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 Ravenstar66
Joined: 8/27/2007
Msg: 1
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Protecting your childrenPage 1 of 2    (1, 2)
I wanted to know, all you single parents out there, if you are concerned about dating and the safety of your kids. Sometimes I get paranoid...and I wonder about the risks to my child because there are predators and pedophiles out there and I am (or will be) meeting people I really don't know very well. Not that I would leave my child alone with someone unless I knew them VERY well (I still have a hard time finding babysitters because of this fear) I just wonder, in the back of my mind if someone is interested in me, and they know I have a young child, there is the remote possibility that they might be a predator.

It's not a huge issue for me on a practical level, because I don't believing in exposing my child to every person I ever meet, or date. Just something that bugs me from time to time.

Anyone else think about this issue? How do you deal with it?
 Ravenstar66
Joined: 8/27/2007
Msg: 2
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Protecting your children
Posted: 9/7/2007 9:37:46 AM
My mom babysits mostly. And I have a couple of friends who are moms too, we switch off from time to time. Like I said, it really isn't a practical issue for me, I'm a bit overprotective of my child. Mama Bear!

More something that just bothers me at times.

I asked this mostly to get a feel for what other single parents think and do about this issue. It could even not be in a dating scenario, it could be their children's access to the internet.
 Ravenstar66
Joined: 8/27/2007
Msg: 3
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Protecting your children
Posted: 9/7/2007 5:42:02 PM
Thanks for the posts!

I absolutely agree about not freakin' children out about predators. It's a fine balancing act. My hope is to teach my child self-respect and prudence. Also to have her know that I am always on her side...she is safe coming to me with anything. At eight we are working on things like "don't give out your name, address or phone number on the net" and "always trust your gut instinct", "only walk home from school with a friend". She's a smart girl though and has really good instincts, maybe better than mine! How I ever ended up with a child who has so much common sense baffles and delights me.

I am abashed that I didn't include the emotional risks to our children while dating. That is probably more likely than actual abuse. Unfortunately, at eight, my kid thinks (hopes?) that if I am interested in someone then we are getting married and becoming a family. She isn't emotionally mature enough to understand the complexities of an adult relationship. I have decided not to include her in my casual dating life. (not that I actually have one yet!) It's not fair to her to string strange people through her life who I may only see once, or even see for a while and decide it isn't going to work. I haven't quite figured out how to handle it if I do actually like someone... this may be just me but I don't think I could pursue a relationship with someone my child didn't get along with. So sooner or later they would have to meet and we would have to take it from there.

Man, it's all so confusing. This was a whole lot easier before having children.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 4
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Protecting your children
Posted: 9/7/2007 5:46:51 PM
Wait till you know someone for 6 months to a year before introducing them to your kids. Arrange a meeting in a public place, make it very casual and introduce them as Mommy's friend. If you want to protect your kids any decent man will understand 100% if you do not allow sleepovers with the children around or do not bring them to your home. If they protest or don't seem to get your concern then I would perceive that as a red flag. Good parents understand the Mama Bear bit completely.
 Ravenstar66
Joined: 8/27/2007
Msg: 5
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Protecting your children
Posted: 9/7/2007 8:02:42 PM
Thanks Carolann

My thoughts exactly.
 wanderbaby
Joined: 9/4/2006
Msg: 6
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Protecting your children
Posted: 9/7/2007 8:47:10 PM
The sad thing actualy is the ones that you need to watch are the ones you trust the most. That's how pedafiles and other predators get the victims, they gain your trust, then once you trust them, you let them watch your child while you have to do something, and that's when it happens. I could be wrong tho, but for the most part, I think that's how they work. They have to get the child to trust them too so that they feel it's "normal" and it's "ok" to touch when it really isn't. It is sad that we have to teach our kids at a younger age the places that are not ok to touch. all you can do is watch over them, and hope that all is well. What helps me is to pray when I feel anxious and feel paranoid over the safety. And it works for me.
 A Moment in Time
Joined: 7/19/2007
Msg: 7
Protecting your children
Posted: 9/7/2007 9:04:49 PM
I keep my dating life totally separate from my kids, they have no idea who I see and I intend to keep it that way unless I meet someone who is going to be a important/permanent person in my life.

I only use female babysitters for my girls and under no circumstance would I allow any male (no offense) to babysit and why would he want to?

Predators are everywhere not just on web sites, you just have to be careful who you meet and when you introduce them to your kids, male or female.

Good Luck
 wanderbaby
Joined: 9/4/2006
Msg: 8
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Protecting your children
Posted: 9/7/2007 11:14:24 PM

So, you worry less about the ones you trust the least? "Oh, it's okay, I figured he'd do something like that eventually!". Come on!!


Not necessarily, I think those who have been thru it are shocked that their loved ones in the family or friend has done this, and they would never think that person would be capable. However, look at the ratio of male versus female sex predators, also look at how they are connected in some way with the child they molest. I wouldn't say not to trust your relatives or friends but to not do it wholy, have an open eye.
 Ravenstar66
Joined: 8/27/2007
Msg: 9
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Protecting your children
Posted: 9/8/2007 12:11:40 AM
I never intended for this thread to become about seeing all men as "potential rapists" or pedophiles. I had hoped some men would also share about their concerns for their children. I would be as cautious trusting my child with a woman if I did not know her.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 10
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Protecting your children
Posted: 9/8/2007 6:30:45 AM
My reasons for not bring new men into my home or into my children's lives is the same reason I would not allow my kids to sleep over a friends home unless I knew the family and had been to the home myself. It is the sensible thing to do. How can you know someone, their intentions, background, until you really know them yourself? Do you really feel comfortable bringing a virtual stranger into your home? How many co-workers/neighbors did you like the first month or so only to realize they were a complete psycho a few weeks later? I prefer to grow to trust and admire a person before my children are exposed to them this includes female and male friends. Children can get the wrong idea very quickly and by introducing a new man to them they may develop a bond, attachment or even a resentment that will complicate MY life. I enjoy dating and do not feel my kids need to be a part of my social life. Doesn't anyone understand the desire to have 'me' time with a new love?
 shmrck
Joined: 8/5/2007
Msg: 11
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Protecting your children
Posted: 9/8/2007 6:48:39 AM
Ok personally I can understand alot of the restrictions that have been voiced. However, for myself I don't usually introduce anyone I'm dating to my children for atleast a month or two. By that time I have gotten to know them and I think it is important for them and my children to meet and see how they will interact together. I don't want anyone that can't get along with my boys and vice versa it would just cause too many problems all around. And anyone who tries to hard to get my kids to like them to get on my good side sends up red flags immediately.
 justmeandmax
Joined: 6/4/2007
Msg: 12
Protecting your children
Posted: 9/8/2007 11:10:03 AM

I would not date a woman who thought waiting six months to introduce me to her children was reasonable.


I think that could be because you don't have kids, and you being 48, without kids, I would also question if you even liked kids at all.

I too don't let my son meet anyone until I can see it progressing. There is no reason to get children involved unless it is someone you see as a person you are going to move to the next level.

JMO, Me
 winstemar
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 14
Protecting your children
Posted: 12/20/2008 10:48:59 AM
Yes, I understand that feeling too.

When my son started daycare, I asked if police checks had been done on all caregivers and the director of the school said yes. One of the teachers boyfriends would come in sometimes to help out occasionally. When I found out, I told the director that I pay good money because of the safety and good security regulations of their organisation and that he shouldn't come back until he has had a police check as well. If it would have been a problem, I would've filed a complaint.

Make sure you know the person before allowing a boyfriend into your childs life. Trust those around you but always have your childs protection as a priority. Other than that, there isn't much we can do.
 freetime2bme
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 15
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Protecting your children
Posted: 12/20/2008 1:05:58 PM
My kids are safe in my home when my dates visit. It is easy to keep tabs in ones own home. May be women have to worry about it more, as they have to worry more about keep themselfs safe more also. Good to be a man sometimes.
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