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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Everything you want in a partner but no chemistry--will it work?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 joebobbriggs
Joined: 7/31/2007
Msg: 2
Everything you want in a partner but no chemistry--will it work?Page 1 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
I'd say - if you have to force some kind of chemistry connection - it will never work. You will always be looking over the shoulder of your mate for the next best thing - always.

JoeBob
 walker1960
Joined: 8/10/2007
Msg: 3
Everything you want in a partner but no chemistry--will it work?
Posted: 8/18/2007 5:56:15 PM
Sometimes we have chemistry right up until we don't have any more, then it becomes basic math/statistics.

There are no guarantees, but the chemistry is at least a minimum requirement...
 Ron9
Joined: 8/10/2004
Msg: 4
Everything you want in a partner but no chemistry--will it work?
Posted: 8/18/2007 6:06:54 PM
My ..... check list

1. I can’t keep my hands off of her
2. She can’t keep her hands off of me
3. She is a good person inside - she is good to me and everyone else in the world. Just a good normal person with no hate towards anyone (it is ok if she don't like Geo Bush - that would be being a normal logical person lol)

Everything else is just "stuff" that we can glady work with together.

"Everything you want in a partner but no chemistry--will it work?" - no not for the long haul. The very foundation of boy/girl anything is the boy/girl - no I am not saying sex. I am saying man/woman.
 BellaOpa
Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 5
Everything you want in a partner but no chemistry--will it work?
Posted: 8/18/2007 6:08:04 PM
Three out of four isn't bad. I would give it a chance first, you can always call it a deal breaker later but at least you will know conclusively instead of wondering for the rest of your life. You could build a mutual friendship or a foundation for a great long-term relationship. Sometimes, I think we just close the front door before we have fully explored the property. So explore ....

Then again, I am not sitting across the table from him. So, if he isn't kissable, forget what I said above, it is a deal breaker!! If you think he looks like your cousin (happened to me once) end it, he isn't kissable, unless that works in your neck of the woods

Ciao ~ Se la vie ~ bye bye baby ~ next buddy
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 6
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Everything you want in a partner but no chemistry--will it work?
Posted: 8/18/2007 6:14:09 PM
There is no guarantee or magic formula of what will work 100% of the time with 100% of the individuals.

You need to know yourself and what works with you. I'm one to where if there's no chemistry it just never happens. Even if I give it time, chemistry can build but there has to be at least some to begin with.
 sun_shine_2008
Joined: 7/24/2007
Msg: 7
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Everything you want in a partner but no chemistry--will it work?
Posted: 8/18/2007 6:35:04 PM
I guess I could not see how they could be everything you want, dont you want chemistry in a partner? I think chemistry is a very important part of a relationship.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 8
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Everything you want in a partner but no chemistry--will it work?
Posted: 8/18/2007 6:48:15 PM
Chemistry is elusive because you have to meet them to experience it. Not something you can write in a profile or an email. Someone can "look good on paper" but if that elusive element is there...well it's just not there.
 sunshine_one_
Joined: 3/8/2006
Msg: 9
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Everything you want in a partner but no chemistry--will it work?
Posted: 8/18/2007 7:23:05 PM
If chemistry was all that mattered, I'd still be with my first love. We had the best connection, attraction, sparks, heart flutters, lust.

Over time, discovered we had little else in common. Career, finances, lifestyle, education, interests, values... you name it, we were never quite in sync. Differences and compromise ruled our lives until the day we split up. Some people called it growing apart, I called it never should have been together.

While I can't be repulsed by my partner, today I know I must be stimulated intellectually, have common views on finances, similar lifestyle, values and goals. Chances are if we click in those areas, chemistry will develop as I get to know the person; otherwsise, it won't work for me.
 TRACIELEE
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 13
Everything you want in a partner but no chemistry--will it work?
Posted: 8/18/2007 9:35:28 PM
honestly if its not there u cant force it
 Legs48
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 14
Everything you want in a partner but no chemistry--will it work?
Posted: 8/18/2007 9:49:57 PM
There have been men that I didn't find physically attractive at first but they still had something sexy about them that I did find attractive. Or we just clicked somehow and connected in a way that was undeniable regardless of conventional wisdom and markers. There are things about someone that I can find attractive that go beyond the obvious and can definitely grow over time. I've also known men that I had an instant animal attraction to but was disappointed later on because it didn't go beyond that.Instead of growing over time, it faded over time . For me, attraction and lust are not the same as chemistry. They are components of chemistry but can come later on if other things are present. I've found that first impressions can be very misleading. If I expect too much, I'm almost always disappointed. If I reserve initial judgement I'm sometimes pleasantly surprised. So yes, I think it can work, if you you are open to it and consider all possibilities. But both people have to feel that way for that chance to be there. And even then, there are no guarantees.
 funskiangel
Joined: 3/18/2007
Msg: 15
Everything you want in a partner but no chemistry--will it work?
Posted: 8/18/2007 10:42:54 PM
I have been battling with the same question as someone was trying to convince me that at our age, maybe we should just settle for someone we can be happy with. I think this may be why so many people cheat on their spouses. They settle for "good enough" but but keep looking around for that magic that makes their heart pound. I am going to hold out for that person I can't wait to be with, whose eyes light up whenever they see me. I doubt if I could be the kind of wife that a man would love forever if I don't really love them. Don't give up. Meanwhile, make lots of friends and enjoy being single. Achieve your goals. Being single has its benefits too.
 SueCat51
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 16
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Everything you want in a partner but no chemistry--will it work?
Posted: 8/18/2007 11:14:49 PM
Chemistry isn't something we can define to where the person sitting next to us will understand. It's one of those mysteries, that each and every one of us define our own chemistry. Chemistry is when we know it's "right". In a romantic relationship, people tend to desire physical attraction, but the right chemistry goes beyond physical attraction. If you keep having nagging doubts about another person, you can't force it to work. I guess the only thing is if this person has everything you want in a partner is to give the relationship time to see if it will grow. There are cases where people are repulsed by someone they meet, only to get to know them, fall in love with them, and marry. Love isn't something that is easily understood or explained.
 lil bazza
Joined: 8/16/2007
Msg: 17
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Everything you want in a partner but no chemistry--will it work?
Posted: 8/19/2007 8:25:47 AM
this happened to me, i worked with a girl and was seeing her for several years, there was no chemisty but i was extremely happy,

my previous relationship to that there was a spark and we bounced off each other and i was madly in love with her but looking back i proffered the last, she was great in every aspect and could see myself settling down




the question is are you happy with this person, do you think you c0uld be happier with another
 jacktraven
Joined: 3/28/2006
Msg: 20
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Everything you want in a partner but no chemistry--will it work?
Posted: 8/19/2007 4:54:04 PM

He was truly a wonderful person with all the qualities I was looking for in a man except that full-fledged butterfly feeling was missing everytime that I saw him

BINGO!!!
 dave1234
Joined: 11/7/2004
Msg: 21
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Everything you want in a partner but no chemistry--will it work?
Posted: 8/19/2007 5:49:23 PM
Everything you want in a partner but no chemistry--will it work?

No. Been there, tried that.


(Msg 27) This "thing" called CHEMISTRY.

What exactly is it to people? i.e. heart beating like crazy and not seeing yourself without this person Well, could it also be LUST?


There is an easy way to find out if it’s chemistry or lust. After having sex do you still want to be with the person?

As far as men are concerned once the sex is over they take time to recuperate/recharge their batteries. If sex takes place at night and morning sex isn’t on the menu if I stayed it meant there was chemistry.

That’s my definition of chemistry, having had sex and knowing I can’t or won’t be getting it in the immediate future but still wanting to be with the person. I must note that is not to be confused with going slow or waiting.

This is another reason why sex, early in a relationship, is important. One will find out if the other person is truly interested or if it’s just lust.
 sandy46blueyes
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 22
Everything you want in a partner but no chemistry--will it work?
Posted: 8/19/2007 7:00:48 PM
Along with everything else being what you want in a partner, you still need to have some level of chemistry. Initially it may be just a slight attraction or it may be you are totally infatuated, but there has to be something to at least build on. It would not be fair to the other person to not be as totally into them as they are to you.

Sandy:)
 dave1234
Joined: 11/7/2004
Msg: 25
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Everything you want in a partner but no chemistry--will it work?
Posted: 8/20/2007 2:09:00 PM

(Msg 76) Sure enough, he told me he just wasn't "feeling it". I asked why he was affectionate towards me and why he consistently told me he couldn't stop thinking about me if in reality he only felt a friendship-type connection? He kept saying he couldn't figure it out. He found me attractive but did not feel the WOW factor. And without the WOW factor, there was no point in continuing to see each other. We shared many philosophies, interests and even had similar ideas for our retirement years. I was surprised for many reasons but my confusion lays mostly in the fact that he was the one that started the affection and constant attention from the get-go.


Perhaps I can shed some light on this. Think back to your childhood and something you really liked. Maybe someone gave you a special gift and your parents said you can’t take it outside to play with it because you‘ll get it dirty or if you wanted to touch it you had to sit down because you may drop it and break it. After a while didn’t you just ignore it or grow to actually not like it?

Stopping the natural desire to be intimate is similar.


I believe that many relationships die because once the infatuation or lust is gone, you realize that you really don't have much in common…………..

So what is chemistry, really? I am finding that for many women it is the whole package but for many men it is the lust factor first and foremost. For me, it comes down to one thing - knowing the kind of life you want to life and being able to convey that honestly and respectfully to the other person.



The infatuation or lust is the time two people spend together experiencing the others interests and activities and learning about the person. That is, IMO, the purpose of it. We haven’t participated in a certain activity with that specific person. Maybe we would enjoy it now even if we were not all that keen on it before.

Let’s say your last partner was a quiet, reserved individual. They preferred small gatherings of friends and serious discussions. One day you went to a mini-putt. It probably would be the most boring and gruelling experience of your life as your partner does not like crowds and he’s not going to get into a serious discussion while in that milieu so you spend an hour or two with little conversation.

Contrast that to being with a joke telling,“people-person”. He’s making witty quips along the way, striking up conversations with other players, maybe finding out one of the guests knows a friend of yours…..you actually have a good time.

If you didn’t have that “I want you!” feeling and a desire to be with the person you may never have gone to the mini-putt remembering the last disaster. That’s why, while sharing activities is important, do we really know if we will enjoy a certain activity with a certain person? The lust/infatuation stage gives us the opportunity to find out what we may have in common.

I make a distinction between lust and chemistry as I mentioned in msg 68. IMO, chemistry is simply wanting that person in my life. I prefer doing something I may find just OK while with that person as opposed to doing something I really enjoy without that person.

People may see that as being a doormat or always compromising but the secret is both people have to feel the chemistry. When that happens both people don't care what's happening as long as they are together. Then it's just a matter of who suggests what. Arguments do not arise because the one thing that is most important to both of them is being together.

So, it's not the lust factor that's important. It's the chemistry factor. Are both people prepared to put the relationship first or is one wanting to put themselves first? Is the individual more interested in where his life or her life is going or where their lives are going? That tells us if there is chemistry.
 brock11
Joined: 8/6/2007
Msg: 26
Everything you want in a partner but no chemistry--will it work?
Posted: 8/20/2007 4:48:56 PM
If you expect instant chemistry, then you can be missing out on some potential relationships. Sometimes it takes a few dates to develop chemistry. Some people can be shy or nervous on the first date. The 2 people don't know each other that well. If you expect instant chemistry and you are still single, then that formula hasn't worked out too well in your previous relationships.
 dpd22
Joined: 11/9/2006
Msg: 29
Everything you want in a partner but no chemistry--will it work?
Posted: 8/26/2007 9:33:10 AM
I understand having instant physical attraction. I don't agree with 'instant chemistry'. Sometimes chemistry can develop when you get to know the person better.
 NatGoat
Joined: 10/15/2005
Msg: 30
Everything you want in a partner but no chemistry--will it work?
Posted: 8/26/2007 9:34:33 AM
NO !
The Chemistry IS what I want . . !!!
 Biggie_CA
Joined: 8/12/2007
Msg: 31
Everything you want in a partner but no chemistry--will it work?
Posted: 8/27/2007 11:59:41 PM
I think if you find someone who possesses all the traits you are looking for in a partner/mate/SO but there is no chemistry, and no "Chemistry" is there, wouldn't that indicate what you're looking for isn't what you need?
I mean, most people believe they know what they're looking for and believe that is also what they need. How much of your views of what you are looking for are based on views portrayed in advertising, the media, and hollywood?
Maybe your body and heart are just telling you, "You were conditioned to believe this person is perfect for you, but this isn't what you need" and therefore no chemistry?
Why not go for whatever really makes you smile and truly happy instead of the whole Hollywood image of what you need?
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 32
Everything you want in a partner but no chemistry--will it work?
Posted: 8/28/2007 12:05:27 AM
No attraction no deal. You don't have to be in love. Just attraction. Things grow later on to awesome spectrums. But you must have that seed of attraction. Otherwise you're wasting your time.
 becca210
Joined: 7/26/2006
Msg: 34
Everything you want in a partner but no chemistry--will it work?
Posted: 9/1/2007 11:28:59 AM
I think that whether or not it will work depends on YOU. If a strong physical relationship
is at the top of your list......it WILL NOT.
Sometimes the intimacy is way better than we expected......but only you and she can
answer that question. Good luck....
Becca
 dave1234
Joined: 11/7/2004
Msg: 35
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Everything you want in a partner but no chemistry--will it work?
Posted: 9/1/2007 11:30:33 AM
Like everything you want in a meal except flavor--will you enjoy it?

Like finding the perfect article of clothing but it doesn't fit--will you wear it?



 BDRT
Joined: 7/29/2007
Msg: 36
Everything you want in a partner but no chemistry--will it work?
Posted: 9/1/2007 8:57:48 PM
There just has to be SOME chemistry. Even if it's just a tiny spark it can grow. But NO chemistry, nope, not gonna work.
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