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Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  > Single mom of 2 boys with anger issues towards men      Home login  
Joined: 9/4/2006
Msg: 11
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Single mom of 2 boys with anger issues towards menPage 1 of 2    (1, 2)
Between working, going to school, and being with your kids on your free time, how are you going to able to juggle dating in there? is it fair to either the person you date or to your kids? Your kids have no idea what time is. whether it's ten minutes or 2 hours, all they know is that time with you is short because either you have to go to work or you have to go to school. so for them to hear you're going out with a friend, talking on the phone, that's time taken away from them. If they are complaining that you don't have much time with them, listen to them. It's just not you being physically there for them, they want you to be attentive and listen to them.

Not to say that you can't have time for yourself to have the adult time, but your kids are going to rebel more as years go by since they are going to be teenagers soon. You'll need to address why they are having anger issue towards men, I'm sure it's due to their dad leaving, but they are feeding off of it somehow. Try getting them to be around your bro law or your dad, whether they like it or not, keep it consistent so that perhaps over time, they grow tolerant and realize how fun it is to hang out with a guy. They will have to see how not all men are the same.

As for the spoiling, yes you may not like how your parents give a lot to your kids, you can just put it in a box an dgive it away to someone who is in need if your parents cant' stop giving. Or get a reward system that allow them to play with them if they do certain chores or don't give you attitude.
Joined: 9/4/2006
Msg: 13
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Single mom of 2 boys with anger issues towards men
Posted: 9/13/2007 10:12:02 PM
So perhaps you can have your parents watch them while you go out, but explain to your kids that you want to have free time like they do at school with recess and such and in a few hours you'll pick them up.

I'm sure they get the attitude with the phone, because they probably assume it's their dad calling, and a part of them want to talk to them but a part of them don't. Even if their dad calls and they hang up, if he does it consistantly, then the kids will know that he's attempting and cares about them.

You shouldn't have to feed off of them getting all your attention. You do have a reward system for chores and school that's great, why not for when you're on the phone or going out. if they get an attitude, take a reward out. Address to them that it's unacceptable behavior to have an attitude. Do some role play with them, ask them how they'd feel if you gave them the attitude when they play their video games and you whine and complain to want their attention. It doesn't hurt to try these ideas people are giving.

If you want adult conversation, then that's fine, go to a chat place or the popular site (that has the word space in the url) that you can interact with adults. I know how you feel, sometimes you want to talk to an adult and not to a child.

I hope things work out for you and your kids.
Joined: 8/17/2007
Msg: 18
Single mom of 2 boys with anger issues towards men
Posted: 9/14/2007 11:27:34 AM
Sweet Shelly, I think that you have had very good advice and I am of the same mindset as Beach Chick and Medeiro.

What I thought would be a good addition to this issue would be for you to share this story with teenage girls that aspire to become mothers outside of the security of marriage and a reasonable man that will accept his responsibilities. This unfortunately the harsh reality of parenting and it appears that the situation you are in is spiralling out of control and you need to heed the advice that is given to you in order to keep those 2 innocent boys from perpetuating a cycle.
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