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Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  > Do you or have you in the past practiced abstainance?      Home login  
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 swtcarolinej
Joined: 11/11/2006
Msg: 6
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Do you or have you in the past practiced abstainance? Page 1 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
I have really taken a hard look at my sexual history lately and its not been pretty..I do know what you mean about being abstainate by choice,its better for me to say yeah I choose this just joking...really my history has been ,sleep with men for acceptance,approval,love(yeah right) and for all the wrong reasons most times,well since Im suppose to be the age of maturity,well lets just say if Im not mature now Im never gonna be!!!I have looked at that sad behavior...I have a high sex drive which does get in the way of not at least thinking about it if I meet someone nice,it turns me totally off tho if a man just wants tohead tobed nowadays!!Thank God!! so thats progress I guess....sex for sex turns me off and and Iwill be very choosey nexttime..soIm abstinant by choice!!! it can get lonely tho here in the aint gettin none corner... nice to know Im not alone tho and thats growth right?!??
 dentwebb
Joined: 6/11/2005
Msg: 8
Do you or have you in the past practiced abstainance?
Posted: 9/17/2007 7:18:55 PM
Yes I did practice abstaining for 4 years! I like you had many sex partners over my life time both before and after marriage. However for 4 years after my divorce I did because I wanted to. What I learned was that I didn't have to have sex with a woman, and that I was very OK being alone myself! Now that I have rejoined the sexually active, I am much more picky, and enjoy giving more than receiving!!! And if I am not interested, I don't even go there just to relieve my own stress!!!
 Winter Sparkle
Joined: 9/14/2007
Msg: 15
Do you or have you in the past practiced abstainance?
Posted: 9/18/2007 5:51:03 AM
I have practiced abstinence by choice and not by choice!
I'd rather not have sex.
Having sex turns my brain to mush and I can't function.
Not having sex turns me into a complete nerd.

Kinda like that episode on Seinfeld.
When George has sex he is stupid.
When George has no sex he is smart!
 SeiNide
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 22
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Do you or have you in the past practiced abstainance?
Posted: 9/18/2007 4:44:44 PM
I have practiced abstanance now for over ten years by choice. the thought of having needles jammed in my arms for aids tests, and having to go for regular STD screenings made me decided it just wasn't worth it all for an uncommitted relationship. To me it was about self respect, how could I ever offer a loving and mutually respectful relationship if I had no self respect?

But here is what is truly eye opening, alot of times if I do date or meet someone no one believes me when I tell them I have been abstaint for as long as I have. I agree it does not take long to weed out the players and dogs.

Best thing it did for me is for once in my life I was able to focus on what was important to me, intellectually and morally, and my life jumped ahead by leaps and bounds. I received my second degree, I met new friends and I did for once the things I always wanted to do, simply because I wanted to. It's painful in the beginning and you do get lonely but as time passes you find that the stimulation you receieve from living a fullfilling lifestyle out weighs all the drama and games. You see life very differently and more importantly you become selective. Somewhere out there will one day be someone who takes the time to know me and will "get it" and really understand that my choice.
Do you or have you in the past practiced abstainance?
Posted: 9/19/2007 12:00:03 PM
I practice and I practice, but I just can't seem to get the hang of it
 NFPexec
Joined: 12/7/2006
Msg: 31
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Do you or have you in the past practiced abstainance?
Posted: 9/19/2007 1:49:49 PM
I've practiced abstinence for more than 10 years. It was not a well thought out plan. I had been in monogamous relationships (at least I was) since I was 19 and I was emotionally burned out. I have a hard time removing emotional needs from physical ones so I decided to wait until I felt an emotional bond with someone. Although I've had a few relationships during the last decade, I didn't feel the connection I needed and wanted and the guys were remarkably patient, so there was some heavy making out but nothing more. Physically I crave more but I am still holding out for that emotional connection. Soon I hope!
 ________
Joined: 12/24/2006
Msg: 33
Do you or have you in the past practiced abstainance?
Posted: 9/19/2007 2:10:37 PM
I would not have thought abstinence required much practice, it's not quite like a
performance task, but I believe it plays out very differently between genders and
obviously where the mating practice is predicated on female choice is far far from gender
neutral. In many ways it is an empowerment thing -- overcoming emotional or primal
desire for clarity of thought and logic (perhaps)....?
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 34
Do you or have you in the past practiced abstainance?
Posted: 9/19/2007 2:19:37 PM
I have found that the times I have experienced the most peace, tranquility, emotional, mental and spiritual growth have been the times I abstained from sex.


~OP~ I'm with you on that note. Unless I'm in a monogamous commited relationship, there is no sex in my life. I will admit, some of these years have been rather difficult to hold firm to that practice, but for me ~ it takes all of the stress out of my life. The past 8 years single, have been primarily sexless other than one two year relationship which was long-distance, so it was really rather non-existent then as well. (And one relationship that was doomed from the beginning, which did include intimacy.) I discovered that I was either staying in a relationship due to great sex or leaving one due to not-so-great-sex, so I took it out of the equation. Today, it's just part of me. I will admit, I pity the next man in my life ~ there is a LOT of time to make up for all the missing sex.....but ~ I'm certainly not about to give in for a short-term situation nor is a fling/tryst or one-nighter my style. I love sex, but I only love it with the right man. It seems that it also weeds out those whose intentions are less than sincere. So, it serves a valuable purpose for me. JMO yyyyyw
 pupdaddy12003
Joined: 8/9/2007
Msg: 49
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Do you or have you in the past practiced abstainance?
Posted: 9/21/2007 1:09:04 PM
...I don't quite believe you can lump all the behavior of priests and nuns into the "didn't get any thus their behaviour turned sick" category...some of those folks were going to be that way just because of who they already were before they took an oath of chastity.
 musicianfriend
Joined: 7/23/2007
Msg: 58
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Do you or have you in the past practiced abstainance?
Posted: 9/22/2007 9:12:37 PM
I consider myself a "Born Again Virgin".

I have been abstinate for 5 years. I had been in bad relationships and wanted to change my ways and grow emotionally. So......I abstain from sexual relationships.

This has been the a most incredible time in my life. I have grown and matured so that my next relationship will be a mature and fulfilling one as I have learned that by not having sex with someone, I am much more realistic in my view of him. Instead of clouding everything with the sex drug.

I know that my next relationship will be my last as I believe that I am much better equiped to make better choices for my life. I am 53 now. No time for mistakes.

I have learned to enjoy my own company, so therefore, I am able to not be anxious about anything.

All this came from alot of prayers to God to help me make changes, reading books, going to seminars and church classes. It has all been worth it. I really like my self now, therefore, I will not allow anyone, man or woman to mistreat me anymore. Quickie sex is just a bandaid. You usually feel really awful after those kinds of encounters anyway. Just not worth it. Also, I find men respect me more when they fing out I am celibate. In fact, some of them find me quite a challenge and pursue me quite vigourously. So funny those men!! Aren't they cute!!

I am now talking to the most wonderful normal man I have ever known in my life. Guess what. He is Christian too and the most giving kind man I have ever known.

Maybe he will be the one.

Thank you Lord!!!
Do you or have you in the past practiced abstainance?
Posted: 9/23/2007 2:10:13 PM
Well - let me say this one little thing. As the mother of a person who became HIV positive after only one sexual experience, I am inclined not to just *give it on over*, although it has been known to happen. That being said, the thing is this - someone has to ask you OUT in order to ask you IN, right?
 kindapicky
Joined: 8/28/2005
Msg: 68
Do you or have you in the past practiced abstainance?
Posted: 9/23/2007 3:11:21 PM
To me this is a major flag. If a woman cannot practice abstainance, she probably cannot be responsible about other things also.
Yes I made more than my share of mistakes when I was younger. I am a mature responsible adult now. And I enjoy a lot less drama in my life.
 kindapicky
Joined: 8/28/2005
Msg: 72
Do you or have you in the past practiced abstainance?
Posted: 9/24/2007 7:20:53 AM
Hey wizwoman, Yes I do practice abstainance. I consider myself a responsible adult. Why would I jump every woman I had the chance to when she may not be the one for me, but turns out would be great for a friend of mine. But because I was a dog and ppl knew me as a dog, and would not want to date/meet her knowing I had been there. It's called respect for myself and others.
This is why there are some many posts "Where are the good girls/guys." To me, no woman should date a womanizer, if he has not matured no one can change him.
 kindapicky
Joined: 8/28/2005
Msg: 73
Do you or have you in the past practiced abstainance?
Posted: 9/24/2007 7:25:04 AM
To musicianfriend, good luck and I hope the best for you. You are learning to make a man treat you with respect.
 lizzyO
Joined: 9/5/2007
Msg: 78
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Do you or have you in the past practiced abstainance?
Posted: 9/24/2007 6:44:39 PM
FYI, abstinence from sex and pedophilia have nothing to do with each other. Any form of sexual abuse has to do with a lust for power and control over someone perceived by the perpetrator to be weaker than themselves. The same is true for rape, nothing at all to do with sexual desire but rather power and control. Many pedophiles are also married and have children. Rather than blame the issue on celibate men and women, most of whom are good people. it is more likely that a pedophile will hide out in jobs/vocations like preisthood, religious life, teachers, coaches, etc. so they can have access to kids. I agree that it is shameful that these people are often allowed to continue with the abusive practice by being moved along to other posts, or not confronted or charged directly, but to say that these abuses have anything to do with abstinence is sheer ignorance of the problem. Pedophilia is a pyschological disorder according to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual put out by the American Psychological Association. Another fact to keep in mind is that often when someone has been abused as a child, they may grow up to abuse others, this is a manifestation of post traumatic stress disorder which results in re-enactment of a traumatic event when the victim is unable to work through the trauma. Of course, not all pedophiles have been abused but many have.
 genegem
Joined: 7/24/2007
Msg: 79
Do you or have you in the past practiced abstainance?
Posted: 9/24/2007 7:18:29 PM
***ya know i've been thinkin' I should start another thread for people to tell us WHY they chose to abstain in the first place - it would be interesting to hear the answers don't you think?***

Three years ago when my last r/s ended I made a conscious decision to not indulge sexually within 24 hours of meeting someone new, regardless of how much online/phone contact had preceded the meeting. I don't regret the decision but it has made for some interesting first date experiences. Woman who choose not to indulge on a first date expect men to respect their decision but ironically some woman have a totally contradictory attitude when it happens to be the man's decision. Obviously those femmes don't get a second date:-)
 Cinderoo
Joined: 8/2/2006
Msg: 80
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Do you or have you in the past practiced abstainance?
Posted: 9/24/2007 8:59:53 PM
Why yes, I've practiced abstinance, for 21 years now =). I've also been a virgin for 21 years. It's been all by choice at first, and later on faith became another reason not to.

I find it funny when i see people's expression when they learn that I'm a virgin or that I practice abstinance. It's like we're a dying breed! Most of childhood friends are still virgins, some of my friends now are virgins, I mean, are we that few around? I remember one guy telling me that it was the first time that he met one, to which I replied : "Oh, there's a lot more of us, trust me. It's just that most guys don't look for us, or they aren't looking properly!"

I've had times when it got really hard and you get those urges and all that stuff, but I find that everytime I get over them I get a bit stronger. And I think that if someone is able to be abstinant until they find their ONE (or whatever you want), it tells a lot about their loyaly, self-respect, and just how strong they can be.

And don't you hate it when you have those people who act as if they are respecting your wish to wait until later, but then try to be "the exception to the rule"?
I always tell all the guys that I go out with when the subject comes up that "if I'm able to wait for now 21 years and I'm still alive and kicking, it won't hurt them to wait however long ( in my personal case, marriage. Because I won't settle for anything less, and I think I deserve it! Lol ), no?

***I'll end the rant here, I hope you guys understand what I'm trying to say! It sounded a lot better in my head... ***

C.
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 83
Do you or have you in the past practiced abstainance?
Posted: 9/25/2007 1:30:10 PM

the thought of having needles jammed in my arms for aids tests,


Unfortunately, not quit that easy. . . . I've had two in my lifetime. (1) My husband of 12 years decided to jump the fence without letting me know ahead of time, and (2), a longterm (20 years) love lied (first and only time I know of).

~~~~~~~~~~~~

I've been abstinent for periods during my life, and not (for longer periods) and I can't really see that it, in and of itself, promotes spiritual growth. Perhaps to the contrary -- for me at least, spiritual growth encompasses all of my personality, my soul, my body. To partition part of that, and work on the growth of the other parts does produce some results, without doubt. Just saying that the bigger leaps, the longer passages of growth have occurred when I was *fully* engaged in life.

It's easy not to be afraid of dogs if you rule dogs out of your life. More difficult, but more true, if one learns not to be afraid of dogs when they ARE in your life.

This isn't to imply that others' spiritual paths are in any way inferior, simply that this is what has worked best for me.

 1frantastic
Joined: 9/15/2007
Msg: 87
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Do you or have you in the past practiced abstainence?
Posted: 9/27/2007 11:16:29 AM
"I chose abstinence because I didn't feel I could deal with the pain of another failed relationship. It turned out to be a very good, healthy decision./""With a lot of soul and a lot of lovin' to give to those who won't trod it all underfoot. "


very well said! I have been abstinent since mylast divorce....20 yrs ago....by choice...
and also because the meds took away my libedo but the ego was trodden upon so no desire to need the libedo.....After losing my job, insurance, stress of work situation,and long time to reflect on things (2 yrs ago) I have begun to make a come-back...still untouched or "man-handled"...but desire has returned...and I can look for that prince...may have to kiss a few frogs, but no more kissing toads!!!!
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 88
Do you or have you in the past practiced abstainence?
Posted: 9/27/2007 2:04:54 PM

Yes, I have, for 16 years, ie from 1 to 16 years old. That was long enough, in my case.


Ah, Zorba, lol! Go for it. . . .


 1frantastic
Joined: 9/15/2007
Msg: 89
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Do you or have you in the past practiced abstainence?
Posted: 9/27/2007 11:11:02 PM
I just realized my analogy needed some explaining to be understood on this thread....and yes I am still abstinent by choice, and yes it is difficult with an awakened sex drive that had been on ice for so many yrs....so I consider my self a re-concentrated virgin...like concentrated orange juice...add water to make it complete.... add marriage to make my sexuality complete.

I can look for that prince.....the one that matches me(compliments).....the frogs respect my abstinence.....the toads don't get it.
 musicianfriend
Joined: 7/23/2007
Msg: 90
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Do you or have you in the past practiced abstainance?
Posted: 10/3/2007 10:09:20 PM
I have been abstinate for 5 years.

It has been the largest mental growth period of my life. A very very good thing.
I feel I am now able to pick out a better life partner to spend my last days with.

Why? Because I now know who I am.

When in relationships, you loose yourself. If they are dysfunctional like mine were, you really get lost in the emotions.

I am clear in my mind now what I want.

No sex during dating keeps my mind open and dillegent to discern if this person will work in my life or not.


God has healed me and will send me a perfect husband. One he will approve of first. One that will work well with my personality.

This time, my personality and his will be in perfect harmony and the love will be beyond anything I have ever known. I know this is coming for me.

The Bible says "the two shall be as one". If we were one with our previouse spouses, how could we be divorced? I just don't think things were as they should have been. Hasty decisions based on sexual lust in my previous marriage. Love that was clouded by sexual lust. Pretend love it was. Not even real. If it was, it would have lasted.

We rush into relationships just too quickly these days.

God Bless
T
 OSU_Mom
Joined: 1/7/2006
Msg: 92
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Do you or have you in the past practiced abstainance?
Posted: 10/5/2007 3:34:20 AM
This has been the best thread! And like many of you here...I wondered if I was the "only" one not "doing it"!

Many words of wisdom here... and I sooooo agree with the fact that we are body, mind and spirit! (more people should try remembering the combination!!)

Thanx for starting a great thread!
 musicianfriend
Joined: 7/23/2007
Msg: 101
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Do you or have you in the past practiced abstainance?
Posted: 10/13/2007 7:24:32 PM
Blueguy 21 (posted 10/04 at 12:14a.m) is hope for the future.

Read what he said. That is the very best description of what life should be that I have ever read. AWESOME!!! And he is only 21. He gets it!!

This man will make a wonderful husband and father. Whomever marries him will be a very lucky lady. I say lady because I am sure that the kind of woman that he will marry.


You all should try to find the wisdom and knowledge he has.

First good place to read would be the book of Proverbs. It explains how to have a peaceful life. It is really easy.

Don't be a sheeple and listen to liberal lies.

Abstinence is a good place to go when you need to grow and mature. You become more in touch with your own soul.

Then you become a better person inside and your relationships will prosper.

Having sex too soon will cripple your judgement.

Abstinence is definately an good option.
 musicianfriend
Joined: 7/23/2007
Msg: 102
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Do you or have you in the past practiced abstainance?
Posted: 10/15/2007 12:22:17 AM
I am not in a relationship.

Who would I be intimate with?

Don't you worry. Just because we are abstinate doesn't mean we are not sensual.

Just because one does not like to partake in indescriminate sexual encounters, or 1 month wonder relationships etc does not mean we do not like sex. When we do have sex, I am sure it is better than the SLAM BAM people. A cold sex act with no real emotion.

I love what a young man said about sex, he said that sex is not a toy, or a piece of candy that you can indulge on whenever you feel like it. It is an experience experienced between two people who truly love each other and share in their most sacred and private moment.

It is special when it is reserved for marriage. For those of you who have never waited for marriage, you just will never know what you have missed out on. It creates a very special bond between you both. But then again, these days, people have forgotten how to truly love each other. This is how it was done in the past. That is why there is so much divorce today. No wisdom in choosing a spouse. The choice is clouded by lust.

We just like good sex, so we are patient to meet the right one. When there is love present in the love making, there is nothing better than true love sex. Just nothing better.

Some of you people think you are having a great sex life, but if you have never experienced love with your sex, real love......then I have to tell you, you just don't know what you are missing!!!!!

We like to be careful in our choices. I would like my good common sense to make my decision of a life mate. Not my crotch.
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