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Show ALL Forums  > Ask A Girl  > Searching for love in prison...you kidding right?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 lie to me
Joined: 9/17/2007
Msg: 23
Searching for love in prison...you kidding right?Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
It may be cruel, but I gotta go with Finneganne on this one.

It IS sad. They (the women) ARE desparate. They ARE cracked. There ARE some super deep issues going on with them. But yeah. It does seem to be Darwinism at it's best. Hell. You wouldn't stick your head in a croc's maw, would you??? Pull the tail of a lion? Give a little love hug to an anaconda? No??? Why not? Have you evolved and learned better? Some people haven't.
 thrums
Joined: 7/28/2007
Msg: 25
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Searching for love in prison...you kidding right?
Posted: 10/1/2007 7:39:58 PM
Lifeisfree - as someone who has served in the military ( 9 years in the Royal Air Force) I find your comment both insulting and ignorant, the military of both my country of birth and my adopted country(U.K. and U. S.) have served to allow us to have this exchange of views - despite comments about military behavior in recent conflicts (everybody has their own opinion on Afghanistan and Iraq) - we still live in a free country. I think that using criminal and military in the same sentence is degrading to the young women and men who are trying to preserve our way of life.
 amelodyforadrian
Joined: 8/26/2007
Msg: 27
Searching for love in prison...you kidding right?
Posted: 10/1/2007 8:10:22 PM
It's one thing to date someone who has been in prison and is now on the straight and narrow. But most of these prison romance things begin while the person is in prison. These guys know exactly what type of women to go after. I just finished reading a book called "The Red Zone'' which was an account of the San Francisco Dog attack that was much publicized. The dogs were the property of a prisoner who basically got some ''lonely'' woman to raise them for him. He manipulated her from behind bars and later the prisoner's lawyer and his wife got all tangled romantically with him. This guy was a mastermind at manipulation.

As was Charles Manson. He got women to do his bidding.

Even sicker are the women who marry guys on death row, serial killers even. Ted Bundy got married behind bars. Richard Ramirez did too. As did both of the Menendez Brothers. Personally I don't think people who commit these kinds of heinous crimes should be allowed a marriage. And the women who want to marry them, seriously need their heads checked out.
 thatguy276
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 29
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Searching for love in prison...you kidding right?
Posted: 10/3/2007 12:21:12 AM
As a correctional officer, I've seen several members of correctional staff (not just ladies) get fired and even prosecuted for having afairs with inmates (because an inmate is a ward of the state, having sexual relations with an inmate is the same as statutory rape or sex with a mentally retarded person). I have often wondered why a person would put their job and freedom at risk for a few minutes of pleasure from an inmate so I finally asked one day after a seargent at my unit got fired for it.

I was told sometimes when people are depressed and lonely, maybe just went through a bad breakup or devorce, or maybe their signifigant other hasn't been quite as signifigant lately, they fall for the constant day in/day out compliments and come ons coming from guys who haven't been with a woman for several years. Inmates can be smooth talkers, and if that's the only place a person is receiving that kind of attention then in some cases that's where they're gonna get their lovin from, 'cause they ain't gettin' too many offers from guys on the outside. I've even had inmates try to chat me up. I told them if they even think about it they WILL get a warm sensation in their nether regions, but it WON'T be the kind they're looking for (pepper spray is a wonderful thing sometimes, especially the law enforcement grade, lol).
 seriously_submissive
Joined: 10/26/2005
Msg: 32
Searching for love in prison...you kidding right?
Posted: 10/3/2007 4:51:54 PM
[And, quite frankly, military is not so far removed from criminal either.]

Just what the crap does that mean? Theses young men and women that VOLUNTARILY offer their lives in the defense of our country and the interests of our country absolutely postively did not derserve that comment.

Who ever you are you owe a huge apology to what you implied.........that a service man or woman is in any way similar to a criminal.

You should be ashamed.
 hharbottle1960
Joined: 2/22/2008
Msg: 34
Searching for love in prison...you kidding right?
Posted: 3/9/2008 11:43:24 PM
Finally someone with some sense here!

NOW - I'm a gay guy who was not desperate am not a nut job or anything of the sort.
I found my current boyfriend of 6 yes SIX years, in prison and we are so happy together it's silly! He has a 9 year old daughter whom I adore as much as she adores me and her daddy. He has a great job, a brand new car, and we share a very nice home in an upper scale neighborhood of Northern California.

He was in for PETTY THEFT! He has never stolen from me, he pays his own way in terms of his half of all the bills and everything. It's been six years since he got out and things could not be better. I'M NOT ASKING FOR APPLAUSE HERE but simply
wanted to share my success story for all you doubting Thomases out there.

What do I do? I am a spiritual counselor and Religious Scientist.
 AbstractAstra
Joined: 1/31/2007
Msg: 35
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Searching for love in prison...you kidding right?
Posted: 3/10/2008 12:07:29 AM
There are penpal schemes for writing to people in prison, including on death row, so a lot of people (mostly women) choose to do that because they like letter writing and/or because they want to help someone. It sounds like he was putting on an act and she fell for it, probably thinking he wasn't the evil man he was portrayed as. So she might not have set out to find a relationship with a man in prison, but sometimes feeling do develop without us meaning them to. Also, if he was able to con his way into her life and her home, chances are he was very deceptive and convincing.
 hharbottle1960
Joined: 2/22/2008
Msg: 37
Searching for love in prison...you kidding right?
Posted: 3/11/2008 2:44:17 PM
We are polyamorists and we are seeking a third, plain and simple.
The situation is he has a daughter, Chelsea that needs afterschool care and since
we both work sometimes long and strange hours, we seek a third person
who can be a stay at home partner to take care of Chelsea.
I am a Spiritual Counselor and he works as a manager of a large call center

So that is the story of my active profile.
Yes I know there are other sites that cater to our lifestyle but we have had very little luck going that route.

Thank you for taking the time to respond and allowing me to explain the seeming discrepancy.
 spitfire6844
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 38
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Searching for love in prison...you kidding right?
Posted: 3/15/2008 12:28:18 PM
OP: You are right on-point with your observations. I'm gonna give it to you straight: These prison relationships are ridiculous. They're ridiculous.

Yes, the women are lowering their standards to be with a con. These are invariably bad matchups, and the cons rarely adjust well to life on the outside even with a supportive girlfriend in tow.

Yes, it's possible for some delusional women to love these cons for years and years without the love fading. That's the tragic aspect of all this. The cons don't really bring much to these relationships, and never will. However, the women who love them keep hanging on and throwing away their lives because of the misplaced "love". Some women can be convinced to drop these guys, but other women are lost and can't be persuaded to leave that behind. All you can do is let them find out the hard way.
 TheLimey
Joined: 2/24/2008
Msg: 39
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Searching for love in prison...you kidding right?
Posted: 3/15/2008 3:38:33 PM

And, quite frankly, military is not so far removed from criminal either./

That has to be THE most insultig ****ing post I've seen ANYWHERE on this ****ing board. Being former USAF I take that VERY ****ing personal & if I had my way next goddamn time there is a war we'd make sure that none of us "criminals' did a goddamn thing to protect your sorry ****ing ass.
 hharbottle1960
Joined: 2/22/2008
Msg: 40
Searching for love in prison...you kidding right?
Posted: 3/15/2008 4:21:56 PM
I completely disagree. It may be the case that "MOST" cons bring nothing to the table however my boyfriend an "Ex-Con" of 6 years brings a lot to the relationship.
He is very supportive, has a great job, his own car, takes very good care of his daughter
and pulls his own weight when it comes to the financial matters of the house etc.

It is not fair to generalize that "ALL" inmates are the same. As I said we have been together the 6 soon to be 7 years since his release and I certainly don't lack from self esteem or anything else, not then and not now.

We are discussing co-adopting another child together matter of fact.
I would encourage everyone out there to consider the risks before writing to an inmate
but great and wonderful relationships can and are established every day and my partner and I are living proof. I really don't know what I would do without my Nick,
honestly. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me.
 spitfire6844
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 44
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Searching for love in prison...you kidding right?
Posted: 3/23/2008 7:23:22 AM
The fantasy element makes some sense. I remember that there was a poster on a similar thread who indicated a fetish for bad boys. She was a wild-eyed, 60's hippie living in the Midwest and fell for some guy doing a misdemeanor stint. It didn't work out, but apparently she still loves the guy after all these years. It's pathetic, but she must have built a whole fantasy around the guy and that's what she's in love with.
 NamelessOne
Joined: 3/10/2008
Msg: 48
Searching for love in prison...you kidding right?
Posted: 3/24/2008 3:25:02 AM
IMO if you start looking for love in the pen then you get bludgeoned like a pinata, not to sound like a cold-hearted SOB, but you just won yourself a Darwin Award.

YOU'RE WINNER!
 hharbottle1960
Joined: 2/22/2008
Msg: 50
Searching for love in prison...you kidding right?
Posted: 3/28/2008 12:16:43 AM
No, most inmates do not have internet access however they place their ads on sites like

Prisonpenpals.com
Hotprisonpals.com
Gayprisoners.net

and many many others. Then people correspond with them and that is where they start. It is not to say that some resourceful prisoners don't find a way onto the net
just the way it is, but for the most part no.
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