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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > My ex says I am a disgrace for being on an internet dating site      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 9
My ex says I am a disgrace for being on an internet dating sitePage 1 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
Yes you are a disgrace. But wait, that makes me a disgrace and everyone who answers this post a disgrace. So now that we can all comfortably live disgracefully ever after, let's address your ex. He needs to get a life. I gather this is a person that is extremely controlling and is using the children to still control you. Even the "somebody he knows passed him a copy of my profile" sound so prude, so contrite, so ridiculously far fetched and I would tend to believe that he is actually jealous.

Now with that said, think about all the proud moms that post here or use this as a form of meeting people, and they don't think one bit less of themselves for doing so. It's like saying you are selling yourself because you use make-up and wear nice clothes.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 16
My ex says I am a disgrace for being on an internet dating site
Posted: 9/13/2007 2:37:01 PM
Ahh. Still messes with your head. He knows how to push your buttons. Rattle your cage. And guess what. Men are after one think, and will treat you badly. And he is going to say. I told you so, didn't I. But you'll fall, get up again grow strong, self assured and able to tell anybody to f*vck off and lead the life you like. The truth is that you are still messing with his head. Hehehe.
 A-New-Beginning
Joined: 9/5/2007
Msg: 20
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My ex says I am a disgrace for being on an internet dating site
Posted: 9/13/2007 2:47:07 PM
Well for starters I think hes wrong, I don't think you are trying to sell yourself. I think you are doing the same thing that everyone on here is doing which is trying to find someone nice to spend your time with. Your ex sounds like a jerk with some control issues. He wont take the kids over night and complains about you being on a dating site. How else are you supposed to get on with your life, personally I don't like the idea of meeting people at clubs or bars, you don't really get to know them well enough before you are knee deep in a relationship, that you don't even know if you wanted to be in in the first place. On line you can talk, get to know each other, then meet if you like and you feel that this is the type of person for you much wiser way of doing things ( and its in the comfort of your own home). I don't know if your X has moved on in his life or not but it sounds to me like he doesn't want you to.
 curioushandyman
Joined: 11/28/2005
Msg: 24
My ex says I am a disgrace for being on an internet dating site
Posted: 9/13/2007 3:06:19 PM
you're right... he's wrong.... this should only serve to reasure you that you did the right thing cutting him loose.... Not all men are like this... Let me offer myself as an example... divorced seven years my kids are 12 and 14 live with their mom... they were at my place last night, will be here this weekend and next, she has 'plans'... When she started dating several years ago (on an internet site) I had the kids every weekend for one whole summer... even my neighbors said wtf, I wasn't dating so I was fine with that.... she has just moved in with a guy.... she's happy and I'm happy for her..... Your next text message to him should be "clear your schedule.... because you'll be having the kids every other weekend from here on in" ....oh and the 'weekend' means Friday 6pm till Sunday 6pm....
 GuitarGuy_
Joined: 3/15/2007
Msg: 41
My ex says I am a disgrace for being on an internet dating site
Posted: 9/13/2007 6:18:21 PM
Let him know he's not your husband anymore and it really isn't any of his business.


or


tell him to STFU.
 brewswain
Joined: 5/5/2007
Msg: 42
My ex says I am a disgrace for being on an internet dating site
Posted: 9/13/2007 6:23:32 PM
Your ex is hurt and angry because you broke your sacred oath to God to be married to him til death do you part and he wants to make you hurt too.
Hes probably angry that his kids wont have the usual mother and father family.
 NatGoat
Joined: 10/15/2005
Msg: 48
My ex says I am a disgrace for being on an internet dating site
Posted: 9/13/2007 6:43:41 PM
...Tell your Ex . . " Opinions Vary . . !!! "
There are some Genuine, Loving Partners, out there . .
It's just a matter of finding out enough about them, and trusting them . .
The 'Perfect Match' could be Right around the Corner . . !!! . .
* I can't W A I T to find a partner . . and have Her write my L A S T Profile Update . . !!! . .
 Ron9
Joined: 8/10/2004
Msg: 58
My ex says I am a disgrace for being on an internet dating site
Posted: 9/13/2007 9:25:35 PM
My ex gave me the “big announcement” ........ THEN (right then - right during the dump announcement) told me about a local single’s site lol. She even put the sign up on her credit card.

I was in total shock .......... AND ................. I thought that she must be kidding about the dumping me (married 17 years).

Well she was not kidding and she canceled that account a few months later lol.

I had never even heard of these places until then.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 59
My ex says I am a disgrace for being on an internet dating site
Posted: 9/13/2007 9:29:54 PM

Cordially invite him to piss on a spark plug.

Oh, now, I LIKE that idea. The only thing that could possibly be better would be to suggest he pee on an electric fence.
Offer to call him a "wahhhmbulance" so he can go get his head removed from up his butt.
Seriously, no matter what you do or HOW you meet new people will be wrong according to the ex. Sounds like he tried threatening you with divorce and you took it as a promise, and held him to it.
Yes, you will meet some dingdongs here. I got news for your ex, there are men EVERYWHERE that are only looking for one thing. There are also men everywhere whose intentions are honorable and who genuinely want a meaningful relationship. The trick is sorting themout without sustaining TOO much damage LOL.
Your ex is a weinie. Ignore him.
Cindy O
 blondago56
Joined: 8/21/2004
Msg: 63
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My ex says I am a disgrace for being on an internet dating site
Posted: 9/13/2007 9:53:02 PM
ONE DAY AT A TIME, 6ftblonde.....and tell your ex that YOU will file slander/libel/Harassment Charges if he keeps stating that"you are embarassing your children by being on this site"... He is using any ammunition he can (including the kids' minds) to carry out his last little bit of control... Keep your cool & inform him (in a typewritten letter) of your intent of the above.... Sit the kids down and without defending yourself, let them know that this is one(safer) way for Mom to talk to people and besides that, you have The Forums! which (for 'his' information) are an intillectual & socio-graphical test of One's deepest mental arenas...(tell 'him' THAT..and THEN tell him to bug off !
 bcdale
Joined: 9/4/2007
Msg: 68
My ex says I am a disgrace for being on an internet dating site
Posted: 9/13/2007 11:48:12 PM
hi 6 ft blonde.. lol.. great title by the way.. here is the thing. your ex is only stating a fact that he believes to be true.. but, he is also using this as a kind leverage in control.. just read it in all the coucelling books.. don't get me wrong.. he is probably not even aware of what he is doing. you have a couple of options.. you can decide to own this for yourself.. that would just leave him and anyone else that wants to be a critic of your lifestyle holding the reigns.. thats not cool.. it will leave you feeling as though you cannot make any decisions without the approval of others.. or you can just choose to accept that your ex is exactly that .. your ex.. and there is a reason for that.. only you two know the answer ..what he says is only constructive or destructive to whom ever decides to accept it as fact/truth.. after looking at your pics and reading what you put in your profile.. i really can't see you as an individual that requires someone else to make life decisions for you. although.. excercise discretion and a compasionate heart with your ex.. he most certainly does not know how hurtful and destructive he is being.. so just be cool.. life is supposed to be easy.. so why mix it up.. just let it fall off your shoulders when he barks.. lol.. you will fine that after awhile. the barking becomes more managable and quite possibly stops.. have a wonderful time on POF.. isn't that what life is all about anyway.. having fun...lol.. dale
 bootielicious
Joined: 9/10/2006
Msg: 70
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My ex says I am a disgrace for being on an internet dating site
Posted: 9/14/2007 2:15:02 AM

But then again, being hammered in a bar and meeting a new guy is so much more respectable.


What does that mean?

He appears to be trying to wear you down in the hope that you will settle for what you left. Ie, go back to him.

As someone who was also in a controlling relationship I would say stick to your guns. He will eventually find someone else who is either stronger than him and keep him in his place or weaker and control them. Either way at that point he will stop looking at your life and leave you to live it.

Think about the reasons why you left him, think about what was missing in your life, be it social life, love or friendship and continue looking to fulfil those gaps however best you can. Bringing up children 24/7 can be very isolating and the net is a perfect way to get that mature conversation that I know you will crave and need.

Keep going and be strong. You were strong enough to leave him, why revert back now?
 El_Mariachi
Joined: 4/21/2007
Msg: 72
My ex says I am a disgrace for being on an internet dating site
Posted: 9/14/2007 7:14:12 AM
He's the EX.. as in no longer around.. therefore you being on a dating site is none of his damned business. Nothing you do, except where it relates to the kids, is ANY of his business.

Remind him of that and ignore his stupidity.

I don't know how old your kids are, but I highly doubt they'd care.
 Ron9
Joined: 8/10/2004
Msg: 73
My ex says I am a disgrace for being on an internet dating site
Posted: 9/14/2007 7:20:08 AM
Not only is it none of his business - POF is not exactly some swingers or some “xxx adult” website.
 NFPexec
Joined: 12/7/2006
Msg: 83
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My ex says I am a disgrace for being on an internet dating site
Posted: 9/14/2007 10:26:44 AM
You're a grown independent woman and what you do is your business and your business alone. What you do doesn't concern him anymore unless you are endangering your children. You're a free woman, explore and have fun.
 NatGoat
Joined: 10/15/2005
Msg: 85
My ex says I am a disgrace for being on an internet dating site
Posted: 9/14/2007 10:35:09 AM
Aren't you glad that you didn't _require_ his Approval . . ??
 Engage-me
Joined: 11/2/2006
Msg: 87
My ex says I am a disgrace for being on an internet dating site
Posted: 9/14/2007 10:39:41 AM
From the sounds of things, he obviously thought you would be reduced to a quivering mass of protoplasm and have to beg for him to take you back. Too bad it back fired on him. NOT!

How would they find out 6foot? Is that a thinly veiled threat to tell them himself? If so, he may be in for a beeeeeeg surprise.
 NatGoat
Joined: 10/15/2005
Msg: 88
My ex says I am a disgrace for being on an internet dating site
Posted: 9/14/2007 10:45:37 AM
6 ft . .
Tell your ex to Pound Salt . .
You may Socialize wherever you please . . !!!
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 89
My ex says I am a disgrace for being on an internet dating site
Posted: 9/14/2007 10:50:04 AM
~OP~ Sigh. Stop defending yourself here to the people who question things about your private life that are clearly NONE of your ex's business and most certainly no one's business here. Post number 1 was clear and informative enough for us to give an opinion or two.

~OT~ As for post number 1. The net has been used for dating in excess of 10 years now. I've done it off and on for 8. Yes, in the beginning, some eye-brows raised. Today ~ that's just someone who has issues with his ex moving on with her very own life. Let him look, let him scrutinize, but ignore it. It's juvenile and it's controlling. No need to even acknowledge it. Truth is ~ you can date if you wish to and you can find someone to date in any venue you prefer. You are single, you are an adult and it's no one else's business what you do with your private life. Goodness ~ I set my ex up a profile here and found him a wonderful woman. (At least he's not my side-kick anymore. There is a method to my madness at times...LOL ) Good luck OP ~
 RebelSoul
Joined: 6/5/2007
Msg: 90
My ex says I am a disgrace for being on an internet dating site
Posted: 9/14/2007 10:57:04 AM
I saw what you wrote about your ex said about you being here on POF.

He has no idea what he is talking about.

You are a beautiful woman whop deserves a Heart to share and the odds are against us all in trying to find that special someone.

The odds are astronomicaly stacked against us in Meeting that special someone and any way you can get the word out that your heart is open helps.

I just wanted you to know that you deserve to be Cherished and Appreciasted and those who believe otherwise are not worth your time.

We all have to enter anything new with an Open Heart and yes we may get hurt but the only way to begin a relationship honestly is to give it your all and hope what you get reflects the love within yourself.

I know that is hoping and chancing so much but we can't let our pasts pollute our love and our Hope.

You are a Beautiful woman who deserves as we all do the Truth, Love & respect that IS out there in that seemingly empty perverted world.

I wish you all your Dreams and nothing less.

Daniel
 dpd22
Joined: 11/9/2006
Msg: 93
My ex says I am a disgrace for being on an internet dating site
Posted: 9/14/2007 11:08:03 AM
It is not a disgrace to be on internet dating site. It is simply another way to meet people. People that you otherwise probably wouldn't have a chance to interact with.
 walker1960
Joined: 8/10/2007
Msg: 103
My ex says I am a disgrace for being on an internet dating site
Posted: 9/14/2007 6:26:27 PM
The simplest way to deal with someone that is harassing/nagging or whatever is just to ignore them…don’t answer any text messages, don’t answer any emails, don’t speak, don’t do nuthin…
You’re divorced, only talk about whatever you HAVE to talk about (kids) and nothing else. When he finds out he’s not getting anything across, he’ll find out he’s not in the equation anymore. He’ll eventually quit.
 NatGoat
Joined: 10/15/2005
Msg: 112
My ex says I am a disgrace for being on an internet dating site
Posted: 9/16/2007 2:02:08 PM
Your ex can't be exceptionally Intelligent . . if he let Y O U get away . . !!!
 SueCat51
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 116
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My ex says I am a disgrace for being on an internet dating site
Posted: 9/16/2007 3:31:30 PM
OP - you need to let your EX know that he is your EX. While he may be the Father of your children, he's not your Father. It's up to you to lay the boundaries. What ever you do, don't discuss your personal life with him. The only thing you should be discussing with him is your children. You've got a choice, you can continue to allow him to control your emotions (embarassment at being on this site), or you can take control of your own emotions.
 fun_42
Joined: 10/3/2006
Msg: 155
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My ex says I am a disgrace for being on an internet dating site
Posted: 12/8/2007 11:18:31 AM
if you are as you said, not worried about what he thinks, why did you start this thread? and why do you think its frowned upon (he has put that in your head too?)...

methinks the man is still controlling you...don't you see its a pattern, controlled women keep getting controlled and your next man will control you again..you are used to it and still doing it , even without him..

learn to be more self confident and assertive ...then think about dating..

i so don't care what anyone thinks of me, and what i do...and i love who i am...

thats the way it should be girl...good luck and love thyself
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