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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?      Home login  
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 simplyred74
Joined: 8/9/2007
Msg: 1
Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?Page 1 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
Should I list myself as "single" or "divorced"?

I've been divorced since 2002 - 5+ years. Was married for 3 years to a man with whom I had no children and absolutely zero ties. He's american, as is his family, so there is no chance of running into him unless I choose to visit a small town in Vermont.

I've run across men on here that list themselves as single, even though they have gone through a divorce. There thoughts are that since they have no ties to the ex, they are truly single.

I've been hesitant to list myself as single as I don't want to be accused of hiding my past, but I am also aware that some people see the word "divorced" and run, despite the fact that, all in all, I am truly single.

Just curious to see the opinions out there! Thanks :)
 LangloisJ
Joined: 2/28/2007
Msg: 2
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Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 10/10/2007 1:45:50 PM
I see divorced and think...this person might have some baggage, if the girl's cute enough I will send her a message though, I would just list myself as single....everything comes out eventually and they aren't gonna say...oh I thought you were single....because you are single, you aren't with anyone....

Not too big of a deal for me but single looks better,
 Pilot152
Joined: 10/16/2006
Msg: 3
Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 10/10/2007 1:52:45 PM
If you have no baggage, kids or ties to the ex single is not really different from divorced. Unless you are Catholic and looking for another marriage....that's a bridge you can cross when you come to if it applies to you.

I am divorced but have no contact with the ex, no kids and really no baggage outside of some now minor financial issues. As she cheated I consider our marriage annulled and myself single.
 FeistyFaerie
Joined: 3/15/2007
Msg: 4
Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 10/10/2007 2:01:24 PM
There was a whole thread on this not too long back....it got rather heated and people all have different and varying reasons for putting whatever they do on their profiles...personally, I believe it's that person's choice to put whatever they want as long as they're open and honest about it and not stretching terminology to the point of outright lying....i.e. married person saying single. In the terms of single/divorced, one does not necessarily denote the other...hell, separated is still technically married, so it's all interpretation and honesty is where the integrity lies on figuring out which shade of gray is right. Do what you believe and feel to be right - you're going to have to eventually explain everything anyway, so who is really to say what's right for you or not?
 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 5
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Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 10/10/2007 2:07:23 PM
There are some strong and conflicting opinions on this one. I say if you think of yourself as single and have no ties, go ahead and list yourself as single because it is more reflective of the reality you feel. The only potential downside might be if you get interested in someone who thinks of it as a big lie and chooses to cut contact because of that. oh well.
 someplace***
Joined: 5/15/2007
Msg: 6
Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 10/10/2007 2:08:43 PM
If I met a woman on here, who was claiming to be single, I assume that means: never married.

If such a woman later told me that she'd been divorced, I'd wonder what else she was hiding or lying about.



Was married for 3 years to a man with whom I had no children and absolutely zero ties. He's american, as is his family, so there is no chance of running into him unless I choose to visit a small town in Vermont.
You were married once, and it didn't work out. If I were meeting you, I wouldn't hold that fact against you.
But, if a woman was attempting to meet men, by hiding the fact that she was previously married: I'd assume that she 's willing to be decietful to the men she's meeting.
The fact that she appears to be trying to cover-up a previous marriage would be what turns me off.



I've run across men on here that list themselves as single, even though they have gone through a divorce.
they're lying.


There thoughts are that since they have no ties to the ex, they are truly single.
but they were married once. So they're "divorced".

If they want to be open and honest with people they're meeting, shouldn't they be upfront and honest about the previous marriage?
 DevineDene
Joined: 10/12/2006
Msg: 7
Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 10/10/2007 2:09:26 PM
Your single as far as I can tell.
1-You have o ties/baggage with the ex.
2-You've been single longer then you were married.

You can always clarify your meaning if your asked.


DD
 eazk
Joined: 9/8/2006
Msg: 8
Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 10/10/2007 2:15:27 PM
From a readers perspective....

Single at 30 is fine...no problems...in fact, actually good, especially if no kids.

Single at 40 and no kids is a red flag...hmmm, why now? Is the biological clock ticking? Can't she handle LTR?

Single at 40 and kids is a freight train bearing down on your @ss...OMG....maybe she can't she handle LTR?

Divorced and 32 and no kids...good...she's experienced life, LTR, etc., and hopefully learned a few things along the way. But luckily the issues weren't compounded with kids and such. Hmmmm, wonder how long ago she became divorced and is she over the greif stuff. D@mn she's cute...gotta send a hello.

 RACER256
Joined: 2/16/2007
Msg: 9
Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 10/10/2007 2:22:27 PM
ARE YOU SINGLE OR DIVORCED...SIMPLE QUESTION...IM DIVORCED AND SINGLE
 WaywardSeeker
Joined: 7/12/2007
Msg: 10
Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 10/10/2007 2:25:16 PM
Interesting question. When your divorce is final you are, in fact, single again.
So my answer is put down whichever you please.
This is what happens when you try to squeeze a question with several dimensions into one set of mutually exclusive categories.
There are people on here that have been divorced for 20 years, for goodness sake.
 picker_grinner
Joined: 7/26/2005
Msg: 11
Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 10/10/2007 2:46:58 PM
If divorced was the same as single there would be no reason to have it in the drop down. IMO, failure to be able to admit you're divorced IS baggage, as if you're in denial. And people that see the word 'divorced' and run have some baggage of their own. The truth will set you free unless you 'prefer not to say'.
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 12
Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 10/10/2007 2:55:43 PM
If I met a woman on here, who was claiming to be single, I assume that means: never married.


You could assume that, but that's just you assuming. Until the category choice is: single/never married, I'm gonna be single. Tried "widowed" but boy did *that* bring the vultures outta the trees.

One might think we had neither tongues to talk with nor ears to hear.




BTW, I also assume that 10,000 angels can stand on the head of a pin. Should I start a new thread?
 umustbestable
Joined: 4/2/2007
Msg: 14
Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 10/10/2007 2:57:55 PM
Okay it is an honest issue. People who have been married must get an annulment or a divorce to not be married anymore. People who are single are not married. Single people can't call themselves divorced and divorced people can't call themselves single. Why hide a huge part of your life? Everything we've gone through in life makes us who we are now. It's going to come out eventually and then you will look like a liar. Do you really want to take the chance that you will lose some one you care about or worse, that he won't care cause he's not an honest person anyway? As far as men who think divorce equals baggage...you don't want those men to contact you anyway. Everyone has baggage...its how you carry yours that matters.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 15
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Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 10/10/2007 3:05:28 PM
"If divorced was the same as single there would be no reason to have it in the drop down. IMO, failure to be able to admit you're divorced IS baggage, as if you're in denial. And people that see the word 'divorced' and run have some baggage of their own. The truth will set you free unless you 'prefer not to say'." Picker nailed it. There are choices on the drop-down for a reason. Single means never married.

When was the last time you filled out a job application? What do you choose as marital status? If you're divorced and you check single, you could be terminated for misrepresentation on your application. Apply for a mortgage, buy a house, there's all sorts of forms that have a box and choices for marital status. It's just a fact, if you've been married, and aren't you're either divorced or widowed. Why is it such a big deal to put "single"?

I think as picker pointed out, if I were communicating with someone who chose single and you find out they're divorced or widowed that'd be a red flag. I'd wonder what else they weren't being upfront about. Look at all the threads where people meet someone who's lied about basic facts, height, age and body size. Throw in marital status, I've been lied to about all 4, and that was the end for me. If you won't be upfront about basic facts about yourself, it's highly likely there's something else you'll misrepresent.
 Double Cabin
Joined: 11/29/2004
Msg: 16
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Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 10/10/2007 3:07:12 PM
"Feelings" aside semantics dictate you will always be divorced. Apparently the ladies have the opposite problem with me.

I'd like to know everything about you that I can, and given more than half of today's marriages go down the proverbial crapper any man that hold's divorce against you should be removed from the gene pool immediately. On the flip side any woman that holds my decision not to have had marriage with a more than 1 in 2 chance of failure against me is too consumed with sterotype for me to bother thinking about.

Seek out individuals, they are infinitely more entertaining and fulfilling in my limited experience.
 Sabrosura
Joined: 8/1/2007
Msg: 18
Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 10/10/2007 4:14:36 PM
Plain and very simple - you were married once. Therefore, since you are no longer married you are a divorcee. Why lie? If someone thinks any "less" of you because you indicate your true status, than you do not need them in your life.

Being divorced does not mean you are not a desirable catch for a man. No, I've never been married, but I will not "sugar coat" or lie about myself to please any one who is ignorant of thinking that something is "wrong" with divorced people or any criteria relevant to me.

All the best,

 ~Myth~
Joined: 6/1/2007
Msg: 19
Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 10/10/2007 6:46:43 PM
ooooooooooook . . . here is my 1/2 penny . . .

Divorced: Signed by the judge! Official!


Separate: Married, but not officially divorce . . .living in separate homes . . . living in separate bedrooms . . . . living separate lives . . . but . . . . . NOT signed by the judge declaring you divorce!!!


Single: Never married . . . may have been in a long term relationship for many years but never married.

Best of luck to all,

~Myth~
 Temptation50
Joined: 5/13/2007
Msg: 20
Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 10/10/2007 6:54:10 PM
I'm a single divorced widower.........that marriage was dead, does that work?
 Karrpilot
Joined: 1/26/2007
Msg: 21
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Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 10/10/2007 7:08:47 PM
Maybe the web site needs to broaden and include all of the options. Single, never married, seperated, divorced, widowed/widower, and even possibly annulled. And then if the person picked the wrong one and was called on it, it could be discussed at that time. But at this present time that is not an option. So unless you are a single and never married as i am, you should not choose that option.
 Quasi-modem
Joined: 10/2/2007
Msg: 22
Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 10/10/2007 7:26:30 PM
Wow...

I'm a bit surprised by the answers here.

Am I daft?

If someone asked you if you are divorced and you say yes...then you are divorced.

No wonder people ask when photos were taken.
 livingquestion
Joined: 10/4/2007
Msg: 23
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Posted: 10/10/2007 7:41:10 PM
I am not sure about this. But for myself, I have choosen to say "divorced" because my marriage had a lot to do with whom I am today. To me a person that says single after a divorce screams "I dislike the all idea of marriage, actually it would have been better If I had never got married", simply not my case.
 MetalVixxn
Joined: 4/4/2007
Msg: 24
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Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 10/10/2007 7:51:57 PM
If you are divorced, you are DIVORCED. If I met someone on here that listed themself as single and I later found out that they had been married, I would be very irritated because they lied. Plus, for personal reasons, I do not want to date a divorcee.
 r00tcause
Joined: 10/14/2007
Msg: 25
Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 10/28/2007 10:12:59 PM
I think one of the problems people have is that due to the design of the search system people will be far more likely to find you if you are "single" since it only allows you to choose one category at a time. It's not like I want to go out of the way and perform every search TWICE, one with "single" and one with "divorced".

That being said I have some serious issues with the entire IDEA of "divorced" as a category. Why is it even an option? You are either single, or NOT single. I fail to understand the relevance of it all. What is the difference whether one was married, or simply in a relationship for along time and not married? Why don't we have a special word/category for people who break up after LTR's? Why not a special category for people who've date 100 different people? We could even have "virgin single" which wold mean they had never dated anyone. Why does divorce carry such a negative connotation? It seems that a person is ok if they have had 30 failed STR's but a person who had 1 long term relationship that resulted in marriage and eventually divorce is the more negative of the 2?? The solution is simple! The entire category should be deleted! Why, because you are either SINGLE or you should NOT BE HERE.
 r00tcause
Joined: 10/14/2007
Msg: 26
Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 10/28/2007 10:33:48 PM

You could assume that, but that's just you assuming. Until the category choice is: single/never married, I'm gonna be single. Tried "widowed" but boy did *that* bring the vultures outta the trees.


One might think we had neither tongues to talk with nor ears to hear.
This is yet another example of my above post which states that the category should not exist? Why must widowed be differentiated from single? Im pretty sure that makes you single. Why is there this relentless need to categorize everyone? (answer: because its easier to stereotype them that way)
 London Lass 59
Joined: 4/25/2007
Msg: 27
Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 10/28/2007 10:37:13 PM
I am divorced, and it says so in my profile. Single to me means never married. I am honest in my profile, and I hope that others are too, but I do have my doubts sometimes.....
I am however, very wary of the guys my age that state that they are single, never married and have no kids, what have they been doing all these years?? I have encountered these guys who at age 48 are still living with their parents......... That for me is a problem............
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