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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Funny Dating Stories....... :laugh:      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 6
Funny Dating Stories....... :laugh:Page 1 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
Dude, wanted to read, but I had to pull every with every line to read more. What's with that?
 Applette
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 7
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Funny Dating Stories....... :laugh:
Posted: 10/16/2007 9:02:05 PM
Mookie
Toooooooo funny! Bless you for giving me the best laugh of the day ..... and trust me I have lots ....... I enjoy the humour of just inter-reacting with people and your experience was a topper!!!
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 8
Funny Dating Stories....... :laugh:
Posted: 10/16/2007 9:02:59 PM
Hey TTaWny. Don't do the star thing like that. It totally fvcked up this threat.
 Applette
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 9
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Funny Dating Stories....... :laugh:
Posted: 10/16/2007 9:06:39 PM
Further to my last response to you!
Have to tell you ....... after I have met a few gentlemen on this site ..... and it is agreed that we are not going to be the MATCH FROM HEAVEN ..... we relax and just enjoy a nice friendly chat ... and share some wonderful stories about our experiences ..... finding the person that will make our hearts swell! The one thing I have learned .......... KEEP YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR!
 duckling
Joined: 2/28/2006
Msg: 11
Funny Dating Stories....... :laugh:
Posted: 10/16/2007 9:37:08 PM
I'm one of those guy's that was 15 pounds to heavy to be a jockey and 200 pounds too light to be a sumo wrestler. I always dated small women so I can be the bigger person in a relationship. When I started on this site I learned quick that explaining I like women tiny, wasn't enough. I started just askting what size they wore. If they were 5' 3" and wore a size 12, it was pretty sure there was no point in making a trip to meet them. I also learned to eliminate the prospects that are back at the gym so they can get into their size 6 pants this summer!

i always wonder if the women with the "men are a**holes, they only like tiny women" posts are women that talked too men like me. Not everybody's honest when describing themself ladies. We don't mean to be rude, but why drag it on and build up hope, to realize the person you're meeting is nothing like we are attracted to!
 drewwlf
Joined: 5/24/2007
Msg: 14
Funny Dating Stories....... :laugh:
Posted: 10/17/2007 7:43:38 AM
This is the main reason Tim Horton's was invented.

Lesson learned?

Drewwlf
 randomstoic
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 15
Funny Dating Stories....... :laugh:
Posted: 10/17/2007 9:49:36 AM
Ahh..yess....I thought that I had encountered coming on strong. This is just insane.
 gemyu
Joined: 7/11/2007
Msg: 28
Funny Dating Stories....... :laugh:
Posted: 11/14/2007 10:26:36 PM
Same thing happened to me, so don't feel your the only one out there. I drove to Seattle and when I met her her hair was all wet and uncombed and she was like 15 years older looking then her picture. I did the same thing and left .
Gemyu
 aSydneyMale
Joined: 5/16/2006
Msg: 30
Funny Dating Stories....... :laugh:
Posted: 11/15/2007 8:29:04 PM

So that was Bob.


Wow Scorp... that was just priceless, I had tears running down my face!

I know it was not much fun to go through, but my dating adventures seem positively boring by comparison.

Thanks for the laugh, even though it didn't seem that funny for you at the time.
 Lucky_Vet
Joined: 3/27/2005
Msg: 31
Funny Dating Stories....... :laugh:
Posted: 4/12/2008 8:54:30 PM
lol! you pegged her you pig!!!

good story!
 TheLimey
Joined: 2/24/2008
Msg: 32
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Funny Dating Stories....... :laugh:
Posted: 4/12/2008 10:54:19 PM
Not reconised myself in any of these stories so far, so thats a good thing..
 randomstoic
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 35
Funny Dating Stories....... :laugh:
Posted: 4/14/2008 7:22:03 AM
I am just really puzzled. If a man isn't interested in you, doesn't that make him less appealing??
 sanddallor
Joined: 8/30/2008
Msg: 62
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Funny Dating Stories....... :laugh:
Posted: 2/22/2009 8:56:04 PM
Okay, so we were late teens and her parents didn't like me much and they would really be upset if they knew we were having sex. Despite our best efforts to hide it, she gets home one night just after her parents just went to their bedroom and she stands in the mirror to brush her teeth when she realizes that in the dark she had put her sweater on inside out. Oops
 lunachan
Joined: 10/1/2005
Msg: 64
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Posted: 3/27/2009 8:22:15 PM
OMG those two stories were somewhat frightening . I have had some unusual experiences but nothing that strange .
Hope you have had better experiences lately .
 cannpeters
Joined: 10/7/2007
Msg: 65
Funny Dating Stories....... :laugh:
Posted: 3/27/2009 10:12:56 PM
Some of your stories are funny! Mine isn't as good, but it shows how some people can be clueless.

A few years ago, I go out with a man twice. The first time, we met up and went shopping (not my usual thing but he said he needed to buy clothes for a new job). Went okay, so I thought I would give him another try.

The next time, we met at a restaurant for lunch. The whole time we are there, he's texting someone. Now, I don't know who it is, but he spent more time texting than talking to me. I was getting annoyed, which I thought he would realize. At the end of the lunch, he paid and made some comment that I shouldn't expect to be taken out all the time because he wasn't made of money. Now, I certainly have no problem paying my part or half the time, but he asked me and picked the restaurant.

So to say the least, between that comment and his text messaging rudeness, I was turned off and didn't want to go out again. He sent me a text a few days later asking me out again. I declined. He wanted to know why, so I told him. After going back and forth several times, he finally said, "Where do we go from here?" I asked him what part he didn't understand - we weren't going anywhere from there. I wasn't interested in seeing him again! He tried contacting me a few more times but finally got the message.
 cannpeters
Joined: 10/7/2007
Msg: 66
Funny Dating Stories....... :laugh:
Posted: 3/27/2009 10:28:24 PM
Oh, I do have a funny story, or at least I think it is funny.

Several years ago, I met a man online. We met in person and we seemed to hit it off. We continued to talk for a few days and he asked if he could come by my apartment (we lived about one block from each other). I said yes, and he was going to come over in 30 minutes or so. I was excited. I waited for hours, and he never showed up. I tried to call him and see if something had come up, but he didn't answer. I didn't hear from him again. It was definitely strange, and at the time, it bothered me. I saw him online all the time after that, and even sent him an email to ask him what had happened, but he didn't respond. Guess he changed his mind that night and didn't even want to call me back with a bad excuse.

About a year or so passed, and I was on another dating site. The same man contacted me, and it was obvious he didn't recognize me. He started with all the same lines and such, so I decided to have a little fun with it. I played along with the whole thing and agreed to meet up with him at a nearby bar. Of course, I had no intent of going.

The next morning, I receive an email from him telling me how he went to the bar and waited over an hour for me to show, and how rude it was to stand someone up. Well, I laughed. He sure didn't seem to care when he did it to me. So I decided to be more devious. I gave him an excuse that something had come up, and I was so sorry, but that I didn't have his number to call and say I wasn't going to make it. He told me it was okay, and that he would give me another chance, but that I was going to have to make it up to him. So we agreed on another date that evening. Of course, I stood him up again.

Well, you should have seen how angry he was being stood up the second time. He sent me a heated email telling me how bad of a person I was for standing him up and didn't I know how rude it was. So, I emailed him and told him it was funny he thought it was rude because I had a story for him. I told him that the same thing had happened to me, and then I explained what he did to me. Of course, I didn't say it was him, but by the end of my story, it was obvious that I was describing how he had stood me up and ignored me afterwards.

He emailed me back saying he now remembered who I was and that he couldn't say anything about the way he treated me except he was sorry. I laughed so hard that day. I thought he definitely deserved it, and I didn't feel the least bad about pulling that little stunt on him!
 SamuraiPixie
Joined: 9/12/2008
Msg: 71
Funny Dating Stories....... :laugh:
Posted: 4/10/2009 6:01:31 PM
^^^^^^^^^^Okay that's just sad... LMAO... funny as hell, but sad...

Suz aka Sami
 SamuraiPixie
Joined: 9/12/2008
Msg: 74
Funny Dating Stories....... :laugh:
Posted: 4/10/2009 7:57:22 PM
LOOKIN - LMAO, too funny, again, that's just sad... LOL... girlie you need to screen better... LOL..

Suz aka Sami
 SamuraiPixie
Joined: 9/12/2008
Msg: 75
Funny Dating Stories....... :laugh:
Posted: 4/10/2009 7:59:09 PM
LOOKIN - LMAO, too funny, again, that's just sad... LOL... girlie you need to screen better... LOL..

Oh, by the way, I wanna hear about the purse, the teacher and the blow up doll, too, so Lonsome, dish what's the story guy... inquiring minds wanna know...

Suz aka Sami
Suz aka Sami
 forum101
Joined: 2/5/2008
Msg: 77
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Posted: 4/29/2009 12:42:26 AM
I was kind of seeing a guy, off and on for a year or so. We would go to dinner, them maybe a couple months later, see a movie. He was 39 at the time, I was 42. I knew he hadnt dated much, only a couple different women. He was a Social Worker, and I'm a nurse, so we had lot in common, lots to talk about. Not and chemistry though. He never so much as held my hand. Quick peck at the end of the date. Well, one night, after dinner out, I asked him if he'd like to come in. It was about 9pm. This is like our 7th date. We go into my house, I turn the TV on and hand him the remote, and tell him, I 'm going to change out of my heels, and hose, and put on a pair of lounging pants and shirt. I do this, then head into the kitchen, and call out, would he like a drink? "no". I pour myself a glass of wine, and head into the living room. He is lying on my couch with the pillows over his head, blocking out the TV. Seems Sue Johannson was on the TV talking about clitoral stimulation and he was mortified. I quickly turned the channel, my God he had had the remote, he could have turned it, if he was offended. I will never get that picture of this full grown man, my sofa pillow over his ears. Totally embarrassed.
The next day he emails me, seems he really liked my feet, and the shape of my toes.
 aSydneyMale
Joined: 5/16/2006
Msg: 80
Funny Dating Stories....... :laugh:
Posted: 4/29/2009 7:03:43 PM

Good date then we have dinner at his place, still a gentleman, then my place still a gentleman, then his place things are progressing............or so I think, then he drops the big bomb...........

You're thinking he's about to tell you he's really a transvestite?


HE tells me he can not believe I did not offer to pay for 1/2 on our first date>>>>I am sitting there looking at him like wow, are you for real?

You've just discovered he's poor, after how many great dates?.


I get up and leave.

Because, despite the fact you've had such a good time together, he's put one foot out of line, and you kicked him to the kerb.


We make another date and I call him, because he has not called to tell me what time we have decided on, and he tells me he can not go because he really can not afford it, I of course am p......d, tell him he should have thought of that before we made the plans.

So you're pissed-off with him because he's broke and too embarrassed to tell you up-front?


Needless to say, I ended it with this jerk.

So, the minute he ran out of cash he became a jerk, yet you enjoyed his company for the initial bunch of dates? There's plenty of things people can do to have fun together which don't involve shelling out cash.


anyway not my type and he really gave me a bad taste for online dating.

Apparently he was your type until he ran out of money to spend on you, I think it was he who dodged a bullet here.
 SueCat51
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 86
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Posted: 5/5/2009 4:19:37 PM
I swear, this has to be one of the funniest dating stories, and it was posted on Craigs List. If I were the poor woman, I'd move out of Oregon.
******************
Best of Craigslist: RE: To the woman that crapped in my car… (NE Portland)

To the woman that crapped in my car… (NE Portland)

We met on Craigslist so I am hoping that this post finds you. I know that it could quite possibly be the most humiliating first date that you have ever been on, but I am willing to look past that.

I thought we had chemistry sitting at McMenamins sharing that basket of Cajun Tots while drinking the Terminator Stout. I really felt like there was a connection there. I found you to be intelligent and witty and looked forward to further conversation with you.

At some point in life, everyone has gambled on a fart and lost. It just happened to be on a first date in the passenger seat of my car. Please don’t feel bad. The package I sent you with Pepto the next day and the note that said “First dates are always a crap shoot. Call me” was meant to be funny, not offensive.

I have gambled on a fart and lost on multiple occasions. The first time I did it was very memorable. It happened when I was five and sitting on my uncle’s lap. I am lactose intolerant, but love cheese. I probably win 95% of the time, but I don’t think anyone wins 100% of the time. That’s why they call it “gambling”. I’m the last person to judge you for crapping your pants. In fact, I am impressed by your boldness. The timing on the other hand, could have been a tad bit better…like when you’re not sitting on a heated leather seat…

What I am trying to say is that if you want to go out again, I would be more than happy to take you someplace where we can get a meal that is high in fiber and less taxing on the digestive tract.

I await your call,
Tad

P.S. - If you shat yourself on purpose to end the evening early…Touché…
 newOracle
Joined: 9/24/2009
Msg: 90
Funny Dating Stories....... :laugh:
Posted: 11/11/2009 2:35:05 PM
Thanks. Funny.

But, OP, she;s still a woman, old or young, fat or slim, you should haven;t missed the opportunity! How many guys used tricks to get women for sex!.

You were luck!
 m14shooter
Joined: 10/2/2009
Msg: 92
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Funny Dating Stories....... :laugh:
Posted: 11/12/2009 11:32:05 PM
I still grin when I remember this one. Met a attractive woman and we hit it off. She starts talking about sex on the second phone call which I was fine with as I don't want someone I am not compatible in bed with. She asks if I like giving foot massages and I said yes I do. She says she likes her toes sucked during sex and I say no problem at all and we decided to meet. I knew it would be a good date but I had no idea. We met at a restaurant and she called attention to her feet in her nice open toed shoes, I commented that she had cute toes and I would love to suck her toes. She smiled over the compliment and grabbed my ass on the way to the table. We get a booth and sit down, we ordered drinks. We start our drinks and begin to chat. We were having a great conversation.

She reaches down and I could tell she was taking her shoes off. Next thing I know they are on my lap so I start giving her a foot massage. Apparently she has a spot on her feet that can just about give her an orgasm and I found it in a few short moments. People start to notice her slipping into it when she moaned and I decide I had better stop but people were already looking. I order more drinks and we order dinner. We continued to chat as we had our drinks and I worked on a shrimp****ail. I'm usually fairly reserved but I even kissed her foot at the table which really got things going as did my shrimp eating abilities.

She still has her feet on my lap but I am avoiding that particular spot. She is rubbing her feet all over me. By this time I am sporting wood and then she feels it. She gets a wicked grin on her face. She starts rubbing my crotch and gets mr happy between her feet and goes for it. She asks me to take him out and I said not here, she says I can do it through your pants. Again I notice we are being watched and I said something about maybe she should stop. She says I'll give them something to watch loud enough that half the room heard and she proceeds to rub me off through my pants. I said you need to stop or there will be a mess, she smiled, laughed and rubbed harder. She finished me off and by now someone had complained and the manager was at out table while I was still moaning. He said we are boxing your food and you need to leave now and we will bring the food out to you. I asked for the bill and he said no charge, just leave and I downed the rest of my drink. As we were leaving with a huge wet spot in my pants I'm saying so what now, she replies dinner at my place with lots of wet sloppy sex, half the place heard. I said I think that would be a great idea. The date ended a few days later. I think every man in that restaurant wanted to be me that night.

We dated for a while until she had to go to Boston for her job and I don't like that area so I didn't go.

I had many other incidents with her, It's a wonder we didn't get arrested as she was beyond adventurous and get a room was often heard when we were out. I'm sure we annoyed a great number of people with our antics but I still chuckle when I think about her. None of my friends have ever had a better in public story than the foot job in restaurant.
 SouthernMeGuy
Joined: 8/6/2010
Msg: 94
Funny Dating Stories....... :laugh:
Posted: 7/6/2013 12:17:37 PM
I for one think this is a very SHITTY thing to happen to anyone. The poor woman had to drop her friends off at the pool and sadly there was no local swimming area available. Could you be to blame? Yes, i think possibly you made her nervous hence the gastro intestinal reaction or maybe she was allergic to the food?

Also, in todays age who doesnt keep a CLEAN UP KIT in the trunk of thier car (especially one with leather seats).

As far as sending Pepto, probably not a way to win the pooping princess over.

Start being a gentelman dude and maybe you wont be crapped on (or at) so much.

Just sayin...and happy dating!
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