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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Is red hot romance possible after 50?      Home login  
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 RDtoo
Joined: 1/30/2005
Msg: 1
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Is red hot romance possible after 50?Page 1 of 26    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26)
Most of my life I have been an incurable romantic. I have never been married but discarded the notion a few years back that expecting a red hot chemistry kind of relationship at this age (51) was probably unlikely. For one thing, most people my age have children and grandchildren. I find it hard to relate to this as I have neither. Also most people my age, me included, have at least one or two medical issues that makes us unlikely Romeo and Juliets. So I reasoned that if I could find someone around my age that was a nice person that is about as much as I could hope for. Well, I met such a person and we have dated sporadically for several months now, but I have come to the conclusion that I am just not going to develop feelings for this person. There just seems to be nothing there. Before I terminate this thing can anyone tell me if I am nuts to expect to find red hot romance at this age? I mean the kind of thing that inspires you to write poetry or paint pictures, that sort of thing?
 bearwoman1959
Joined: 8/25/2006
Msg: 2
Is red hot romance possible after 50?
Posted: 10/8/2007 10:57:21 PM
God, I hope it's possible. I'm almost 48 and feel like I've never had any great romances, just a 21 year marriage that failed and alot of relationships that failed. So far, it's all been a disppointment for me, and I really don't have high expectations, just honesty, humor, respect, faithfulness, and a man who showers every day. Is that too much to ask for? I guess it is, but hope springs eternal. As long as I'm breathing, I hope to meet my soul mate. Guess I should be looking. That might help.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 3
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Is red hot romance possible after 50?
Posted: 10/9/2007 6:23:00 AM
If you have no feelings for the person, please do the kindest thing for the both of you and tell that person that they fit into the friend catagory.

I am begining to dislike the word romance as it seems to be used by most people in datingland. Poetry, Romeo and Juiette have never been my thing. I cringe when someone on pof sends me a poem. So many posters quote love songs.

My idea of romance is far more practical. Is it based on intense feeling, not how artsy people get about each other.

I had the hottest romance of my life started shortly before my 50th. birthday, so the answer in my case is yes. I can still remember walking around in a fog after we left each other and went to work. My mind was definately focused on him 24/7, like his presence was still in the room even though he wasn't in reality there. This relation ran it's course. A couple of years later fate brought us back together. He told me word for word how our relationship made him feel. Word for word it was just how I felt. You would think with all these feeling the relationship would have worked out, but it didn't.
He couldn't stop blaming himself from thing that had happened in the past, and that brought the whole thing to an end.

So yes, it is very possible. I believe that the chemistry has to be just right though, and that both parties must be free emotionally to be involved with each other.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 4
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Is red hot romance possible after 50?
Posted: 10/9/2007 10:29:48 AM
I think the poster who said that if you haven't had a hot romance by the time that you are 50 then you probably aren't going to have one after 50 raises a good point.

Some people can be more hot blooded than others. It is also key to find a person who can make your blood boil. This isn't something we can learn to do. If is either there or it isn't.
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 5
Is red hot romance possible after 50?
Posted: 10/9/2007 3:26:22 PM

Before I terminate this thing can anyone tell me if I am nuts to expect to find red hot romance at this age? I mean the kind of thing that inspires you to write poetry or paint pictures, that sort of thing?


The greatest love of my life (so far, lol!) occurred the year I turned 64. Neither of us were looking, neither of us expecting much but a quiet old age, doing things we liked with friends. Nevertheless, neither of us shrunk from it when it began to be clear the size and parameters of what was forming. Had one of us not died, I have zero doubt we'd still be going strong. . . .

Here's a poem from then:

Kiddles, listen up

Love at twenty is a piccolo,
pleasing and piercing.

At thirty-five, a string quartet,
sweet and mellow

Over sixty?
Full orchestra
Carnegie Hall
Toscanini
harmonics of a lifetime


JJLi


Stay hungry.

 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 6
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Is red hot romance possible after 50?
Posted: 10/9/2007 3:27:11 PM
I sort of scratch my head when I read posts for men/women who post about how the romance was hot to begin with but died out. That I have never experienced personally.
Passion once found, for me never dies. It is the finding it that is the problem.
 Rythmn
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 7
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Is red hot romance possible after 50?
Posted: 10/9/2007 3:58:52 PM
i've had it for a fleeting 18 months. it cannot always be the other person's "fix". you BOTH have to also be willing to glide in between the passionate and joyous moments. that is where love becomes a "decision" and not just a feeling. many people refuse to truly love and commit--for a variety of reasons. ah, was scott peck's concept of love an illusion or the real deal? well, call me stupid if that's what you think, but i am still going with it!
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 8
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Is red hot romance possible after 50?
Posted: 10/9/2007 5:09:44 PM
"Passion once found, for me never dies


Passion can die if the rest of the relationship isn't there. For anything to stay alive, it has to be fed and worked "

When I posted Passion once found, for me never dies I was refering to a loving, long term relationship not a fling. Of course, passion can die if it doesn't have all the things important to a relationship.

One of the reasons I am selective about who I accept dates from is because I can't have a hot romance if certain things aren't present in the other person.
 Talitha001
Joined: 6/17/2005
Msg: 9
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Is red hot romance possible after 50?
Posted: 10/9/2007 5:53:58 PM
Of course a red hot romance is possible after 50!!!! We are just beginning to live when we hit 50!!! Kids are grown and gone, no fear of pregnancy, uninterrupted time to spend with one another...My God...this is the BEST time for romance!!!
 NatGoat
Joined: 10/15/2005
Msg: 10
Is red hot romance possible after 50?
Posted: 10/9/2007 6:57:08 PM
Soit-ny . . ! [Nyuck-Nyuck!]
Even if it begins with a chance meeting at a Karaeoke Bar . . and admiring each others singing . . !!
Romance is possible at ANY age . .
and . . with the proper chemistry . .
Call the F . D . ......!!!
 UneBellaVie
Joined: 6/10/2007
Msg: 11
Is red hot romance possible after 50?
Posted: 10/9/2007 7:25:14 PM
[Since I still have a pluse I have the capacity to fall head over heals, get stupid ,silly,sweaty palms heart racing, act like a Jr High School kid , drunk with romance red hot to white heat in love. ]

Absolutely! Positively, hands down emphatically YESSSSS
 Rythmn
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 12
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Is red hot romance possible after 50?
Posted: 10/9/2007 8:50:59 PM
bless you mellow123! i was beginning to worry, as my birthday is coming up and i don't like to date men who are too young (as i don't see it as lasting and i am really over the playing field by now). so, i can look forward to more of the same?!* with a man in his 50's? and also with someone who is not afraid of love?!* well, you have made my day!
 RDtoo
Joined: 1/30/2005
Msg: 13
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Is red hot romance possible after 50?
Posted: 10/9/2007 10:10:18 PM
Some interesting responses to my quiry. I think some people thought that I am just looking for red hot sex. That is not what I meant. Sex is easy to find. I am talking about a true intercourse of the souls. If you don't know what I mean, well sorry. I can see that a few of you have experienced what I am referring to.

The most helpful answer came from robin4wheels. Bingo. Some people just do not have that in them whether they are 18 or 50. I am one of those types and have come to the conclusion, that yes, it is still possible.

To the person who scoffed at my mentioning writing poetry. All I can say is that poetry normally bores me, so to meet a woman that inspires me to write a poem, it would have to be something really special. That is what I am talking about when I say red hot romance.
 UneBellaVie
Joined: 6/10/2007
Msg: 14
Is red hot romance possible after 50?
Posted: 10/10/2007 7:51:32 AM
Any age + the right person = spontaneous combustion!!
 RDtoo
Joined: 1/30/2005
Msg: 15
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Is red hot romance possible after 50?
Posted: 10/10/2007 9:28:11 PM
Thanks for all the great responses. A couple of you mentioned that those red hot chemisty type of things tend to burn out fast. I have to admit that has usually been the case. I have never been married and have never been in a relationship over 2 years. Most of my romances have been red hot short lived type of things. Fun while it lasted though. A few years back having lost my father and mother and having no kids or much family to speak of, I decided that if I could just meet a decent person maybe I could learn to love this person and not have to grow old alone. Well, just reading this thread has made me determined not to compromise on what I am looking for even if it never comes. The great thing about this is that once I made this decision, it was like taking off a mask or a disguise. I kind of feel like myself again. That might not make sense to anyone, but that is ok. Your reponses have helped.
 NatGoat
Joined: 10/15/2005
Msg: 16
Is red hot romance possible after 50?
Posted: 10/11/2007 12:23:09 PM
Sure it is . .
...and we 50+ types Still know how to Dance . . correctly . . !!!
 *buzz*
Joined: 6/1/2006
Msg: 17
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Is red hot romance possible after 50?
Posted: 10/11/2007 1:06:45 PM

Romance and passion become more beautiful the older you get
... because it reflects not a spur of the moment but nurturing that comes hand in hand with respect and TLC.
 RDtoo
Joined: 1/30/2005
Msg: 18
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Is red hot romance possible after 50?
Posted: 10/11/2007 11:34:18 PM
P-trish, yeah I guess that sounded kind of pathetic saying that "meeting a nice person is about as much as I can hope for". Let me try to clarify that. I have no problem meeting women my age that want to date me. From what I have seen though, many people 50 and over suffer from depression or other health issues. I know I do and most women I have met do. Many of us our set in our ways so much, that putting forth an effort to allow someone into our lives is an effort. Something I have noticed in many women that I have met is that their lives revolve around their children and grandchildren so much that they will not let anyone into their life. So, I think it is difficult to find love after 50. I know scores of people over 50 who just accept it. Defeated attitude or realistic? I'm not sure but as I said earlier I have decided not to accept less than what I hope to find even if it never comes.

WaywardSeeker, sounds like a good book. I will have to check it out.

One last thing. In reference to my OP. I read about a guy who was around 60 who went to these speed dating things where you have 2 minutes with each person. His main question was to ask what medications they were on. LOL. There might be something to be said for doing that. So over 50 dating has got to be different than dating in your 20s and 30s.
 Rythmn
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 19
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Is red hot romance possible after 50?
Posted: 10/12/2007 1:36:43 AM
the more i read this thread, the more i wonder if some people have not been having ANY "red hot sex", because they are literally afraid of getting burned by the fire!

i agree with some of the midway comments, that when i referred to my 18 month relationship, i was not talking about a one nite stand or fling. i thought we had the whole package which included, but was not limited to, passion. however my fire needs to build and it has to have a hearth. if i could have my druthers, it would be passionate at times, but also joyous, rhythmic, uplifting, happy, comforting, secure. NOT more of a tension release or alleviation of performance anxiety than a true spiritual union.

it is hard to find people who have not been burned or who have been burned and still pursuit the dream of a good partnership. it seems that when many find it and it's "great" at first, rather than being "grateful", they start to become fearful or wary of losing their independence or control. so the blazing coals soon become embers.

maybe as we get older, more confidence and a positive outlook is needed. mostly humor, i guess. when younger, you are more optimistic and not all that educated about life's ups and downs. still, to me, having a loving partner is less of a risk than whatever fears that intimacy, or letting go of control, conjure up for many people.

oh well, our creator sure does have a sense of humor! when young, you fear pregnancy. when old, you have to combat ED and vaginal dryness . and, if your knees don't hurt, your back goes out. too funny!
 SueCat51
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 20
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Is red hot romance possible after 50?
Posted: 10/12/2007 12:47:14 PM
OP - I believe that a red hot romance is possible at any age. It's about attitude, it's about having a happy heart! Our largest pleasure organ is our brain, if we nourish it with good things and good thoughts it will reward us amply.

If one "expects" anything in life and those expectations aren't met, one will be sorely disappointed. Sometimes passions come on hard, fast, hot, and strong, other times they come on slowly, barely able to recognize it. Go with the flow and be happy, it's a good start.
 RDtoo
Joined: 1/30/2005
Msg: 21
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Is red hot romance possible after 50?
Posted: 10/12/2007 10:06:45 PM
Shipoker, many posts back I stated that I was not talking about red hot sex. Maybe that is all a relationship is to some people. I want to meet a true soulmate where sex is secondary to the passion in our souls. No, I am not the young buck I was 20 years ago, but there is a fire burning in me still. I want to live. I want to dance slow. I want to whisper in one anothers ears secrets we have. I want to go to Disney World (I have never been). I am not ready to sit at a card table playing euchre with other 50 somethings. (See my thread on over 30 forum called "I don't know whether to kill myself or play euchre"). None of us know when our health can take a turn for the worse, and it is a real possibility in our age bracket. I don't want to go gently into that "good-night". In the words of Emile Zola "If you ask me what I came into this world to do, I will tell you: I came to live out loud". Age may have slowed me down and threw some curve balls at me, but I ain't dead yet.
 NatGoat
Joined: 10/15/2005
Msg: 22
Is red hot romance possible after 50?
Posted: 10/13/2007 9:23:43 AM
Of course it is . . !!!

{...because ... if it's NOT . . I'm Frogged . . !!!...}
 Hammerman
Joined: 7/10/2006
Msg: 23
Is red hot romance possible after 50?
Posted: 10/14/2007 12:00:05 AM
There are a lot of nice Persons out there but should that be good enough ?, Red hot romance is possible at any age but in reading your letter i wonder if you ever have experienced it , if you never have at your age than maybe you should settle for nice if you really want a partner in life just make sure you tell them exactly how you feel maybe the feel the same way as you and then you 2 can be matches after all . I personally am in a predicament in ending a red hot romance relationship . thats all there is but we do not see eye to eye on most things that are needed in everyday life so even a red hot romance is not what it is cut out to be when your tastes wants and needs are not met and all you have is good sex. Wish you good luck with your situation.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 24
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Is red hot romance possible after 50?
Posted: 10/14/2007 4:47:11 PM
If I keep being contacted by men with no energy, I am going to have to change my answer to NO
 genegem
Joined: 7/24/2007
Msg: 25
Is red hot romance possible after 50?
Posted: 10/14/2007 5:27:11 PM


There just seems to be nothing there. Before I terminate this thing can anyone tell me if I am nuts to expect to find red hot romance at this age? I mean the kind of thing that inspires you to write poetry or paint pictures, that sort of thing?


Is red hot romance possible after 50? ... ABSOLUTELY and it has inspired most
of my poetry.

As distant suns explode in light
My Soul continues on its flight
As clouds of stars begin to spin.
My heart it tumbles down within.
With a flash our lips they part.
within my breast my trembling heart.
The mind it reels at how you fit
so much love in just one kiss.


Perhaps what you need to determine for yourself is whether you need
a comfortable relationship that satisfies most of your needs or the excitement of a
"red hot" romance that perhaps only satisfied 10% of them.
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