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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > how to tell someone you are not interested ..without hurting therier      Home login  
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 singledad13b
Joined: 9/25/2003
Msg: 5
how to tell someone you are not interested ..without hurting therier feelings?Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
who cares no one cares

you think not saying anything doesnt hurt

shit i have mailed hundreds that never got back

its all the same crap
 bjthehiker
Joined: 3/9/2005
Msg: 6
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how to tell someone you are not interested ..without hurting therier feelings?
Posted: 5/7/2005 3:27:48 PM
Yes...the Truth!!!
Sorry but I am not Interested in you, your not my Type!!! Better then no reply at all!
 ladyravnos316
Joined: 2/16/2005
Msg: 9
how to tell someone you are not interested ..without hurting therier feelings?
Posted: 5/7/2005 4:12:04 PM
Usually I just tell them that I am not interested. But when that doesnt work.
Here are some stuff I've said

"You are so sweet. You remind me of my brother"

"Sorry but I'm into girls"

"Right now I am not dating anyone, at least not after the final procedure of my sex change operation"
 lost wee fish
Joined: 6/5/2005
Msg: 19
how to tell someone you are not interested ..without hurting therier feelings?
Posted: 7/22/2005 8:51:27 AM
this is something that really gets to me - so i'll say again "we don't read minds"


All it takes is the truth - be honest and tell it like it is.
 HAHANOW
Joined: 9/28/2004
Msg: 22
how to tell someone you are not interested ..without hurting therier feelings?
Posted: 7/22/2005 7:58:18 PM
Tell him you want 8 kids & want to be a stay at home mom!
 Moisha
Joined: 6/22/2005
Msg: 25
how to tell someone you are not interested ..without hurting therier feelings?
Posted: 7/23/2005 7:50:08 AM
For me personally I would much rather here "thanks for your interest but being honest I have to say I don't share the same feelings towards you" or anything along those lines as oppossed to being completely ignored.....

It's not that I don't know what "no reply" means I'm just saying that for me I appreciate honesty over being ignored any day....

And having said that I'm sure the women with attractive qualities that have attracted me have attracted many men and I do realize a woman can't make a career out of typing out "sorry but no thank you" emails all day...
 elkcall
Joined: 1/4/2011
Msg: 26
how to tell someone you are not interested ..without hurting therier feelings?
Posted: 4/10/2011 9:43:56 AM
Here is what I say if I am not interested, "You are an interesting person, but I don't feel the connection I am looking for".
 KelleyNice
Joined: 4/13/2011
Msg: 27
how to tell someone you are not interested ..without hurting therier feelings?
Posted: 5/11/2011 2:30:43 AM
I say, "Thank you for your message and the opportunity to review your splendid profile.

Good luck on POF. I wish you well."

Most of the time, the results is a nice second message stating they he appreciates, my responding and good luck to me too. However, one time the second message was, "Then f**k you." I thought that was funny so I replied with a copy of my original message. He must though I was a computer program because he didn't send a third message. To bad because, no matter what was in his message, I was going to reply with my first again.
 Bookbelle
Joined: 10/24/2008
Msg: 28
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how to tell someone you are not interested ..without hurting therier feelings?
Posted: 5/11/2011 10:07:24 AM
No way I've found. Some people are just too sensitive when it comes to rejection.

Me, I never let it bother me when anyone on here rejected me. Ignoring is fine by me, it sends a clear message. A polite "not interested" sort of reply is also good in my view. You don't have to give a reason (although some guys did for me).

You're not going to be interested in everyone you come across, so rejection is par for the course. I just wish people wouldn't take it so hard! Then, out come the old "they weren't good/*insert adjective here* enough for you anyway", "if they turned you down, they're obviously an idiot" phrases that annoy me. Not being a match doesn't make the person who did the rejecting a bad person!
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 29
how to tell someone you are not interested ..without hurting therier feelings?
Posted: 5/11/2011 3:20:21 PM
"your mom is hot" should get it done.
 yorfriend4life
Joined: 4/10/2008
Msg: 30
how to tell someone you are not interested ..without hurting therier feelings?
Posted: 5/14/2011 2:55:08 PM
yes..theres no need to be rude..

politely say - iwish ua ll the best in your search - and I hope u wish me the same -
Best of luck and take care.
straight and simple..

as for the badgers and emails continuously -
do a warning and then do the bLOCK...
 UnixGrand
Joined: 5/9/2011
Msg: 31
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how to tell someone you are not interested ..without hurting therier feelings?
Posted: 5/14/2011 10:33:34 PM
I never had a problem with a woman saying not interested. I appreciated the intel before hand. It must be my confidence level. I don't take anything personal, nor judge anyone. I understand that not all of us are attracted to each other.
 suburban_gal
Joined: 4/25/2011
Msg: 32
how to tell someone you are not interested ..without hurting therier feelings?
Posted: 5/15/2011 9:42:26 AM
I think there will always be hurt feelings to at least some extent when you aren't interested in someone after 1-2 dates. Having said that, I think the best approach is to be upfront with tact. Say something like "this won't work out" or "there was no connection".
 AirsAbove
Joined: 3/19/2011
Msg: 33
how to tell someone you are not interested ..without hurting therier feelings?
Posted: 5/22/2011 5:32:21 PM
You tell someone you're not interested, they're going to be hurt. They're going to take it personally (after all, it IS personal). They might even get mad.

But what can you do besides tell them? Ignoring someone or blowing them off is rude, rotten, and inconsiderate. I understand why people take that road, though. I went out with a guy last week and didn't feel like things needed to go further than the first date. When he called, wanting to go out again, i told him i was sorry, but that i didn't feel like we had a connection.

He proceeded to lecture me about how you can't judge someone's personality from one meeting and that women tend to make that quick judgment more often than men. Then he started analyzing what it is that i must be looking for. Based on our one meeting. In summary: he did exactly what he was accusing me of doing.

That conversation couldn't end fast enough.

Nevertheless, i feel better for telling him straight up rather than avoiding his calls, making excuses, or doing anything else that suggested to him there might be another chance later.

My ex, when he dumped me, would say things like "only time will tell" when i'd ask if we had any chance of getting back together. Finally, he admitted he had no interest in getting back together but that he was afraid of hurting me, so he never said so. It hurt me more to be lied to and led on for weeks than it did to hear the truth. Let me say that again, for emphasis:

It hurt more to be lied to and led on than it did to hear the truth.

Bullshitting people is not "being kind" or "avoiding hurting their feelings." Be honest and upfront. It's easier on everyone.
 pinkoleander
Joined: 5/17/2011
Msg: 34
how to tell someone you are not interested ..without hurting therier feelings?
Posted: 5/24/2011 3:55:56 PM
You can't so you might as well be straight up about it. I usually say something like " I don't want to date you because you look like a dog. Why don't you try finding a date at the pound, there are lots of desperate b*tch*es there."
 junipermoon
Joined: 3/1/2006
Msg: 35
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how to tell someone you are not interested ..without hurting therier feelings?
Posted: 5/24/2011 5:56:55 PM
although many women would love to think so, not all men feel hurt and devastated when 'rejected.' sometimes the rejector is a card-carrying lunatic. in which case the 'rejectee' has dodged a bullet.

a simple 'hey i don't think this is going to work' generally does the trick.
 UnixGrand
Joined: 5/9/2011
Msg: 36
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how to tell someone you are not interested ..without hurting therier feelings?
Posted: 5/29/2011 11:32:15 AM

although many women would love to think so, not all men feel hurt and devastated when 'rejected.' sometimes the rejector is a card-carrying lunatic. in which case the 'rejectee' has dodged a bullet.


This is so True. People need to figure out if the person is NEEDY, and DESPERATE from their emails. Their phone conversations, or their first dates. When you meet that obsessive, and desperate person... that's when the trouble begins. I had one last week. She was trying to be dominate over me before the first date. This wasn't going to happen. And it didn't.
 JP1111
Joined: 4/13/2008
Msg: 37
how to tell someone you are not interested ..without hurting therier feelings?
Posted: 5/29/2011 11:44:06 AM
Yes there is, talk to them about you and from the heart. This means do not go into the reasons why you are not interested but simply, tell tham you aren't and would like them to continue with their life's as happily as they choose to and you will do the same.

Of course she is most iekly going to ask you « why » but don't you feel as if you need to give her reasons other than « I don't feel a connection with you ».
 Padawan61
Joined: 3/1/2008
Msg: 38
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how to tell someone you are not interested ..without hurting therier feelings?
Posted: 5/29/2011 6:43:45 PM
although many women would love to think so, not all men feel hurt and devastated when 'rejected.' sometimes the rejector is a card-carrying lunatic. in which case the 'rejectee' has dodged a bullet

Another astute observation, juniper. Many women would like to think that their "rejection" is worth something because they feel a need to believe they hold some sort of power over the "rejectee". I can say from personal experience that I "mourn" the "loss" for about a minute. Then I quickly move onto more worthwhile people in life.
 morta1ez
Joined: 9/3/2009
Msg: 39
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how to tell someone you are not interested ..without hurting therier feelings?
Posted: 5/29/2011 11:10:10 PM
Dont be so cruel to this guy. man pwoplw can be so mean you've never given the poor guy a chance.
 larissan04
Joined: 5/14/2011
Msg: 40
how to tell someone you are not interested ..without hurting therier feelings?
Posted: 6/1/2011 7:37:01 PM
the best way to tell someone you are not interested is to say, "I am not interested, but thank you." this might initially hurt someone's feelings, but it certainly beats wasting time pursuing someone who is not interested. you are actually being very kind by being upfront about this.
 UnixGrand
Joined: 5/9/2011
Msg: 41
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how to tell someone you are not interested ..without hurting therier feelings?
Posted: 6/1/2011 7:49:54 PM

the best way to tell someone you are not interested is to say, "I am not interested, but thank you." this might initially hurt someone's feelings, but it certainly beats wasting time pursuing someone who is not interested. you are actually being very kind by being upfront about this.


I agree.
 Penpal46
Joined: 6/5/2011
Msg: 43
how to tell someone you are not interested ..without hurting therier feelings?
Posted: 6/10/2011 5:18:44 PM
NO there isn't. You are not causing the pain.

Rejection sucks and we all have to deal with it but you have to be realistic. People are all looking for the same thing. We want love and acceptance. Less tears more laughs right?

The problem is that some people are so desperate that they will take anyone even if its not a good match. You are doing two people a kindness when you don't take less than you seek.

Ladies the kindest rejection is a firm no thank you. What else can you do? No is never the answer they want to here or they would have said it first!
 CelticGirl05
Joined: 9/10/2010
Msg: 44
how to tell someone you are not interested ..without hurting therier feelings?
Posted: 6/12/2011 1:30:45 PM
Don't ignore them I always say the truth Im sorry I'm not interested. I think it is better then not responding at lease they know ok they can move on. Now some guys don't get it after that and they must call you and leave all these messages or emails. If some girl tells you they aren't interested it means just that. Now get over it.
 Bookbelle
Joined: 10/24/2008
Msg: 45
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how to tell someone you are not interested ..without hurting therier feelings?
Posted: 6/12/2011 2:14:10 PM
Just be honest and tell them - politely, if possible.
You just have to accept the fact that some people will claim "hurt feelings" however you phrase it, and however you reject them. Their insecurity... not your fault.

Just tell them you're not interested and get over it.
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