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 AUTHOR
 R_U_Perfect
Joined: 1/14/2007
Msg: 2
depresion and relationshipPage 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
NO A GOOD IDEA!!!


Today I read through 695 POF Profiles, looking for just one person and 99% of them said that if you can't be honest with The Gal your dating??? THEN DON'T EVEN BOTHER CONTACTING THEM!!!


NOTHING MAKES WOMEN MADDER FASTER, THAT LYING TO THEM!!!
 scorpiomover
Joined: 4/19/2007
Msg: 3
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History
depresion and relationship
Posted: 10/14/2007 3:14:13 AM
Do what the people who are happy do. Work hard, enjoy yourself, and look after yourself. And THINK POSITIVE. At least you have someone you like.
 _Like_A_Rock
Joined: 9/22/2007
Msg: 4
depresion and relationship
Posted: 10/14/2007 7:11:30 AM
My last relationship ended due to her being depressed. I just couldn't make her happy....but thats the weird part. I'd always ask if she's happy and she'd say yes buy damn! The way she acted was like...as she often put it"I feel like a bag of poop". I tried to teach her to happy for the little things like good health, job, nice home, me, our baby. But nothing worked! Material things didn't work either. She never greeted me with a smile. She is so beautiful to look at but her depression really took its toll on me. If my GF is depressed I become depressed and that's not how I want to live . So after about 3 years of this I broke up with her. just before the end she really didn't try to make the relationship work, no effort at all really......I guess I'm babbling now. The point is your depression affects your mate. If you want the relationship to work you need to do things to make your body and mind stable and positive. I find diet and exercise to be the most effective. It gives you great self esteem!
 harley_51
Joined: 6/20/2007
Msg: 5
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History
depresion and relationship
Posted: 10/14/2007 8:25:17 AM
First of all depression is spelled with two esses breakup is not spelled like a car part ,meditation ,exercise,alot of vitamin B ,and I have found sex to be a release of depression . Being alone is not so bad if you know who you are good luck with your problem Yoga helps too!!!!rick
 becca210
Joined: 7/26/2006
Msg: 6
depresion and relationship
Posted: 10/14/2007 10:48:37 AM
I agree with another post. There are too many medications for depression. You can't just try one and stop. It's a matter of the right one and the right dosage. If your doctor is not willing
to work with you......find another.
You should not have to stay in a so so relationship in order to feel worthy.
Do all the physical things suggested and get your life together for you.
Depression is a real problem...but too many people have been able to control it...you need
to work with your doctor.
Becca
 ~rain~
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 7
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History
depresion and relationship
Posted: 10/14/2007 11:01:30 AM
No one is going to love you until you can love yourself.

keep talking to your doctor and the people who are closest to you...by this I mean family and friends.

this doesnt include any new men you may want in your life.
 R_U_Perfect
Joined: 1/14/2007
Msg: 8
depresion and relationship
Posted: 10/14/2007 11:44:07 AM
#1 No Drug will help you with Depression, #2 Untill you can establish a repore with your signifegent other, you may suffer emotional highs and lows...

It's best to have a hobby, a form of deversion, so you won't dwell on weather your friend is accepting you or not...

Depression is a constant foe,that if you don't find a way to deal with, will deal with you...
 scorpiomover
Joined: 4/19/2007
Msg: 11
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History
depresion and relationship
Posted: 10/16/2007 7:38:20 AM
I have some ideas on life, love and depression for you:

#1 Finding love in others:
<div class='quote'>No one is going to love you until you can love yourself.I have thought about this. Most of the self-help books I have read, including "How To Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie, actually say that people are mostly interested in themselves, so people are interested in us if we show that we are interested in them. Let me repeat:

People are interested in me if I am interested in them.

Take a lesson from the humble pet dog. He wags his tail as he sees you, and he is always pleased to see everyone. Such a dog is usually very loved. As you go out into the world, you will pass many people. Ask yourself: what is going on in their lives? Find out. People will want to tell you, and will thank you for it.

#2 Accepting love from others:
<div class='quote'>If you believe yourself to be unlovable you will have problems accepting love.I have thought about this, too. Many people think they are unlovable by the people they want to be loved by, but assume that they are very loved by people whose love they would rather not have. So I have come to accept that this is all about looking on the negative side of life, looking at what hurts us, and what helps others. However, there is another way of looking at life, by continually saying to myself:

Look at what I have already.

When I look at a glass that is half-full of water, is it half-full or half-empty? The answer is both. If I am thirsty, I have half a glass full of water, ready to drink. If I need somewhere to put some unwanted liquid, I have a glass half-empty, that I can use.

When I look at what I have, it is only then that I change my state of mind, to look at what I have more and more, and to forget about what I do not have. Suddenly, I find that I am more aware of the love that exists, and appreciate it more.

The irony is that life is constantly full of incredibly many opportunities & good things, and disappointments & bad things. It is our perspective, or what we choose to focus on, that determines what we see, and what we utilise.

#3 Changing one's perspective:
Idea #2 seems more powerful than idea #1. However, I have found that when I do idea #1, idea #2 comes naturally. It seems to me that when we are self-interested, we become interested in all of our interests, which focus on getting something to happen, so we look at what we don't have, and reflect on what others have that we want. When we focus on others, the reverse happens. We look at other peoples' interests, which is what they want to happen, so we focus on what others don't have that we can provide, and reflect on what we have that others want. Let me repeat:

When we take a genuine interest in others, we naturally start to appreciate what we have.

So, by merely becoming interested in others, we gain the benefits of both concepts.

#4 Keeping it going:
It is hard to change, but even more hard to keep it going. The lessons I have learned, are that:
1) A small change is easy, and a big change is hard, but once a small change starts, the big changes come easily.
2) A lot once in a while, does little. A little done every day, moves mountains.
3) However long we have been doing something, it is easy to lose the habit, and to need to start again.

The simplest way to change, and keep the change, is therefore, never to focus on the big thing, either to start it, or to keep it going. Merely focussing on picking one small thing, and making a point of doing it every day, will automatically give you the energy, the drive and the skill to do the big things with no effort at all. Even if we lose the habit, it is always easy to start the small thing again, and the habit comes back, quickly and easily. To summarise:

Do one small thing every day. If you dropped everything, do that one small thing every day. By doing only this, you will move mountains.

#5 Putting it all together:
So, I say, and say again: start with ONE SMALL THING, and do it every day. What is that small thing, that can bring love into your life? As you walk down the street, as you sit in your home, as you are with people, or alone, ask yourself: what is going on with the person net to me? Ask it again, and again, and again, of yourself, about everyone you see, think, know. DO NOTHING ELSE. Do this every single day, from now on till the rest of your life. Let me repeat:

Every day, ask yourself: what is going on in the life of the person nearest me?

Your mind, spirit and body, will get the hint, and do everything else.

So your mind, spirit and body will follow acting with genuine interest in others.
So others will take interest in you.
From this, love with follow.
From this approach to life, you will find that you start to value what you have.
So you will be aware of all of the good things in your life.
So you will truly realise how wonderful your life is, will take up many good opportunities, and will be happy in many ways.
Others will see how much you enjoy your life, and will cherish you, and long for your company.
This may get tiring. Again, by focussing on other people, you will naturally figure out how to give them what they need and want, and they will give you your space, and you will appreciate how good it is to be wanted and needed by others.
You will then be happy with what you have, and because you have such happiness in your life,people will seek to be with you, and to make you happy, so that you will continue to be with them.

This is the essence of happiness.
 scorpiomover
Joined: 4/19/2007
Msg: 12
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History
depresion and relationship
Posted: 10/16/2007 2:08:16 PM
Re msg #36 & #37:
It's a nice enough theory in some ways but if you actually suffer with depression and have done all your life then see whether this strategy actually does solve the problem.
True. So why not try it for a month and see if it works?
Personally, I find that no matter how happy I am with all aspects of my life, I can still get depressed, because it is chemical.
I am not advocating stopping being depressed, or being happy. That is a very big thing, and way too big for most people to do. I am just suggesting doing a small thing every day, by finding a few people, even people on TV, and asking: "What is going on in their life?"
A small thing can work like a small effort on one end of a lever, which moves a big thing on the other end. Why not here?
Feeling depressed does not mean that I have somehow failed to deal with things properly, it simply comes and goes like weather, without reason.
Quite true. We are not automatically happy. We have to work on it. If you could find a small thing to do every day, like showering, that could bring happiness into your life, wouldn't you give it a go?
If your philosophy brings you a depression-free life then well done, but I think that it's unfair to give people lofty philosophies to aspire to and associate depression with failing to attain these.
This philosophy doesn't make anyone any happier at all. Doing it daily seems to make things slowly better and better.
Depression is not necessarily about perspective or reality. It affects your perspective and through that, your reality, but I do not believe that it is determined by it.
You don't need to change your perspective, or your reality. Merely making the effort to take an interest in others, can change the signals in your brain cells, and stimulate changes in the chemicals present in your brain, that will remove the depression all by itself.

If it sounds crazy, it's because most doctors say that depression is unbeatable.
Scurvy was considered unbeatable till James Lind proposed that Vitamin C could cure it. For the cost of a small ration of lime juice every day, the Royal Navy doubled their fighting force overnight.
Smallpox killed 60 million Europeans in the 18th Century alone. It killed up to 30% of people, including 80% of children under 5, and make 30% go blind, and the rest were left with terrible scars. Yet Edward Jenner found that by infecting someone with cowpox, a quite mild disease, smallpox was rendered ineffective.
If you could find an equally simple thing, that could slowly render depression ineffective and harmless, would you not do it every day till the depression parted, and every day for the rest of your life, so that it would not return, or only in a very small dose?

This is the equivalent of mental vitamins.

If it doesn't work, no harm, no foul. Not much is asked. But if it does change your life so drastically, and even makes your life truly enjoyable, then why not give it a try for a few months?
By the way, I've had depression since I was 4, and am now 37. This general philosophy is slowly turning my life around. I slip quite frequently. But each time I "get back on the wagon", it helps again, and things get better quicker than the previous time.
The logic of this is unlike any other I have known. I have formed it from trying things, and seeing what works. I will leave others to explain the scientific theories of why it works. But I will be only too happy to discuss it if you want.
Why not try it for a few months? If nothing changes at all, you haven't lost much at all.
But if it makes things better....
 beerchen
Joined: 5/9/2007
Msg: 13
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History
depresion and relationship
Posted: 11/13/2007 4:50:44 AM
oh hon.

I can understand where you are going with your post.
I'm no expert, though i have a medical degree, but you sound like the person suffering from atypical depression. People you have to deal with this may feel low, have physical symptoms such as change in appetite, sleep, muscle pain. Sadness and crying , or feeling low is not the sole problem in depression . Anyways. what makes the atypical is that the symptoms disapear with life events that are uplifting or happy. Such as a promotion, buying an item you have long waited for, or even falling in love and feeling needed.

And you are right, the antidepressants do not make the moods stay away, they don't cure them. All they do is give you a step to try to help yourself.
Honestly, i would try to work with a professional to help you see different angles in your life and work on finding joy in yourself. That by no means makes you crazy, nuts or what have you. All it means is that you have not fully delt with something in your past. Gosh. This is hard to explain. Dealing with an painful event does not mean forgetting it or not being sad, or angry , or afraid. It' means that you can know yourself better.

I wish you good luck hon, and it's gonna be a tough road. But the work will have to start within you. No person in the world can make it better like a band aid could.
 beerchen
Joined: 5/9/2007
Msg: 14
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History
depresion and relationship
Posted: 11/13/2007 4:54:19 AM

WEAR THE CLOAK. It basically means you put on an act and become the kind of person you want to be. Happy, confident, outgoing. If you act that way it begins to become natural and your body will be tricked into releasing the endorphons you crave.


Sorry, but that is the worst advise i have ever heard in my life. Pretend you are happy and what not.
All that will do is eat at her when she is not around people she should pretend in front of.
What else should she do, click her heels 3 times and make it all better?
 TitusBreast
Joined: 3/18/2007
Msg: 15
depresion and relationship
Posted: 11/19/2007 3:23:34 PM
I recommend cannabis sativa.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 16
depression and relationship
Posted: 11/19/2007 4:23:05 PM
Without wading thru 3 pages of posts I'm simply going to speak to the OP and the topic.
First let me say that I am not a dr or psychologist, and what I have to say is for the OP to mull over...if she starts to experience genuine difficulty getting out of bed, loses appetite(or conversely starts eating the door off the refrigerator), or starts experiencing thoughts like she'd be better off dead, she MUST speak to a professional who has experience treating depression.
That said, what jumped out at me, reading the OT,is that the poster is defining herself by being someone's wife or girlfriend. This is VERY COMMON. That is why we see women dating jerks and rat b*stards, staying in abusive relationships, yada yada. I'm not dismissing the effects of "love" on body chemistry. But my feeling is that first and foremost the OP should learn to see herself as a person, a very important and worthwhile person, even if she is not in a couplehood situation. This self esteem/self perception issue may well be deeprooted and pervasive enough that she will need competent professional help.
And she should also know that these days there are antidepressants available,IF SHE PROVES TO NEED THEM, that DO NOT cause weight gain/overeating, or loss of libido.
For those who feel that seeking treatment for depression is a dealbreaker, I can only think that a person who suffers in silence with untreated depression isn't going to measure up either. Untreated depression can manifest itself in poor hygiene, poor housekeeping, general fatigue, lack of interest in sex,poor work performance, difficulty handling money wisely, poor judgement,and the list goes on...So if you are faced with a choice of seeking treatment for depression and alienating a bf/gf, or suffering and struggling, lose the ignorant fraidy cat ,get treatment and make YOUR life better.
Cindy O
Cindy O
 ClassicRockr84
Joined: 10/9/2007
Msg: 17
depression and relationship
Posted: 11/24/2007 8:53:14 PM
First off, whatever you do...don't drink. That makes it infinitely worse. Trust me. You might think it helps you forget being rejected/depressed/hurt whatever but really in the end it hurts you more. I went thru a brief period after my first so-called relationship that really wasn't anything that made me want to start going to parties in college and getting drunk and whatnot so I could forget, but in the end it made me do some stupid foolish things and make bad choices and it lost me what was left of my friends at the time. In short, I dug myself into a hole so deep only I could get myself out of it. But then one night I decided I had enough of the drinking and just wanted to walk around campus instead and maybe try to meet some new people by saying hi to random strangers. Just figured I had nothing to lose anymore. That was the night I met a girl, purely by chance, who quickly became my best friend and lover and I ended up spending two incredible years with her. And I decided to stay away from drinking after that for good. Now that relationship too is over but it taught me alot of things about life....the first one is GET OUT THERE. You will never make any friends or meet anyone if you don't make some attempt to change your life for the better. Just examine yourself in the proverbial mirror and say this is who I am, this is who I could be and then start making it happen. But going out your door is the first step. The second step is having the right attitude.

Just try to get back into that frame of mind that you are here right now, living for today and you have absolutely NOTHING to lose. Then a whole new world is opened to you. It's all in the mindset, believe me. Maybe this has gotten way off topic but hope this helps.
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