/2007 9:12:41 AM
KJAY, You will find people who are a little more serious about dating on pay sites; but you will find your players on there too and people who have been on there for years. I have been doing the Internet dating for years myself. It doesn't seem to be a good place to meet people unless you are looking for a sexual encounter. Let's face it, a good looking guy with suitable character qualities does not look on the Internet. He looks for his lady in real life situations. When I get contacts on here, I rarely take it seriously and don't expect much out of it. If I do meet someone, and I believe I will; I am not expecting it to be from the Internet.
 stork65
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 10
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How many dates are people actually going on from this site?
Posted: 7/28/2007 9:26:41 AM
I have been on Quite a few. Most women r a little slow to meet but I know most of them will meet if u stay after them. I think most people r lookin for their "dream mate" & wont go out with anyone else. But u got to keep plodding along. I have sensed some feelings of negativity on this site but overall I think most people r for real. good luck!
 cedar77
Joined: 7/17/2006
Msg: 11
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How many dates are people actually going on from this site?
Posted: 7/28/2007 9:28:27 AM
I think it is something that is exponential ....
It's gotten to the point where many people don't take anything seriously and will not put much effort in , or see things through...because the've lost confidence in it.
If a person knew who was serious and who was just a waste of time .....they would take things more seriously and would put more effort in to make something happen.

I think part of the reason is that many women need so many mails "to feel comfortable" that guys get bored and lose interest ...I find writing mails boring and it probably shows....partly because it's hard to write to someone you think may well be here just for attention...but also because mailing to a "profile" is not very inspiring.
Guys have wasted too much time on those who seem to just want attention ..so they assume many are the same.
It's a bit of a catch22 ...I could only get interested in a real person...not a "profile"

 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 12
How many dates are people actually going on from this site?
Posted: 7/28/2007 9:33:24 AM
Since you have no control over what anyone does but yourself, all you can do it set and stick by your own set of parameters. If someone won't agree to meet after what you feel is a reasonable amount of time, tell them you're no longer interested and if you want to, why.

I've done that before and you'd be surprised how many backtrack when faced with the fact that not everyone will let themselves be strung along eternally.

It just doesn't work with me, after a certain period of time, my interest is zilch. But that's how I am. Email/phone convos just don't cut it. If you enjoy communicating that much, you'd enjoy it more in person. If not...adios!
 1Fish2Fish RedFishNewFish
Joined: 9/8/2006
Msg: 19
How many dates are people actually going on from this site?
Posted: 7/28/2007 10:59:32 AM
I don't think that there have been many weeks in recent history that I have not been out on at least one date.
Now, having said that, a date to me is simply being with someone else. A date can be meeting and talking, or going for a cup of coffee. Several of my dates prefer to call them "meetings," presumably because they have not determined if there is attraction. I differ in my perception as to what constitutes a "date."

I am not a person who is
of online players who I assume have mutilple women they are keeping interested in them, they are "Always "online no matter when you log in...
I leave my browser logged in, and it auto-refreshes, so I appear online. That does not mean I am always here. This ensures I earn those highly coveted points than can be used toward gifts! j/k

As I state, again and again in my posts, I clearly state that I am not seeking a committed relationship. I am thoroughly enjoying getting out and meeting a number of ladies. Sure, there is no intimacy (physical or emotional) at this point, but I am making friends and living a much more fulfilling life than I did for the past 10 years. I believe that I am a good date. I tend to have a number of repeat dates - with no expectations, we can just hang out and have fun.

If something more should develop, great! If not, it's still enjoyable. I believe that lowering one's expectations can ultimately improve one's "success" here. I also believe that the people who are intent on finding their "soul mate", "the one", 'the perfect match" and so forth, as written in their profile, have very little chance of actually succeeding. I am not a believer in just 'knowing' if someone will be that match. It has to develop over time. Rushing into something will not provide the desired results, and these people are frightening away others who see that and run! (I do not EVER contact a lady who has that in their profile!)

I hope that you, OP, and others, find a lot of friendly people you can meet and have a pleasant time with. Maybe something will grow from those dates / meetings / personal contacts, or whatever you want to call them! Good luck, happy fishing, and have fun! Peace.
 leahmarie
Joined: 2/25/2007
Msg: 25
How many dates are people actually going on from this site?
Posted: 7/28/2007 11:42:38 AM
KJAY.....I agree with everything you said.

I just realized a few weeks ago that I am on the favorites' list of over 50 men. Silly me, I thought some of them might be interested in me. After all, I am on their favorites' list. I contacted a few. They sent me polite emails full of compliments, but they had no romantic or dating interest in me, which reinforces everything you said in your posted.

In connection with actual dating, I met four men from this site --- one was a control freak. The other three posted pictures that were so old, that when they showed up, I didn't recognize them. Consequently, I believe the chances of meeting someone on this site are very slim, although I have not given up.

You mentioned "going to a bar." I did that a week ago Friday and met two guys that wanted to see me again. The "chemistry," as you put it, wasn't there, but one trip to the bar netted two men who actually wanted to date me. I really don't want to do the bar scene, but I haven't a clue as to what else to do to meet eligible men. Incidentally, I was on other dating sites. I had the same experience you mentioned.

My advice to you is --- leave your profile and picture up on the chance that you will meet someone worthwhile. After all, it costs nothing to do so. And yes, take action on your own thoughts -- go back to the bars -- but be careful you do not go to a bar where the emphasis is on drinking. Go to a dance club/cocktail lounge where they charge a cover and have a big dance floor, because you have a better chance of meeting men who are into socializing and dancing, rather than men who are into drinking. The place I went to had a cover, a DJ, and a big dance floor, and I did meet two guys, even though they were not right for me. I am definitely going back there.
 cedar77
Joined: 7/17/2006
Msg: 32
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How many dates are people actually going on from this site?
Posted: 7/28/2007 1:19:01 PM
Northern lights, I have to disagree with you. I have found that when women show too much of an interest, it will sometimes scare them off. I happen to be a very affectionate person. When I am into someone, I will definitely show my interest by touching them. Some men get a little freaked out by this. It is almost like they want you to play hard to get, and they like the chase

I don't think it is even possible to be too forward about setting up a first meeting . Hopefully everyone realises that's what we're here for ...nothing wrong with that!!
Many guys think there are too many just interested in some attention on here and it's one sure fire way of proving you are legit by being forward.....that is if she is actually wanting to meet someone.

When men push for meeting soon , women probably get the wrong message (desperate / player/ scary) ....If possible, it might be best if a woman picks a guy and is forward.
However , it is probably best to take it as it goes after meeting in person , IMHO if it's a good match , it will develop....


No doubt, in the course of time, the women using this service receive many, perhaps thousands, of hits from men. The attention they receive generates reinforcing reward sensations in the brain. Like laboratory rats that have learned to press a lever in order to receive electrical stimulation to reward centers in the brain, match.com women have become conditioned to press their keyboard to receive brain reward stimulation from the daily email complements they receive from men. To actually decide to commit to one of these men would of course terminate the conditioned reward process. The withdrawal symptoms associated with this include depression and anxiety. In other words, I am hypothesizing that many of the women on match.com have a clinical form of addiction. Unless they seek treatment by actually pulling the plug on their pc (cold turkey) and choosing to enter a long term relationship with a viable man, many of us (men) will continue to be frustrated by this service. ...

northern.lights.....great post !......a logical and scientific explanation .
That definately fits some on internet dating .
I would say it does not take "thousands of hits" ...just one or two a week maybe?
I personally find any complement as pretty much hollow and meaningless when in "virtual land" ...but maybe others get by on that sort of thing.
 cedar77
Joined: 7/17/2006
Msg: 34
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How many dates are people actually going on from this site?
Posted: 7/28/2007 1:33:44 PM
I've met so many guys, so many personalites and characters. I have met guys that looked nothing like their pics at all. They have lied about their age, height, weight, past relationships, you name it. Now you see why I'm still looking. I just haven't met Mr. Right.....yet.

Just for the record , there's a thread where you can read about people meeting and whether they look better or worse than their pic, .....from what I read , atleast half or more said most look similar or better. Maybe you've had unusually bad luck ....but IMO ...it's important you don't give women more excuses ....
 cedar77
Joined: 7/17/2006
Msg: 37
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How many dates are people actually going on from this site?
Posted: 7/28/2007 1:59:53 PM

But, more importantly...I'm being honest.

Ok, let's see here....how about if I add that I've also met guys that have told me that I look prettier in person?

Would that help dig me outta that hole you just put me in ?

Oh of course .... I'm sure your being honest....
If tooting your own horn get's you out of a hole ...then yes ....it does help you.


I believe most of the comments made about this issue,,,,,,,some believe this is dating,,,,,,,,,,,and alot use this to boost their ego,,,,,,,,,,,,,,how many women can I have on my favorites list,,,,,,,,how many women can I chat with and so on,,,,,,,,,,,,I am of the belief it may be best to the hit the streets again iso????

I am on over 40 fav. lists .....trust me , it means very little .
More than half are too far away , most of the other half are clearly not my type.....and they come and go and I don't even know who they are .
I think many who are on lots of fav. lists ...would trade them all for one half decent potential match...they are practically meaningless...
 KTDID78
Joined: 1/27/2007
Msg: 40
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How many dates are people actually going on from this site?
Posted: 7/28/2007 2:06:06 PM
I've actually been on quite a few dates with men from POF. Some turned out to be a but psycho, but there have been a few diamonds in the rough as well
 ctjen
Joined: 5/31/2007
Msg: 41
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How many dates are people actually going on from this site?
Posted: 7/28/2007 2:48:40 PM
The pay sites have players as well, I've chatted with and met a few time wasters, men who say they are single/ divorced etc; but not- say they are nearer 6` turn out to be 5` 4" ish Thats ok, It's harmless but as was said, if you meet in a bar, you can see a little of the truth. . .I just had a classic on here, guy has been chatting with me for a week or so, last night caught me on the live chat, asked for a date to meet for a meal, I replied it would be after he came back from a trip away, next question was - - - What is your name???? Huh!!! I did point out my name comes up whilst chatting!!! Yea! Needless to say - -Think he might be ing alone
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 43
How many dates are people actually going on from this site?
Posted: 7/28/2007 6:56:08 PM
Some people are actually going out and meeting up. Some have a good time and never hear from them again, some just well aren't a match right off for various reasons.

Thing is for those who really are looking for that special person and are determined not to settle, they accept that they're more likely just from probability to meet more that aren't right for them than a few that maybe are. That shouldn't be a big surprise or disappointment, and it's not wrong to hope or wish that the next one may be.

Realistically, even if it's not, you can still enjoy a pleasant conversation, be respectful and honest in saying well it's just not "there" or however you want to phrase it. You can still be polite and respectful and wish them well or choose to be friends.

Realistically, you may or may not meet that person here. If you do give up, that person could join the day after you take your profile down.

Noone likes the wait, me particularly, NOT good at waiting, don't like it. But I did keep reminding myself that the person I was waiting for would be totally worth the wait. Once you've found them, you won't remember how long you waited or care.

So you just have to decide how much and what it is you want and if it's worth waiting for or not. In the meantime, enjoy whoever you come in contact with, I've made the most amazing friends, just a very blessed added bonus.

If you get frustrated, or just want to throw in the towel, take a few days and do something else. Come back when you can be positive about it with a fresh perspective. POF does allow "vacations".... Take whatever time you need, but it should be enjoyable. It's fairly obvious to see who's having fun and enjoying themselves. And after all happy people are more attractive.

UGH...apologies for length, not a soap box, maybe a pep talk. Just trying to be encouraging and sincerely wishing everyone the best wishes in finding someone that'll make you happier than you've ever been.
 sun_shine_2008
Joined: 7/24/2007
Msg: 44
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How many dates are people actually going on from this site?
Posted: 7/28/2007 7:07:01 PM
well I tried my first one from here tonight.........................and it was a no show:(
 kzjcht92
Joined: 5/9/2007
Msg: 49
How many dates are people actually going on from this site?
Posted: 7/28/2007 7:53:06 PM
Lately...notta,

In the past, and it wasn't just this site, a handful of others like match.com being the most productive in the past I used to get all kinds of hits, winks, emails, many led to dates, most didnt pan, but there not going too. At one time on match.com some time back, maybe 6 mos ago or so I was up to like 40 winks. For a guy thats a lot, even more for a guy who is below average height. Most were attractive women, in good physical shape, many made the first move. Overall I was getting a response rate of 35% which is very rare for most guys who are looking online for women, even more so for 80% of them to be attractive women. Overall I have been in 4 relationships, and been on more dates (not including the girls I had relatioships with) then I can count.

For whatever the reason....my pics are the same, I look and weight the same and other then some very minor changes that were suppose to be helpful according to advice I was given, I get very little now, most are people I dont contact, and I dont mean to be shallow, but they are very often overweight. Not to offend anyone, but I was once overweight too, quite a bit, but lost all of it...over 100lbs. As far as my expectations I am less concerned with a persons appearance or facial features, but do expect them to be what I call reasonably fit, height/weight portionate, etc...

Occasionally out of now where for reasons I dont know I will get a reply, or even contacted first by a very attractive girl who will seem really interested. Most recently (not here), but on match.com I was contacted by a great looking redhead, she asked for my phone#, I gave it to her, didnt hear from her, so I wrote it off, then she called out of the blue, we seemed to have a good conversation, talked for like 45 minutes, she told me to call that w/e, I did, but she never called back, that was 2 weeks ago. I can't figure it out...If she wasn't interested...for 1 she would of never called in the 1st place, secondly the conversation would never went on for 45 minutes, I talked to some others where the convo wasnt going anywhere and it lasted all of a few minutes. I was bummed over that, she seemed really cool too, I mean its hard to say w/o meeting the person. But I thought sure I would get a date out of it? Since then I have had a few responses, but nothing to get too excited about. Very little here, a couple on match, one I am talking to, but its going really slow, and while she has a pic, and facially she looks decent, she is purposely hiding her body, which leads me to believe she may be overweight, needless to say i am willing to give her a chance and meet her. One person I once dated looked like she might of been heavy, but wasn't in the slightest.

Also, for those who read some of my other posts, I am dating the girl from relationship #1, but its best described as "non-exclusive", and I dont believe she can provide the goal of stability of a LTR. So I am just taking the "for what its worth approach", it is female companionship, and maybe in the end it will work out, but I am not depending on it.

So...the bottom line for me...I would like to know how I went from getting this steady flow of replies, responses made 1st by the female, to very little? I want to say I suffer from the nice guy syndrome, but people arent going to know that, am I am not that nice, meaning...I am no pushover, or doormat. I have my faults, but we all do.

I would really prefer to meet someone through a different venue. I am just not sure this is the answer anymore. What people must be looking for doesnt exist, and the people they go who may give the illusion of pefection, turn out to be phony as a 3 dollar bill.

Thats my take on all of this...thanks
 sun_shine_2008
Joined: 7/24/2007
Msg: 58
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How many dates are people actually going on from this site?
Posted: 7/29/2007 5:44:33 AM
Thanks Irreverent :)

just need to move on....
 sun_shine_2008
Joined: 7/24/2007
Msg: 60
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How many dates are people actually going on from this site?
Posted: 7/29/2007 6:04:01 AM
Ozigirl

yes I had the same thing happen, he only wrote a couple of words, put his pic in there, dont remember what he said but I just responded lol to whatever he wrote as I didnt have time to write more and he took offense at it, I guess he thought I was laughing at his pics, sigh oh well someone that takes offense that easy is not worth the time
 JDMETRO
Joined: 5/9/2007
Msg: 68
How many dates are people actually going on from this site?
Posted: 7/29/2007 6:50:44 AM
POF - two dates - same gal. We had a good time (it would seem) but no magic.

My calendar is open...

Joe
 JDMETRO
Joined: 5/9/2007
Msg: 69
How many dates are people actually going on from this site?
Posted: 7/29/2007 6:59:02 AM
I hate to be the one to say it blonde - and what I say is not meant to be hurtful, but from a lifelong exposure to men (military, sports, work and more - many hundreds of men - talking man to man) the EXIT STAGE RIGHT the fellow did probably had little to do with his being fearful of being hurt - more likely he found someone who tripped his trigger to a greater degree,

Could be wrong --- but...

Joe
 thebamachick
Joined: 12/25/2005
Msg: 73
How many dates are people actually going on from this site?
Posted: 7/29/2007 8:27:33 AM
I've personally had better luck on the "premium" pay sites as far as "quality" of person goes. As far as the number of dates, not any better.



That was my point exactly hacksalot03.


 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 80
How many dates are people actually going on from this site?
Posted: 7/29/2007 10:53:45 AM
Now, MeloFelo and I have butted heads a time or 2 in these forums, but I have to say that this time he makes a ton of sense. It doesn't matter where you go or how you go about it, if you are sending off signals of desperation,bitterness, anger, panic, neediness,(one or any combination thereof) you will get ignored or maybe if you get lucky you'll get played, "players" can sense vulnerability like mean dogs can sense fear. If you see "finding someone" as a life or death mission,and yourself as somehow defective if you aren't in a relationship, you are headed for unhappiness whether you find someone or not. I suspect that I myself am still a work in progress as far as being totally OK with singlehood, but I'm grateful that I have enough core self-respect to pass up some of the one sided,inappropriate, or "settle for" 'opportunities'(LOL) that have crossed my path thus far.
Cindy O
 JDMETRO
Joined: 5/9/2007
Msg: 81
How many dates are people actually going on from this site?
Posted: 7/29/2007 11:06:48 AM
"As if something around the corner is always better."

I think something like this happened to the OP. He may have never stopped looking - just coasting down the hill - keeping up with POF or Match.com or Matchmaker.com all the time and then BINGO - the trigger was really tripped all while just coasting with the OP.

Joe
 Casper66
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 86
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How many dates are people actually going on from this site?
Posted: 7/29/2007 2:28:38 PM
Have to agree with KJAY and other posts, I see alot of flirting, then you e-mail each other, but as soon as you want to make to meet, nothing. I had a few dates from this site, more then the paid site, which I dropped. Met some very nice people once I relaxed and accepted this site as a tool to communicate and make some new friends, if something more happens thats great, if not, hey I'm made some new friends and had a laugh. Looking at different social clubs I'm interested in, as the bar scene is not for me.
 ~Juggernaut~
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 87
How many dates are people actually going on from this site?
Posted: 7/29/2007 2:47:49 PM
Over a hundred now easy , eight girlfriends in two years, Oh well.........Maybe it doesn't work too well.
 Fun_Jess
Joined: 6/15/2006
Msg: 97
How many dates are people actually going on from this site?
Posted: 7/30/2007 1:22:58 AM
kjay,

you are so right and it seems that everyone agrees so hmmmmmm where do we go from here?
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