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Joined: 6/28/2007
Msg: 1
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Artist dating artist experiencesPage 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
As an artist I find there is a shorthand "language" or understanding with other artists. My most successful relationships have been with other artists who understand the drives without a lot of discussion and respects it. I was married to another artist for 25 years before he passed away and it was great. Before that I'd dated others and there was always some key element of understanding missing. Have any of you experienced this? How do you develop a relationship with a non-artist or is this a needless worry? I always felt, when dating non-artists, like I was walking with one foot on a step...always a little out of sync. This is making me nervous about dating non artists, perhaps needlessly, but I'd appreciate the insight of other artists on POF. Thanks.
Joined: 8/5/2006
Msg: 2
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Artist dating artist experiences
Posted: 8/3/2007 12:57:21 PM
You paint an interesting picture, OP, but I prefer to draw my own conclusions.

Tee hee.
Joined: 9/11/2005
Msg: 3
Artist dating artist experiences
Posted: 8/3/2007 1:13:26 PM
OP, many people have a passion for something; some have it for art, others for law, others for technology, etc. Each person's passion takes up a good portion of their time and thoughts, but as long as the two people involved care for and respect each other, it shouldn't make any difference if they're both artists, or and artist and a lawyer.
Joined: 6/28/2007
Msg: 4
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Artist dating artist experiences
Posted: 8/3/2007 9:02:15 PM
You've all given me a lot of "food for thought". It's been a long time since I was in the pool and I spend a great deal of my life communicating with others. I just don't share my interior landscape with all of them. I haven't limited my dating options in terms of occupation or avocation, but have experienced an intimacy of communication with other artists (ie: creative people, different genres) because the "get" it when I have a brain blast. There have been others that the more you try to explain what you saw or thought the less they even want to understand it and sometimes don't even see the point of what you're saying. The ease of communication with my husband enhanced all aspects of our life together. I'm asking if that ease of communication is possible beyond the artist to artist match, if that makes any sense. You're artists or you wouldn't have even looked at this. Have you dated artists and experienced that intuitive communication? Did you find it better or worse? If you choose to date non-artists, are you able to communicate your interior landscape to them? I don't think artists are better than anyone else. I think artists have a different approach to a lot of things and a different perspective. One person might look at an oil spill in a puddle and think "Gross, pollution." and an artist might stand and look at the swirling iridescent colors and find images in them.
My knowledge of debits, etc. is pretty limited, so I'm very impressed with frau blucher too. It was funny.
Vosche, of course I'm out of my comfort zone by just dating! It's not just limited to a snobbish artist/non-artist conflict.
Joined: 4/19/2007
Msg: 5
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Artist dating artist experiences
Posted: 8/7/2007 8:33:55 AM
I can understand your viewpoint, OP. Other artists talk the same as you, have read the same books as you, have done the same things as you. It is like dating someone who grew up in the same town. It is easy.

I am a creative mathematician and everything I do is about art. I come from a musical, artistic, acting family, so I can completely understand the traditional artists, and am musical myself. But a lot of artists have a lot of trouble appreciating the beauty of mathematics and seem to forget about the amount of mathematics involved in most painting and sculpture before 1900, such as the Sistine Chapel and the Mona Lisa. So it is easier for me to date someone who has an open mind to creativity in general, rather than an artist.

If you want to date a creative person, who does not do the classical arts, the only advice I can give you is to listen. If you listen to people, and you give them the chance to talk about their creative experiences, you will discover that many people are creative in many different ways, and art is about expression, not form. It is more of a challenge than a non-artist, but infinitely more expressive and mind-opening in the long run.

But if you are only willing to listen to people who use the same jargon as you, and who read the same books as you, then stick to other artists. It is far less interesting, but easier.
 Strange Days
Joined: 10/18/2005
Msg: 6
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Artist dating artist experiences
Posted: 8/7/2007 8:39:34 AM
I'm a musical person. Alot of peole don't understand when I say: "That's out of tune" about a recording. I can't tell you how many times I've been laughed at when I say that "I hear colours". Some people try to understand, some don't believe that my head is tuned differently then their's ...
Joined: 3/22/2006
Msg: 7
Artist dating artist experiences
Posted: 8/7/2007 3:25:06 PM
There's AWESOME artists/creative people to date and others you should just avoid.

Some artists who are intently focused on fame and think they are only the best and can never focus on the other person SUCK! Like hey I am not here to clean your mess and wtf I can go home and do my own art then if your gonna ignore me, and how about you cook me a decent meal for a CHANGE Mr. Narcissitic? LOL

Also there are some people who have relied on art there whole life as an escape from issues such as socializing, trauma, CHORES and whatever else. They would rather be alone and some fear social events. Some will never grow bored of this ESCAPE route and will never WAKE UP and realize there's more to the world then a CANVAS and Paintbrush or whatever media they work in. Then one day when they are lonely for LOVE/LUST/SEX/MINDGAMES again, they are too far gone because of their creative genius and all those hours of being alone. Which tends to make one forget how to converse with the species they want to talk to. So after a half-ass effort to snag the human, alien, they desire it may backfire, after the partner expects them to make some EFFORTS back and then the ARTIST becomes highly irritated with the woman/man, hermaphadite or whatever they enjoy humping...............So then the artist goes back to his/her cave to CREATE something MAGNIFICENT (UNLIKE ANYTHING THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN BEFORE-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOH, clap, clap, LET ME FEED YOUR EGO). When someone asks them what their masterpiece really means, they may use the excuse of PAIN and TORMENT of the real world. Meanwhile there may not be a meaning at all and it is what they do, or they were really bored because they couldn't snag a piece of HOT ASS.

P.s that little piece of fiction was inspired for the woman on here who says she avoids writers because they are moody but loves artists. Hmm the SECRET CODE has been broken for a while now, most artists can get moody (especially if they run out of time or have no money), and some USE more then one medium to explore their creativity in. EX: writing.
Joined: 12/11/2006
Msg: 8
Artist dating artist experiences
Posted: 8/7/2007 5:03:25 PM
tricky. tricky people
Joined: 8/30/2004
Msg: 9
Artist dating artist experiences
Posted: 7/25/2010 4:23:08 AM
I don't think she meant to say artists are more special, just different.
When I am at work (surgery) my co-workers do not relate to me on the level of being an artist. When I am in my "other" life, those friends do not relate to me on a difficult surgical procedure I may have had that day.

The real problem is when you have a double life and they don't cross pollinate.
Would I rather date an artist or a medical person? I think an artist, because an artist is what I am (comes from the inside out), surgery is what I do.

I don't think you can honestly say you are a spreadsheet, but you might be happier with a mathematician or physicist (left brain/right brain thingy.) I dated an accountant on here, and at dinner, on our first date, he told me I was too bohemian for him and asked if I had a less "creative" friend, who I did fix him up with.
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 10
Artist dating artist experiences
Posted: 7/25/2010 5:13:34 AM
Someone has already stated that obviously the "non-artists" in the group have no idea what the OP is talking about or where she is coming from. And as more than one have mentioned it's all very hard to explain with words alone.
An "artist"will have a different thought process than most,,,,all in vary degrees relative to their skills and convictions. With that, comes some very very different actions that most would find "disturbing" or somewhat "destructive" to an actual relationship,,,though the artist himself is not doing it to be destructive at all. In fact the artist will sometimes have no clue (or care) that the relationship would be taking a step back in priorities in his/her life. The need to create sometimes is the ONLY thing in a artist's mind.
If you don't understand this,,,and are in a relationship with an artist, you would assume that the artist doesn't love you, doesn't care about you, etc,etc. Not the case,,,,but again,,,,the "creating" will be first and foremost in an artist's brain at times, and EVERYTHING else taking a backseat. This is what the "non-artists" must understand while in a relationsip with those artists.
On the other hand,,,,having two artists together there can be an understanding when one decides to go off into their creative world for a couple of hours,days,weeks,,,,sometimes months. Then again,,,,some can't "understand" because of the vary degrees of the different artists out there, and trouble can still brew.

The long and short of it is, that artists are weird! They do and think differently than most, and it does take some understanding to hang around them for any length of period of time without going a little nutty yourself. Sometimes I do think I need to find another artist type to hang with,,,,and then there are other times when I think it would just become a natural disaster.
Joined: 6/19/2010
Msg: 11
Artist dating artist experiences
Posted: 7/25/2010 12:38:10 PM
[quote ] I totally agree. I can get along much better with someone who is creative in their life then say an accountant who works with numbers all day.

That is why I know lawyers who are married to other lawyers or people in the law field.

I have two friends who are accountants and their lives are wonderully boring to me but they get along just fine.

So, yea I get it.

huh? never heard of "CREATIVE" accounting?

that's what Enron, Worldcom, Nortel & others (mostly 'high-tech' companies) excelled at! :)

or course the executives of many of those companies are now doing a little time in prison, but what the hey. (Ken Lay, CEO of Enron, took the wussy way out & died..)
Joined: 10/22/2008
Msg: 12
Artist dating artist experiences
Posted: 7/29/2010 2:19:24 PM
Sounds as if you are missing your husband and the rapport you two shared. Chances are the men you will be attracted to in the future will be of a similar temperment as you. People generally gravitate towards others of like-mind and interests. Birds of a feather, etc. I think you are worrying about it way too much.
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 13
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Artist dating artist experiences
Posted: 7/29/2010 4:13:07 PM
I absolutely have no idea what you're talking about.

I was an art student for a number of years. None of the guys I dated were art students. I've been a photographer. I've never dated another photographer.

I'm a dancer. Most of the guys I date are not.

I'm a musician. I've dated a few musicians. They were flakes. I am not. Although we had music in common, there was no shorthand language. I do know musicians who are not flakes but I haven't dated them, usually because they aren't single. I don't feel weird dating non-musicians.

Date whoever appeals to you and don't fret about the details.

Conventional suburban corporate guys - they bore me within 10 minutes. That's an entirely different issue. It's about whether a person is interesting. Creativity comes in a variety of ways. I enjoy many of them and am not real narrow about what it has to look like. I need someone who is creative, who has depth, who appreciates the beauty there is in life, but they don't have to fit into a certain profession or mold to do that. Creativity is not the exclusive domain of "artists."
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 14
Artist dating artist experiences
Posted: 10/7/2010 6:18:39 AM
As an artist- I've dated an artist and while we had a good understanding of one another's need for art and shared interests, I found it no different than dating a non-artist due to his personal issues and not having good communication.
The guy I'm dating now is quite the opposite from an artist and we get along well- communication is off the charts. His personality is open, but he is very analytical and has what I consider to be an "opposite" personality, yet with some of my personality traits and vice versa. He's just a great guy. He has a creative side, ie, problem solving and design, etc, so there is good balance with our "blended" personalities. Time will tell.
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 15
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Artist dating artist experiences
Posted: 10/7/2010 6:30:22 AM
My SO is an engineer. He processes information differently than I do, tends to over think things and will occasionally suffer from analysis paralysis. I make quick decisions based on life experience and trust in my own good judgement. I would rather be wrong than spend half the day determined to get it right. Life to me is too short to sweat the small stuff. He will spend days pondering a decision.
Yet we get along beautifully and I learn from his wonderful brain every day. In short, I embrace our differences. A man that can appreciate the minutia of matter can also appreciate beauty.
 peppermint petunias
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 16
Artist dating artist experiences
Posted: 10/7/2010 8:40:31 AM
As an artist/creative type..I find more balance with a non artist.

A man may understand my drives and passions about my art without being able to draw a straight line. He may have passions of his own or occupations that keep him centered and in a timeless state so that he can relate to my desires to need to be creative.

Well said, also........

I have learned not to ask.."What do you think of this ?"to much
Joined: 8/12/2009
Msg: 17
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Artist dating artist experiences
Posted: 10/7/2010 8:40:54 PM

Even artists need a "day job". Sheeeesh.
The term "starving artist"????

I don't have, need, or want a day job and I eat very well. I've been a fulltime professional artist for more than a decade. Struggled really bad financially when I was right out of college, but once an artist gets his/her career off the ground, starvation won't happen.
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 18
Artist dating artist experiences
Posted: 10/7/2010 10:56:59 PM

With other artists, I found more a matter of creative differences than non art people. I prefer non art people for serious live in or marriage... since I then get to pick the decor.

Ditto!!! I have never got along well with another artist - nothing but arguing about style and "creative differences" -- what a headache! I get along so much better with businesswomen who have their heads in books.
Joined: 8/12/2009
Msg: 19
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Artist dating artist experiences
Posted: 10/8/2010 11:03:01 AM

For the record I hate artsy fartsy people. They give too much of a snobby attitude. Is that a generalization? Yes, but that's exactly what you're doing.

You've also just gone on record as a hypocrite.
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 20
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Artist dating artist experiences
Posted: 10/12/2010 4:48:20 PM
One thing I will say is that any man I date needs to understand that I need to play music and dance, that I stay out late doing these things, and that I'm usually doing this with other men. They need to be very secure in themselves. They don't have to do it themselves but they have to know they are important in my life and they are a lot of what keeps me fun and interesting. If they try to control or suppress me, it isn't going to work.
Joined: 8/10/2007
Msg: 21
Artist dating artist experiences
Posted: 10/22/2010 9:27:04 AM
it depends,. I'm one of those "tortured-lost-soul" type artist Manic, depressive and usually praying for death..I could probably ruin your evening, not to mention your life> Still,.. sometime I crawl up out of the slimey depths of despair to sun myself apon the corpses of my lives I've lost,..and it can be a semi-good day...
I don't worry about dating artists...just dating something soft to touch once in a while will keep me going a couple months at a time,..besides you date other artists and your projects always suck away the free time that you could actually be enjoying eachother. The sad & crazy thing is, You don't realize you're actually missing it either. I suppose you could both lay in bed & paint each other in the nude..
Joined: 8/10/2007
Msg: 22
Artist dating artist experiences
Posted: 10/22/2010 9:37:13 AM
hehe,.. I just like to look at the bottles, they won't let me have anything that can break into sharp shards here,.. I get my beer in plastic cups.. (on the artsey side, you can glue all the cups together, & make a great globe light,.. but again, they won't let me have impliments of electrical stuff here either ) I believe Alice Cooper said it best:" They got this place, where they've been keepin' me, where i can't hurt myself, can't get my wrists to bleed.." Actually, that's me on Dollar-nite,..(last night) I'm nursing one at school,.. trying to do homework before the weekend, and I have a drawing I have to get ready to submit to a jurored art expo gallery type thingie,..but the hang-over has dampend my enthusiasm a bit...

Hmmmm can't respond to that below me,.. except for here,.. sounds like a great plan,.. I could use a 'canvas" for that body pant errr "paint",..would you like to volenteer? I could count your thorns..
Joined: 11/6/2011
Msg: 23
Artist dating artist experiences
Posted: 11/23/2011 3:08:20 PM
I am an artist, and I have never dated another artist. Since my career is not involved with art, I must be creative in my free time. This has always interfered with relationship efforts in the past. My desire to date/ marry another artist certainly includes the shared way of thinking and lifestyle, but it goes beyond that to include someone willing and able to lend a hand in the foundry occasionally. Someone who understands that sometimes being creative comes in "binges", and when the creativity is flowing, I commit my all to it non-stop until it plays out. Some people enjoy going to a movie for a date, others to a ball game, or what have you. I would enjoy a day out sketching together, staying up late painting, sculpting, carving, or going to an art class together. Better? No... just different.
Joined: 11/6/2011
Msg: 24
Artist dating artist experiences
Posted: 11/23/2011 3:10:47 PM
Well said. You hit the nail on the head.

It is a compulsion, and even more. It is an extension of our persona. It has deep, profound meaning to us that non-artists cannot understand.
Joined: 12/27/2008
Msg: 25
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Artist dating artist experiences
Posted: 10/1/2012 7:09:53 PM
Attempting to establish and maintain close relationships with non artists has proven worse than futile. There is always one or another conflict of interest. It all tends to involve how one's resources, including one's time, are spent. Unless the other person loves art more than most people tend to do, or is unusually tolerant of an artist's devotion to their art, conflict is inevitable. Not only that but is it someone who really cares about one's work and the tools used to make it that they would respect those adequately, or better yet care for them if need be ? Big questions, but important ones to consider. As one's body of work expands and becomes more mature and complex, that becomes an ever larger issue. It tends to need someone who can be trusted.

I work at photography, experimental video film, write (mostly poetry), and do occasional other things such as the odd sculpture, installation piece, or painting.

I also have a home and studio to take care of and a day job that pays the bills.

Unless a woman genuinely shares something of my interests, there are going to be conflicts. Not only would there be conflicts but she would not win. Nothing else has won thus far, so why would she ? It's a fight I don't want to get into.

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