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Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  > Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mothe      Home login  
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 EdwardPartSix
Joined: 4/6/2007
Msg: 6
Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?Page 1 of 25    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25)
I have never heard of anyone being ordered to pay child support on the basis of dating the mother. So I think you can safely date single mothers without worry.
 SassySiamese
Joined: 7/29/2005
Msg: 9
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Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/5/2007 5:59:08 PM
TJ75 wrote:
Here is why, In a lot of states and in Cananda if a mom who has a child and the biological father is unknown dates a guy for a "substantial" time and creates a "bond" with the child.....he can end up having to pay child support for a kid THAT ISN'T HIS!!!!!


First of all... in the UNITED STATES there is not one single state that will force a man to pay child support for any child born out of wedlock. As a man, you have the right to not sign a birth certificate. The mother also has the right to have a court order you to take a paternity test. You also have the right to request one if you feel that you aren't the father of the child. What happens is the court or the accused "father" has the mother and child in question show up for a paternity test. All three persons are swabbed. Then you wait. In the mean time, there is no court that will uphold a mothers claim for child support without the proof that the child is actually the offspring of the accused.

Go do your homework for the UNITED STATES before you make such a claim that this happens. Unless the "man" signs documentation at the time of the child's birth that yes, he is the father, then the mother has no right to claim child support from a man who knowingly isn't the father. Court systems do not simply honor a woman's wish for money simply because she makes a claim against "John Doe". Paternity MUST be established first and foremost.

A man would have a field day with a lawsuit against the county or state that upheld a child support order for a person that wasn't knowingly the father. And a man would have to be pretty stupid if he fell for the line that he'd have to pay for a kid that wasn't his, without consulting an attorney on the matter.
 randomstoic
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 11
Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/5/2007 7:10:33 PM
Does this have absolutely anything at all to do with depth charges??/
 SassySiamese
Joined: 7/29/2005
Msg: 13
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subject change: child support crap
Posted: 8/5/2007 7:43:59 PM
yeah, i agree. my daughter's father faked his disability just so he wouldn't have to have his child support based on what he was making. But when he got his disability settlement, he misrepresented his settlement by $60,000 then went and blew the money very fast. My attorney caught it on paper and the judge slammed him for the next five years. He whines.. how am i supposed to live off of less than $1000 a month and I guess the judge figured he should have thought about that when he blew all his settlement money.
 wanderbaby
Joined: 9/4/2006
Msg: 25
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Why are single men called shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/6/2007 11:14:02 AM
I agree with disney, your threads are so similiar, it makes me wonder why the need to repeat yourself over and over. sorry you got hurt in the past with single moms but no need to stereotype every single moms because some take advantage of other people. Please stop making more threads over the issue, it's just redundant and really not needed. Your topics could just go for people in general who take advantage of other people.
 wanderbaby
Joined: 9/4/2006
Msg: 36
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Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/6/2007 2:46:56 PM
I just looked it up, acting in place of parent. I guess in Canada, those who marry single moms are responsible for the children even if it's not theirs? but i don't know if that's true
 vikilynn
Joined: 8/1/2007
Msg: 38
Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/6/2007 3:20:12 PM
I don't think it is shallow at all for a man not to want o date a woman if she has children. I am a single woman with two children. One 20 and one 14. I am not looking for a replacement father for my children. I do not want to date any men with minor choildren. I don't want to be a mother replacement for other children, also I don't want any baby mama drama.
 SassySiamese
Joined: 7/29/2005
Msg: 42
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Why are single men called shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/6/2007 6:52:09 PM
johne102 wrote:
I do not believe all single mother's are gold diggers but I just want to be cautious if I do date a single mother as the financial risks are a lot more than dating a woman without children.


Where is the study that shows that single mothers are more of a financial risk than a woman who doesn't have children?

I'd like to see it.

I'm a single mom. I'm also a home owner. I'm also self-employed, with the joy and affordability of working from my own home. I don't feel that this makes me the exception, rather the rule since so many people out there now a days are working from home.

I don't expect any man that I get involved with, to take over the responsibility of financially providing for MY children. My children are just that... mine. They are "mine" to take care of. They are "mine" to discipline. They are "mine" and not the man that I choose to date.

My children will also not ever call someone else daddy. They have a daddy. They understand that he just doesn't live at home anymore and isn't with mama.

Again, why single moms are ALL lumped together in one group, is beyond me. I'm fiercely independent and plan on staying that way. I worked hard to get the things that I have and I refuse to let any man come into my home, set up shop and then ruin all that I've worked hard to get. It's not ever gonna happen. For me, if a man wants to be with me long term, he needs to understand my independence and not attempt to change that. He also shouldn't get jealous because of it. If he's true, he'll respect my independence and he'll respect me as well.

I know of a few women who are now widowed or divorced and they have no clue as to how to do the simplest of tasks regarding independence. Perfect example: Balancing a checkbook. They have totally depended on their spouse for so long to take care of the family finances that they don't know how to survive on their own. I'm so glad that I'm not in that situation. I will always be able to take care of myself and my children.
 wanderbaby
Joined: 9/4/2006
Msg: 46
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Why are single men called shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/7/2007 12:29:59 AM
why don't you go to them and ask them why they are shallow but it's ok for them to date single men? cuz really there isn't an answer here that will answer this since we're all independant and self reliant to not need a man to take care of us much less our children. If you don't agree with the law, then move to the states. Or sign a prenup with the single mom that you don't hold yourself accountable.
 SassySiamese
Joined: 7/29/2005
Msg: 79
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Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/8/2007 12:25:05 PM
chef8471 wrote:
" As per your statement above you refuse to let any man come tinto your home and then ruin all that you have worked for. With men it is the same thing since you may not need the money but under the laws in Canada you have a right to it. Which for me personally would mean that I would not be able to provide the standard of living my daughter currently has if I was to have a relationship with a single mother, have that relationship unfortunately not work out and then have to pay child support for the step children."

Okay, so then if you feel things are moving in a positive direction with regards to the "adult relationship" you are in, then for the benefit of both of you, why not sign an agreement, such as a pre-nuptual so that your daughter's future is protected? Does Canada not make some sort of provisions in their laws that would protect children who's parents are educated enough to want the child's future kept safe? I just don't get how Canada could be so loose with the protection of their children.
 wanderbaby
Joined: 9/4/2006
Msg: 81
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Why are single men called shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/8/2007 1:06:56 PM

Things I've learned from this thread;

1) John has a mad on for single mothers (surprise), and has gotten a whole bunch of people out of the woodwork.

2) Some of the very same people who are giving a snide remark to John about his ad nauseum postings are the same people who will post 10 different times about what their ex did (or did not do) this week.......repitition is the same whether from the mouth of Capt. "I Want A Single Mom to Love Me" or from Mrs. "My ex hasn't paid me a dime and sells his methadone".......yadda yadda yadda.

3) Apparently this has been changed to a Single Mom's forum without my knowledge. Thanks Genevil {/quote]

1. True, John needs to go counseling since he has a fear of single moms but is fascinated with them. Since everyone is pretty much advising to date single women, which would solve the fear of the loco parenting thing that you guys have in Canada.

2. True, Redundancy seems to be appearing a lot on the threads. People, do searches. Everyone is in the same boat when it comes to single parenting and dating, it's not easy on either side, so stop the woe is me crap! Don't focus on how hard it's to date, focus on living your life, and someday someone will come you rway that is right for you.

3. True, but some people like to target them and label them so of course when single moms see it here, they have to defend, just like if you single dads saw a target of how shallow single dads are for not dating single women.

John, point made, anyone can be somewhat shallow but it's not shallow, it's called preference to what one likes. PLEASE stop making more threads targeting to single moms, go get help with your fear.
 wanderbaby
Joined: 9/4/2006
Msg: 94
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Why are single men called shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/8/2007 4:07:16 PM

There are lots of reasons why men do not date single mothers. I am currently in a relationship with one and to tell you the truth, if it doesn't work out, that is the LAST single mom I will ever have a relationship with. She's great - but we miss out on a lot of things couples do.

A friend of mine said it best. There should at least be one point in your relationship where you were number one to her and she was number one to you. When you date a single mom, you end up at number two until your death. There is something to be said about being number one even for only a short while. It strengthens the relationship knowing that at one point you were number one on her list.

I'm not saying taking second place to her kid is wrong - it's how it should be. I am saying that there is something you miss in the relationship that carries on until the end. It's like a first impression. It never goes away.

I've tried it and am still going at it. If it gets to the point of a break-up - I don't want to put forth the effort I do now to make this work all over again. It puts a strain on both adults.


There should be a balance to making both you, your gf and her child happy. I think in some times based on circumstances, you should put the kid first, but when he/she is occupied, your gf could take that time to put you first. If she has family/friends that can watch her child while you guys have alone time, then that's something you guys can have alone time. I hope it works out for you!
 wanderbaby
Joined: 9/4/2006
Msg: 118
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Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/9/2007 3:34:30 PM

Johne,
no offense, but you remind me of a toddler when he wants something and the parent says, "No", and the boys cries, "but whyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?"

Its to the point now, that you dont even READ replies unless it fits into your agreeance. When someone plays devils advocate with you, you what if/why it to death.

You have thoroughly made my head spin and my face turn blue.


I pretty much have given up on talking anymore since as we know John won't get it nor will he ever get it unless as you say from his viewpoint. The best thing for our sanity is to just ignore whatever threads he repeats himself in saying and click delete if he does another redundant thread on this. At this point, I'm done with responding with anything john has to say now or in the future.
 wanderbaby
Joined: 9/4/2006
Msg: 128
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Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/10/2007 1:23:03 PM
everyone perceives things differently. Some will say it's shallow because you're not allowing yourself know the person before saying no. Some will say it's preference. It's all a matter of how they take it personally.

For me, I prefer not to date someone who smokes, but am I shallow cuz I don't give them a chance and missing out on a great guy other than the smoking? I look at it as preference not shallow to not date someone who I know in the long run won't be compatible with me.

I wouldn't let it get to you if some say it's shallow. If you don't want to date single moms that's your choice for whatever reasons. It's better anyhow since you're not in the relationship whole heartedly because it holds you back. Some people can't take rejections well so they will probably call it shallow.

now if you did a post that address to Canadians only because it's different in the states, for the most part, about this question,you would probably get a different vibe if you address it since those in Canada would know what the laws are as well as not getting the feeling of being stereotyping single moms in general.
 Canoe Gal
Joined: 5/5/2006
Msg: 186
Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/10/2007 7:10:16 PM
johne, I know you're not going to like this, but I have to agree with some of the others on here. I have heard single fathers call childless women shallow for not wanting to date them. I have heard single mothers call childless men shallow for not wanting to date them. Both sides of the equation do it. Not everyone of them but in some cases, yes. They do. Why? Why are they being called shallow? Possibly because the one doing it is over sensitive? They can't handle rejection and need to make up an excuse? That could be one possibility. It could also be that it's a person's personal preference not to date someone with kids. Not every one likes kids. Heck I didn't like kids and most of the time I still don't. With younger kids I have a lot of trouble doing the "baby talk" thing. Never could do it. I do love my kids but let's be honest, they're not always angles. Why should I expect someone who is not used to kids to get used to mine? Just for me? That seems a tad selfish to me.
I will admit that you are starting to confuse me as well. I have read several posts where you state that you are willing to date single mothers but with caution....and then I read other posts where you state that you will not date single mothers. Which is it? I'm confused now. Did all this back and forth posting cause you to change your mind? I don't mean to offend you, I just would like a bit of clarification.
 Canoe Gal
Joined: 5/5/2006
Msg: 190
Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/10/2007 9:28:37 PM
TJ, I know I’m not Yankee but can I comment on the question you asked in msg. 164? There are all sorts of reasons to get married. If you meet the perfect woman for you and after dating for a while you realize that she is “the one”, why wouldn’t you want to marry her? There is the assumption that there would be exclusivity. There is no feeling to match being in love with someone. Wanting to be with that person and only that person. Wanting to wake up beside them. Not just a couple of times a week but everyday. Knowing that that person is there for you in mind, body and spirit. The closeness you can share is like no other. The bond that you have is like nothing you could ever imagine. You can sense when that person is near. You have complete and utter trust in each other. You can be vulnerable with them and have no fear or worries. They would support you, encourage you, and share their strength with you. There are also times you loose all rational thought. There is a feeling of being alive and vibrant. It’s intoxicating. The feeling of yearning and craving for that one person and one person only. Can you have this while dating? It’s possible for the first few months while you are still in lust with them. Then you move on to the next one and the next one, etc. One day you wake up and realize that you are in an empty house. There is no one there waiting for you. No one that would miss you if you weren’t there. No one to care about you or worry about you. No one that would or could support you. I do not mean financially either. There is no one standing beside you. If it were me, I would choose that “one” partner over multiple dating every time. I know I sound like a romantic and maybe I am, but if you have ever been in love before, you would not have had to ask that question.
 Canoe Gal
Joined: 5/5/2006
Msg: 196
Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/10/2007 10:57:06 PM

PERHAPS ITS NOT SHALLOWNESS PERSE', but naivete'????
or is it possibly just plain old fashioned fear?
 Canoe Gal
Joined: 5/5/2006
Msg: 198
Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/10/2007 11:17:40 PM
Some people are not jaded by past experiences though. Some are jaded just by hearing of others' past experiences. It causes them to not take the chance. The old "what if it happens to me too" phrase comes to mind. Some people are just not secure in themselves either. They either set themselves up to fail before they try or they just don't try. They fail to see that life itself is a risk.
 Canoe Gal
Joined: 5/5/2006
Msg: 203
Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/11/2007 11:14:10 AM
I see you are generalizing again parkerkimm. How many of those single mother's have you been with to get the idea that we are all "loose"? I don't remember sleeping with you and it's not because I've lost track. So every single mother is loose is she. By your expert opinion you are also including those that had C-sections correct? I am guessing someone needs to do some more field research...lol
 wanderbaby
Joined: 9/4/2006
Msg: 205
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Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/11/2007 11:20:02 AM

Boy oh boy... the pages are really a flyin in this thread... much more here in the last few days since my first post. What a real mess I'm reading. I have a question: Johne.... What exactly is it gonna take for you to find resolution in this "thing" that bothers you so much? I read the subject line for this thread.. but.. I'm not all convinced that it is what you really have a problem with. In that case.. what is it REALLY? I suspect that I wouldn't get a straight answer to that question.. and... shoudn't have asked it. But.. perhaps I should have because it is possible that it might get you to think about what it is that really is getting to you.

It occured to me just minutes ago.. what DisneyMom was truly talking about with the reference to your multiple and similiar threads on this subject. I thought at first that you opened them one at a time....let one close and one open again... woof... was I wrong about that! I've noticed 3 threads.. that according to the times i've seen you posting.. you post in 1.. then 2 minutes later..to the next.. and.. 4 minutes to the next... all about the same things! Obsess much? (And..yes.. I've read into each one). To feel the need to talk about the same thing.. over and over again shows some deeper problem than what you're admitting is wrong... or even what the thread subject suggests. I suspect that the real reason has nothing to do with the singles forums at all.

Oh.. and.. point blank... then stay away from chicks that are single mothers!


Yup, everyone knows now that John is like a pitbull, he won't give up with the answers he's already been given over and over, it's now 9 pages worth of answers, but that's not enough. Not to mention the other threads.

The only solution is to ignore his post and threads, let them go somewhere in cyberspace.

John, if you say you're not going to date single moms, then fine, leave it at that, and stop asking stupid redundant questions.
 wanderbaby
Joined: 9/4/2006
Msg: 213
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Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/11/2007 4:24:27 PM
^^^^

If you have many single parents who have this issue, discuss it with them not us! I have not heard majority of people here say it's shallow. But because your laws are different than the states, it's going to have different opinions weighed. If your friends who are single parents have the fear of loco parentis yet date those who are single person, then they won't have much of a dating life since no one will date them and they won't date single parents, so I guess you should tell them to enjoy single life!

And if I look at it in the terms of Canadian law, I wouldn't say it's shallow, I'd say your single parents' friends are being hypocrites since they expect their single person they are dating to take care of their child yet won't do it in return if they were to date a single parent.

So yes, please just go to your friends and discuss this issue with them and why they feel they aren't shallow about this topic.
 wanderbaby
Joined: 9/4/2006
Msg: 215
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Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/11/2007 5:48:17 PM
then let go of the subject cuz it's not going anywhere with your friends much less this thread. no one's going to agree, so let's just agree to disagree
 SassySiamese
Joined: 7/29/2005
Msg: 216
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Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/12/2007 12:19:12 AM
Here's the thing... GUYS.... if you have such an issue with dating single mothers, AND you have no children of your own... then What The Hell are you doing roaming around a message board specifically for SINGLE PARENTS?!?!? I mean, c'mon. Get real. If you don't like us, don't date us. Your choice. But stay off boards that you have NOTHING in common with.

Let's end this thread and all other threads related to this subject. Quite frankly, I'm tired of seeing it being repeated here. It's nothing but bashing single parents for being just that.. single parents.

I'm a damn good mom to my girls and if a man can't handle my children being in my life, then he can move the f*ck on and pick someone else to annoy.

Mod.. Can we PLEASE LOCK THIS THREAD NOW?? Let the whiners go play by themselves.

Sassy
 Canoe Gal
Joined: 5/5/2006
Msg: 220
Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/12/2007 1:00:45 PM
To find out the answer to the double standard you have to ask the ones that have the double standard. You're asking the wrong ones johne.
 Canoe Gal
Joined: 5/5/2006
Msg: 230
Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/12/2007 4:53:39 PM
I'm kid of curious about something. You have now heard from dahmensm, myself and I believe there is another women on her as well who are all single mothers and we have NOT been given CS for our children by the step parent. I did not think that I was the exception and I am now seeing that I am not. So if we are not collecting it, why would you believe that everyone is? Yes there are SOME cases where the step parent is paying CS. This is not the norm though. The law is flawed and as you can see by several of us who have posted, it all depends on the individual. I am sorry that the men who are paying CS for a step child had the unfortunate experience of choosing the wrong woman, but it does not make it right to lump us all into the same category. This thread has turned into a forum for anyone who wants to insult and bash single mom's. If you want to do this, create a new thread. One that is NOT in the single parent subsection.
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